Boyz To Men: 5 Signs that He’s A Man and No Longer A Boy

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Let God make a man out of him, before you try to make a husband out of him ~ Author Unknown.

No woman wants to date a boy, let alone marry one. As women, we need to make sure we pay attention to the signs that the men in our lives show us. If he shows you that he’s immature and selfish please don’t ignore the signs.

Back in the day when I was in college, I dated a few boys trying to stunt like they were men. They showed me from the beginning that they weren’t focused on anyone but themselves. I was desperately wanting not to be single, therefore I continued wasting my time, trying to make something out of nothing. Funny how I had the nerve to get mad when things went south, when really the relationships lived in the south pole. I thank God for deliverance and opening my eyes and renewing my mind. Once I allowed God to make a woman of godliness, holiness, focus, determination and purpose, my self esteem went up and my priorities changed.

Once a man has a true relationship with God, he won’t want to waste your time or break your heart. When men submit their flesh to God, the last thing they want to do is hit it and quit it. If they want it they will put a ring on it. Remember ladies, love is committment.

Signs that a man has allowed God to make a man out of him:

1. He’s sold out for Jesus and unashamed of the gospel of Christ.

2. His focus is to live holy and please God.

3. He understands that dating is to get to know someone for marriage. Yes he wants to have fun but his goal is to find the right woman for him, not to have sex or just to have a pretty girl on his arm.

4. He’s faithful to God and to you. By faithful to God I mean, he has a relationship with God, church home, a prayer life and living according to the word of God. No he is not perfect but he strives to be more like Christ. If he’s working hard to be faithful to God, he will try his best to be faithful to you, God’s daughter.

5. He’s giving of his time and money to God, you and others. He isn’t selfish, he’s looking for ways to be a blessing to those around him.

Ladies, allow God to make a man out of the man you have your eyes on. Once he’s molded into the man that God has created him to be, he will be ready to be all that you need him to be. If he’s not committed to God, he can’t be committed to you. Being single, happy and in the will of God is a blessing, dating out of God’s will and being unhappy is not a blessing.

Here’s an example of what I’m talking about:

When my husband Eddie and I met, we both were young (early 20’s) and had just gotten out of relationships with other people. We were fairly new to our church and were getting involved, making friends and learning about developing a personal relationship with Jesus. Eddie knew that God was still making a man out of him and he was not ready for a serious relationship leading towards marriage, therefore he did not step to me in a romantic way. We developed a friendship and just got to know each other in a group setting since we were blessed to hang in the same circle. As time went on and we continued to develop and mature spiritually, emotionally and financially, we both felt peace to begin dating and planning our future together.

I am not the type of Christian that believes that everyone’s testimony should be like mine. I am not saying that everyone has to do things how we did them. Each person needs to seek God, his word and other godly counsel around them (friends, parents, pastor etc) in order to know when their ready to date and for counsel and accountability regarding who they should date. No one wants to waste their time or get their heart broken. A way to avoid these things is to date with a purpose. After a few dates, you should know if the person is worth continuing to see because you have the same morals, values, beliefs and interest, or if you if it’s time to part ways because there isn’t anything therefore. At the right time, you will meet the guy for you, in the mean time, be single and fabulous and enjoy this wonderful journey called life! Travel, pursue God and your purpose, shop, work, play, make friends, and enjoy every moment!!

Yo Mr. Right, Where Are U? 4 Benefits To Getting Married After 30

The picture attached to today’s post states: When God knows your ready for the responsibility of commitment, HE will reveal the right person under the right circumstances. I firmly believe that God knows what we need and when we need it. Most people that I know desire to be married one day and sometimes the pressures of life cause people to start feeling anxious. When anxiety sets in, we tend to make the wrong choices, and marriage isn’t a decision that anyone wants to jump into. I found a helpful article about why getting married after 30 has many benefits. Please review the post and let me know what you think. Have any other tips to add?

Shannon Fox and Celeste Liversidge, coauthors of Last One Down the Aisle Wins, report “statistics show that if you wait and marry closer to 30, your chances of having a healthy, long-lasting relationship more than double.”

Rather than spend your twenties hunting for the perfect mate, Fox and Liversidge recommend focusing your energies towards having the kinds of experiences that will help you fully develop into the person who will be completely ready to find The One in your 30’s. Here are a few tips that they shared in their article. You can read the article the full article at http://www.match.com/magazine/article/12160/

Fox and Liversidge list 3 reasons why women tend to rush into marriage. What do you think about this list?

