Boyz To Men: 5 Signs that He’s A Man and No Longer A Boy

image

Let God make a man out of him, before you try to make a husband out of him ~ Author Unknown.

No woman wants to date a boy, let alone marry one. As women, we need to make sure we pay attention to the signs that the men in our lives show us. If he shows you that he’s immature and selfish please don’t ignore the signs.

Back in the day when I was in college, I dated a few boys trying to stunt like they were men. They showed me from the beginning that they weren’t focused on anyone but themselves. I was desperately wanting not to be single, therefore I continued wasting my time, trying to make something out of nothing. Funny how I had the nerve to get mad when things went south, when really the relationships lived in the south pole. I thank God for deliverance and opening my eyes and renewing my mind. Once I allowed God to make a woman of godliness, holiness, focus, determination and purpose, my self esteem went up and my priorities changed.

Once a man has a true relationship with God, he won’t want to waste your time or break your heart. When men submit their flesh to God, the last thing they want to do is hit it and quit it. If they want it they will put a ring on it. Remember ladies, love is committment.

Signs that a man has allowed God to make a man out of him:

1. He’s sold out for Jesus and unashamed of the gospel of Christ.

2. His focus is to live holy and please God.

3. He understands that dating is to get to know someone for marriage. Yes he wants to have fun but his goal is to find the right woman for him, not to have sex or just to have a pretty girl on his arm.

4. He’s faithful to God and to you. By faithful to God I mean, he has a relationship with God, church home, a prayer life and living according to the word of God. No he is not perfect but he strives to be more like Christ. If he’s working hard to be faithful to God, he will try his best to be faithful to you, God’s daughter.

5. He’s giving of his time and money to God, you and others. He isn’t selfish, he’s looking for ways to be a blessing to those around him.

Ladies, allow God to make a man out of the man you have your eyes on. Once he’s molded into the man that God has created him to be, he will be ready to be all that you need him to be. If he’s not committed to God, he can’t be committed to you. Being single, happy and in the will of God is a blessing, dating out of God’s will and being unhappy is not a blessing.

Here’s an example of what I’m talking about:

When my husband Eddie and I met, we both were young (early 20’s) and had just gotten out of relationships with other people. We were fairly new to our church and were getting involved, making friends and learning about developing a personal relationship with Jesus. Eddie knew that God was still making a man out of him and he was not ready for a serious relationship leading towards marriage, therefore he did not step to me in a romantic way. We developed a friendship and just got to know each other in a group setting since we were blessed to hang in the same circle. As time went on and we continued to develop and mature spiritually, emotionally and financially, we both felt peace to begin dating and planning our future together.

I am not the type of Christian that believes that everyone’s testimony should be like mine. I am not saying that everyone has to do things how we did them. Each person needs to seek God, his word and other godly counsel around them (friends, parents, pastor etc) in order to know when their ready to date and for counsel and accountability regarding who they should date. No one wants to waste their time or get their heart broken. A way to avoid these things is to date with a purpose. After a few dates, you should know if the person is worth continuing to see because you have the same morals, values, beliefs and interest, or if you if it’s time to part ways because there isn’t anything therefore. At the right time, you will meet the guy for you, in the mean time, be single and fabulous and enjoy this wonderful journey called life! Travel, pursue God and your purpose, shop, work, play, make friends, and enjoy every moment!!

Advertisements

Benefits & Myths of Breastfeeding, What Every Sista Should Know

Black women’s health.com posted a very informative article about the benefits of breastfeeding. The post also addresses some of the myths about breastfeeding.  I found the article to be very informative and I wanted to share it with my readers. It’s completely ok if a woman decides not to breastfeed her baby but I believe that she should make an informed decision before deciding not to do so. In many cases, women don’t breastfeed because of lack of knowledge and support. Please read this post and know that breastfeeding is beautiful, natural and beneficial to mommy and baby. I posted the link below so that you can read the article in full and also review their website.

