A Little Scandal Never Hurt Nobody

Shonda Rhimes is the brilliant writer and creator of several hit TV shows including Scandal and How To Get Away With Murder. I first became familiar with her work back in the day when I used to be big fans of Private Practice and Grey’s Anatomy. Those shows, I will admit, had their share of typical TV love scenes and drama but Shonda’s new shows have taken TV to a new level of raciness.

Shonda is an amazing writer and she has awesome casts so of course her shows are major hits. I love Kerry Washington, the star of Scandal. I think she’s smart, pretty, bubbly and talented. What blows my mind is that behind all the interesting suspenseful storylines and super cool cast members, are plots full of pornographic scenes glorifying infidelity, fornication and homosexuality, and yet it seems like everyone, saints included, are obsessed with these shows.

I was once a Scandal fan. I watched the first season and I was all in. I enjoyed watching Olivia Pope be the stylish fixer. I tried to ignore the infidelity aspect, though that was the heart beat of the show. Finally after continually having to fast forward through gay and straight sex scenes just to get through episodes, my spiritual convictions caused me to stop watching it all together.

How To Get Away With Murder is her latest show and the amount of graphic sex scenes and infidelity  just blows my mind. Again the plot, writing and acting had me pulled in but I had to continually look away because my saved grown married eyes could not handle the pornography that was being shown. It wasn’t long before I dropped that show too. Another one bites the dust!

I understand that most prime time TV shows have mild sex scenes and have gay characters and I need to figure out what’s benefitual for me to watch and what isn’t. What I’ve been doing lately is searching for wholesome entertainment and cutting the TV off more to read books and write. What I will not allow writers like Shonda Rhimes to do is desensitize me into thinking that infidelity is sexy, fornication is harmless fun and homosexuality is an acceptable way of life because my bible and beliefs tell me otherwise. I will no longer support TV shows that don’t support my beliefs and lifestyle.

I’d be devastated if my life was full of scandals and I found out my husband had cheated on me. I don’t want that life so why would I enjoy watching someone else have it? Infidelity isn’t entertaining, sexy or justifiable. Why do married couples enjoy watching this show together? And as followers of the gospel, aren’t we called to be holy and set apart? Watching this stuff isn’t helping us to be holy or set apart, if anything it’s giving us a blue print of how to mess up ourlives and get out of the will of God.

In a nut shell what I’m saying is, as Christians we must guard our eyes, ears and heart. We can’t let sin become entertaining and acceptable just because Hollywood wraps it up in a bright shiny box. We’re each accountable to God for our own actions so I challenge you to seek God regarding your entertainment (TV, movies and music) ask Him to show you what you should and shouldn’t be consuming. If you decide that you need to let go of somethings, be brave enough to be set apart despite what’s trending on FB or Twitter. We must fashion ourselves after the Word NOT the world.

Boyz To Men: 5 Signs that He’s A Man and No Longer A Boy

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Let God make a man out of him, before you try to make a husband out of him ~ Author Unknown.

No woman wants to date a boy, let alone marry one. As women, we need to make sure we pay attention to the signs that the men in our lives show us. If he shows you that he’s immature and selfish please don’t ignore the signs.

Back in the day when I was in college, I dated a few boys trying to stunt like they were men. They showed me from the beginning that they weren’t focused on anyone but themselves. I was desperately wanting not to be single, therefore I continued wasting my time, trying to make something out of nothing. Funny how I had the nerve to get mad when things went south, when really the relationships lived in the south pole. I thank God for deliverance and opening my eyes and renewing my mind. Once I allowed God to make a woman of godliness, holiness, focus, determination and purpose, my self esteem went up and my priorities changed.

Once a man has a true relationship with God, he won’t want to waste your time or break your heart. When men submit their flesh to God, the last thing they want to do is hit it and quit it. If they want it they will put a ring on it. Remember ladies, love is committment.

Signs that a man has allowed God to make a man out of him:

1. He’s sold out for Jesus and unashamed of the gospel of Christ.

2. His focus is to live holy and please God.

3. He understands that dating is to get to know someone for marriage. Yes he wants to have fun but his goal is to find the right woman for him, not to have sex or just to have a pretty girl on his arm.

4. He’s faithful to God and to you. By faithful to God I mean, he has a relationship with God, church home, a prayer life and living according to the word of God. No he is not perfect but he strives to be more like Christ. If he’s working hard to be faithful to God, he will try his best to be faithful to you, God’s daughter.

