Diary Of A Emotionally Stable Black Woman

Ladies do you ever take the time to pray for the men in your past who’ve hurt, abused, abandoned or rejected you? Today I encourage you to say a quick prayer for those men. Ask God for forgive, restore and bless them. Ask God to send godly men their way to show them what it means to be a real man. Ask God to continue to heal you and help you to forgive them also. Trust me, doing this will help u get free from your past. Thank u Jesus for complete restoration and wholeness!!
I felt led to share this message of forgiveness. I believe Holy Spirit put it on my heart so that others can get set free. I began my road to forgiveness and freedom of my past hurts in 2002. It was a long road full of good days and bad days BUT GOD!! In the beginning it was hard for me to pray for those that had deeply hurt me but as I learned to completely surrendered to God, His word and asked Him to help me, it got easier. Some days all I could say was “Lord bless them.” Some days I meant it, others days I didn’t. Some days I prayed that prayer with tears coming down my eyes because I was still angry, but I believe God honored my prayer and obedience to His word. I didn’t want to be another angry black woman bitter about her past. I wanted to be free of the anger, hurt, pain and shame. Now I can honestly say I can pass those individuals on the street and not trip because I’ve given it to God. He will deal with them in His own way. Its my job to keep my heart right and forgive so that my sins can be forgiven!
Ladies we need to be healed of our past and become emotionally stable for ourselves, our husbands, children, family members and to function in everyday life. It’s not okay to be an emotional rollercoaster, happy one minute, than angry, crying and going off on people the next. We need to give our hurt to God, learn to trust Him completely and allow Him to heal us. God cares about your pain and He’s ready to wrap you in His arms and make you new again. When the past is no longer controlling your thoughts and every emotion, you will feel 100 pounds lighter. Your relationships will improve and your self-esteem will get better. Don’t allow other people’s sin to become your sin. They sinned against God by hurting you now don’t you sin against God by continuing to walk in hate, anger or unforgivness. Forgiveness is to set us free, it’s not to excuse the person of what they did to you.
**Please read the scriptures below, I pray they encourage you as they have encouraged me. Also feel free to post a testimony about your forgiveness victory or road to forgiveness if you’d like.**
Matthew 6:14-15 NIV 
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
Romans 12:19 NIV
Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”[a] says the Lord.
Psalms 147:3 NIV
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Stirring Up My Mustard Seed Faith

This morning as I sat at my desk thinking about a few things that haven’t been going right lately, a scripture came to my mind that really blessed me. Matthew 17:20 NIV He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” My mustard seed faith CAN and WILL move mountains!!

Often times we see our problems as gynormous but our God is BIGGER, BADDER, FAITHFUL and ABLE to do everything that we need Him to do. Eph 3:20 KJV Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us. I want to stir up  my faith and yours this morning. It doesn’t matter what it looks like. It doesn’t matter what you’ve done, God loves you, He is waiting with open arms to bless you and take care of you. Money, jobs, health relationships, sickness/diseases, unsaved family members, houses, cars, spouses, children, businesses, money to go back to school WHATEVER your need is today, stir up your mustard seed faith. You can’t do it on your own. Matt 19:26 NIV Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.

We are God’s children and He knows our needs and He knows what’s best for us. He hears our prayers and He sees us trying our best to walk out His word. He sees us giving to the church and others in need. God is working all things out for our God. Romans 8:28 KJV And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

Be encouraged today. Let’s mediate on the word of God and not our circumstances. When we start thinking about all the things that are going wrong, let’s start praising God for everything that is going right!! God is good and He is working things out for each of us!!! Phil 4:8 NIV Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Forgiveness is the Sweetest Revenge

Forgiveness is the sweetest revenge- Isaac Friedmann

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you- Lewis B. Smedes

Forgiveness does not change the past but it does enlarge the future~ Paul Boese

Forgive or relive~ unknown

Forgiveness is the economy of the heart… forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits.” Hannah Moore

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong~ Ghandi

We achieve inner health only through forgiveness-the forgiveness of not only others but of ourselves~ Joshua Liebman

Ladies take back your life! Don’t give those that have hurt you the pleasure of keeping you insecure, depressed, angry and afraid. Forgiveness is for you. When you forgive you get free, you get to take your life back, to smile again, to live a happy life  and to have joy and peace of mind. You deserve to be free, to be happy and to enjoy fulfilling relationships with others. You can’t be in a healthy place if you’re not walking in forgiveness. You’ll always have the chains around your hands and feet, the weight of the painful past will always hold you down. Its time to BREAK FREE!!!!!

