Boyz To Men: 5 Signs that He’s A Man and No Longer A Boy

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Let God make a man out of him, before you try to make a husband out of him ~ Author Unknown.

No woman wants to date a boy, let alone marry one. As women, we need to make sure we pay attention to the signs that the men in our lives show us. If he shows you that he’s immature and selfish please don’t ignore the signs.

Back in the day when I was in college, I dated a few boys trying to stunt like they were men. They showed me from the beginning that they weren’t focused on anyone but themselves. I was desperately wanting not to be single, therefore I continued wasting my time, trying to make something out of nothing. Funny how I had the nerve to get mad when things went south, when really the relationships lived in the south pole. I thank God for deliverance and opening my eyes and renewing my mind. Once I allowed God to make a woman of godliness, holiness, focus, determination and purpose, my self esteem went up and my priorities changed.

Once a man has a true relationship with God, he won’t want to waste your time or break your heart. When men submit their flesh to God, the last thing they want to do is hit it and quit it. If they want it they will put a ring on it. Remember ladies, love is committment.

Signs that a man has allowed God to make a man out of him:

1. He’s sold out for Jesus and unashamed of the gospel of Christ.

2. His focus is to live holy and please God.

3. He understands that dating is to get to know someone for marriage. Yes he wants to have fun but his goal is to find the right woman for him, not to have sex or just to have a pretty girl on his arm.

4. He’s faithful to God and to you. By faithful to God I mean, he has a relationship with God, church home, a prayer life and living according to the word of God. No he is not perfect but he strives to be more like Christ. If he’s working hard to be faithful to God, he will try his best to be faithful to you, God’s daughter.

5. He’s giving of his time and money to God, you and others. He isn’t selfish, he’s looking for ways to be a blessing to those around him.

Ladies, allow God to make a man out of the man you have your eyes on. Once he’s molded into the man that God has created him to be, he will be ready to be all that you need him to be. If he’s not committed to God, he can’t be committed to you. Being single, happy and in the will of God is a blessing, dating out of God’s will and being unhappy is not a blessing.

Here’s an example of what I’m talking about:

When my husband Eddie and I met, we both were young (early 20’s) and had just gotten out of relationships with other people. We were fairly new to our church and were getting involved, making friends and learning about developing a personal relationship with Jesus. Eddie knew that God was still making a man out of him and he was not ready for a serious relationship leading towards marriage, therefore he did not step to me in a romantic way. We developed a friendship and just got to know each other in a group setting since we were blessed to hang in the same circle. As time went on and we continued to develop and mature spiritually, emotionally and financially, we both felt peace to begin dating and planning our future together.

I am not the type of Christian that believes that everyone’s testimony should be like mine. I am not saying that everyone has to do things how we did them. Each person needs to seek God, his word and other godly counsel around them (friends, parents, pastor etc) in order to know when their ready to date and for counsel and accountability regarding who they should date. No one wants to waste their time or get their heart broken. A way to avoid these things is to date with a purpose. After a few dates, you should know if the person is worth continuing to see because you have the same morals, values, beliefs and interest, or if you if it’s time to part ways because there isn’t anything therefore. At the right time, you will meet the guy for you, in the mean time, be single and fabulous and enjoy this wonderful journey called life! Travel, pursue God and your purpose, shop, work, play, make friends, and enjoy every moment!!

Learning To Toss out the Romanic Myths and Seek The Truth

Toss out the Romanic Myths and Seek The Truth

Your soulmate is the person who mends your broken heart by simply giving you theirs ~ author unknown.

I saw this quote on a FB friend’s page and I thought it would be interesting to write a post about it. While the quote and pic are good intentioned and seemingly romantic, I think the message is actually dangerous. No one can heal us but God. It helps to have positive loving people around us, but they can’t heal us.

3 Reasons Why God is the Answer to Your Pain

1. 1 John 3:16 This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.

There isn’t a love greater than the love that Christ has for us. He died for our sins and rose on the third day, so that we can be healed and set free. We love Christ because He first loved us. Often times we get caught up in what looks like romance and happiness BUT if it doesn’t please Christ, it isn’t his will for us. God heals, he saves, he lives to make us whole again. No one can love us unconditionally like Christ.

