Breastfeeding, Pregnancy and Housework OH MY! My SAHM Update

SAHM
I’ve had the privilege of staying at home with my girls full time for the last four months. While life has been busy, it truly has been rewarding and lots of fun. It’s a wonderful feeling to be able to have my family and home be my main focus and responsibility. Many people believe the myth that being a SAHM means you get to lounge around all day, talk on the phone and eat snacks; where anyone would get such a ridiculous idea I have no clue!! For me being a SAHM means serving my husband and my children and taking care of home full time without the responsibility of full time outside work. Being a SAHM is work that I LOVE and ADORE doing most of the time but don’t get it twisted, it IS WORK.

Our girls are 2 1/2 and 8 months and it’s so cool to watch them grow and learn new things right before my eyes. Of course there is the constant challenge of learning to balance time with my husband, playing, teaching and disciplining the girls and getting things done around the house. Some days the laundry or the dishes don’t get done and I have to learn to be okay with that.

MOM

To ensure that I get rest and stay sane, I wake my girls up early so that they can be tired at a decent time for a nap and have an early bed time. There’s lots of cooking, cleaning, bathing, playing, disciplining, teaching, cuddling, bathing, tickling, reading and arts and crafts going on throughout the day. I start my day running and by the end of some days I haven’t eaten much, my hair never left my scarf and my body is aching but I go to bed still grateful for the chance to be at home and not in the work force.

BOY

Last November, my husband and I were surprised and overjoyed to find out that we were expecting another baby. Our youngest daughter was four months at that time. In the midst of my shock and mixed emotions, my awesome husband was happy and very encouraging. My husband reminded me that God was with us, we were a great team and everything would be fine. Now I am almost five months pregnant and everything with baby and I has been great. This week we found out that we’re expecting a baby boy!! We’re over the moon excited to welcome our son into our family this July.

To many people’s surprise, Elaina and I still have a great nursing relationship. It IS possible to nurse while pregnant. For me, nursing while pregnant hasn’t been any different from when I nursed my oldest daughter Elyssa. Many people, including one doctor, told that me that my milk would dry up soon after pregnancy and Elaina would refuse my milk but so far neither of those things have happened thank God. I believe that God will give me peace about when to wean her. My prayer is that she and I will both be okay with weaning when the time comes and it will be a smooth transition before our son is born.

The everyday challenges of being a SAHM plus being pregnant, nursing a baby and chasing a toddler makes for some very interesting, tiring days. But I most say that it hasn’t been as challenging as I thought it would be and I give all glory to God for that. God continues to give me the grace, energy, joy and wisdom needed to care for the girls and stay rested and healthy for myself and my son. The days that I have energy I pick different projects to do like cooking multiple meals, clean the house, do laundry etc, and the days that I don’t have energy, I care for the girls and make sure we’re all feed and safe lol. My husband is a great cook and has lots of patience so when I’m tired and short tempered, he steps in, cooks and cares for the girls while I rest. It’s a HUGE blessing to have a spouse who is helpful and selfless with a kind heart. I love you Eddie Willis III and I thank God for you!!!!!

As moms we go through different seasons in life, sometimes we work inside the home and sometimes we work outside the home; there isn’t a right or a wrong regarding this in my opinion. Being a SAHM is not for everyone and I would never say that all women should stay home with their children. Being at home full time requires a certain amount of grace and patience that I believe only God can give and it’s not for everyone! I have my Masters in Counseling and I know that my career days are not over. I love counseling others, helping them overcome obstacles and reach their goals. Let me just say that I loved my job. I was a Social Worker for nine years and I believed in the work that we did to help our community. The last year that I was working, I felt that the time was drawing near for me to close that chapter of my life for a period and start a new one. Now instead of heading to meetings and conducting sessions with families, I’m watching the clock to keep my girls on their schedule, helping them grow, learn and conducting playdates and I LOVE IT!

I’m finding that I have more time and energy for my husband which is awesome. On his off days, we spend time together with our children and without them. As I mentioned earlier, my hubby is a hands on husband and dad and he makes sure he helps around the house and with the girls. (He’s always fixing something to save us money. It pays to have a husband whose good with his hands!) He also pushes me to go out and take some “me time” or hang out with my girlfriends often. As you can imagine with me not having to deal with the stress and politics that come with working outside the home and him helping around the house, things have been pretty hott in the bedroom!!! That’s evident by our current bun in the oven! We’re a young happily married couple and we make time to enjoy one another! We’re determined not to get caught up in work and children and never take time to talk, laugh or love on one another. I desire him and he desires me. Team Willis all the way baby!!

