Boyz To Men: 5 Signs that He’s A Man and No Longer A Boy

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Let God make a man out of him, before you try to make a husband out of him ~ Author Unknown.

No woman wants to date a boy, let alone marry one. As women, we need to make sure we pay attention to the signs that the men in our lives show us. If he shows you that he’s immature and selfish please don’t ignore the signs.

Back in the day when I was in college, I dated a few boys trying to stunt like they were men. They showed me from the beginning that they weren’t focused on anyone but themselves. I was desperately wanting not to be single, therefore I continued wasting my time, trying to make something out of nothing. Funny how I had the nerve to get mad when things went south, when really the relationships lived in the south pole. I thank God for deliverance and opening my eyes and renewing my mind. Once I allowed God to make a woman of godliness, holiness, focus, determination and purpose, my self esteem went up and my priorities changed.

Once a man has a true relationship with God, he won’t want to waste your time or break your heart. When men submit their flesh to God, the last thing they want to do is hit it and quit it. If they want it they will put a ring on it. Remember ladies, love is committment.

Signs that a man has allowed God to make a man out of him:

1. He’s sold out for Jesus and unashamed of the gospel of Christ.

2. His focus is to live holy and please God.

3. He understands that dating is to get to know someone for marriage. Yes he wants to have fun but his goal is to find the right woman for him, not to have sex or just to have a pretty girl on his arm.

4. He’s faithful to God and to you. By faithful to God I mean, he has a relationship with God, church home, a prayer life and living according to the word of God. No he is not perfect but he strives to be more like Christ. If he’s working hard to be faithful to God, he will try his best to be faithful to you, God’s daughter.

5. He’s giving of his time and money to God, you and others. He isn’t selfish, he’s looking for ways to be a blessing to those around him.

Ladies, allow God to make a man out of the man you have your eyes on. Once he’s molded into the man that God has created him to be, he will be ready to be all that you need him to be. If he’s not committed to God, he can’t be committed to you. Being single, happy and in the will of God is a blessing, dating out of God’s will and being unhappy is not a blessing.

Here’s an example of what I’m talking about:

When my husband Eddie and I met, we both were young (early 20’s) and had just gotten out of relationships with other people. We were fairly new to our church and were getting involved, making friends and learning about developing a personal relationship with Jesus. Eddie knew that God was still making a man out of him and he was not ready for a serious relationship leading towards marriage, therefore he did not step to me in a romantic way. We developed a friendship and just got to know each other in a group setting since we were blessed to hang in the same circle. As time went on and we continued to develop and mature spiritually, emotionally and financially, we both felt peace to begin dating and planning our future together.

I am not the type of Christian that believes that everyone’s testimony should be like mine. I am not saying that everyone has to do things how we did them. Each person needs to seek God, his word and other godly counsel around them (friends, parents, pastor etc) in order to know when their ready to date and for counsel and accountability regarding who they should date. No one wants to waste their time or get their heart broken. A way to avoid these things is to date with a purpose. After a few dates, you should know if the person is worth continuing to see because you have the same morals, values, beliefs and interest, or if you if it’s time to part ways because there isn’t anything therefore. At the right time, you will meet the guy for you, in the mean time, be single and fabulous and enjoy this wonderful journey called life! Travel, pursue God and your purpose, shop, work, play, make friends, and enjoy every moment!!

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Stop Having Yo New Man Pay For The Sins of Yo Past Man

The new man can’t afford to pay the debt of the one who came up short, nor should he. If he does, then he’ll come up short. Release the ex of that debt, forgive him and wish him well for real. Start fresh with this new man, as if your heart had never been broken. That’s what grown women do. Bitterness doesn’t look good on nobody~ Kim Blakes, my FB friend.

My response to her status: Amen! We need to give our hurt, pain and issues from past broken relationships to God and allow HIM to heal us. We can’t truly be what a new love needs us to be if we aren’t complete and whole in Christ. Trust me, I’ve been there. Thank God for His mercy, grace, restoration and love.