  1. Because all of their friends are getting married
  2. Because their biological clock starts ticking
  3. They desire the financial stability that comes along with marriage

Benefits to getting married after 30

1. The statistics clearly show that marrying someone when you’re too young puts increases the risk of that marriage ending in divorce. According to the National Center for Health Statistics, if you wait until after the age of 25 to get married, your chances of staying married more than double! The old “50 percent of marriages end in divorce” statistic is cut in half if you just wait a little while longer to take the plunge.

2. When it comes to marriage, two halves definitely do not make a whole. Taking the time to develop into your best, most complete individual self before you marry allows you to bring vital ingredients to the table; you are more confident, you know who you are (and more importantly, who you’re not), you have a better idea of what you need from a potential husband and what it means to be a good wife. You have control of your finances and aren’t overly needy or volatile. You’ve achieved a healthy separation from your family and won’t end up feeling resentful for the adventures or passions you wish you would’ve pursued during your younger, single years. In short, you are able to come into the marriage as an equal partner, because you’re a grown-up.

3. Money is a huge, hot-button issue for women in addition to being one of the top three reasons people get divorced. People sometimes think that getting a handle on your finances means learning how to budget or finally starting that 401(k). But the truth is that — especially for women — money is an issue that is fraught with emotions. Your single years are the perfect time to develop a good personal relationship with money before it has the chance to become a destructive force in your marriage. When women let their feelings about money rule their actions, they increase the risk of making a poor decision when choosing who to marry. If you really believe that you need a man to take care of you, then you’ll be more likely to settle for the first guy who has the ability to wipe your debt slate clean and offer you financial stability.

4. Taking the time to develop a healthy body image before you settle down is crucial for a happy marriage and, particularly, for guaranteeing you’ll have a happy, healthy sex life. Of course, most women struggle to some extent with body image and body dissatisfaction, but if a woman doesn’t manage to get to a place of acceptance with her imperfect body before she marries, it can have devastating effects on her relationship with her husband. In fact, 67% of the men we surveyed reported that their wives’ negative body image caused serious issues in the marriage. Sex-related problems in the marriage are also amongst the top three reasons for divorce.

Top 5 Reasons To ONLY Date R.M.O.G

A RMOG is a real man of God. A RMOG doesn’t just know about God, he loves the Lord and has dedicated his life to serving him. He lives a godly lifestyle and surrounds himself with other men and women who are living for the Lord also. He walks in integrity whether people are watching him or not. A RMOG doesn’t just quote scriptures and religious phrases, he reads and mediates on the word of God and believes it. A RMOG doesn’t care what others think or say about him because he’s confident in his relationship with the Lord. A RMOG isn’t perfect but he aims to be like Christ. A RMOG is truly worth the wait; whether your 15, 25, 35, 45 etc, God knows your desire to be married one day and He’s preparing an awesome RMOG for you. Keep trusting in God knowing that he knows what best for you and when. PS- These type of men do exist, I have one, my father and father in law are both RMOG and I know several other women who have MARRIED RMOG also.

Top 5 Reasons to ONLY Date R.M.OG

1. A RMOG lives his life to please the Lord and he knows that treating you with honor, love and respect will please the Lord. A RMOG won’t call you out your name, lie and cheat on you. If you thought he was a RMOG and he’s doing these things, he’s a wolf and sheep’s clothing so get up girl and RUN!!!

2. A RMOG isn’t gonna hit it and quit it. He lives a holy lifestyle before the Lord and therefore will not attempt to sleep with you before marriage. A RMOG will aim to be holy in his courtship with you and understand that he has no right to your body until after marriage. If he wants it he’ll put a ring on it.

3. A RMOG isn’t gonna just date you until something better comes along then drop you like a hot potato. He’s not into wasting your time, he values you as his sister in the Lord and will be honest about his intentions towards you UPFRONT!! If you’ve been dating a few months and your totally confused about his committment towards you then he’s wasting your time. Dating shouldn’t be a guessing game.

4.  A RMOG is a gentle leader. He knows who he is in Christ and he wants to be the head of his future household. He isn’t a wanna be whose always following folks and going along with whatever you say. He listens to the Holy Ghost then walks out his instructions in love.