I love photography and this past December I started my own business called J. Victoria Photography. I’ve worked with some amazing people and children and I’m having lots of fun! I’m still developing my skill and learning the business but I’m enjoying the process! I created a studio inside my home so I get to work from home doing a few sessions a week and it’s something I love doing so that’s really cool! I want my clients to have a great experience and receive good quality pictures at an affordable price. I’d love for my readers to “like” my J. Victoria Photography Facebook page and if you’re in Michigan, message me about our promotions and packages, please visit https://www.facebook.com/Jvictoriaphotography

If you’re a stay at home mom please be encouraged. I know some days you may not feel appreciated, hubby may not say thank you and the children may behave like wild animals, but tomorrow will be better. We must continue to seek our Heavenly Father and thank Him for providing us the chance to be home for this season and ask Him to continue to equipt us with everything we need while we are in it. Remember, you ARE a great mom and you ARE doing an awesome job!!!

Are You Up For The Fight??

Today I ask a simple question, are you willing to FIGHT for your marriage? When the communication is challenging, when the bills are stacked high, when the sex isn’t frequent, when you can’t seem to agree on the big or little things anymore, are you willing to FIGHT!!?! Marriage is a lot of fun but lots of work. Everyday isn’t perfect but we are to work hard to keep our marriages happy, healthy, HOT and holy!

I believe that marriage is forever. Whether things are good, bad, pretty or ugly, it is forever. Maybe one might say, “Of course this is easy to say when you haven’t been through a major storm,” but I see it differently. I believe that if you start out knowing that you’re in your marriage for life, when the storms come you won’t be as easily shaken and ready to jump ship. When we say “I Do” before God we are making a covenant and committment to trust God and remain faithful to Him, our vows and each other.  Today I ask you, will you continue to trust God and remain faithful to your spouse, your partner for life and continue to work, pray and fight to be happy? Please note that I am not talking about people staying in abusive, unhealthy or unsafe relationships. I’m saying that everyday won’t be happy, perfect and easy, but when you invest in your marriage (reading books on marriage, going to church, counseling, spending time together talking, praying and being intimate) you can get through anything together.

  1 Corinthians 13:3-7 Message Bible

   Love never gives up.
   Love cares more for others than for self.
   Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
   Love doesn’t strut,
   Doesn’t have a swelled head,
   Doesn’t force itself on others,
   Isn’t always “me first,”
   Doesn’t fly off the handle,
   Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
   Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
   Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
   Puts up with anything,
   Trusts God always,
   Always looks for the best,
   Never looks back,
   But keeps going to the end.

8 Tips to stay happily married

1. Walk in forgiveness

2. Learn to praise your spouse for what their doing good

3. Set aside time weekly to spend time together doing something romantic or fun

4. Don’t rehearse in your mind all the things your spouse is doing wrong, instead think on the things that they are doing good. Rehearse in your mind what you love about them. Philippians 4:8-9

5. Pray for your spouse daily. Thank God for them and ask God to help you meet their needs. 

6. Make time for sex and learn how to please one another.

7. Learn to communicate respectfully. Keep the communication going. Example: text, email or send love notes to let each other know you love and are thinking about one another.

8. Seek godly counsel during the rough patches and keep your family and friends out of your marriage. Godly counsel can be your spiritual mentor, other Christian couples, a Christian counselor etc You want to talk to people who will speak life over your marriage and not death.

Prayer for the marriages

Thank you Lord for every married person reading this post. Thank you Lord for giving them the grace to be strong and happy in their marriage. Thank you for sending them the needed resources and laborers to help them when times get hard. Lord I ask you to help them show their spouse mercy and help them to forgive daily. Help them to make their marriage a priority and help them to focus on meeting their spouses needs. During the hard times Lord, walk with them and guide them through the storm. Help them to be long-suffering and patient with their spouse as you are with them. Help them to laugh and enjoy their spouse like they did when they were dating. Thank you for the victory and fulfillment in their marriage bed, finances and communication. Thank you for all these things in Jesus name amen!