There are 2 points that I’d like to zero in on regarding this topic.

1. Forgiveness is key when trying to get over a past relationship that went bad. It’s impossible to harbor anger and bitterness when you have truly forgiven someone and given your hurt over to God. I used to hate my 2 ex’s with a passion. When I rededicated my life to Christ, I knew I had to lay my pain, anger and unforgiveness on the altar if my sins were to be forgiven, if I desired to be whole, at peace and if I wanted to be a happy woman and wife one day. Forgiveness seems unfair because you were the one who was wronged but forgiveness is for you so that you can be free and delivered from the bondage of the past. When I learned to forgive those three gentlemen my attitude and life changed for the better. Shortly after that I met my husband and we began a beautiful friendship that eventually lead to love.

2. It’s very important to not jump into a new relationship before you allow yourself to get healing and closure from your past relationship. When a relationship ends negatively, it leaves a bad taste in your mouth and a pain in your heart. Sometimes you may find yourself depressed, confused and defeated. You need to go into a quiet room and tell the Lord what happened, how you feel and what you need from Him. The bible tells us to cast our burdens unto Jesus for He cares for us. God already knows what’s going on but He wants you to come to Him willingly with an open heart so that He can heal, love and comfort you. There is no love like the love of our Heavenly Father and there’s no hurt that He can’t heal. The bible says that He heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds.

When you take the mess from your past relationship into your new one, your asking for your new relationship to fail. It’s not fair to the new man whose intentions towards you maybe pure but you treat him as if you know he’s going to dog you out and leave you hanging like the last joker. Seek godly counsel and get yourself together before jumping into a premature relationship that could end just as badly as the last.

Bonus tip: When we allow ourselves to jump from one bad relationship to the next, we make it harder for Mr. Right when he comes along. 1. Because we’re so distrusting that we can’t see him for who he really is 2. We’re too busy being angry about the last joker that we LET dog us out that we can’t see the good man standing right in front of our face. 3. We’ve ALLOWED ourselves to deal with so many bad guys that we lose hope that good guys even exist. There are good men out there but you have to ask yourself, are you ready to properly love one? Do yourself a favor, get restored from the past, embrace your time of singleness and learn to love yourself. If you don’t love you, you can’t possibly love someone else.

Forgiveness is the Sweetest Revenge

Forgiveness is the sweetest revenge- Isaac Friedmann

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you- Lewis B. Smedes

Forgiveness does not change the past but it does enlarge the future~ Paul Boese

Forgive or relive~ unknown

Forgiveness is the economy of the heart… forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits.” Hannah Moore

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong~ Ghandi

We achieve inner health only through forgiveness-the forgiveness of not only others but of ourselves~ Joshua Liebman

Ladies take back your life! Don’t give those that have hurt you the pleasure of keeping you insecure, depressed, angry and afraid. Forgiveness is for you. When you forgive you get free, you get to take your life back, to smile again, to live a happy life  and to have joy and peace of mind. You deserve to be free, to be happy and to enjoy fulfilling relationships with others. You can’t be in a healthy place if you’re not walking in forgiveness. You’ll always have the chains around your hands and feet, the weight of the painful past will always hold you down. Its time to BREAK FREE!!!!!

Forgive those who have hurt you, give the pain over to the Lord. Ask Him to heal your broken heart, to help you see yourself how He sees you. The bible tells us to cast our burdens unto Jesus because He cares for us! The bible also tells us that God heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds. He is waiting and willing to restore you to your rightful place in Him. Please make the decision today to seek guidance from a friend, family member, church member, pastor, counselor, social worker or your doctor. Talk to someone and start your healing process. Forgiveness may seem impossible today BUT trust me, as each day goes by, the decision gets easier and easier. It’s harder to live in pain and loneliness of unforgiveness, than it is to forgive and be free. You may never forget and that’s okay, but at least you will have your joy and peace back. True forgiveness says “I will not allow the things you’ve done to me to hold me captive any longer. I forgive you, I wish you well and I’m moving on.” You don’t have to be best friends with that person, talk to them on the phone and hang out. Forgiveness means you will not speak or think ill of them, you will not seek revenge on them, but instead you will pray for them and ask God to heal you both of the past. God is faithful. He will walk with you every step of the way, just trust Him and obey!!