2. Psalm 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

The only one who can heal our bodies, emotions and make our life better is God. We have to be careful not to try to make our significant others our savior. No man or woman can heal our hearts or take away our pain. Have you ever seen a woman date a good man (he’s faithful, a gentleman, honest, open and drama free) and she still treats him like he’s one of the dogs that she’s dated in the past. That’s because no matter how much that man loved on her, he couldn’t take away the pain of her past. God loves us so much, that no matter what wrong we’ve done or that’s been done to us, He is waiting, ready and willing to love on us, restore us and make us whole again. Restoration comes when we submit to Gods will and focus on pleasing him, NOT man.

3. Matthew 9:22 Jesus turned and saw her. “Take heart, daughter,” he said, “your faith has healed you.” And the woman was healed at that moment.

It’s important for us to have faith in God, knowing that He alone is the answer to all of our problems. When we put our faith in people, at some point we find ourselves frustrated and disappointed because man fails us but God never fails. When we submit to the Lord, putting all of our issues on the altar, He is always faithful to meet us right where we’re at and start the process of making us new again. Some healing is instant and others healing is a process. As long as we keep our eyes on the cross, we know that our break through is on the way.

Sad Soulful Love Songs, Why They Do More Harm Then Good

Back in college, when I was upset over one of my silly, unproductive and drama filled relationships, I would pop in one of my “I hate men,” CDs and wallow in a pity party. Somehow I thought that  sitting in the dark, listening to Tony Braxton’s The Heat CD (He Wasn’t Man Enough, Just Be A Man About It, I’m Still Breathing or You’ve Been Wrong) was going to somehow heal my hurt, help me to express my pain and give me the strength to go on another day. NOT!!!

There was a time when I did not own more than 3 gospel CD’s though I’ve always called myself a Christian. The majority of my CD collection was secular rap and R & B. I listened to Trina, Lil Kim, Kelis (I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW) and Pink’s first album, along with CD’s that taught me to be angry, bitter, revengeful and distrusting of men. No wonder I was a complete hot mess back then.

When I rededicate my life to Christ in Feb of 2002, I started to change what I read, watched and listened to because I began to understand how negative media was hurting me instead of helping me. As I began to read my bible, attend church more and hang out with other Christians, I discovered how peaceful, productive and fun life really could be without all the drama and negativity. As I stopped dating raggedy guys who only wanted to use me, chew me up and spit me out, my life got better. There was no need to listen to angry songs because I was no longer angry.

I realized that it was my fault for deciding to get in relationships with guys who were not saved and who let me know up front that they were up to no good. Why was I surprised that when I messed with dogs I got bit every time? Instead of continuing in the cycle of unhealthy relationships and mild depression when they didn’t work out, I decided to read books like “I Kiss Dating Goodbye,” by Joshua Harris, God’s Plan For the Single Saint by Pastor Andre Butler, Glass Rose by Pastor MiChelle Butler and Knight In Shining Armor by P.B Wilson. (There are a host of books out their for Christian singles, fiction and non fiction) I dedicated my time to building my relationship with Christ and getting to know myself. Ladies you don’t always have to be connected to a man. You can stand on your own as a single, successful, happy and confident woman. Relationships do not define who you are. It’s better to be single and happy than in a relationship and sad.

So the next time you find yourself pissed about your current relationship or the lack their of, instead of listening to “Just Another Sad Love Song” by Toni Braxton, take some time to pray, evaluate if the relationship is worth the drama and seek out godly advice from a woman who you trust. Life is precious. Don’t waste time on people or things that make you unhappy. Make the decision to live a peaceful, happy, drama free life. I encourage you to throw out the CD’s, books or movies that support the “angry bitter lonely woman syndrome” and surround yourself with uplifting, hopeful and holy media. I promise you, you will see a difference in your mood, attitude and life! I am a living breathing testimony of this!