5. He’s giving of his time and money to God, you and others. He isn’t selfish, he’s looking for ways to be a blessing to those around him.

Ladies, allow God to make a man out of the man you have your eyes on. Once he’s molded into the man that God has created him to be, he will be ready to be all that you need him to be. If he’s not committed to God, he can’t be committed to you. Being single, happy and in the will of God is a blessing, dating out of God’s will and being unhappy is not a blessing.

Here’s an example of what I’m talking about:

When my husband Eddie and I met, we both were young (early 20’s) and had just gotten out of relationships with other people. We were fairly new to our church and were getting involved, making friends and learning about developing a personal relationship with Jesus. Eddie knew that God was still making a man out of him and he was not ready for a serious relationship leading towards marriage, therefore he did not step to me in a romantic way. We developed a friendship and just got to know each other in a group setting since we were blessed to hang in the same circle. As time went on and we continued to develop and mature spiritually, emotionally and financially, we both felt peace to begin dating and planning our future together.

I am not the type of Christian that believes that everyone’s testimony should be like mine. I am not saying that everyone has to do things how we did them. Each person needs to seek God, his word and other godly counsel around them (friends, parents, pastor etc) in order to know when their ready to date and for counsel and accountability regarding who they should date. No one wants to waste their time or get their heart broken. A way to avoid these things is to date with a purpose. After a few dates, you should know if the person is worth continuing to see because you have the same morals, values, beliefs and interest, or if you if it’s time to part ways because there isn’t anything therefore. At the right time, you will meet the guy for you, in the mean time, be single and fabulous and enjoy this wonderful journey called life! Travel, pursue God and your purpose, shop, work, play, make friends, and enjoy every moment!!

3 Perks For Being Single On Christmas

This post is dedicated to the many beautiful, saved, successful, smart, kind, driven and uncompromising women in the world. Many of my closest female friends are single this holiday season and I wanted to write a post of encouragement and humor that would carry them through this season.

While many single women desire to be married at some point, they are learning to dedicate their time, money, talent and bodies to Christ during the waiting season. For me, on an average day, being single wasn’t that challenging  BUT I did have days, especially around special holidays (Valentines Day, my birthday, Thanksgiving and Christmas) were I wished I had a good man to love and celebrate with. The longing for someone to love and be loved by is natural and normal but we must always remember that the grass is not always greener on the other side. Marriage is lots of fun but it’s also challenging work. Often times people don’t think about all the serving, sacrificing, patience and comprise that comes with the territory and therefore so many couples get divorced. One of the purposes of my blog is to inform single women of the wonderful and not so wonderful aspects of marriage so that they have a realistic expectation before saying I Do! Checkout the list below about why being single on Christmas isn’t a bad thing.

3 Perks For Being Single On Christmas

1. When your single, you don’t have to agree with anyone but the Holy Spirit about how to spend your money for Christmas or how many gifts to purchase. Throughout the year you save your money and when Christmas time comes you can tithe, pay your bills and make a list as long or short as you’d like of who you bless for Christmas. It’s your money and your prerogative.

2. When your single you don’t have the responsiblity of visiting  your family and the in-laws and doing the house jumping balancing act. If you want to stay home you can, if you want to go from house to house you can. As a single woman the holidays are what you make it. Surround yourself with loved ones (family and friends) and thank God for what you do have instead of thinking about what you don’t have.

3.When your single, instead of needing to go out and find the perfect Christmas morning lingerie, you can pick out whatever cute and comfortable PJs that you like because you only have to please you. It’s wonderful to have a husband to dress up for but sometimes it’s nice to put on whatever makes you comfy, grab a book or a girlie movie and spend some quality time by yourself.

Basically ladies what I’m saying is being married has a lot of perks (companionship, love, sex and children to be raised by two parents in a loving home) but singleness definitely does too (independence of time, money, jobs and travel. You can go wherever you want to go and do whatever you want to) We must all remember that it’s a blessing to be breathing this Christmas. To have some money to bless a few people with gifts, to have family and friends to celebrate Christ’s birth with and enjoy good food. Married or single, let’s find reasons to be grateful and content this Christmas. Jesus is the reason for the season!!!

