A Little Scandal Never Hurt Nobody

Shonda Rhimes is the brilliant writer and creator of several hit TV shows including Scandal and How To Get Away With Murder. I first became familiar with her work back in the day when I used to be big fans of Private Practice and Grey’s Anatomy. Those shows, I will admit, had their share of typical TV love scenes and drama but Shonda’s new shows have taken TV to a new level of raciness.

Shonda is an amazing writer and she has awesome casts so of course her shows are major hits. I love Kerry Washington, the star of Scandal. I think she’s smart, pretty, bubbly and talented. What blows my mind is that behind all the interesting suspenseful storylines and super cool cast members, are plots full of pornographic scenes glorifying infidelity, fornication and homosexuality, and yet it seems like everyone, saints included, are obsessed with these shows.

I was once a Scandal fan. I watched the first season and I was all in. I enjoyed watching Olivia Pope be the stylish fixer. I tried to ignore the infidelity aspect, though that was the heart beat of the show. Finally after continually having to fast forward through gay and straight sex scenes just to get through episodes, my spiritual convictions caused me to stop watching it all together.

How To Get Away With Murder is her latest show and the amount of graphic sex scenes and infidelity  just blows my mind. Again the plot, writing and acting had me pulled in but I had to continually look away because my saved grown married eyes could not handle the pornography that was being shown. It wasn’t long before I dropped that show too. Another one bites the dust!

I understand that most prime time TV shows have mild sex scenes and have gay characters and I need to figure out what’s benefitual for me to watch and what isn’t. What I’ve been doing lately is searching for wholesome entertainment and cutting the TV off more to read books and write. What I will not allow writers like Shonda Rhimes to do is desensitize me into thinking that infidelity is sexy, fornication is harmless fun and homosexuality is an acceptable way of life because my bible and beliefs tell me otherwise. I will no longer support TV shows that don’t support my beliefs and lifestyle.

I’d be devastated if my life was full of scandals and I found out my husband had cheated on me. I don’t want that life so why would I enjoy watching someone else have it? Infidelity isn’t entertaining, sexy or justifiable. Why do married couples enjoy watching this show together? And as followers of the gospel, aren’t we called to be holy and set apart? Watching this stuff isn’t helping us to be holy or set apart, if anything it’s giving us a blue print of how to mess up ourlives and get out of the will of God.

In a nut shell what I’m saying is, as Christians we must guard our eyes, ears and heart. We can’t let sin become entertaining and acceptable just because Hollywood wraps it up in a bright shiny box. We’re each accountable to God for our own actions so I challenge you to seek God regarding your entertainment (TV, movies and music) ask Him to show you what you should and shouldn’t be consuming. If you decide that you need to let go of somethings, be brave enough to be set apart despite what’s trending on FB or Twitter. We must fashion ourselves after the Word NOT the world.

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Four Slippery Steps to Adultery

No one’s marriage is above adultery. We are all flesh and no one is perfect. Each of us has to stay connected to Christ, stay focused on His word, remain holy in our thoughts/actions and accountable to our spouses and other brothers and sisters in the Lord. Many families are affected by adultery and it saddens me to see families broken apart because of sexual sin. Please read this article from Power of Change website. It’s a Christian site and I found the information to be very helpful.

Written by Ron and Nancy C. Anderson

Progressive choices that lead to destruction

At work, in our neighborhoods and during our daily activities we all encounter people of the opposite sex who are attractive.  That’s not the problem.  Our selfish choices after the attraction create the problem. Adultery has a progression and most people (even Christians) take these steps before they slide down the slippery slope.

I know, because I chose this path when I left my husband for a coworker named Jake. I know the lies I told myself, the selfish decisions that broke my husband’s heart and the sins I committed.  I also know the healing and restoration that took place when I confessed, broke off the affair, and found forgiveness from my husband and God. 

Although I have healed, there are scars that remain, even 25 years later, so I pray you will learn from my mistakes as you consider these progressive elements of adultery.