Forgive those who have hurt you, give the pain over to the Lord. Ask Him to heal your broken heart, to help you see yourself how He sees you. The bible tells us to cast our burdens unto Jesus because He cares for us! The bible also tells us that God heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds. He is waiting and willing to restore you to your rightful place in Him. Please make the decision today to seek guidance from a friend, family member, church member, pastor, counselor, social worker or your doctor. Talk to someone and start your healing process. Forgiveness may seem impossible today BUT trust me, as each day goes by, the decision gets easier and easier. It’s harder to live in pain and loneliness of unforgiveness, than it is to forgive and be free. You may never forget and that’s okay, but at least you will have your joy and peace back. True forgiveness says “I will not allow the things you’ve done to me to hold me captive any longer. I forgive you, I wish you well and I’m moving on.” You don’t have to be best friends with that person, talk to them on the phone and hang out. Forgiveness means you will not speak or think ill of them, you will not seek revenge on them, but instead you will pray for them and ask God to heal you both of the past. God is faithful. He will walk with you every step of the way, just trust Him and obey!!

Sistas Positively Affecting Sistas

Many women in the African American community are struggling. Struggling to know their purpose, their value/worth, to understand what real love is,  to be accepted and live productive lives. Many AA women have made celebrities and the women in the videos their role models and this much change. I went to visit a 22-year-old single mom with four kids. She had a few female friends over and all the ladies had their hair done, gold around their necks and designer clothes on. The family lives in poverty. I am not saying that people with low-income can not have nice things, but often times AA women spend more money on hair, nails, jewelry, clothes, shoes and make up than anything else. This must change. Our value should never be in how cute we look or what possessions we have. Our value isn’t in how great our bodies look or how many men are following us around. Our value is who are we in Christ; that we are healthy mind, body and soul, that we’re happy, determined and successful. We are more than just baby makers or women with big butts. We are creative,  smart, worthy of love and healthy relationships. We are strong, survivors, teachers, lawyers, doctors, social workers, stay at home mothers, business owners, ministers of the gospel etc.

To my Christian sistas, the next time you see that same prostitute that passes by your job everyday, the young girl in your neighborhood that dresses too fast, a single mother on your job that you know is struggling to raise her six children all alone, your aunt who struggles with drug addiction, your girl who fell away from church or your sister who just dropped out of school, pray and follow the Holy Spirit as to how to love on that woman. Give her a smile, some encouraging words, a hug, tell her Jesus loves her, you love her, it will be ok, ask if you can pray with her, invite her to church, treat her to lunch and just be a listening ear, whatever Holy Spirit tells you to do.

Christians are the salt of the earth. The bible says the world will know we are Christians by our love. We must love on those around us. We must let our light shine. We must live a sold out for Christ lifestyle so that the women around us can know that they too can have peace, joy, a great life in Christ. I give  God ALL the glory that my life is a positive example to others. I am blessed to be a 29-year-old black woman who loves the Lord, has a husband who loves the Lord, we serve at our church together, we have a happy marriage, we were blessed to plan our pregnancy, we own a home in the suburbs, I have two college degrees and we both have careers that we love. Ask me if ten years ago I would have thought I would be this blessed, no! God is good and when I completely surrender my life to Him, He restored me and continues to mold me into the woman who He has called me to be. I want my life to encourage others. To let them know that if God did it for me, He will do that and more for them.

Ladies today’s message is to walk in love, be led as to how the Holy Ghost wants you to mentor and reach out to those around you and to let your lifestyle be a witness of God’s goodness and faithfulness to others. The world needs us. We can’t afford to be half stepping, fake, worthless Christians. Our families need us, our coworkers, neighbors and those that we come into contact with daily on Facebook and Twitter. People all over need hope and we know the one who has all that they need, JESUS!!!

If you enjoyed this blog post, I encourage you to subscribe to receive emails regarding future post. The subscribe button is located at the top left corner of the blog. Once you enter your email and hit “sign me up,” you will have to open your email and confirm the subscription. Thank you in advance for your support. Also please email the blog link to other ladies https://joannawillis.wordpress.com

A Testimony of Overcoming The Aftermath of Abortion

To continue the theme of restoration week, I wanted to share a woman’s powerful testimony of overcoming the shame of having an abortion at a young age. I like to change the names of the testimonies that I share from others because it’s not about who I’m talking about but the awesome things God did for them. I will call today’s woman Sarah. 

