Are You Up For The Fight??

Today I ask a simple question, are you willing to FIGHT for your marriage? When the communication is challenging, when the bills are stacked high, when the sex isn’t frequent, when you can’t seem to agree on the big or little things anymore, are you willing to FIGHT!!?! Marriage is a lot of fun but lots of work. Everyday isn’t perfect but we are to work hard to keep our marriages happy, healthy, HOT and holy!

I believe that marriage is forever. Whether things are good, bad, pretty or ugly, it is forever. Maybe one might say, “Of course this is easy to say when you haven’t been through a major storm,” but I see it differently. I believe that if you start out knowing that you’re in your marriage for life, when the storms come you won’t be as easily shaken and ready to jump ship. When we say “I Do” before God we are making a covenant and committment to trust God and remain faithful to Him, our vows and each other.  Today I ask you, will you continue to trust God and remain faithful to your spouse, your partner for life and continue to work, pray and fight to be happy? Please note that I am not talking about people staying in abusive, unhealthy or unsafe relationships. I’m saying that everyday won’t be happy, perfect and easy, but when you invest in your marriage (reading books on marriage, going to church, counseling, spending time together talking, praying and being intimate) you can get through anything together.

  1 Corinthians 13:3-7 Message Bible

   Love never gives up.
   Love cares more for others than for self.
   Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
   Love doesn’t strut,
   Doesn’t have a swelled head,
   Doesn’t force itself on others,
   Isn’t always “me first,”
   Doesn’t fly off the handle,
   Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
   Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
   Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
   Puts up with anything,
   Trusts God always,
   Always looks for the best,
   Never looks back,
   But keeps going to the end.

8 Tips to stay happily married

1. Walk in forgiveness

2. Learn to praise your spouse for what their doing good

3. Set aside time weekly to spend time together doing something romantic or fun

4. Don’t rehearse in your mind all the things your spouse is doing wrong, instead think on the things that they are doing good. Rehearse in your mind what you love about them. Philippians 4:8-9

5. Pray for your spouse daily. Thank God for them and ask God to help you meet their needs. 

6. Make time for sex and learn how to please one another.

7. Learn to communicate respectfully. Keep the communication going. Example: text, email or send love notes to let each other know you love and are thinking about one another.

8. Seek godly counsel during the rough patches and keep your family and friends out of your marriage. Godly counsel can be your spiritual mentor, other Christian couples, a Christian counselor etc You want to talk to people who will speak life over your marriage and not death.

Prayer for the marriages

Thank you Lord for every married person reading this post. Thank you Lord for giving them the grace to be strong and happy in their marriage. Thank you for sending them the needed resources and laborers to help them when times get hard. Lord I ask you to help them show their spouse mercy and help them to forgive daily. Help them to make their marriage a priority and help them to focus on meeting their spouses needs. During the hard times Lord, walk with them and guide them through the storm. Help them to be long-suffering and patient with their spouse as you are with them. Help them to laugh and enjoy their spouse like they did when they were dating. Thank you for the victory and fulfillment in their marriage bed, finances and communication. Thank you for all these things in Jesus name amen!

3 Reasons To Make Him Wait For Sex

I truly  believe in the statement “true love waits.” When two people love each other, they don’t pressure one another into doing things that will harm them or jeopardize their relationship. Today’s society teaches us to do what feels good and be as liberal as we want to be BUT where has that gotten us? Teenage pregnancy, AIDs and STDs, adultery leading to divorce and single parent homes, all in the name of “just do what feels good.” That motto is a lie from the pit of hell and DON’T you believe it! God encourages us to be pure in our bodies so that we can be protected from drama, hurt, shame, loneliness, death and eternity in hell. The spiritual answer to why wait to have sex until marriage is to obey God and His word and to remain holy and pure in our bodies until saying I Do. 1 Cor 6:18-20. Here are three practical  answers to add to that.

Please know that this is a general list. I am not speaking about all men or all women. Also, I am not trying to speak negatively of men, I’m merely trying to be honest with women about why giving up the goods can lead to more problems than it’s worth.