I DOUBLE DARE YOU TO BE THE BEST WIFE YOU CAN BE

A few days ago, I woke up thinking about my marriage and my family; what was going well and what areas I wanted God to help us improve. Naturally, I started thinking about what I wanted my husband to do and the Holy Spirit quickly put me in check and reminded me of what He called me to do. He sent me to 1 Peter 3:1-2. Ladies, after you read these verses, you’ll see that God’s calling all of us to consistently step our game up.

1 Peter 3:1-2 (AMP)

 1IN LIKE manner, you married women, be submissive to your own husbands [subordinate yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, and adapt yourselves to them], so that even if any do not obey the Word [of God], they may be won over not by discussion but by the [godly] lives of their wives,

    2When they observe the pure and modest way in which you conduct yourselves, together with your [a] reverence [for your husband; you are to feel for him all that reverence includes: to respect, defer to, revere him–to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy your husband].

When I read verse two, I immediately felt convicted. I do love and respect my husband but 1 Peter 3:2 broke down love and respect on another level!! 1 Peter 3:1-2 is telling us to submit to, respect, adore, prize, appreciate etc our husbands NO MATTER WHAT. No matter how we feel, if we’re too tired or too busy. Also, no matter if they’re doing all of the above back to us, we are to please God by walking according to His word and glorifying Him in our marriages. So for the rest of the week, I kept these scriptures in the forefront of my mind. It felt good to know that I was walking according to God’s word and it felt good to see my husband pleasantly respond to my extra effort to give him what he needs from me on a daily.  On day two I shared with my husband what I was doing and he said he noticed and appreciated my extra effort to be sweet to him. Then he said I was the best thing that ever happened to him. Of course his encouragement gave me extra fuel to keep going down the right path.

Wives and future wives, let’s make a decision today to not allow our negative thoughts, emotions, fears, past hurts or the worlds backwards views on love and marriage to take root in our hearts. If God has called you to be a wife, then He has anointed you with everything you need to be the wife He designed you to be. I know that in order for me to adore, prize, esteem, respect and admire my husband on a daily basis, I need a consistent prayer life. I am not perfect and neither is he, but walking in the flesh only hurts marriages; we all need to pray and continuously walk in the spirit.

Lastly, I want to be my husband’s BIGGEST CHEERLEADER!! I don’t want anyone to tell him how great, smart, handsome, hardworking or talented he is more than me. I want him to feel how much I love and respect him with every word that comes from my mouth. I want him to know that he can count on me to be respectful and patient with him. I want to him trust that he can always be honest with me because I won’t beat him down, I will only love on him the way the word of God tells me to. This is a high standard, but one that I will continuously work on and aim to live by. Our three-year wedding anniversary is this month. My husband is learning how to be the best husband and father he can be and I’m learning how to be the best wife and mother that I can be. 1 Peter 3 has given me a challenge and I’m up for it! Our families are our first ministries so let’s make sure things are taken care of at home before we go and try to save the world.

The No Wedding No Womb Campaign

I recently discovered the No Wedding No Womb Campaign and I have much respect for the message that Christelyn D Karazin is promoting to the black community. Ms. Karazin is the founder and organizer of No Wedding No Womb! (NWNW) an online initiative to address and find solutions for the 72 percent out-of-wedlock birthrate in the African American community.

As a social worker supervisor, daily I work with my staff to teach life skills and parenting skills to single mothers. Our clients are getting younger and younger and it saddens me to see a 21 year old woman with four children; the mom doesn’t have an education or a job, she doesn’t receive any child support from the fathers and limited family support. I believe that majority of women today do NOT know their value or their worth. If women knew that they were MORE than baby makers, they would have standards, take pride in their lifestyle and know that they deserve to be happy, healthy successful and loved, not hurt, angry and abandoned to raise babies on their own. The cycle must stop!!

I have a lot of respect for the NWNW campaign because their trying to educate the black community and break the cycle of black children continuing to be born into single parent homes. We must teach people about the importance of healthy relationships, monogamy, marriage and planning to have children. Gone needs to be the days of hooking up with people and shortly afterwards discovering that your pregnant. That behavior is dangerous, irresponsible and unfair to the children that continue to be born into broken homes. I am not saying that all children born into single parent homes are neglected, but studies show that children benefit from two parent homes. Every relationship/marriage doesn’t work out as planned but at least some people try to make those relationships work, even though they fail.