If you or someone you is suffering from an abortion, please seek counsel and guidance from a local church and/or pro-life center near you. They will counsel you, pray with you and provide you with resources such as support groups for women who desire healing from abortion.

When Sarah found herself pregnant as a freshman in college, she panicked. She was afraid of what her parents would say and how a baby would affect her future plans. She and her boyfriend did not grow up in Christian homes but they knew deep down that abortion was wrong. The couple reluctantly went through with the procedure, not know ing that their lives would never be the same.

Sarah and her partner got saved shortly after the abortion. They started going to church and learning about God together. The couple ended up getting married and began their new life in Christ together, but the past still haunted them, especially Sarah. Sarah often wondered how God could truly love her because she had killed her innocent baby. Sarah found herself feeling depressed, ashamed and unworthy of love often. It pained her husband to see what she was going through and therefore he often prayed for her and supported her the best ways he knew how.

Sarah continued to go to church and learn about God’s mercy, grace, love and forgiveness. She knew that she needed to forgive herself because God had long ago forgiven her because she had repented of her sin. Sarah knew that she was not walking in God’s peace and joy and she was only punishing herself, which was not God’s will. Sarah felt as though one of the first steps to forgiving herself was confessing her sin to some of her close family members. After sharing with them what she had done and how God was healing her, Sarah felt a weight lift from her shoulders and her healing process was truly able to start.

To help release the negative feelings of shame, Sarah went on a personal mission to share her testimony with some of the young girls at her church who were considering becoming sexually active, were currently active or who found themselves pregnant and scared. Sarah also joined a Christian support group for women who wanted healing from past abortions. The group met for a few weeks and reviewed home work assignments about restoration from abortion, they reviewed what the bible says about forgiveness, comfort, God’s love and mercy. The ladies also supported each other by talking through their past experiences. Sarah found great comfort and restoration through attending the group, so much so that she became a group counselor after she completed the sessions.

Sarah story is definitely a But God story. The devil thought he had her, BUT GOD! The after effects of the abortion could have ruined her self-esteem, her relationships, robbed her of her joy, peace, self-respect to the point that she could have ruined her own life because of her inner turmoil. But God sent someone to witness to her and her husband, they got saved, married, hooked up with a church and they began receiving the life changing word of God. She began sharing her testimony with her family and church members as a way to stump on the devils head and she even located a support group to help seal the deal on her restoration. Now whenever the devil tries to get in her ear and speak negativity in doubt, she kicks him off her shoulder and stumps on his head because she knows who she is and whose she is! A RESTORED CHILD OF THE KING!!!!!!!

If you enjoyed this blog post, I encourage you to subscribe to receive emails regarding future post. The subscribe button is located at the top left corner of the blog. Once you enter your email and hit “sign me up,” you will have to open your email and confirm the subscription. Thank you in advance for your support. Also please email the blog link to other ladies https://joannawillis.wordpress.com

No Means No: Tips To Stay Safe On A Date

In the U.S date rape is committed every two minutes. Wikihow.com lists tips to stay safe and prevent date rape. Every woman needs to know how to have fun but stay safe and be wise while having a night on the town. Rape is never a woman’s fault, no matter what she wears or where she goes. No means no!! We as women need to have a plan and be alert when we are out alone in the community. Please review the tips below and keep them in mind the next time you are out on a date. For Christian women, always pray God’s protection over yourself before you go on a date and ALWAYS listen to the Holy Spirit and seek peace. If you don’t have peace in your spirit, don’t go. If you get a troubled feeling and your out, get up and go home or call someone to get you. Never second guess yourself.