4 Reasons Why GLEE Is No Longer For Me

After I watched this week’s episode of Glee, I decided that this week was the final straw. I have been feeling uneasy about the show since the new season started and this week’s scenes helped me to remove the show from my DVR rotation. Glee used to be a fun young adult show about children in high school, enjoying the arts and going through teenage challenges. A few episodes into the new season, I decided to no longer support the show because:

1. Their pushing the homosexual agenda tough and I just don’t agree with that lifestyle at all. I don’t believe that people are born gay, I believe they were created in Christ’s imagine like the bible says. I don’t hate people who are gay, I just don’t support that lifestyle nor do I think showing gay or straight make out scenes repeatedly on a young adult show is appropriate. I would never let my children watch a show like GLEE. Which leads me to my second point.

2. The gay and straight make out scenes on GLEE have gotten completely out of hand!! Two female cheerleaders on top of each other in bed making out!? WTH!!  They constantly have episodes about the gay character Kurt and how everyone in the school hates him besides the GLEE kids. Just because someone does not agree with the gay lifestyle does not make them homophobic and it does not mean that they will participate in hate crimes against gays. I don’t love or hate Kurt’s character, I just don’t support his lifestyle. This week a male football player kissed Kurt on the mouth and is afraid to come out of the closet. The majority of the show was about homosexuality and how hard it is to be an out of the closet gay teen. I know these issues sadly are what a lot of our teens are going through and therefore they talk about it on this show BUT I don’t have to subject myself to the gay agenda, nor the young people around me.

3. GLEE is no longer a clean fun show for teens and families. I feel like they often show the teens in bed heavy petting and dry humping each other. The young man Marty in the wheel chair gave his virginity away to the “school slut,” and later felt major regret; that scene really disappointed me too. The fact that he showed regret was fine BUT WHY did that have to be written into the script in the first place? This isn’t 90210! The teens don’t have to sleep around with one another for the show to get ratings do they? In a day in age where teenage pregnancy, STDs and AIDS are ramped, WHY do we need to promote sexuality and promiscuity on young adult shows?

I know that sex sales but man has it gone to a whole other level. Sex isn’t everything and sex outside of marriage is hurtful, disappointing, lonely, confusing, drama filled and DANGEROUS. Sex outside of marriage is NOT glamorous and steamy, esp for teenagers, like the media tries to trick them into believing. There’s nothing glamorous about a dude taking your virginity, getting you pregnant and leaving you high and drive! I’m just saying this happens everyday.

4. The suggestive songs and dance routines continue to get more and more adult. The show takes place in a high school but it feels more like a college show. I know friends who no longer feel comfortable with their younger siblings (12-15) watching the show due to the heavy sexualized scenes and dance routines. I’m not saying the show has to be boring, or promote holiness, God forbid right? (yes I’m being sarcastic) I’m just saying there’s many types of music to sing and creative routines to do without having to constantly grind on each other and rub your bodies. It’s not cute GLEE!!!!

I erased the series recording of this show and a few others off my DVR last night. I’m learning to have boldness and obedience and no longer support things that grieve my spirit and that I know blatantly go against the word of God. If there is a gay character that’s appropriate on a show, that’s ok but when the shows push the gay agenda, repeatedly show gay and straight sex scenes and things get more wild by the episode, those shows will no longer have my support.

Christian Brothas, Where Are You? Hola If U Hear Me

The majority of churches, Christian events and single bible studies all over the world are packed with women. I firmly believe that there are fine saved men in the world, who love God, are living holy and handling their business, the question is WHERE ARE THEY?http://churchformen.com/allmen.php Lists the following facts about men and church: 

• The typical U.S. Congregation draws an adult crowd that’s 61% female, 39% male. This gender gap shows up in all age categories.

• On any given Sunday there are 13 million more adult women than men in America’s churches.
• Midweek activities often draw 70 to 80 percent female participants.

• The majority of church employees are women (except for ordained clergy, who are overwhelmingly male).

• More than 90 percent of American men believe in God, and five out of six call themselves Christians. But only two out of six attend church on a given Sunday. The average man accepts the reality of Jesus Christ, but fails to see any value in going to church.

My husband and met at our church 7 years ago. Our church is very large and therefore it has a large single population. If our group was 30 deep on a particular night, only 10 of the 30 would be males. As a single woman, it was frustrating to always go to Christian parties, concerts, bible studies and always have the girls out number the guys AND have it continue to be the same handful of guys that consistently hung out. My husband was bold enough to develop a friendship with me and pray about pursuing me in God’s timing. When he felt the time was right, he asked me out stating “I want to pursue marriage with you.” We had a courtship, engagement and then marriage. The thing is, many Christian guys drag their feet when it comes to dating and marriage. They don’t ask girls out and many of them appear to be comfortable being single, but that’s another blog for another day.