Here is a little information about NWNW:

  • What Is No Wedding No Womb?

No Wedding No Womb is a primary call directed to the black community to take action against the rampant births of children who are born without physical, financial and emotional protection.  It is a call for accountability for both MEN and WOMEN to be mindful of the huge responsibility and privilege they have when bringing a child into the world.

NWNW is a double entendre.  The phrase has two meanings.  The primary meaning of “wedding and wedded”, of course, is the marriage ceremony.  The secondary definition means “devotion.”  I chose “womb,” because that is the life source of children, it is the place that feeds, protects and nurtures the child.

  • Does No Wedding No Womb Seek to Bash Single Mothers?
  • Absolutely not.  NWNW calls for both MEN and WOMEN to put the needs of children first, and advocates that couples abstain from having children until they are emotionally, physically and financially able to care for them.
  • What gives you the right to do this?

I’m a baby mamma’ LISTEN TO MY MISSION: 65535 NO WEDDING NO WOMB-2.’  I do this for my daughter, and my daughter’s daughter, and all the children of our future.

To read more about NWNW and discover the answers to the questions below, please checkout the campaigns website

http://www.noweddingnowomb.com/

  • When you say, NWNW, are you saying that everyone should get married?
  • Is this just another abstinence program?
  • Are you bashing black men?
  • When you say, “No Wedding No Womb!” are you advocating that women get abortions?
  • Aren’t you being  judgmental?

**QUESTION** What do you think about the campaign? What do you agree of disagree with? Do you think the campaign will be affective?

If you enjoyed this blog post, I encourage you to subscribe to receive emails regarding future post. The subscribe button is located at the top left corner of the blog. Once you enter your email and hit “sign me up,” you will have to open your email and confirm the subscription. Thank you in advance for your support. Also please email the blog link to other ladies https://joannawillis.wordpress.com

Stop Faking It: How To Be Honest About Your Needs In & Outside The Bedroom

Often times as women and wives, we try our best to please everyone around us (our husbands, children, friends, family, boss) and we continue to put our own needs on the shelf, this is a big mistake. As wives, it’s important that we communicate our needs to our husbands and teach them to satisfy us and meet our needs in and outside of the bedroom.

 

 

4 Tips On How To Communicate Your Needs To Your Spouse

1.  Pray about what to say and when to say it. Women, we know we can be bold, blunt and to the point sometimes, but when it comes to our husbands, we must take a sweet and respectful approach. When addressing concerns with men, timing and tone of voice is everything. Don’t meet him at the front door after work with all your concerns because you just couldn’t wait to let him have it. It’s important to slow down, take a deep breath and take your concerns to God in prayer. Seek God about what to say and when to say it. Ask the Holy Spirit to give you the words to help your husband hear your heart and not be embarrassed or defensive.

2. Be honest. If the sex isn’t what you’d like it to be, he hasn’t fixed the list of items that are broken around the house or he keeps forgetting to take the trash out, sit him down and talk about your needs.  He may think he’s doing ok in these areas until you tell him, esp the sex area.

Sex is meant to be pleasing for the husband and the wife. When we become one in marriage, our bodies are no longer our own, they are for pleasing each other. If you aren’t being pleased the answer is simple, teach him how to please you. In sweet seductive words and movements, show him what to do. He will appreciate the guidance because a good man aims to please his woman. If you fake it, you’ll never get where you desire to be and intimacy is a huge part of marriage; don’t cheat yourself!!

3. Be patient and calm while you share your needs. Compliment him first and don’t nag or use defensive words. It’s important to build him up before telling him where he’s missing it. Remember no one is perfect and the goal is not to make him feel bad, it’s to have an open, honest and productive discussion about each other’s needs.

 Organize your thoughts before you talk to him. Decide on the top two concerns you would like to explore. If the list of concerns is too long, the discussion may be too overwhelming for both of you.