3 Reasons To Make Him Wait For Sex

1. Sex changes things. The moment you give in and become intimate with a man things change. The chase is sometimes over and therefore he may no longer work as hard to win your affection or get to know you. Men like a challenge, they like to pursue women, court them, in hopes of winning their heart and/or to get them in bed. You will find out a lot about a man if you make him wait for sex. If he hits the door running the moment you tell him that you’re not going to sleep with him, then you know what he was all about. A man can tell you how much he loves you and be extra patient in his pursuit to get you into bed but the moment that happens, there’s a possibility that he will leave as fast as he came (pun intended)

2. Sex can lead to pregnancy and single parent homes. Too often, women give into the pressures of sex and end up pregnant and alone. The same man who was whispering in your ear that you were beautiful and the only one for him, is the same man who went off on you and left when you said you were pregnant. Please know that when you make the choice to be sexually active, there’s a possibility that you can become pregnant. Ask yourself, is the person that I’m sleeping with or considering sleeping with would be good husband and father material. If the answer is no, then get out the bed, put your dress back on and RUN. Ladies lets stop being naive. Let’s stop opening ourselves up to sin, drama and single parenthood.

3. Your body is sacred and everyone doesn’t deserve a ride. As women, once we know our value and worth, we change who we associate with, where we go, what we say and how we dress. Once you discover that your more than a sex object, more than big boobs and booty, more than the expensive clothes and the weave that you rock, you begin to carry yourself differently and in turn attract a different type of man. A mature, modest, godly woman understands that her body is a precious temple and will attract a man who is searching for a woman to love and marry, not a woman to screw and leave. It’s important to look good and keep your appearance up but ladies please know that looks aren’t everything and neither is having a man on your arm. You don’t just want a man, you want the right man who God has for you in His perfect timing.

Ladies, I encourage you to surround yourself with other strong, positive and productive women. Read your bible and attend a women’s ministry at a local church. If you’re in a relationship and having sex, consider abstinence and explain why to your partner. If his response is negative and he threatens to leave, then you have your answer regarding what your relationship was based on. You want love, not lust. Love last forever but lust last only a moment. Also lust can never be fulfilled, which is why many people cheat.

Sad Soulful Love Songs, Why They Do More Harm Then Good

Back in college, when I was upset over one of my silly, unproductive and drama filled relationships, I would pop in one of my “I hate men,” CDs and wallow in a pity party. Somehow I thought that  sitting in the dark, listening to Tony Braxton’s The Heat CD (He Wasn’t Man Enough, Just Be A Man About It, I’m Still Breathing or You’ve Been Wrong) was going to somehow heal my hurt, help me to express my pain and give me the strength to go on another day. NOT!!!

There was a time when I did not own more than 3 gospel CD’s though I’ve always called myself a Christian. The majority of my CD collection was secular rap and R & B. I listened to Trina, Lil Kim, Kelis (I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW) and Pink’s first album, along with CD’s that taught me to be angry, bitter, revengeful and distrusting of men. No wonder I was a complete hot mess back then.

When I rededicate my life to Christ in Feb of 2002, I started to change what I read, watched and listened to because I began to understand how negative media was hurting me instead of helping me. As I began to read my bible, attend church more and hang out with other Christians, I discovered how peaceful, productive and fun life really could be without all the drama and negativity. As I stopped dating raggedy guys who only wanted to use me, chew me up and spit me out, my life got better. There was no need to listen to angry songs because I was no longer angry.

I realized that it was my fault for deciding to get in relationships with guys who were not saved and who let me know up front that they were up to no good. Why was I surprised that when I messed with dogs I got bit every time? Instead of continuing in the cycle of unhealthy relationships and mild depression when they didn’t work out, I decided to read books like “I Kiss Dating Goodbye,” by Joshua Harris, God’s Plan For the Single Saint by Pastor Andre Butler, Glass Rose by Pastor MiChelle Butler and Knight In Shining Armor by P.B Wilson. (There are a host of books out their for Christian singles, fiction and non fiction) I dedicated my time to building my relationship with Christ and getting to know myself. Ladies you don’t always have to be connected to a man. You can stand on your own as a single, successful, happy and confident woman. Relationships do not define who you are. It’s better to be single and happy than in a relationship and sad.