Once I walked away from drama and focused on Christ and accomplishing my goals, I met my husband. He was nothing like the men that I had dated previously THANK GOD. He too wanted to be holy, have a drama free relationship and glorify God in his relationships. He is my blessing and I am his! Thank you God for my good man!!

The Middle Ground Between The Chastity Belt and Girls Gone Wild

 

In today’s sexualized society, there has to be a middle ground between feeling like you need to wear a chastity belt to remain pure and falling head first into the sexual revolution. I believe the media has fed women so many lies about sexuality and now many of us are paying the hurtful price behind believing those lies. Checkout the definitions of chastity belt and sexual revolution.

Wikipedia defines a chastity belt as  a locking item of clothing designed to prevent sexual intercourse. They may be used to protect the wearer from rape or temptation. Some devices have been designed with additional features to prevent masturbation. Chastity belts have been created for males and females. According to modern myth the chastity belt was used as an anti-temptation device during the Crusades. When the knight left for the Holy Lands on the Crusades, his Lady would wear a chastity belt to preserve her faithfulness to him.

The sexual revolution (sexual liberation”) encompasses the changes in social thought and codes of behaviour related to sexuality throughout the Western world that took place from the 1960s into the 1970s.Sexual liberalisation was the beginning of an acceptance of sex outside of traditional heterosexual, monogamous relationships (primarily marriage).[3] Contraception and the pill, public nudity, the normalisation of homosexuality and alternative forms of sexuality, and the legalization of abortion all followed.

As a married woman, I strongly believe in women being free in marriage to please their husbands and be pleased as well as often as they want to. Sex is good, sex is important, sex is fun and pleasing in God’s sight. The problem is so many women have brought the world’s lies about what sex and what being sexually free really means. In many women’s fight to kill the double standard between men and women, some have chosen to become just as irresponsible, slutty, cold-hearted and promiscuous as the men who’ve hurt them in the past. Everyone should be responsible and safe when it comes to sex. No one should misuse, abuse, lie, cheat and jump in and out of bed with multiple partners.

As a Christian, I believe that sex outside of marriage is a sin. I know first hand how hurtful, lonely, confusing, disappointing, dangerous and depressing casual sex can be. I thank God for His healing and restoring power. When I turned my life over to Christ, I found the hope, joy, peace, comfort, strength, wisdom, self-confidence and love that I was missing and looking for in all the wrong places. Now I have been extremely blessed with a husband who loves God, loves me and faithful and dedicated to only me. My husband was a virgin when we got married and from the day we met until this very second, he continues to show me what true, holy godly love really is. Ladies there is nothing like it in the whole wide world.

Women don’t fight for your right:

1. To have your body used and then forgotten about by men who don’t really love you or themselves.

2. Get pregnant and left all alone to struggle to raise a child or children.

3. Get STD’s and/or AIDs. African American women have the highest AIDs rate than any other population.

4. Be emotionally and mentally drained, hurt, angry and bitter because of the sexual choices you’ve made with the wrong men.

You don’t have to wear a chastity belt and be afraid of men or the thought of sexual pleasure BUT you don’t have to be apart of the girls gone wild movement either. Have respect for yourself, have standards for the men that you date and understand that you are more than a sex object/baby maker. Read 1 Cor 13 and find out what real love is. When you know who you are and what your worth, you won’t waste another day letting someone treat you like trash.

Here’s an interesting article about the lie behind the sexual liberation movement.

http://www.goodmorals.org/kersten.htm

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Don’t Be Or Date A Knock Off Christian

Yesterday Pastor Butler from Word of Faith Southfield MI http://woficc.com preached a real, on time convicting message about being an authentic Christian and not a knock off. I thought the message was great and I wanted to share some of my notes. Before I share the notes, please read the definitions of knock off and authentic, that will help you understand the message even more.

Knock off is defined as a counterfeit, an imitation, usually one that is made with the intent of fraudulently passing it off as genuine.

Authentic is defined as not counterfeit or copied; “an authentic signature”; “a bona fide manuscript”; “an unquestionable antique.”