  • Trust your instincts! If you feel uncomfortable in any way DO NOT TRY TO NORMALIZE IT! Tell your date you are sick and about to vomit, or get out of the situation some way. Never doubt your instincts or say you are misjudging him/her. Many look back and realize they had uncomfortable feelings before something bad happened.
  • Keep your wits about you- stay sober.
  • If all else fails drink water, or mix coke and sprite to look like a drink.
  • Go to parties with a sober friend or a designated observer who is not drinking, who can watch and protect you.
  • Always carry your own car keys to get away and use as weapons.
  • Bring emergency cash for a cab ride home and don’t spend it. You may need it for other situations, like being dumped on the roadside or something. If in a foreign country, always possess the name, front desk phone number and your hotel address, (but never your room number) written in a language the cabbie will know. Leave information about where you’ll be, with whom, and when you should return to your room- and how someone might find you.
  • Be cautious of large punch bowls or drinks served by others as drugs are easily slipped into them.
  • Open your drinks yourself, and don’t share drinks.
  • If they have any sexually oriented items that make you feel uncomfortable, don’t say anything. Just get out of there!
  • Don’t go out with strangers.
  • Call your parents if you are stranded somewhere- or a friend who will help. What’s the worst thing you parents can do compared to being raped, killed, or any other unfortunate things? Never feel that you can’t call a parent or a close friend.
  • Place several people that love you and would answer and respond to your calls on speed dial. Then, if you are ever in a compromising situation, just hit one number and call without anyone knowing.
  • If the worst should happen, get to the nearest emergency room immediately. Do not bathe, change your clothes or wait until morning. This could compromise or destroy evidence that you were raped and make it much more difficult for the authorities to build a case against your assailant. Physical evidence is your greatest weapon against the person who hurt you.
  • Do not wait to tell someone what happened to you. Do so immediately. It can be extremely painful to recount the incident so soon after it happened, but the longer you wait, the greater the danger of it becoming a “he said/she said” situation, especially if your assailant is famous or well-respected in the community.


  • If he/she starts touching tell them forcefully to stop and walk away, preferrably to a place where people are.
  • Always stay alert and aware of your situation.
  • In some cultures, Western women are perceived as “easy.” This creates many problems for traveling women, like an unexpected danger because you may not have done anything that you perceive as provocative. To be safe, NEVER ASSUME THAT THERE IS A NON-SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN- no matter what age- AND ACT ACCORDINGLY. In many cultures, men and women are never casual, asexual friends and if you assume there is a sexual undercurrent (even if it is the last thing you’d imagine) prepare to protect yourself.
  • If in a group, look out for each other and don’t let group members wander off alone or with someone unknown to the group.
  • If the offender/rapist is trying to touch or assault you, put your hand in front of you and recite “STOP IT” or kick them in their groin. Never throw a punch unless necessary, it may give easy access to assault you even more.

To read more of this article and review 17 tips on how to prevent date rape go to http://www.wikihow.com/Prevent-Date-Rape 
From National Studies Of College Women 
* 84% of women who were raped knew their assailants. 
* 57% of rapes occurred on a date. 
* 25% of men surveyed believed that rape was acceptable if: the women asks the man out; if the man pays for the date, or the woman goes back to the man’s room after the date. 
* 33% of males surveyed said they would commit rape if they definitely could escape detection. 
* 84% of male students who had committed acts that clearly met the legal definition of rape said what they had done was definitely not rape. 
* 75% of male and 55% of female students in an occurrence of date rape had been drinking or using drugs. 
* Only a quarter to a third of women whose sexual assaults met the legal definition of rape considered themselves rape victims.

The Scent That the Rose Leaves

“Forgiveness is the scent that the rose leaves on the heel that crushes it.” Anonymous

Forgiveness is something that we all desire from God and something that we should all do for ourselves, when hurt by others. Many of us can think of situations where we were mistreated, abused, rejected or victimized by someone else. When those hurtful situations occurred, we felt many different emotions: hurt, anger, sadness, fear, confusion or maybe even hunger for revenge. It is only natural when hurt to feel negative emotions initially but the questions are: how do you forgive, when should you forgive and what do you do if the feelings come back?

I have experienced three major events in my life that caused me to seek God and stay in His presence in order for my heart to get to the place of restoration and true forgiveness. I will speak of two in this post.

The first event occurred ten years ago. A lady at my childhood church made up viscous lies about me and spread them around the church.  She slammed my character and made others look at me in a light that was completely untrue. The leadership at my church never met with me to explore the accusations or to counsel me regarding the situation. Most just whispered about me behind my back. It’s safe to say that I had hate in my heart for her and distrust for those at the church until I gave that situation to God.

I was learning about forgiveness at church and at my campus ministry GPhiG. My parents where by my side throughout the situation and they continued to remind me that I had to forgive because the bible commanded me too but also because I didn’t want to walk around with anger and hate in my heart. I had to forgive her for myself, for my freedom and healing.

Forgiving someone who used to be my friend, that humiliated me and tore me down to others for no known reason to me, was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. But after a year or less from when the incident occurred, I went up to her after church and I repented to her. I told her that “I was sorry for the part I played in the drama and I was sorry for the anger and hate that I had been holding in my heart towards her.” She embraced me and she said she accepted my apology. She did not apologize to me BUT I did not care. I had already given my pain to the Lord and in my obedience, He healed my heart. I felt a million pounds lighter and my relationship with God grew leaps and bounds. Do I ever think about her and that situation? Hardly ever now but back then I did. When I felt myself getting angry or upset, I said a prayer for her and asked God to continue to heal me. Over time with prayer, my heart was healed because I gave the situation to Him. I also trusted what the word of God was telling me to do and I believed it. Thank you Lord for honoring my obedience!