So the next time you find yourself pissed about your current relationship or the lack their of, instead of listening to “Just Another Sad Love Song” by Toni Braxton, take some time to pray, evaluate if the relationship is worth the drama and seek out godly advice from a woman who you trust. Life is precious. Don’t waste time on people or things that make you unhappy. Make the decision to live a peaceful, happy, drama free life. I encourage you to throw out the CD’s, books or movies that support the “angry bitter lonely woman syndrome” and surround yourself with uplifting, hopeful and holy media. I promise you, you will see a difference in your mood, attitude and life! I am a living breathing testimony of this!

Once I walked away from drama and focused on Christ and accomplishing my goals, I met my husband. He was nothing like the men that I had dated previously THANK GOD. He too wanted to be holy, have a drama free relationship and glorify God in his relationships. He is my blessing and I am his! Thank you God for my good man!!

5 Months Pregnant & Daydreaming about Life, Love & Sex AFTER Baby

Being pregnant and able to carry a child is beautiful and honorable. My pregnancy continues to go smoothly and in a few days I will be 20 weeks, half way there! Time is moving fast but we are excited and getting prepared. As the days goes by and my belly grows, I continue picturing life as a mother. I imagine several feeds and diaper changes a day, less sleep and having to stay in the house for a few weeks until the baby and I are safe to go out. Also I imagine life without frequent sex with my hubby, less hanging out on late dates and less quiet moments in the house. In no way am I complaining, I am just being realistic about the things in life that will be different. I did not say no sleep, no sex (after the 6 weeks :-), no dates etc, I just said less. We planned this pregnancy and we were overjoyed when God granted us our request. Now its time to prepare for a baby not only physically and financially but mentally and emotionally.

The day I go into labor and deliver our healthy child (we haven’t found out the sex yet) life will never be the same. As I think about it though, life already will never be the same. I think about the baby always, when I get dressed, how I sleep and what I eat.  Here are a few adjustments that I have already had to make gladly for our little bundle of joy:

1. Frequent trips to the restroom.

2. Having to eat small meals every few hours or I will get a headache

3. The way I sleep at night and how much sleep I need.

4. Getting hormone headaches and not being able to take meds often.

5. Watching what I eat and basically changing my diet. No sushi, soft cheeses, hardly any coffee or pop, hardly any seafood or lunch meat, the list goes on about the food but I won’t bore you.

Last night at Word of Faith Southfield, we had a special service split. The men received a message just for them in the chapel and the women received a service just for them in the sanctuary. Our first lady, Min Deborah Butler, opened the floor for question and answer. One of the discussions was really helpful to me and the new season that I am approaching.

The question was from a woman who was newly married and had two young children. She was inquiring about how she could fit more sex into her marriage with two little ones running around all the time. Min Deborah gave her three helpful tips 1) get the children on a schedule so they get used to going to bed at a certain time every night. Train them to understand parents and children time and just parents time. Put them to bed and then you two go in your room, lock the door and get it on quietly. 2) Sex doesn’t only have to take place at night, have sex in the morning before they wake up or other alternate times of the day. 3) Find another couple with young children that you TRUST and take turns watching each other’s children so both couples can have some alone time together.

I found these suggestions helpful because sex is a big part of marriage and by the time the baby comes we will have been married for 3 years. That means 3 years of enjoying each other whenever we wanted (hey were all adults here! lol) As the baby gets older (2-3 months) and we start to adjust to parenthood, we will need to start going out on dates and caring for one another’s needs, just like we do the baby’s needs. Life is busy right now with work, church, family, friends, house work, cooking, taking care of each other etc; now with God’s grace and mercy, we will add a healthy happy little one to the mix. We serve an awesome and faithful God who will give us wisdom, mercy, grace and patience and we have a great support system full of family and friends. I am curious about what life will be like but I am excited, hopeful and confident that we will learn, grow and do just fine!