Christian Brothas, Where Are You? Hola If U Hear Me

The majority of churches, Christian events and single bible studies all over the world are packed with women. I firmly believe that there are fine saved men in the world, who love God, are living holy and handling their business, the question is WHERE ARE THEY?http://churchformen.com/allmen.php Lists the following facts about men and church: 

• The typical U.S. Congregation draws an adult crowd that’s 61% female, 39% male. This gender gap shows up in all age categories.

• On any given Sunday there are 13 million more adult women than men in America’s churches.
• Midweek activities often draw 70 to 80 percent female participants.

• The majority of church employees are women (except for ordained clergy, who are overwhelmingly male).

• More than 90 percent of American men believe in God, and five out of six call themselves Christians. But only two out of six attend church on a given Sunday. The average man accepts the reality of Jesus Christ, but fails to see any value in going to church.

My husband and met at our church 7 years ago. Our church is very large and therefore it has a large single population. If our group was 30 deep on a particular night, only 10 of the 30 would be males. As a single woman, it was frustrating to always go to Christian parties, concerts, bible studies and always have the girls out number the guys AND have it continue to be the same handful of guys that consistently hung out. My husband was bold enough to develop a friendship with me and pray about pursuing me in God’s timing. When he felt the time was right, he asked me out stating “I want to pursue marriage with you.” We had a courtship, engagement and then marriage. The thing is, many Christian guys drag their feet when it comes to dating and marriage. They don’t ask girls out and many of them appear to be comfortable being single, but that’s another blog for another day.

Now that we’ve been married for over 2 years, the same problem still remains for my single girlfriends who are living for God, successful in their careers and haven’t been chosen yet. Even though more women go to church then men, I know there are Christian men in my city who do not come to Christian events or even seek out friendships from other males or females at their church. Why is this? Where are the men at? Why don’t they get involved at their church or reach out to others for Christian fellowship? My group of male and female friends do all kinds of fun stuff together, bowling, house parties, concerts, movies, dinner, ballroom/hustle parties etc. We have good clean fun and if other men are living for God, they should be desiring and seeking out the same thing. It’s important for believers to fellowship with other believers and do life together. I’m not saying that Christians should cut themselves off from the world and look down on those that don’t believe but as a Christian, my friends are Christians.

2 Corinthians 6:14-18 (The Message)

Don’t become partners with those who reject God. How can you make a partnership out of right and wrong? That’s not partnership; that’s war. Is light best friends with dark? Does Christ go strolling with the Devil? Do trust and mistrust hold hands? Who would think of setting up pagan idols in God’s holy Temple? But that is exactly what we are, each of us a temple in whom God lives. God himself put it this way: “I’ll live in them, move into them; I’ll be their God and they’ll be my people. So leave the corruption and compromise; leave it for good,” says God. “Don’t link up with those who will pollute you. I want you all for myself. I’ll be a Father to you; you’ll be sons and daughters to me.” The Word of the Master, God.

To my brothers in the Lord

If you are active at your church please continue to do so and invite other men to attend and get involved too. If you see a new guy at your church, take time to get to know him and make sure he feels welcome so that he will come back. If you are a man who goes to church but leaves right after service, doesn’t get involved, volunteer or fellowship with other believers, ask yourself why and pray about changing. Living this Christian life alone is hard but when you have others around you who love God, are living for Him and growing in Him, your relationship with God will become stronger. Coming to church and getting involved will bless your life and who knows, you may find a wife!!