The second situation was the rape. I left my old church and joined Word of Faith in 2002. I was sitting in a service and someone was ministering on forgiveness. At this point I still hadn’t told many people about the rape, I couldn’t say the word rape out loud and I was still struggling to cope day-to-day. The minster kept saying, “you have to forgive, even if he raped you, you  must forgive and get free. It’s for your own good, you must do it.” I cried the entire service. I had no idea how I was going to forgive and I did not think it was fair that I had to. I knew that I needed to but at the time it seemed impossible.

After seeking counseling, sharing with those who loved me what occurred and drawing closer to Christ, I became stronger, happier, more confident and free. Forgiveness was a long process but I am happy to say that God heard my prayers and He is faithful. I prayed for the man who raped me, even when I wanted to curse him. It was just a simple prayer “Lord bless him and save him, amen.” I journaled, talked through my feelings with my counselor and others and I prayed in the natural and in the Holy Ghost. I was determined to give my hurt to God and allow Him to cleanse me of the fear, anger, hate and pain.

Right before I graduated in 2003, I was given the opportunity to speak to my attacker on the phone, we were both college students at the same school. He tried to play dumb about the rape and when I didn’t let him off the hook, he began to make excuses and apologize. I calmly told him, “thank you for your apology but I don’t need it. I’ve already forgiven you. I am no longer afraid of you and I no longer hate you. I have a relationship with Jesus Christ and He has healed me. I encourage you to get to know Him and change from your wicked ways.” After that the call was over and I felt so good! Words can’t describe it. That was my test and I had passed. I didn’t curse the man who had harmed me and robbed me of so much. It no longer mattered what he said or did because he had no more power of me. God was in control and in Him, I had/have  joy, peace,  boldness, confidence in the Word of God and restoration.

These seven myths/truths about forgiveness below were very helpful to me throughout my healing process. I pray they are a blessing to you also.

Real Solutions For Forgiving the Unforgivable by David Stoop

Chapter two: Myths and Truths About Forgiveness

1) When forgiving, I should always try to forgive and forget. False

  • We need to forgive and remember, for when the hurt is deep, we need to learn something in the process about how to protect ourselves and those we love from having the  same thing happen to them.
  • It is so painful to remember, however, that we don’t like to do it. When we experience real forgiveness, there is more to remember than the pain. We are reminded of what God has done and is doing in our lives through his forgiving us and our forgiving others!

2) It’s good to get angry when I’m trying to forgive. True

  • Anger is a necessary part of the forgiving process.
  • The deep hurts and injuries that seem impossible to forgive are neither quick nor easy to get over. We have a lot of emotions to process. We must grieve over what we’ve lost.
  • Denial, anger, sadness then acceptance. In order to process our grief, we must experience both anger and sadness, and in order to forgive, we must grieve. Anger is part of the process of forgiving.

3) Should I give up all hard feelings towards the person I forgive? True

  • Webster says forgiveness means we “cease to feel resentment toward” the person who has hurt us.
  • The mark of forgiveness is that we no longer feel ill will toward the other person.
  • This doesn’t mean that there won’t be times when the feelings won’t come back. It also doesn’t mean that you didn’t forgive that person the first time.
  • We simply need to work through the forgiveness again at this new level of hurt. It does not negate what we have done before; it’s just that there’s more work that needs to be done.

4) I should try to forgive others quickly and completely. False

  • Taking our time to forgive, and our grieving over our loss through anger and sadness, helps us understand how serious the offense was.
  • We don’t want to take it lightly. In face, forgiveness offered too quickly is not really forgiveness it’s excusing. And when we excuse hurtful behavior, we invite it to continue in our lives.

5) Over time, my hurt will go away and my forgiveness of the other person, will take care of itself. False

  • forgiveness doesn’t just happen. It always begins with a choice that leads us into the process of forgiveness.
  • Doing nothing merely represses our pain until a later time or another place. It has not gone away, it’s just gone into hiding.
  • Desensitization and repression are not forgiveness, however, they do provide the resolution and release from the past necessary for deep healing, which only comes through the process of forgiveness.