Breastfeeding Has Many Benefits

Says breastfeeding mother of three sons, Karen Harris, “my children are a lot healthier than their playmates and I know that’s because of the nursing.” Breastfed babies tend to have fewer cases of Chiron’s disease, ear infections, diarrhea, meningitis, tooth decay and childhood diabetes. Studies show that breast milk is important in developing the facial structure, oral make-up and brain growth of babies. Premature infants who are breastfed tend to have a higher IQ than premature babies who are fed infant formula. In addition to the nutritional benefits of breast milk, there is an added emotional benefit as well. Eye and skin contact maintained while nursing gives babies the same sense of security felt in the womb, creating a loving transition into their new world.

Breastfeeding has important societal benefits too. Namely, breast milk is very cost-effective. One of its biggest conveniences is that it is absolutely free. Study after study has shown that if more infants were breastfed, millions of government and HMO dollars would be saved each year. Formula fed infants average $200 more a year in medical expenses than breastfed infants. If an additional one million babies a year were fed breast milk instead of formula, the U.S. could save over a billion dollars in healthcare costs. Imagine the money saved by families whose children are breastfed. Parents spend hundreds of dollars a year buying formula, money that could be put into a college or trust fund. Breastfeeding mothers have fewer cases of being absent from work due to child related illness, which saves companies money in healthcare costs as well.

Dispelling The Myths About Breastfeeding

Myth 1: Breastfeeding is too painful:

While there may be some initial pain as mother and infant get used to the process of breastfeeding, after a week or two, if mother is nursing properly, there should be little if any pain resulting from breastfeeding. Often, women experience pain because the baby is not latched on properly.

Myth 2: Breastfeeding will make the baby too dependent on its mother:

Babies who breastfeed are no more dependant on their mothers than any other baby. They do, however, enjoy the added closeness and security felt only through breastfeeding. In fact, breastfed babies tend to be independent and social.

Myth 3: Breastfeeding is unclean:

Breast milk is very sanitary and is the most perfectly balanced form of nourishment for babies. Moreover, its composition changes with the nutritional needs of infants and toddlers, something that does not occur with formula. Many pediatricians agree that as long as a child is receiving calcium from some source, cow’s milk is not an absolute necessity.

Myth 4: Breastfeeding is not possible for a woman with small breasts:

The size of a woman’s breasts have nothing to do with her ability to produce milk. Breast milk is produced by stimulation of the nipples from infant suckling, regardless of breast size.

Myth 5: Breastfeeding is too time consuming:

Women who nurse agree that breastfeeding is much more timesaving than consuming. There are no formulas to mix, nor any bottles to sanitize, clean and heat. Breast milk is always ready, the right temperature and the perfect amount the baby needs at any given moment. Mothers don’t even have to leave the bed for those nighttime feedings.

Myth 6: Breastfeeding has to stop when a woman returns to work:

Many women enjoy the continued benefits of breastfeeding after they return to work. They can purchase or rent quality breast pumps to pump their milk during the workday. Expressed breast milk can be stored in a refrigerator or cooler (and for months in a freezer) for baby while mom is working. An added benefit of continued breastfeeding upon return to the workplace is that mother and baby have a special bonding time at the beginning and especially at the end of the day.

Kathi Barber, CLEC and Jenise Fonville-Noels, CLEC

 http://www.blackwomenshealth.com/2006/articles.php?id=1

3 Reasons To Make Him Wait For Sex

I truly  believe in the statement “true love waits.” When two people love each other, they don’t pressure one another into doing things that will harm them or jeopardize their relationship. Today’s society teaches us to do what feels good and be as liberal as we want to be BUT where has that gotten us? Teenage pregnancy, AIDs and STDs, adultery leading to divorce and single parent homes, all in the name of “just do what feels good.” That motto is a lie from the pit of hell and DON’T you believe it! God encourages us to be pure in our bodies so that we can be protected from drama, hurt, shame, loneliness, death and eternity in hell. The spiritual answer to why wait to have sex until marriage is to obey God and His word and to remain holy and pure in our bodies until saying I Do. 1 Cor 6:18-20. Here are three practical  answers to add to that.