*Don’t be a secret agent Christian

*Live boldly for Christ

*Don’t be a knock off Christian, be authentic (genuine)

*Your faking days are over, either you’re in or your out.

*The world need us (true, dedicated Christians) Don’t lose your flavour.

*Don’t be a good for nothing Christian (not beneficial to God or those around you) Don’t be a Christian in words only or only on Sunday.

*When you have only the appearance of a Christian you are worthless to the body of Christ because you’re not doing your part.

*Don’t be a practical atheist; they believe in God but they live their life as though He does not exist.

1) you know it’s wrong yet you still do it

2) you know it’s right but you refuse to do it

3) you know He needs you yet you refuse to serve.

Remember we may be able to fool others but we can never fool God. It’s time to stop playing church.

*Be holy in how you handle ALL aspects of your life. Your music (what’s on your IPod play list? Does it bring God glory? What about your DVD collection? The concerts your attend? Your FB and Twitter updates? Your friends, where you hang out, what you talk about, day-dream about, watch on TV? Let each of us examine ourselves. To be an authentic Christian means to be set apart, holy and truly sold out to Christ.

5 Keys To Being Authentic

1) Deposit God’s word in your heart every day.

2) Protect your heart (guard it)

3) Do life together, have meaningful Christian relationships.

4) Regularly attend church (and get involved)

5) Develop a daily prayer life

Scripture references: Romans 1:16, Matt 5:13, Isaiah  29:13, Matt 6:5,  1Peter1:14, John 8:31-32, Matt 28:19-20, John 13:34-35, John 15:8

Don’t Date Knock Off Christians (my personal thoughts)

Now singles, as you work hard to live holy, obedient and authentic before God and man, it only makes sense that you date people who are also doing the same.  You don’t want to date someone who is only pretending to be a Christian. By pretending, I mean they go to church sometimes, know the basic scriptures but they don’t know God intimately and their lifestyle is not godly at all. If their just going through the religious motions, then let them keep going without you.

It is such a blessing to have a true man of God for a husband. Eddie is not perfect but he desires to be more like Christ and he strives to please Him in all things. Because he wants to be like Christ and glorify Him in our marriage, he does not treat me bad, lying to me, come homing at all hours of the night etc. He wants to please God and walk out His word in our marriage. I want to please God and walk out His word in our marriage too. Marriage is challenging when both people know Christ so I can’t imagine marriage when Christ is not at the center.

You want a spouse that will lift you up spiritually, not drag you down. You don’t want a girlfriend/boyfriend that goes to church with you because you dragged them and then the rest of the week their trying to have sex with you. What’s the point? What does light and dark have in common? NOTHING! Choose ye this day who you will serve! God is faithful. Remember when you delight yourself in the Lord, He WILL give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4) Keep being obedient to God’s word and watch Him bless you with a mate that will be more than you could have asked or dreamed of! He did it for me, He can and will do it for you!!

If you enjoyed this blog post, I encourage you to subscribe to receive emails regarding future post. The subscribe button is located at the top left corner of the blog. Once you enter your email and hit “sign me up,” you will have to open your email and confirm the subscription. Thank you in advance for your support. Also please email the blog link to other ladies https://joannawillis.wordpress.com

Salute To All The Modern Day Homemakers

Shout out to the modern-day homemakers who are holding it down. We may not make all of our dishes from scratch, make our own clothes and then wash them by hand BUT we are modern-day career women, wives and mothers and were doing an awesome job. Keep up the great work ladies (single, married and all the mothers) Be encouraged and know that your efforts are not going unnoticed! You all do all of these things listed below and so much more! I pray joy, peace, energy, wisdom, love and prosperity for each of you!

Shout out to all the moms who:   

*make sure their children eat healthy meals.  

 *take an active role in their children’s education.   

 *who keep their children on a schedule/routine in order to provide them with   structure.    

*play trucks and Barbies with their children even when their tired.     

  *provide their children with opportunities to get exercise.      

  *teach their children about God and keep them involved in children’s church and youth group activities.       

 *who role model for their children how to be godly ladies and gentlemen.        