Bonus tip

Don’t speak ill of your husband or marriage to your friends. It won’t do your marriage any good to always tell your girlfriends where your hubby is dropping the ball and never him. You never want to put your husband down to others, only lift him up. Learn to spend more time talking to God and your spouse about your marriage then you do anyone else. We don’t want our husbands sharing with their friends all the things that we need to do better so let’s show them the same respect.

If you enjoyed this blog post, I encourage you to subscribe to receive emails regarding future post. The subscribe button is located at the top left corner of the blog. Once you enter your email and hit “sign me up,” you will have to open your email and confirm the subscription. Thank you in advance for your support. Also please email the blog link to other ladies https://joannawillis.wordpress.com

Pregnant & Lovin It: Week 12 Mom & Baby Update

Good morning world! I am 12 weeks and a few days pregnant. With this being my first pregnancy, there is so many new things to learn and adjust too but my husband and I are loving every moment. I have been extremely blessed to have a very smooth 1st trimester. No morning sickness, extreme fatigue or pain. I haven’t had to miss one day of work because of the pregnancy so far. All of my doctor’s appointments have gone perfect also. We were able to hear the baby’s heart beat earlier this month and that was very exciting! 2nd trimester begins at week 14. In 6 weeks we get out 2nd ultrasound to determine the sex. I will be 18 weeks by then.

I am honestly still in a small state of shock that I am pregnant. I have wanted to have an awesome husband, a career, own a home and raise a family since I was a little girl and now all my dreams are coming through. We give ALL glory and honor to God. We know that it is only because of our Lord that we are blessed, healthy, happy and at peace. 10 years ago I NEVER could have seen my life going this way. Life with Christ is the only way to go. He makes all things new and He is so faithful!!

The pregnancy symptoms that I have been experiencing are: frequent trips to the rest room, lower back pain at times, hungry all the time and breast tenderness. I have a little baby bump now too. All the pregnancy websites say that between now and a few weeks, ladies grow a lot in the waist area. I purchased my 1st belly band to help me fit my pants more comfortably; I love it!! I try not to complain about any symptoms that I experience because I am so grateful to God to be able to carry a baby and prepare to raise a child up in the ways of the Lord with my husband. Eddie is so excited. He grocery shops, cooks and helps out around the house. He makes sure that I’m comfortable and eating healthy.  We read baby books and websites together and day-dream and pray about our future family. He took great care of me before pregnancy so now I’m being spoiled even more! I love it! Our parents, siblings, extended family, friends, church members and coworkers are extra excited, supportive and helpful as well. This is such an awesome time in our lives. I am glad that I am not sick and can enjoy each day. Thank you Jesus!

Easy Baby Life Website gives details on the baby’s development this week. Checkout some of the interesting info below.

The biggest thing for your little one this week is the developing reflexes. Fingers will open and close, toes will curl, even facial expressions will change. Your baby can both scratch his nose and suck his thumb!

If you move a specific way your baby will respond by moving as well, even if you can’t quite feel it yet. Muscles start responding to the stimulus development for a more natural movement for your baby.

The brain starts making hormones as well as the rapid development of the nerve cells while the kidneys start producing urine.

Actually, week 12 is the start of a critical development phase for your baby’s brain. Between week 12 and week 18 and later between week 24 and 36, brain development is particularly rapid and sensitive.

The placenta is functioning effectively and blood flows from the umbilical cord.

Muscles within the intestines also begin to practice contractions known as peristalsis in order to digest food later on.

The eyes of your new baby have moved from the sides of the head to the front where they belong, and the ears are where they belong as well.Just over 2 inches long, your little one is about the size of a and weighs close to half an ounce.

Married Christians Should Have The Best Sex

Proverbs 5:18-19 May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.

Yesterday at our married bible study at Word of Faith Southfield, we we’re reminded about how important sex/intimacy and emotional connection are in a marriage relationship. Pastor Andre Butler and Min Tiffany Butler reminded us through the word of God that GOD invented sex and sex is GOOD in God’s sight!! As Christians, we know that we are supposed to be loving, patient, giving, serving, selfless and make our mates our top priority (after God). If we truly love our mates like we love ourselves, then we would try our best to treat them good all the time. If you are married, your spouse and you are one. The bible commands us to love, respect, honor and come together in the marriage bed together often. Read 1 Cor 13, it’s known as the love chapter.