Please know that this is a general list. I am not speaking about all men or all women. Also, I am not trying to speak negatively of men, I’m merely trying to be honest with women about why giving up the goods can lead to more problems than it’s worth.

3 Reasons To Make Him Wait For Sex

1. Sex changes things. The moment you give in and become intimate with a man things change. The chase is sometimes over and therefore he may no longer work as hard to win your affection or get to know you. Men like a challenge, they like to pursue women, court them, in hopes of winning their heart and/or to get them in bed. You will find out a lot about a man if you make him wait for sex. If he hits the door running the moment you tell him that you’re not going to sleep with him, then you know what he was all about. A man can tell you how much he loves you and be extra patient in his pursuit to get you into bed but the moment that happens, there’s a possibility that he will leave as fast as he came (pun intended)

2. Sex can lead to pregnancy and single parent homes. Too often, women give into the pressures of sex and end up pregnant and alone. The same man who was whispering in your ear that you were beautiful and the only one for him, is the same man who went off on you and left when you said you were pregnant. Please know that when you make the choice to be sexually active, there’s a possibility that you can become pregnant. Ask yourself, is the person that I’m sleeping with or considering sleeping with would be good husband and father material. If the answer is no, then get out the bed, put your dress back on and RUN. Ladies lets stop being naive. Let’s stop opening ourselves up to sin, drama and single parenthood.

3. Your body is sacred and everyone doesn’t deserve a ride. As women, once we know our value and worth, we change who we associate with, where we go, what we say and how we dress. Once you discover that your more than a sex object, more than big boobs and booty, more than the expensive clothes and the weave that you rock, you begin to carry yourself differently and in turn attract a different type of man. A mature, modest, godly woman understands that her body is a precious temple and will attract a man who is searching for a woman to love and marry, not a woman to screw and leave. It’s important to look good and keep your appearance up but ladies please know that looks aren’t everything and neither is having a man on your arm. You don’t just want a man, you want the right man who God has for you in His perfect timing.

Ladies, I encourage you to surround yourself with other strong, positive and productive women. Read your bible and attend a women’s ministry at a local church. If you’re in a relationship and having sex, consider abstinence and explain why to your partner. If his response is negative and he threatens to leave, then you have your answer regarding what your relationship was based on. You want love, not lust. Love last forever but lust last only a moment. Also lust can never be fulfilled, which is why many people cheat.

Shout Out To All My Diamonds! Ladies Live Your Worth!

This past Wednesday I attended the women’s ministry meeting at my church, Word of Faith Southfield http://woficc.com. The women received an awesome on time word from our First Lady, Minister Tiffany Butler. The title of the message was Live What You Are Worth. Min. Tiffany helped us to see that the Proverbs 31 woman in the bible, can be likened to a diamond. She gave us several examples, definitions and scriptures that I will share with you below. The reason I wanted to blog about this message is because it’s one that EVERY woman should hear. The world tells us that we are only valuable and desirable if we are sexy, skinny, rich and successful by their standards. God has a standard and His way is always right. God’s way won’t have you alone, depressed, hurt and confused! When you don’t know your worth, you live a life that is not pleasing to God and that is hurtful and dangerous to yourself. Below are my notes of the key points from the message. I encourage you to order the message to hear it in it’s entirety. You can order the CD, DVD or MP3 at http://woficc.com

Live What You Are Worth

Proverbs 31 teaches us that a virtuous woman is most desired and searched after by a REAL man of God.

The Proverbs 31 woman can be compared to a diamond. Diamonds are precious, of high cost, valuable, cherished, their pure and durable. Diamonds are capable of withstanding wear and tare.

Just as we take care of the diamonds we own, God takes care of us. We are pure and spotless in God’s eyes.

God designed each of us specifically for a special purpose, just like a jewelry maker designs a diamond.

Ladies it’s time to STOP shaking up, STOP tripping, and know that you HAVE a man who loves you!! JESUS!