1. An Unguarded Mind

This is the “What if…” stage where your thoughts begin to grow unchecked. You find yourself asking questions like, “I wonder if he thinks I’m attractive? “, or thinking,  ”I hope she sits near me during the meeting”.

Perhaps you try to manipulate your schedule or activities to create more opportunities for contact. Nothing inappropriate has happened yet, but you think about the possibilities. If you allow this to continue, your emotions will grow, the fantasies will take root, and you’ll think about the other person in romantic or sexual situations.

Solution: If an inappropriate thought pops into your head, do NOT allow it to linger. Quickly remove yourself from any tempting situations. Don’t let your desires get out of hand. Refresh in your mind the things you enjoy about your spouse and your home life and determine not to take a sledgehammer to your marriage commitment. Ask for higher help.

2. An Unguarded Heart

This is the stage where your emotions run wild and you begin to lie to yourself. (In my case, I told myself I deserve to be happy.)  You may start to build emotional bonds with the other person by creating excuses to spend time together.  You may try to increase the positive contact and do things to please him or her. Example: If he mentions that he likes red, you may be tempted to wear a red dress or if she talks about a favorite flower, you may want to bring her one.

Solution: Seek help in getting control of your emotions. Consider the negative consequences if this flirtation continues: your spouse’s pain, loss of respect from children, friends, and relatives, and financial losses. You may need to confess your temptation to your spouse or a trusted friend who will hold you accountable because dark secrets have less power when you bring them into the light. Find a friend, counselor or a pastor who can help you seek God’s help. God planned marriage and He can help you restore yours.

Discuss this article on the blog How often do you think about your marriage?

3. An Unguarded Mouth

This step includes verbal flirtations and taking the relationship beyond theory into reality. Perhaps you begin by offering or responding to personal compliments such as, “You are the perfect match for me”, or  “When I’m with you, the rest of my life fades away”.

Knowing that compliments are like magnets, you begin to form an attraction and create a verbal intimacy that includes whispers, code words, pet names, and intimate secrets.  This can also include flirtatious or sensual/sexual email conversations and instant messages

The next verbal step is to talk about the “What if…”.  For example, “If I weren’t married, you’d be my soul mate” , or “I wish I’d met you before I got married”.  Jake and I used to play this fantasy game, “If we could run away together, where would we go?”

Then the negative words about your current mate begin:

“My husband treats me like a maid and never compliments me.”

“My wife just treats me like a paycheck and I’m not attracted to her anymore.”

“My wife/husband and I are just roommates and if it weren’t for the kids, I’d have left years ago.”

Solution: Focus on the good things in your marriage and try to compliment your mate at least once a day.  Be aware that any emails or IMs you send are not really private. If you would be ashamed to have your pastor or mother read it, don’t type it.  Concentrate on building up your marriage with your words instead.

Connect with your spouse through meaningful and encouraging conversation. Turn from the behavior that will destroy your home.

4. An Unguarded Body

This is the step where emotional adultery becomes physical.  Some people think that only intercourse defines adultery, but I strongly disagree.  If you have intimate, sensual contact with someone other than your spouse, it is a breach of your marriage vows. Ask yourself, “If my actions were photographed, would they condemn me?”.

I know how exciting the forbidden kiss is and how electrifying the stolen, passionate caress is but I also know how costly they are because I almost lost everything including my marriage.  I walked away from my relationship with Christ as I chose to follow my selfish heart into sin.  But I, like the prodigal son, came to my senses as I ran back to the Lord and He welcomed me home. Then I begged my husband’s forgiveness, broke off all contact with Jake, and rebuilt my marriage. Ron and I now help couples see that no marriage is beyond God’s ability to heal.

Solution: If you’ve already crossed the line, stop all contact with the other person, confess your actions as wrong behavior and ask for God’s forgiveness.

Determine to build into your marriage and into your spouse. Make a choice to turn your heart toward home.

http://powertochange.com/discover/sex-love/stepstoadultery/

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