To my sisters in the Lord

Sisters continue to be patient. God has not forgotten you. Don’t believe the lie that there are no good men out there. Majority of my married friends found their husband at their church. Worldly men can be very aggressive and Christian men, in their attempt to be gentlemen, can sometimes move a little slow. A man who moves slower than usual but is honest and seeking God every step of the way is much better than a man who is only out for one thing. When a new guy comes to church or a Christian event, PLEASE don’t bombard him like a piece of meat. We don’t want to intimate the new male faces and cause them to not come back. Let’s continue to learn how to treat each other like brothers and sisters in Christ. If a friendship develops into a relationship then fine, but don’t force things to happen because you’re tired of waiting. God knows your desires, He knows just want you need and when you need it. Keep trusting in Him.

Single Moms, Dating & Protecting Their Children From Child Abuse

After watching Teen Mom on MTV yesterday, I wanted to publish a post regarding the importance of mother’s selecting appropriate men to be around their children. On Teen Mom, a single mother named Amber kicked her baby’s father out of the house, only to allow an ex con with no job, car or money, whom she met a Wal-Mart a few weeks before, to move into her home with her 2-year-old daughter. She allows the man to baby-sit her child, change her diaper and dress her. The child appears uneasy and uninterested in the boyfriend, though Amber tries to get the child to hug and play with him. After the episode I began to ask myself why some young mother’s continue to make such horrible decisions when it comes to dating and who is around their children.

As a social worker, I see countless cases every year where a young mother left her children alone with a boyfriend and the boyfriend repeatedly physically or sexually abused her children. The children eventually report the abuse to a friend, family member or teacher, CPS is called and the children are removed from their home. As mothers, we must make our children our top priority and protect them no matter what.

I googled this topic and found an awesome article explaining why mother’s often times find themselves making bad choices when it comes to men as well as an awesome campaign and resources to prevent child abuse. Please review the excerpts I posted below and click the links to read the articles in full.

Dr. Melva Green, a clinical psychiatrist, said the issue of child abuse by a mother’s companion is striking because it points to other issues. Green reports that it’s not an issue of good mother or bad mother but an issue of mother’s being out of touch. She also adds that it’s not a race issue but more about socio-economics. In some cases moms leaving the home to provide for a child’s physical needs, can’t afford childcare, and because their busy working to make ends meet they are unable to see the potential dangers. Green explained that there is also an emotional burden on the men which doesn’t justify the abuse but might help explain the increase in violence towards children. Some men left to care for the children become upset, “resentment plays itself out, and the child is the victim.”

New York’s Administration for Children Services noticed the trend and decided to take action of their own. Late this summer they kicked off a campaign entitled, “Be Careful Who Cares For Your Child.” The campaign includes radio ads from celebrities such as Darryl McDaniels from RUN DMC. Posters are being posted on New York City subways and throughout communities all across the city.

For mothers she advices, “Read that child. If a child is not able communicate but you see that when you’re about to leave them alone, they are more clingy than usual, more restless, any thing in excess, then they might not be comfortable being left alone with that person.” Green also cautions against a rush to judgment. She says that because mothers are told to trust their instincts and some don’t, it’s easy to blame mothers for their perceived ineptness. Instead she says it’s important to remember that those mothers may have been victimized at some point in their lives thus affecting a cycle. She believes advocating self-care of mothers in which they evaluate their emotional well-being and stress levels will help them take care of themselves, and in turn their children.

http://www.thegrio.com/news/moms-told-beware-who-is-watching-your-kids.php

When choosing a caregiver, parents should select someone who:

  • Has experience caring for babies and young children
  • Is patient and mature enough to care for a fussy, overexcited or crying baby
  • Understands that young children must always be watched
  • Will never shake, hit, yell at, make fun of, or withhold food from a child as punishment
  • Does not abuse alcohol or drugs, or carry a weapon, and will not surround a child with others who may be drinking, using or selling drugs, or carrying weapons.