Ladies take a second and acknowledge God’s presence and He will whisper sweet nothings to you. He will tell you how much He loves you, how special you are in His eyes, just like His word tells us in the bible.

Stop depending on a man and depend on God! We need to start bragging on Jesus and ALL that He’s done for us!

With Jesus, you don’t have to drop it likes it’s hot, all He wants is for you to spend some fellowship time with Him. (in prayer, praise, worship and getting into His word daily) He wants to know you deeply, not just on the surface when you come to church.

Single ladies, you already have a man who knows how to treat you! God is loving you and taking care of you and when you develop a true relationship with Him and then your man of God comes along, you’ll already know how he should treat you.

Married ladies, make sure you brag on the man who created your man!

We ALL need to know our worth and live our worth everyday!

John 4:10-18

5 Keys To Living What You Are Worth

1. You must have a pure heart and live holy. Matt 5:8. Act and dress like a woman of God at all times.

1 Timothy 2:8-10 Luke 1:58. Live holy to be blessed. Single ladies stop wearing sexy, too tight clothes to church in hopes of finding a man! 3 rules, nothing too tight, too short or too sexy, just don’t wear it!!

2. Be obedient to God, hear and obey His word.

3. Be a woman of compassion.

4. Be patient Hebrews 6:12. Diamonds don’t chance us around the jewelry store saying PICK ME PICK ME, so ladies we need to learn to wait patiently to be picked by our future husband. Also ladies, stay out of these married men’s faces. God won’t tell you that someone else’s husband is yours!

5. Be committed to living a godly lifestyle at all cost. 2 Thess 2:15

**Question: Diamonds, how do you plan to live your worth this year?** Please post your answers below.

How To Avoid Falling For The Down Low Brotha

While watching Oprah this week, it was revealed that yet another celebrity couples marriage ended because of the husband coming out. Fran Drescher and her husband Peter Marc Jacobson got a divorce after he came out after 21 years of marriage. Years later, the couple is now comfortable with their situation and decided to make a seemingly cute and funny sitcom about a wife, her ex husband and his lover. Yeah, sounds hilarious doesn’t it? NOT unfortunately there have been several celebrity couples over the years who have announced divorce for this very same reason, Terry McMillian being one of them. As we watch talk shows and read articles about more and more husbands mainly, coming out of the closet, we may tend to get jaded and desensitized by the seriousness of the situation. Down low men lead to women getting AIDS and families being destroyed. Now to answer the question, how to know if your man is on the down low.

When I researched ways to tell if your man was on the down low, I found many silly questions for women to go off of. Checkout these sample questions.

1. Does he complement other men

2. Does wear tight pants

3. Does he hang out with his male friends a lot

4. Does he enjoy grooming himself excessively

Those examples are silly because men that hide their true sexuality have been doing it for years and are good at it. Just because a man  does one or two of those things above does not mean that he is gay. I do not believe that women should have to go around like detectives trying to figure out what  men have the “gay signs,” and which ones don’t.

 The answer is simple, all ladies need to do is the following to increased their cases of not getting involved with a down low man:

 1. Pray and seek God BEFORE exclusively dating a man. If you don’t have peace in your mind and heart about a particular guy, don’t force it, just let him go, there are other men out there. Just because a handsome man ask you out does not mean you have to go. Take a moment to check your spirit. Taking time to slow down and pray could possibly save you time and your life.

2. Date for a long enough period of time so that you two really feel like you know each other before getting super serious. Now a days many women just want to hook up with someone and not be lonely. When we as women take that attitude we are cheating ourselves from a special time of courtship and a serious time of dating investigation. Every man who smiles at you and spends a little money on you does not deserve your heart or your panties. Slow down, do plenty of talking/interviewing and less physical contact. Premature intimacy clouds people’s vision and tends to leave them open for drama, hurt and pain.