The radio today plays sexually explicit songs and majority of the music videos have turned into 3 minute soft porn flix. The world thinks they invented sex. They write and sing songs about pleasing woman after woman or man after man but we know that meaningless casual sex is hurtful and dangerous, not something to be proud of. I don’t want the world to be more bold than I on the topic of sex. I know that I am experiencing awesome love making with my husband on a regular and God is pleased with that. It’s time out for Christians being so shy, reserved and nonchalant about married sex. It’s a gift from God!

If you are married you should be having sex a few times a week at least. If you and your husband are both busy with work, ministry and the kids, then you literally need to schedule sex/date nights and go at it. Make each other and coming together a priority. Single people should not have more sex than married people. The bible speaks of married couples coming together often so that we are not tempted. I am NOT going to let days go by without me encouraging, communicating, emotionally connecting and pleasing my husband sexually. All of these things are very important and I don’t want another woman to come along and tell him how great he is and how fine he looks NO that is my job and it is his job to encourage, talk to and please me emotionally and sexually.

We must learn what our spouses needs are and then work hard everyday to meet them. When your marriage is happy, your marriage bed is happy! Some of what I shared today was points from yesterday’s married bible study on the 5 sexual needs of a husband and a wife. There was many more points so I would encourage you to go to the website and purchase the DVD, CD or MP3 http://www.woficc.com

1 Cor 7:1-5, 33-34 NIV  1Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry.[a] 2But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. 3The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

33But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— 34and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. 35I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.

Can Husbands Rape Their Wives? Exploring Martial Rape

“When it is the person you have entrusted your life to who rapes you, it isn’t just physical or sexual assault, it is a betrayal of the very core of your marriage, of your person, of your trust.”

One form of rape that is rarely discussed it marital rape. Just because two people are married it doesn’t mean that they have the right to use, abuse or violate one another. We as wives need to meet our husband’s sexual needs. Husbands need to be sensitive, patient and understanding towards their wife’s feelings, desires and needs also. Sex should never be forced in marriage. Please read this article and share your thoughts.

Also to celebrate Restoration Week for my blog, please click the link below to read a woman’s testimony of how she survived years of spousal rape.

If you have been a victim of spousal rape, please seek help from your pastor, doctor, a social worker or the police. No one has the right to force themselves on you. No means no!

Marital Rape was only made a criminal act in the UK in 1991? Up until then it was considered impossible for a man to rape or sexually assault his wife. To quote: “A husband cannot rape his wife unless the parties are separated or the court has by injunction forbidden him to interfere with his wife or he has given an undertaking in court no to interfere with her.” (The Law Made Simple, The Chaucer Press, 1981)

Rape is rape, regardless of the relationship between the rapist and the victim. It can be a total stranger; someone you recognise by sight, but have never really communicated with; someone you know superficially, a neighbour or a colleague; a friend, a boy-friend or a former boyfriend; a live-in partner, or a former partner; someone you are married to or have been married to in the past.

The main differences between stranger rape and marital rape

Stranger rape is usually a one-off, someone you don’t know, with whom you don’t share any experiences or history. When the assault happens, there can be no doubt as to what is happening: that it is Rape (though even in such situations the victim will often wonder what she has done to precipitate the assault and will blame herself). In marital rape the circumstances are very different. It is – quite apart from a physical and sexual violation – a betrayal of trust. Here is a person whom you thought you knew intimately, with whom you share a history, a home and quite often children. Here is a person whom you have made love to on a frequent basis often over many years, with whom you have shared your most intimate secrets and fears, and whom you believe to love you, want the best for you, who would never intentionally hurt you. Marital rape is so destructive because it betrays the fundamental basis of the marital relationship, because it questions every understanding you have not only of your partner and the marriage, but of yourself. You end up feeling betrayed, humiliated and, above all, very confused.

Another problem victims of marital rape face is that such instances are rarely a one-off, but a repeated if not frequent occurrence. This can be a huge issue to the victim, because she will feel as though she has somehow ‘asked for it’ by staying or putting herself in the situation where it can happen again. Also, once it has been tolerated on a number of occasions, she may question her right to then act upon it.