Now that we’ve been married for over 2 years, the same problem still remains for my single girlfriends who are living for God, successful in their careers and haven’t been chosen yet. Even though more women go to church then men, I know there are Christian men in my city who do not come to Christian events or even seek out friendships from other males or females at their church. Why is this? Where are the men at? Why don’t they get involved at their church or reach out to others for Christian fellowship? My group of male and female friends do all kinds of fun stuff together, bowling, house parties, concerts, movies, dinner, ballroom/hustle parties etc. We have good clean fun and if other men are living for God, they should be desiring and seeking out the same thing. It’s important for believers to fellowship with other believers and do life together. I’m not saying that Christians should cut themselves off from the world and look down on those that don’t believe but as a Christian, my friends are Christians.

2 Corinthians 6:14-18 (The Message)

Don’t become partners with those who reject God. How can you make a partnership out of right and wrong? That’s not partnership; that’s war. Is light best friends with dark? Does Christ go strolling with the Devil? Do trust and mistrust hold hands? Who would think of setting up pagan idols in God’s holy Temple? But that is exactly what we are, each of us a temple in whom God lives. God himself put it this way: “I’ll live in them, move into them; I’ll be their God and they’ll be my people. So leave the corruption and compromise; leave it for good,” says God. “Don’t link up with those who will pollute you. I want you all for myself. I’ll be a Father to you; you’ll be sons and daughters to me.” The Word of the Master, God.

To my brothers in the Lord

If you are active at your church please continue to do so and invite other men to attend and get involved too. If you see a new guy at your church, take time to get to know him and make sure he feels welcome so that he will come back. If you are a man who goes to church but leaves right after service, doesn’t get involved, volunteer or fellowship with other believers, ask yourself why and pray about changing. Living this Christian life alone is hard but when you have others around you who love God, are living for Him and growing in Him, your relationship with God will become stronger. Coming to church and getting involved will bless your life and who knows, you may find a wife!!

To my sisters in the Lord

Sisters continue to be patient. God has not forgotten you. Don’t believe the lie that there are no good men out there. Majority of my married friends found their husband at their church. Worldly men can be very aggressive and Christian men, in their attempt to be gentlemen, can sometimes move a little slow. A man who moves slower than usual but is honest and seeking God every step of the way is much better than a man who is only out for one thing. When a new guy comes to church or a Christian event, PLEASE don’t bombard him like a piece of meat. We don’t want to intimate the new male faces and cause them to not come back. Let’s continue to learn how to treat each other like brothers and sisters in Christ. If a friendship develops into a relationship then fine, but don’t force things to happen because you’re tired of waiting. God knows your desires, He knows just want you need and when you need it. Keep trusting in Him.

Stop Giving The Honey Up For Free

Even though the media teaches women that they need to be skinny, desperate and aggressive to get a guy, as mature women of God, we have to work hard to reject those views and remember who we are in Christ. Our “honey” stands for our bodies but it can also stand for our time, money, heart, affection, hopes/dreams etc. When we give our honey up too fast, (before marriage) we are no longer pleasing God and the men no longer get the thrill of the chase. If a man wants something bad enough, he will work hard to obtain it, no matter how long he has to wait. You don’t have to worry about needing to give him your all in the beginning to keep him. I believe the opposite is true. Most times when we as women give in and open our legs, hearts and dreams to men too fast, they quickly leave as fast as they came. The thrill of the chase is over, we’ve made it to easy and their excitement/respect for us has diminished.

If you’re not married PLEASED don’t give your man money! Your boyfriend could be your potential husband, provider and leader of your home. How can he prepare to be those things for you if your always giving him money and supporting him? Let the man be the man. Ya’ll can help each other out but don’t carry him!!

If your man isn’t your husband, than sex, being available to 24/7, cooking/doing laundry on a daily basis and sharing bills/bank accounts is OFF LIMITS!! Stop giving the honey up for free!! If you don’t have a wedding ring AND official marriage papers, stop playing house and get your life back. These things should be reserved for married folk only. Marriage is forever, it is a life long committment. Marriage is about serving, giving, loving and so much more. If we aren’t married yet I’m giving you everything I have, what is your motivation to marry me? What do we have to look forward to?