5. ONLY A RMOG is marriage material because he knows God intimately and he desires to be the best RMOG that God has called him to be. He’s seeking God about his purpose and choosing the Lord over money, sex, career, cars etc. A RMOG witnesses to others and tells them about the Lord. A RMOG is continually working on his finances and getting his affairs in order for his future family and is continuously being led by the Holy Spirit.

Happy 1st Yr Blog Anniversary!! Blog Updates, Thank You’s & More

March 31 was my blog’s 1 year anniversary!! On March 31, I was in the hospital preparing to give birth to our little girl, Ms. Elyssa Janee. This first year anniversary is very important to me and even though the last few weeks have been busy, I wanted to take time to acknowledge it, update the readers and thank those that have been instrumental in helping me with my blog over this last year.

BIG thank you to Kim Brookes for encouraging me to start my blog and for giving me guidance on where to begin and how to make it great. Also BIG thank you to Versandra Kennebrew who was my book coach last year and who helped me take my writing, creativity and blog to the next level!! I love you ladies!! Also thank you to my sistafriend Blair for helping to proof read my posts. Girl you have a gift!! Last but not least, THANK YOU to my husband for ALWAYS being supportive of my writing! Sometimes he helps me develop titles, research scriptures and helpful information for my posts. I love and appreciate you honey!!

When I first created this blog, I had no idea what I was going to write about or if people would even care to read it. Since I was a young girl, I’ve always had a passion for writing but I had stopped writing when I graduated from college for whatever reason. Starting this blog has helped me to fall in love with writing again and it’s provided me with a platform to share my testimonies to encourage others. It’s also helped me to start walking in my calling, which is to minister to women and to help them walk down the road of peace, wholeness and restoration.

Over the past year, I’ve written about several different topics but I’ve been most passionate about dating, marriage, sex, sexual assault and pregnancy. I know what it’s like to be a Christian single person trying to walk in patience and holiness. I know what it’s like to be a wife and want to please God and my husband in my marriage. I’m a 10 1/2 year sexual assault survivor and I know the emotional rollercoaster that survivors go through. I’ve also travelled down the long road to healing and restoration. Sex is very important in marriage and it’s sad that often times singles have lots of sex and married people have hardly any. The devil is a LIE!! God created sex for married people to enjoy and I want to help married ladies learn to love their bodies and sex with their husbands! It’s also very important for Christian singles to avoid sexual sin in order to set themselves up for great legal, holy, sex in the marriage bed one day! I was blessed to recently become a mom and I LOVED being pregnant! I enjoyed writing pregnancy updates and information about pregnancy and pro-life information.  

Blog Facts:

I published 166 post. Holy Ghost is awesome because He continues to give me ideas to write about and the right words to use to bless others. I’m honored that He picked me to use in this way!

The blog has 26,488 total views and counting!! 

631 comments and they keep coming in! It’s always so exciting to receive comments and meet new people who are being blessed by what I write.

78 Categories and 478 Tags

On July 26 I published my 100th post.

The highest number of views to date occurred on 4/11/2011. There were  was  260 views that day. On 4/10/11 the most recent post published was She’s Here! Nursing, Burping and Changing OH MY!

https://joannawillis.wordpress.com/2011/04/09/shes-here-nursing-burping-changing-oh-my/

Thank you to EVERYONE who has ever visited my blog, posted a comment and forwarded my posts to their friends and family! I REALLY REALLY appreciate it!! If you haven’t yet subscribed to my blog, I encourage you to do so now! The subscribe button is located at the top left corner of the blog. Once you enter your email and hit “sign me up,” you will have to open your email and confirm the subscription. Thank you in advance for your support. Also please continue to share my blog link to your loved ones https://joannawillis.wordpress.com

Some of my favorite and most viewed post over the last year have been:

https://joannawillis.wordpress.com/2011/01/26/a-rape-survivors-letter-to-her-unborn-daughter/

https://joannawillis.wordpress.com/2011/01/07/3-ways-to-meet-your-husbands-needs-during-pregnancy/

https://joannawillis.wordpress.com/2010/07/12/pregnancy-and-the-single-saint/

https://joannawillis.wordpress.com/2010/04/12/im-a-survivor/

https://joannawillis.wordpress.com/2010/05/12/5-myths-about-love-and-sex-after-rape/

https://joannawillis.wordpress.com/2010/06/19/tips-to-avoid-baby-mama-drama/

https://joannawillis.wordpress.com/2010/11/12/4-reasons-why-glee-is-no-longer-for-me/