 *utilize self-care and take time for themselves, hobbies and gifts/talents.      

Shout out to all the wives who: 

  *hold down the majority of the grocery shopping and cooking. 

 *keep their house clean whether they work inside or outside of the home.  

 *serve their husbands with a cheerful heart and good attitude.    

*make time for recreational companionship.     

*respect their husbands and work hard to walk out 1 Peter 3 and Proverbs 31.      

*meet their husbands sexual needs even when their tired or busy because they understand the importance of coming together as husband and wife.     

*love sex and are unashamed and uninhibited in the bedroom.       

*those that take time for themselves and their hobbies and gifts/talents and utilize self-care.

Shout out to all the single women who: 

 *are holy, fashionable and fabulous.   

  *keep steady jobs and are working towards meeting their career goals.  

 *who keep their house clean and organized.        

 *know how to cook or are learning to cook delicious meals.     

*are preparing themselves spiritually, emotionally and financially for their future husband.      

 *are serving at their churches and working hard to be the best at what God has called them to be.      

 *are confident and love themselves regardless as to whether they have a man or not.       

 *celebrate their singleness and know how to have good clean fun!       

 *utilize self-care and take time for themselves, hobbies and gifts/talents.      

If you enjoyed this blog post, I encourage you to subscribe to receive emails regarding future post. The subscribe button is located at the top left corner of the blog. Once you enter your email and hit “sign me up,” you will have to open your email and confirm the subscription. Thank you in advance for your support. Also please email the blog link to other ladies https://joannawillis.wordpress.com

Rejecting The “Gold Digger” Mentality

A gold digger is a woman who seeks money and expensive gifts from men. Today’s society encourages women to only go after the men with big money. The bigger the car, house and wallet, the better the man. Some women go to great lengths to get a man with the big bucks. Women get plastic surgery to make themselves look like models, they spend money that they don’t have on expensive designer clothes and jewelry so that they can be noticed by the men in expensive circles.

On a smaller scale, women in everyday urban and suburban neighborhoods, are looking for men that will take them out and get they’re hair done, nails did, car note and cell phone paid. Neither the first or second group of women that I mentioned is looking for love, their all looking for the CASH!!

As women we often say that we don’t want to be used for our looks, bodies or money but if were not careful, we will adopt the worlds mentality and treat men that way. Men shouldn’t be treated like money bags as if that’s all their good for. We must treat people how we want to be treated. If you KNOW you have NO interest in a guy, why let him continue to take you out, spend money on dates and buy you gifts? What if the tables were turned and you were in love with him, bragging to your friends ” he may be the one,” only to find out that he was using you for some selfish gain. We must treat others how we want to be treated.

5 Things To Do To Reject The Gold Digger Mentality

1. Know who you are in Christ. When you know who you are in Christ, you will reject the world’s messages that tell you that you have to be a certain body type, hair length, skin color, live in a certain neighborhood and drive a certain car. The bible says you are fearfully and wonderfully made. God loves you, He made you just the way you were supposed to be made. You are beautiful in His sight.

2. Stop listening to music and reading books that encourage women to get money and dog out men. There are good men in the world and men are a blessing. We need to adopt positive messages about men. Women want respect and so do men.

3. Know that God is your source. You don’t need any old man to pay your bills and get your hair done. Work hard, pay your tithes, bills, walk according to the bible and trust that God will provide you with all that you need.

4. When deciding whether you want to go out with a guy, pray and seek God. Don’t go off of his appearance only. Yes he should be attractive in your eyes but looks can be deceiving. He may look like he has money but he may not. He may look like he doesn’t have lots of money but he may. We as women should care more about a man’s character, heart, ambitions and integrity more than his wallet.

5. If your current circle of friends encourage you to be a “gold digger” leave them alone and pray that God sends you new friends. Birds of a feather flock together. If your girls are always wanting to get dressed up and go looking for the next big fish, they aren’t the women you want to hang around. You need a man after God’s heart. A man whose honesty, hard working, loving, kind and fine!! When men seek after God and do things His way, the money and success always comes, because their walking according to the word!