6) If I forgive, I am in some way saying that what happened to me didn’t matter. False

  • The depth of our sadness and anger is directly related to the seriousness of the injustice that has been done to us. Only by recognizing our sadness, pain and anger are we able to move forward in the forgiving process.
  • Forgiveness has never meant that sin is ok. (Romans 6:1-2) So if God’s forgiveness doesn’t condone sin, why would our forgiveness of a wrong done to us in some way condone the evil, hurtful event? It doesn’t!
  • Our forgiving the other person does not in any way benefit of let him or her off the hook. It allow us to cancel the debt they owe us, which in all possibility, they can never pay anyway.
  • WE are the ones who are freed, from the expectation of restitution for the wrongs done to us.

7)  I should forgive even if the person who hurt me does not repent. True

  • Forgiveness is not optional in the Christian life, the choice to forgive must lie completely within me and not even partially in some other person.
  • God can help me forgive without the cooperation of anyone else.
  • Forgiveness is an act done for the one who was hurt. The offender owes us, but he or she may never be able to repay even if he or she wants to.
  • Placing the power in the hands of the offender might work if he or she would acknowledge the wrong and repent, but if he or she refused, we would have been victimized not once but twice.

**Questions** What did you think about the 7 myths/facts about forgiveness? Were there any that you strongly agreed or disagreed with? Have you ever experienced a time when you had to walk out the principles above regarding a hurtful situation? Did the principles work?

What the bible says about forgiveness

Matthew 6:14-15 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Matthew 18:21-22 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

Ephesians 1:7 In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace.

Acts 13:38-39 Therefore, my brothers, I want you to know that through Jesus the forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you. Through him everyone who believes is justified from everything you could not be justified from by the law of Moses.

Psalm 86:5 For thou, Lord, art good, and ready to forgive; and plenteous in mercy unto all them that call upon thee.

The Woman I Could’ve Been

People handle trauma differently. Some people shut down and isolate themselves from the world. Some people become promiscuous, looking for love in all the way wrong places. Too many suffer in silence and the silence eventually costs them their relationships, peace and sanity. I thank God for the spiritual foundation my parents gave me, because I knew enough to know that I wanted more for my future besides the anger, bitterness, resentment and fear that I was harboring because of the rape. I knew God had more in store for me. I knew I wanted to get married one day and I wanted/needed to be free from the issues of the past. I actively participated in my counseling sessions and I did my homework assignments. I also kept a journal, wrote poetry, attended church, spent time in prayer and sought Godly counsel. I fought to get my life, my peace, my joy and my sense of security back. It’s only by the grace of God that I made it through. I don’t want to know where I would be without the Lord. He’s brought me too far and has been too good for me to be silent and not want to help others. It could’ve been me, BUT GOD. 

Survivors of sexual assault, incest, childhood sexual abuse and domestic violence find themselves faced with so many issues and emotions. The devil wants them to believe that they’re worthless, alone, ugly, dirty, stupid and at fault for the trauma that they’ve experienced. Because some believe the lies and don’t know how to fight to get better, they maybe subject to go through some of the things in this poem. I wrote the poem, The Woman I Could’ve Been, because its only by the grace of God that I made it through.

The Woman I Could’ve Been


It could’ve been me

So crushed by the rape

That my mind couldn’t escape

The turmoil and pain

To the point that it drove me insane

It could’ve been me

So drowned in my own sorrow

With no hope for tomorrow

Wanting to die

Everyday asking why

It could’ve been me

Pregnant with a “rape baby”

Finding myself questioning if maybe

Abortion was the only way to go

Questioning if my body language or clothes

Told him yes

Even though my mouth told him no

It could have been me

Being aggressively integrated on the stand

Being grilled and humiliated by some rude lawyer man

Who could care less if he was re-victimizing me

As long as he successfully got his guilty client free

It could’ve been me

Hopelessly struggling with low self-esteem and promiscuity

Giving myself to anyone and everyone who would have me

It could’ve been me

But God didn’t let that be

He saw my sorrow

He saw my pain

But He knew that I had so much more to gain

Than to lose

He put the choices in front of me

All I had to do was choose

To surrender my all

And let the anger, hurt and shameful walls fall

Or carry on in all my mess

Thankfully you know how the story ends

You don’t have to guess

It wasn’t an easy road

But I fought to be free

Thanks be to my almighty God

Because it could have been me


Did the contents of this poem remind you of yourself or someone who you know?  If so, what can I do to help? Post a comment or email me at butgodbook@yahoo.com

Genesis 50:20

You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.

Psalm 73:26

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

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