https://joannawillis.wordpress.com/2010/06/02/stop-giving-the-honey-up-for-free/

3 Ways To Meet Your Husbands Needs During Pregnancy

Marriage requires communication, patience, compassion, forgiveness, team work and so much more. When a wife gets pregnant, husbands and wives have to work even harder to meet each others needs and walk out the traits above. During the 9 month period a huge chunk of their time is focusing on mom and babies health and preparing for the babies arrival. Pregnant women’s emotions are sometimes all over the place, their tired often and their bodies are changing. Throughout all that we married women go through, we MUST still remember our husbands. We must remember that they have needs too. One of the worse mistakes women can make is act like it’s all about her throughout the pregnancy then all about her and baby when the baby comes. Husbands and wives are partners through every stage of life. We all have feelings, desires and needs. If we want our marries to stay happy, healthy, HOT and last forever, we must always work hard to make our marriage a priority.

Here are 3 tips on how to meet your husbands needs during pregnancy. I have not mastered these tips but I have been working on them and I have seen great results! Ladies read the tips and share your thoughts.

1. SEX! Often times women experience fatigue, discomfort and even sickness during pregnancy. Some days the last thing we are thinking about is sex but our husbands are thinking about it. The majority of our husbands are too polite to ask for sex as frequently as they were getting it before because they understand that we’re going through a lot but don’t abuse your husbands kindness. Remember that sex is very important in marriage because it’s a time where husband and wife come together to bond and become one.

My suggestion is for wives to initiate sex when they have energy and are feeling well, that way they can enjoy their husbands and show them that they love them and desire them, even though so much is going on inside their bodies. At 27 weeks pregnant, each week I keep track of our sex life in my mind and make sure that I set aside time to rock my husbands world a few times a week. Even in pregnancy I want to meet his needs and be the ONLY woman that he desires. Ladies do what you can to show your husband love, attention and sexual fulfilment throughout pregnancy.

2. RESPECT! With emotions and hormones changing daily pregnant women must work hard to keep their attitudes in check. I feel like I’m doing a decent job in this area but I have my moments and I know I can do better. Our husbands deserve our respect and we deserve theirs, no matter how we are feeling or what we are going through. Nothing gives us a license to purposely or continuous disrespect one another. When I feel my emotions or attitude rising, I try to shut my mouth, pray, just sit quietly for a moment or go lay down if I can. No one wants to be the mean pregnant woman whose husband dreads coming home to at night.

When you find yourself upset or agitated, before you react, ask yourself is it really that deep and how can I respond in away that will keep the peace and not put my husband on the defense. Holy Spirit is giving me great advice as I type this post because learning to think before I speak is an area that I am working on.

3. COOKING AND HOUSEWORK!  If you were the main cook and person that cleaned up around your house, things may need to change now that your pregnant. We need more of our husbands help during pregnancy BUT we should try our best to cook and straighten up sometimes when we are able. There are days when I can’t physically bring myself to cook or clean and those days my husband will jump in and help me but I make sure I cook a few times a week and clean on the weekends when I am able. I want to keep my husband happy, feed and have our home environment be one of peace. In marriage everyone has to sacrifice but especially when the wife is pregnant. Don’t adopt the world’s views on marriage, adopt God’s. God requires that we love, honor, respect and serve one another. Let’s continue to meet our husbands needs, let them know when we need their help and in turn we are working as a team and keeping the devil out of our marriages!

Stop Having Yo New Man Pay For The Sins of Yo Past Man

The new man can’t afford to pay the debt of the one who came up short, nor should he. If he does, then he’ll come up short. Release the ex of that debt, forgive him and wish him well for real. Start fresh with this new man, as if your heart had never been broken. That’s what grown women do. Bitterness doesn’t look good on nobody~ Kim Blakes, my FB friend.

My response to her status: Amen! We need to give our hurt, pain and issues from past broken relationships to God and allow HIM to heal us. We can’t truly be what a new love needs us to be if we aren’t complete and whole in Christ. Trust me, I’ve been there. Thank God for His mercy, grace, restoration and love.

There are 2 points that I’d like to zero in on regarding this topic.