3. Be wise while dating, pay attention to the signs and listen to the Holy Spirit. Ladies pay attention to the things your man is saying and doing.  Spend time in prayer asking your Heavenly Father if this man and relationship is a blessing or a curse. Don’t ignore warning signs of any kind. Who cares if he is sexy, rich and ready to carry you into the sun set, if he isn’t right for you, it will only be temporary, hurtful and disappointing. Being single isn’t a curse and it’s better to be alone, happy and drama free, then miserable and suspicious while dating. 

 It really angers me to know that so many men are living double lives and their lies, when found out, destroy their families and potentially kill their women. 82% of women in America with AIDS are African American women. This is another HUGE reason why we as women can not afford to not pray, interview, close our legs and be wise when it comes to dating. It doesn’t pay to be promiscuous. There are all types of diseases out there and some can kill you. Ladies have standards, pay attention, don’t be so quick to attach yourself to a man who you don’t stop to see what may be in front of your face. I’m not saying that if you pray long and hard and date a man for 2 years, there’s no chance that he will come out ten years later and say he’s gay. What I am saying is when we follow Christ and ask Him to be our conductor, our chances of falling into the devils traps are much slimmer. With Christ we can’t go wrong. He ALWAYS has our best interest at heart and He will always warn us, the question is, are we listening???

Learning When To Shut Up And When To Speak

This week on Facebook I noticed a few women post the same status entitled: I AM A HANDFUL. While the status maybe harmless words to some, I thought the confession of being a handful and out of control at times was a sad and irresponsible confession to make. I am  what the Word of God says that I am. Not what the world says I am, or what my flesh wants to say, do or be. Read the status and then we will discuss it further.

I AM A HANDFUL- Unfortunately most women WON’T post this but I’m strong willed, independent, a bit outspoken and I tell it like it is. I make mistakes and I’m sometimes out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve to handle me at my best. If you’re a HANDFUL repost! I dare you…

Sometimes as women, we feel we have the “right” to say and do what we want. If we feel like going off on someone we will, if we feel like tearing down our husband, friends or coworkers at any given moment, we will, not stopping to think about the consequences. Women know how they want to be treated but often they don’t give others the same respect. We don’t want people gossiping about us and spreading rumors but we do it to others. We don’t want others to go off on us because they feel like letting their tongue get out of control, but we think it’s ok to self proclaim that we are verbally out of control??

The bible talks a lot about the power of the tongue and how we are to guard our words. Dr. Dale A. Robbins wrote an article entitled “Is Your Tongue Out of Control.” I found the article to be helpful and reminding me what the word of God says about  the tongue and why I need to keep it under control. http://www.victorious.org/tongue.htm

It has been said that the “tongue” is one of the most exercised muscles of our body. It has been estimated that in a typical week, the average person will speak enough words to fill a 500 page book! However, for the Christian, the use of the tongue must be a matter of careful forethought and discipline. The Bible warns that believers who do not bring restraint to their tongue and speech have been deceived — and without such control over their words, their religious acts are worthless and hypocritical. “If anyone among you thinks he is religious, and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this one’s religion is useless” (James 1:26). It is a deception for any of us to think that Jesus can be Lord over our life, without also becoming Lord over our tongue.

Elsewhere, James gave a warning of the evil poison of the tongue. He described some who try to use their tongue as praise and blessing to God, then turn around to use their tongue to speak evil of one another. “With it we bless our God and Father, and with it rue curse men, who have been made in the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so” (James 3:9-10). We cannot use our tongue to curse and bad-mouth our brethren, then continue “business as usual” with our relationship with God. The Bible says that such tongue behavior is characteristic of hypocrites. “The hypocrite with his mouth destroys his neighbor… “(Prov. 11:9).

 “I will guard my ways, Lest I sin with my tongue; I will restrain my mouth with a muzzle, While the wicked are before me” (Psalms 39:1).

“What right do you have to use your mouth to declare my word and promises? You have used your mouth for evil and deceitfulness, to bad-mouth and slander your brethren” (Psa. 50:16-22).