The problem of defining marital rape as Rape

Many women who are victims of marital rape have great difficulty in defining it as such. The traditional idea that it is impossible for a man to rape his wife and that somehow, in taking our marriage vows we have abdicated any say over our own body and sexuality, basically denied ourselves the right to say ‘no’, is still prevalent amongst wives as much as amongst their husbands. A wife being raped will often question her right to refuse intercourse with her husband, and while she may realise that legally it now constitutes rape, there are many reasons which may prevent her from perceiving it in such a light.

We prefer to see it possibly as a communication problem (did I make it clear enough that I did not want intercourse tonight), we may see it as an act for which the man is not fully responsible due to his nature (men have a biological need to have sex and if there is a woman next to them in bed when they are in the mood they just cannot help it), we may see it as a misunderstanding (although I told him I didn’t want to, maybe I gave him the wrong signals somehow), we may have religious issues which question our right to refuse intercourse (I have got to submit myself to him and accept his will above mine as my Lord and Master).

Basically, as wives being raped by our husbands, we look for every reason, every excuse to deny it is Rape because we do not want to accept the alternative: it is Rape, he is hurting and humiliating us with intent, we can no longer trust him, turn to him in comfort, gain reassurance and protection from his company and our home is no longer safe.

To read this article in full and learn more about spousal rape, checkout this link. http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/Articles/maritalrape.htm

To read a woman’s personal journey of restoration from marital rape, checkout this link http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/Personal/raperecovery.htm

29th Birthday 29 Reasons To Shout

  

Today is my 29th Birthday and I have so much to be thankful for!! God has been so good to me, without Him, I would be lost but with Him, there has been nothing that I haven’t been able to do!!  Where would I be without His grace and mercy! Lost and looking crazy!! Today I wanted to share 29 reasons that I shout and praise God regarding my life. I pray this list encourages, motivates and stirs you up like it continuously does me!!

29 Reasons To Shout

God has blessed me with:

1. Good health

2. A sharp, peaceful and sound mind

3. An intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. I am NOT ashamed to share the gospel of Christ and let my lifestyle be an example to others.

4. An awesome black man, YES ladies there are great ones out there! My husband loves God, himself, me and our bundle of joy with all that he has in him.

5. I’M GOING TO BE A MOMMY!!

6. We were blessed to be able to plan when we wanted to started our family and God granted us our desire!!

7. An education. I was blessed to go to two different private schools and was able to go to college and obtain my Bachelors and Masters degrees.

8. The funds my husband and I needed to purchase our first home right before we got married. We purchased a 3 bedroom condo in Southfield for $36,000. It’s 2,500 square ft with a huge basement!! God is so AWESOME and faithful!!

9. Both sets of our parents are still happily married (30 and 29 years!!). They are all saved, love God and welcome Him to be the center of their marriages. We are so blessed to have the 4 of them in good health and living in the same State as us. We thank God for their love, guidance and support.

10. All 5 of our siblings (Joe/Chasity, Leah, Rachel and Rebecca) are saved, hard-working, loving, kind, hilarious, giving, college students, athletes, volunteers and business men and women, that love the Lord.

11. A healthy, intelligent, funny, giving, happy and well-behaved niece. I love Gabrielle Mackenzie Wood!

12. A career that I love. I am a supervisor at Judson Center in the Family Reunification Program.

13. I am a limited licensed counselor in the State of Michigan.

14. A husband whom is my best friend, the leader of my home, my life companion, lover and future baby’s daddy!

15. An awesome church home where the word is taught straight from the bible. We are taught how to walk in it and trust God for all that we need. Our lives have been forever changed since joining Word of Faith in 01 and 02.  Shout out to ALL of our Word Of Faith family, we love you all!!

16. A healthy and comfortable first 2 months of my pregnancy. We are confessing great things over our baby and my body.

17. I am no longer lost, broken, bond, confused, hurt or deceived by the treats of the enemy! Jesus died on the cross for my sins and because of His blood I am cleansed, healed and free.

18. I love myself. I am happy in my own skin. I know who I am in Christ and who He has made me to be!

19. God has given me the strength, boldness and heart for the people. He has turned my mess into my message and helped me to share my life experiences with those in need. BUT GOD LADIES, BUT GOD!

20. I know my God loves me unconditionally.

21. We have 3 grandmothers and 1 grandfather still living and ALL four of them love the Lord and their families and they continually share their wisdom with us. Eddie’s grandparents have been married for 62 years!!