1. Forgiveness is key when trying to get over a past relationship that went bad. It’s impossible to harbor anger and bitterness when you have truly forgiven someone and given your hurt over to God. I used to hate my 2 ex’s with a passion. When I rededicated my life to Christ, I knew I had to lay my pain, anger and unforgiveness on the altar if my sins were to be forgiven, if I desired to be whole, at peace and if I wanted to be a happy woman and wife one day. Forgiveness seems unfair because you were the one who was wronged but forgiveness is for you so that you can be free and delivered from the bondage of the past. When I learned to forgive those three gentlemen my attitude and life changed for the better. Shortly after that I met my husband and we began a beautiful friendship that eventually lead to love.

2. It’s very important to not jump into a new relationship before you allow yourself to get healing and closure from your past relationship. When a relationship ends negatively, it leaves a bad taste in your mouth and a pain in your heart. Sometimes you may find yourself depressed, confused and defeated. You need to go into a quiet room and tell the Lord what happened, how you feel and what you need from Him. The bible tells us to cast our burdens unto Jesus for He cares for us. God already knows what’s going on but He wants you to come to Him willingly with an open heart so that He can heal, love and comfort you. There is no love like the love of our Heavenly Father and there’s no hurt that He can’t heal. The bible says that He heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds.

When you take the mess from your past relationship into your new one, your asking for your new relationship to fail. It’s not fair to the new man whose intentions towards you maybe pure but you treat him as if you know he’s going to dog you out and leave you hanging like the last joker. Seek godly counsel and get yourself together before jumping into a premature relationship that could end just as badly as the last.

Bonus tip: When we allow ourselves to jump from one bad relationship to the next, we make it harder for Mr. Right when he comes along. 1. Because we’re so distrusting that we can’t see him for who he really is 2. We’re too busy being angry about the last joker that we LET dog us out that we can’t see the good man standing right in front of our face. 3. We’ve ALLOWED ourselves to deal with so many bad guys that we lose hope that good guys even exist. There are good men out there but you have to ask yourself, are you ready to properly love one? Do yourself a favor, get restored from the past, embrace your time of singleness and learn to love yourself. If you don’t love you, you can’t possibly love someone else.

3 Perks For Being Single On Christmas

This post is dedicated to the many beautiful, saved, successful, smart, kind, driven and uncompromising women in the world. Many of my closest female friends are single this holiday season and I wanted to write a post of encouragement and humor that would carry them through this season.

While many single women desire to be married at some point, they are learning to dedicate their time, money, talent and bodies to Christ during the waiting season. For me, on an average day, being single wasn’t that challenging  BUT I did have days, especially around special holidays (Valentines Day, my birthday, Thanksgiving and Christmas) were I wished I had a good man to love and celebrate with. The longing for someone to love and be loved by is natural and normal but we must always remember that the grass is not always greener on the other side. Marriage is lots of fun but it’s also challenging work. Often times people don’t think about all the serving, sacrificing, patience and comprise that comes with the territory and therefore so many couples get divorced. One of the purposes of my blog is to inform single women of the wonderful and not so wonderful aspects of marriage so that they have a realistic expectation before saying I Do! Checkout the list below about why being single on Christmas isn’t a bad thing.

3 Perks For Being Single On Christmas

1. When your single, you don’t have to agree with anyone but the Holy Spirit about how to spend your money for Christmas or how many gifts to purchase. Throughout the year you save your money and when Christmas time comes you can tithe, pay your bills and make a list as long or short as you’d like of who you bless for Christmas. It’s your money and your prerogative.

2. When your single you don’t have the responsiblity of visiting  your family and the in-laws and doing the house jumping balancing act. If you want to stay home you can, if you want to go from house to house you can. As a single woman the holidays are what you make it. Surround yourself with loved ones (family and friends) and thank God for what you do have instead of thinking about what you don’t have.

3.When your single, instead of needing to go out and find the perfect Christmas morning lingerie, you can pick out whatever cute and comfortable PJs that you like because you only have to please you. It’s wonderful to have a husband to dress up for but sometimes it’s nice to put on whatever makes you comfy, grab a book or a girlie movie and spend some quality time by yourself.

Basically ladies what I’m saying is being married has a lot of perks (companionship, love, sex and children to be raised by two parents in a loving home) but singleness definitely does too (independence of time, money, jobs and travel. You can go wherever you want to go and do whatever you want to) We must all remember that it’s a blessing to be breathing this Christmas. To have some money to bless a few people with gifts, to have family and friends to celebrate Christ’s birth with and enjoy good food. Married or single, let’s find reasons to be grateful and content this Christmas. Jesus is the reason for the season!!!