The Bible teaches that they who desire to dwell in the presence of God, to experience His blessings, are those who will live righteously and who will not backbite or badmouth their neighbor. “LORD, who may abide in Your tabernacle a Who may dwell in Your holy hill? He who walks uprightly, And works righteousness, And speaks the truth in his heart; He who does not backbite with his tongue, Nor does evil to his neighbor, Nor does he take up a reproach against his friend” (Psa. 15:1-3). Furthermore, God promises a long, blessed life to those who keep their tongue from evil. “Who is the man who desires life, And loves many days, that he may see good? Keep your tongue from evil, And your lips from speaking deceit” (Psa. 34:12-13).

Obscenities, profanity, cursing, dirty jokes, or making fun of others is not something that should ever be found in the mouth of a believer. “Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving” (Eph. 5:4 NIV).

If you realize that your tongue is out of control, seek His forgiveness and allow Him to change the attitude of your heart and your mouth, so they will be pleasing to Him. “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, 0 LORD, my strength and my Redeemer” (Psa. 19:14). 

Pregnant & Lovin It: Week 28 Mom & Baby Update

I’m 28 weeks, 7 months pregnant! I’m feeling good and Ms. Elyssa Janee is doing great! I’ve passed all of my prenatal tests, my ultrasounds have all gone great and the doctor doesn’t have any concerns regarding me or the baby! God is so good and forever faithful!! This ultrasound was taken at week 22. She’s an even bigger girl now!

Christmas time was lots of fun. Many people brought Elyssa gifts. We brought her two outfits. We took family pictures with my parents, brother, sister-in-law and our niece. Eddie and I took two pics to show off my belly and our growing family. It’s amazing to see my body change weekly. We’ve been taking a few progression pictures a month for memories. I’m so blessed that this pregnancy has been smooth and enjoyable. God gets all the glory!

I just started my third trimester and I can already feel the difference! My belly is getting in the way of me bending down; sometimes I need my husbands help with putting on my socks. I find myself getting tired in the afternoon but I am able to shake it off without having to come home and take a nap most days. I’m still taking several bathroom breaks throughout the day but I’m used to that now. I used to get hormone headaches and suffer back aches but those have decreased greatly praise God!

The best things about my pregnancy so far have been:

1. Feeling Elyssa moving and kicking. It’s amazing how God created women to carry babies. I count it an honor and privilege to carry a child because I know not all women are able to do so. I love that I get to carry her around inside me and keep her safe and comfy. I love when my husband and I have bonding time with her like when we call her name and poke my belly and she kicks back. Those are such special memories.

2. Preparing for Elyssa’s arrival with my husband. It’s so much fun to learn about her development together. To pick her name, plan her for the nursery, shower and register at stores together.

3. To be pampered by my husband and loved ones. It’s so nice to have people cater to me and look out for me. It’s such a blessing because I know that many women don’t have the support that they need and deserve during this time. We live in Michigan and we get bad winter weather around this time, therefore my husband holds my hand when we are outside and he always treats me with care to ensure that Elyssa and I are safe and comfortable. I love Eddie Willis III very much and thank God for him!!

28 week update from fitpregnancy.com:

 Your baby has doubled her weight in the past month and is now the size of a bag of flour. She now weighs almost 2 1/2 pounds. Her total length is nearly 15 inches. Your babies lungs are now capable of breathing air! This is big news. It means if the baby is born from now on, she’ll be able to survive with less medical intervention. Your baby’s main job right now is to put the finishing touches on major organ systems such as her brain, lungs and liver. As you can probably tell, she’s also working on gaining layers of fat. Her body fat is about 2 or 3 percent. Your babies eyes, which were covered by her eyelid folds at 6th wk of development, are capable of opening this week. Her sucking and swallowing skills are improving.

Shout out to ALL my 2011 moms to be!! Several of my friends are expecting babies this spring and summer. Elyssa will have many many playmates and a few babies that could be future husband materail 🙂 

**Moms, what were some of your favoriote pregnancy memories?**