There are warning signs of a potentially dangerous caregiver include someone who is:

  • Angry or severely impatient when children have tantrums, cry or misbehave
  • Violent and/or controlling with their partners
  • Physically or verbally abusive with children
  • An abuser of alcohol and drugs, including marijuana
  • Using prescription medications that have bad side effects or make them drowsy, or  
  • Not trust worthy for any reason

Resources

  • The Parent Helpline at 800-342-7472 or visit www.preventchildabuseny.org
  • Safe Horizon Domestic Violence Hotline 800-621-HOPE (800-621-4673), TDD (Hearing Impaired) 866-604-5350
  • To Report child abuse and neglect call 800-342-3720 or 311

http://www.nyc.gov/html/acs/html/child_safety/care_giver_campaign.shtml

The Middle Ground Between The Chastity Belt and Girls Gone Wild

 

In today’s sexualized society, there has to be a middle ground between feeling like you need to wear a chastity belt to remain pure and falling head first into the sexual revolution. I believe the media has fed women so many lies about sexuality and now many of us are paying the hurtful price behind believing those lies. Checkout the definitions of chastity belt and sexual revolution.

Wikipedia defines a chastity belt as  a locking item of clothing designed to prevent sexual intercourse. They may be used to protect the wearer from rape or temptation. Some devices have been designed with additional features to prevent masturbation. Chastity belts have been created for males and females. According to modern myth the chastity belt was used as an anti-temptation device during the Crusades. When the knight left for the Holy Lands on the Crusades, his Lady would wear a chastity belt to preserve her faithfulness to him.

The sexual revolution (sexual liberation”) encompasses the changes in social thought and codes of behaviour related to sexuality throughout the Western world that took place from the 1960s into the 1970s.Sexual liberalisation was the beginning of an acceptance of sex outside of traditional heterosexual, monogamous relationships (primarily marriage).[3] Contraception and the pill, public nudity, the normalisation of homosexuality and alternative forms of sexuality, and the legalization of abortion all followed.

As a married woman, I strongly believe in women being free in marriage to please their husbands and be pleased as well as often as they want to. Sex is good, sex is important, sex is fun and pleasing in God’s sight. The problem is so many women have brought the world’s lies about what sex and what being sexually free really means. In many women’s fight to kill the double standard between men and women, some have chosen to become just as irresponsible, slutty, cold-hearted and promiscuous as the men who’ve hurt them in the past. Everyone should be responsible and safe when it comes to sex. No one should misuse, abuse, lie, cheat and jump in and out of bed with multiple partners.

As a Christian, I believe that sex outside of marriage is a sin. I know first hand how hurtful, lonely, confusing, disappointing, dangerous and depressing casual sex can be. I thank God for His healing and restoring power. When I turned my life over to Christ, I found the hope, joy, peace, comfort, strength, wisdom, self-confidence and love that I was missing and looking for in all the wrong places. Now I have been extremely blessed with a husband who loves God, loves me and faithful and dedicated to only me. My husband was a virgin when we got married and from the day we met until this very second, he continues to show me what true, holy godly love really is. Ladies there is nothing like it in the whole wide world.

Women don’t fight for your right:

1. To have your body used and then forgotten about by men who don’t really love you or themselves.

2. Get pregnant and left all alone to struggle to raise a child or children.

3. Get STD’s and/or AIDs. African American women have the highest AIDs rate than any other population.

4. Be emotionally and mentally drained, hurt, angry and bitter because of the sexual choices you’ve made with the wrong men.

You don’t have to wear a chastity belt and be afraid of men or the thought of sexual pleasure BUT you don’t have to be apart of the girls gone wild movement either. Have respect for yourself, have standards for the men that you date and understand that you are more than a sex object/baby maker. Read 1 Cor 13 and find out what real love is. When you know who you are and what your worth, you won’t waste another day letting someone treat you like trash.