22. God’s divine protection and the blood of Jesus covers my home, our baby, our bodies and our family and friends daily.

23. God has blessed us to get married during a time that so many other Christian couples were getting married and therefore we have an awesome community of married couples to fellowship and pray with.

24. My hubby and I are blessed to have support from all of our family and friends regarding my pregnancy and our upcoming baby. It’s such a blessing to have people praying for us, encouraging us and being ready and willing to be a blessing to us!

25. I thank God for the gifts and talents that He has given me to write posts for this blog each week and to finish my book project soon. I thank God for my book coach, Versandra Kennebrew and my peer Leslie B! I really enjoy working with these lovely ladies and growing with them.

26. I praise that I am in His will and right where I need and desire to be in my life. God is continually developing and molding me but I am happy to be able to say that I am in His will for my life right now.

27. I praise God for my drama free, honest, happy HOT marriage.

28. I am extremely thankful to God for my true friends. My friends that I’ve had for years, since a little girl all the way to my friends that I just met this year. You know who you are. I love you and I thank God for your love, prayers, guidance, support and friendship! True friends keep you on the right path and make you better. I thank God for you ladies!!

29. I thank God that favor goes before me each and every day and prospers my way!! God is continuously opening doors for me and my family and making ways when it seems like there is no way. I do not have to fear because I know that my way is blessed because I’m following Christ!!

How To Love Your Wife God’s Way

It’s Marriage Monday!! I wanted to post two articles that I found helpful on marriage. Since my blog is for women, I often write post about how wives are to love and submit to their husbands. I found a great biblical article about how husbands are supposed to love their wives and I wanted to share it. Please pass today’s post on to the men in your lives whether their single or married. The bible has clear instructions regarding marriage and the way husbands and wives are to treat one another.

  • Step 1

    Recognize God Made The Rules
    Gen 2:21-24
    21 And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;….
    23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.
    24 ….. and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
    KJV

    Husbands, you better recognize!!! God regulates the relationship with your wife. You must answer to God, not your wife for your conduct.

  • Step 2

    Recognize Who’s In Charge
    God is “Large and “N” charge”. He has always demanded that husbands love their wives. Note the scriptures below:
    Eph 5:25
    25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; KJV
    Eph 5:28-29
    28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: KJV

  • Step 3

    Recognize The Benefits and Blessings
    One of the ideas behind God’s demand is the stability of the family. God requires that husbands provide loving care for their wives just as they provide nourishing care for their own bodies. This type of care stimulates the proper nourishment necessary for a healthy relationship. Because, under God’s arrangement, the man is the head of the family, if the level of care starts at the “head”, it has a greater chance of filtering its way throughout the remainder of the family.

    Husbands have to understand that loving their wives involves pleasing God. Any husband that has his attitude set on serving God and seeing God’s face in peace will treat his wife just like he treats himself. This is not an option; nor is it dependent on “how” your wife treats you. All God-fearing husbands must understand that God means what he says.

    Know this, “A God-fearing” woman will not have problem submitting to a “God-fearing” man. God knew what he was doing.

  • Step 4

    Recognize the Difference
    The world offers many attitudes, opinions, and beliefs about this subject. Men sometimes they get caught up in the idea of controlling, dominating, thus having the world’s version of a MAN! However, only God’s Word provides the instructions for husbands that lead to a proper attitude. Once you give your life to God, it is necessary for you to begin to abide by His teachings. You have been purchased by God for his use. The world does not offer a good standard to follow.

  • Step 5

    Recognize Your Role
    Husbands are commanded to “cleave to their wives”. God requires that husbands provide and protect his wife. In 1 Peter, the bible says,

    1 Peter 3:7, Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them (wives) according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel , and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. KJV

  • Step 6

    Recognize, it’s time to Get Started
    By the way, this is not an exhaustive study of God’s will for husbands, but it is meant to be the beginning a “grass roots” life-altering change for the remainder of your life. Watch your family advance the quality of their lives as you enhance the quality of your life.

  • Step 7

    In Conclusion
    According to His Word…
    Heaven bound Husbands Obey God

  • Read more: How to Love Your Wife “God’s Way” | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_5287398_love-wife-gods-way.html#ixzz0wi7QeLD5