If you enjoyed this blog post, I encourage you to subscribe to receive emails regarding future post. The subscribe button is located at the top left corner of the blog. Once you enter your email and hit “sign me up,” you will have to open your email and confirm the subscription. Thank you in advance for your support. Also please email the blog link to other ladies https://joannawillis.wordpress.com

The No Wedding No Womb Campaign

I recently discovered the No Wedding No Womb Campaign and I have much respect for the message that Christelyn D Karazin is promoting to the black community. Ms. Karazin is the founder and organizer of No Wedding No Womb! (NWNW) an online initiative to address and find solutions for the 72 percent out-of-wedlock birthrate in the African American community.

As a social worker supervisor, daily I work with my staff to teach life skills and parenting skills to single mothers. Our clients are getting younger and younger and it saddens me to see a 21 year old woman with four children; the mom doesn’t have an education or a job, she doesn’t receive any child support from the fathers and limited family support. I believe that majority of women today do NOT know their value or their worth. If women knew that they were MORE than baby makers, they would have standards, take pride in their lifestyle and know that they deserve to be happy, healthy successful and loved, not hurt, angry and abandoned to raise babies on their own. The cycle must stop!!

I have a lot of respect for the NWNW campaign because their trying to educate the black community and break the cycle of black children continuing to be born into single parent homes. We must teach people about the importance of healthy relationships, monogamy, marriage and planning to have children. Gone needs to be the days of hooking up with people and shortly afterwards discovering that your pregnant. That behavior is dangerous, irresponsible and unfair to the children that continue to be born into broken homes. I am not saying that all children born into single parent homes are neglected, but studies show that children benefit from two parent homes. Every relationship/marriage doesn’t work out as planned but at least some people try to make those relationships work, even though they fail.

Here is a little information about NWNW:

  • What Is No Wedding No Womb?

No Wedding No Womb is a primary call directed to the black community to take action against the rampant births of children who are born without physical, financial and emotional protection.  It is a call for accountability for both MEN and WOMEN to be mindful of the huge responsibility and privilege they have when bringing a child into the world.

NWNW is a double entendre.  The phrase has two meanings.  The primary meaning of “wedding and wedded”, of course, is the marriage ceremony.  The secondary definition means “devotion.”  I chose “womb,” because that is the life source of children, it is the place that feeds, protects and nurtures the child.

  • Does No Wedding No Womb Seek to Bash Single Mothers?
  • Absolutely not.  NWNW calls for both MEN and WOMEN to put the needs of children first, and advocates that couples abstain from having children until they are emotionally, physically and financially able to care for them.
  • What gives you the right to do this?

I’m a baby mamma’ LISTEN TO MY MISSION: 65535 NO WEDDING NO WOMB-2.’  I do this for my daughter, and my daughter’s daughter, and all the children of our future.

To read more about NWNW and discover the answers to the questions below, please checkout the campaigns website

http://www.noweddingnowomb.com/

  • When you say, NWNW, are you saying that everyone should get married?
  • Is this just another abstinence program?
  • Are you bashing black men?
  • When you say, “No Wedding No Womb!” are you advocating that women get abortions?
  • Aren’t you being  judgmental?

**QUESTION** What do you think about the campaign? What do you agree of disagree with? Do you think the campaign will be affective?

If you enjoyed this blog post, I encourage you to subscribe to receive emails regarding future post. The subscribe button is located at the top left corner of the blog. Once you enter your email and hit “sign me up,” you will have to open your email and confirm the subscription. Thank you in advance for your support. Also please email the blog link to other ladies https://joannawillis.wordpress.com

Stop Faking It: How To Be Honest About Your Needs In & Outside The Bedroom

Often times as women and wives, we try our best to please everyone around us (our husbands, children, friends, family, boss) and we continue to put our own needs on the shelf, this is a big mistake. As wives, it’s important that we communicate our needs to our husbands and teach them to satisfy us and meet our needs in and outside of the bedroom.

 

 

4 Tips On How To Communicate Your Needs To Your Spouse

1.  Pray about what to say and when to say it. Women, we know we can be bold, blunt and to the point sometimes, but when it comes to our husbands, we must take a sweet and respectful approach. When addressing concerns with men, timing and tone of voice is everything. Don’t meet him at the front door after work with all your concerns because you just couldn’t wait to let him have it. It’s important to slow down, take a deep breath and take your concerns to God in prayer. Seek God about what to say and when to say it. Ask the Holy Spirit to give you the words to help your husband hear your heart and not be embarrassed or defensive.