Here’s an interesting article about the lie behind the sexual liberation movement.

http://www.goodmorals.org/kersten.htm

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Don’t Be Or Date A Knock Off Christian

Yesterday Pastor Butler from Word of Faith Southfield MI http://woficc.com preached a real, on time convicting message about being an authentic Christian and not a knock off. I thought the message was great and I wanted to share some of my notes. Before I share the notes, please read the definitions of knock off and authentic, that will help you understand the message even more.

Knock off is defined as a counterfeit, an imitation, usually one that is made with the intent of fraudulently passing it off as genuine.

Authentic is defined as not counterfeit or copied; “an authentic signature”; “a bona fide manuscript”; “an unquestionable antique.”

*Don’t be a secret agent Christian

*Live boldly for Christ

*Don’t be a knock off Christian, be authentic (genuine)

*Your faking days are over, either you’re in or your out.

*The world need us (true, dedicated Christians) Don’t lose your flavour.

*Don’t be a good for nothing Christian (not beneficial to God or those around you) Don’t be a Christian in words only or only on Sunday.

*When you have only the appearance of a Christian you are worthless to the body of Christ because you’re not doing your part.

*Don’t be a practical atheist; they believe in God but they live their life as though He does not exist.

1) you know it’s wrong yet you still do it

2) you know it’s right but you refuse to do it

3) you know He needs you yet you refuse to serve.

Remember we may be able to fool others but we can never fool God. It’s time to stop playing church.

*Be holy in how you handle ALL aspects of your life. Your music (what’s on your IPod play list? Does it bring God glory? What about your DVD collection? The concerts your attend? Your FB and Twitter updates? Your friends, where you hang out, what you talk about, day-dream about, watch on TV? Let each of us examine ourselves. To be an authentic Christian means to be set apart, holy and truly sold out to Christ.

5 Keys To Being Authentic

1) Deposit God’s word in your heart every day.

2) Protect your heart (guard it)

3) Do life together, have meaningful Christian relationships.

4) Regularly attend church (and get involved)

5) Develop a daily prayer life

Scripture references: Romans 1:16, Matt 5:13, Isaiah  29:13, Matt 6:5,  1Peter1:14, John 8:31-32, Matt 28:19-20, John 13:34-35, John 15:8

Don’t Date Knock Off Christians (my personal thoughts)

Now singles, as you work hard to live holy, obedient and authentic before God and man, it only makes sense that you date people who are also doing the same.  You don’t want to date someone who is only pretending to be a Christian. By pretending, I mean they go to church sometimes, know the basic scriptures but they don’t know God intimately and their lifestyle is not godly at all. If their just going through the religious motions, then let them keep going without you.

It is such a blessing to have a true man of God for a husband. Eddie is not perfect but he desires to be more like Christ and he strives to please Him in all things. Because he wants to be like Christ and glorify Him in our marriage, he does not treat me bad, lying to me, come homing at all hours of the night etc. He wants to please God and walk out His word in our marriage. I want to please God and walk out His word in our marriage too. Marriage is challenging when both people know Christ so I can’t imagine marriage when Christ is not at the center.

You want a spouse that will lift you up spiritually, not drag you down. You don’t want a girlfriend/boyfriend that goes to church with you because you dragged them and then the rest of the week their trying to have sex with you. What’s the point? What does light and dark have in common? NOTHING! Choose ye this day who you will serve! God is faithful. Remember when you delight yourself in the Lord, He WILL give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4) Keep being obedient to God’s word and watch Him bless you with a mate that will be more than you could have asked or dreamed of! He did it for me, He can and will do it for you!!

If you enjoyed this blog post, I encourage you to subscribe to receive emails regarding future post. The subscribe button is located at the top left corner of the blog. Once you enter your email and hit “sign me up,” you will have to open your email and confirm the subscription. Thank you in advance for your support. Also please email the blog link to other ladies https://joannawillis.wordpress.com