2. Be honest. If the sex isn’t what you’d like it to be, he hasn’t fixed the list of items that are broken around the house or he keeps forgetting to take the trash out, sit him down and talk about your needs.  He may think he’s doing ok in these areas until you tell him, esp the sex area.

Sex is meant to be pleasing for the husband and the wife. When we become one in marriage, our bodies are no longer our own, they are for pleasing each other. If you aren’t being pleased the answer is simple, teach him how to please you. In sweet seductive words and movements, show him what to do. He will appreciate the guidance because a good man aims to please his woman. If you fake it, you’ll never get where you desire to be and intimacy is a huge part of marriage; don’t cheat yourself!!

3. Be patient and calm while you share your needs. Compliment him first and don’t nag or use defensive words. It’s important to build him up before telling him where he’s missing it. Remember no one is perfect and the goal is not to make him feel bad, it’s to have an open, honest and productive discussion about each other’s needs.

 Organize your thoughts before you talk to him. Decide on the top two concerns you would like to explore. If the list of concerns is too long, the discussion may be too overwhelming for both of you.

Bonus tip

Don’t speak ill of your husband or marriage to your friends. It won’t do your marriage any good to always tell your girlfriends where your hubby is dropping the ball and never him. You never want to put your husband down to others, only lift him up. Learn to spend more time talking to God and your spouse about your marriage then you do anyone else. We don’t want our husbands sharing with their friends all the things that we need to do better so let’s show them the same respect.

If you enjoyed this blog post, I encourage you to subscribe to receive emails regarding future post. The subscribe button is located at the top left corner of the blog. Once you enter your email and hit “sign me up,” you will have to open your email and confirm the subscription. Thank you in advance for your support. Also please email the blog link to other ladies https://joannawillis.wordpress.com

Married Christians Should Have The Best Sex

Proverbs 5:18-19 May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.

Yesterday at our married bible study at Word of Faith Southfield, we we’re reminded about how important sex/intimacy and emotional connection are in a marriage relationship. Pastor Andre Butler and Min Tiffany Butler reminded us through the word of God that GOD invented sex and sex is GOOD in God’s sight!! As Christians, we know that we are supposed to be loving, patient, giving, serving, selfless and make our mates our top priority (after God). If we truly love our mates like we love ourselves, then we would try our best to treat them good all the time. If you are married, your spouse and you are one. The bible commands us to love, respect, honor and come together in the marriage bed together often. Read 1 Cor 13, it’s known as the love chapter.

The radio today plays sexually explicit songs and majority of the music videos have turned into 3 minute soft porn flix. The world thinks they invented sex. They write and sing songs about pleasing woman after woman or man after man but we know that meaningless casual sex is hurtful and dangerous, not something to be proud of. I don’t want the world to be more bold than I on the topic of sex. I know that I am experiencing awesome love making with my husband on a regular and God is pleased with that. It’s time out for Christians being so shy, reserved and nonchalant about married sex. It’s a gift from God!

If you are married you should be having sex a few times a week at least. If you and your husband are both busy with work, ministry and the kids, then you literally need to schedule sex/date nights and go at it. Make each other and coming together a priority. Single people should not have more sex than married people. The bible speaks of married couples coming together often so that we are not tempted. I am NOT going to let days go by without me encouraging, communicating, emotionally connecting and pleasing my husband sexually. All of these things are very important and I don’t want another woman to come along and tell him how great he is and how fine he looks NO that is my job and it is his job to encourage, talk to and please me emotionally and sexually.

We must learn what our spouses needs are and then work hard everyday to meet them. When your marriage is happy, your marriage bed is happy! Some of what I shared today was points from yesterday’s married bible study on the 5 sexual needs of a husband and a wife. There was many more points so I would encourage you to go to the website and purchase the DVD, CD or MP3 http://www.woficc.com

1 Cor 7:1-5, 33-34 NIV  1Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry.[a] 2But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. 3The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

33But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— 34and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. 35I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.