Another way I observe single ladies giving up their “honey” is by wearing really tight, short and low cut clothes. It’s a blessing to have a good body and we all know what assets we have that were proud of BUT please be classy and leave room for the imagination!! If he gets to see EVERYTHING your working with before the relationship is even established, let alone before you get married, he may not want to purchase your honey because he’s seen it and is ready to move on to the next sexy bee. I know the summer is here and ladies like to wear cute outfits but try not to wear a free honey sign on your back. Let them wonder, let them work for it, if they want it, let them put a ring on it!!

Don’t believe the myth that  people need to try out the “honey” before buying it. When God is truly at the center of a relationship, there will also be love, trust, honesty and full committment; everything else falls into place. God is faithful. When we honor God with our bodies and lifestyle, He honors us by granting us peace, fulfillment, joy and wisdom in our relationships. You don’t have to give up the honey or try things out like living together and playing house to know if that person is the one. My husband and I did not leave together before we were married. There were things to get adjusted to but that’s to be expected. We remain patient, prayerful and understanding and therefore we get along and have peace in our home.

No one is perfect, we all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. If you have been engaging in activities that haven’t been pleasing to God or if you have lowered your standards in hopes of catching a man, it’s never to late to turn from your ways and make better choices!!

Prayer for the single lady

Dear Lord

Please forgive me for adopting some of the world’s views on men, dating and sex. Please forgive me for not living as the woman you’ve called me to be. Lord help me to trust you and your word when it comes to relationships, sex and marriage. Give me the strength to say no and to be holy. Help me to set appropriate boundaries with men. Help me to carry myself as a lady and glorify you in my words, thoughts, actions and lifestyle. Daddy, please continue to prepare me for my future mate and prepare my future mate for me. Please send me other Christian female friends who are sold out for you and enjoying their season of being single. Help me to focus more on you than on my desire for a man. Thank you Lord that in your perfect timing, a special man of God will come into my life. I love you, trust you and praise you in advance. AMEN

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Will The Real Proverbs 31 Women Please Stand Up

Majority of Christian women have read the Proverbs 31 passage before but today I felt lead to post it in the Amplified, to get a break down each verse and mediate on its meaning. I want to be a woman that glorifies God in all things; my mind, body, soul, career, speak, actions, marriage etc. What better way to make sure I am living according to the word of God, then to study His word and discover exactly what He says a good woman is. I don’t care what the world defines a good or valuable woman as, I only care what God says. He created me, He is my source and strength, and He is my delivery. I highlighted some of the verses that really blessed me and made me think about how I wanted to be better.

Proverbs 31:10-31 (AMP)

10A capable, intelligent, and [b]virtuous woman–who is he who can find her? She is far more precious than jewels and her Proverbs 31:10-31value is far above rubies or pearls.(D)

    11The heart of her husband trusts in her confidently and relies on and believes in her securely, so that he has no lack of [honest] gain or need of [dishonest] spoil.

    12She comforts, encourages, and does him only good as long as there is life within her.

    13She seeks out wool and flax and works with willing hands [to develop it].

    14She is like the merchant ships loaded with foodstuffs; she brings her household’s food from a far [country].

    15She rises while it is yet night and gets [spiritual] food for her household and assigns her maids their tasks.(E)

    16She considers a [new] field before she buys or accepts it [expanding prudently and not courting neglect of her present duties by assuming other duties]; with her savings [of time and strength] she plants fruitful vines in her vineyard. [S. of Sol. 8:12.]

    17She girds herself with strength [spiritual, mental, and physical fitness for her God-given task] and makes her arms strong and firm.

    18She tastes and sees that her gain from work [with and for God] is good; her lamp goes not out, but it burns on continually through the night [of trouble, privation, or sorrow, warning away fear, doubt, and distrust].

    19She lays her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.

    20She opens her hand to the poor, yes, she reaches out her filled hands to the needy [whether in body, mind, or spirit].

    21She fears not the snow for her family, for all her household are doubly clothed in scarlet.(F)

    22She makes for herself coverlets, cushions, and rugs of tapestry. Her clothing is of linen, pure and fine, and of purple [such as that of which the clothing of the priests and the hallowed cloths of the temple were made].(G)

    23Her husband is known in the [city’s] gates, when he sits among the elders of the land.(H)

    24She makes fine linen garments and leads others to buy them; she delivers to the merchants girdles [or sashes that free one up for service].

    25Strength and dignity are her clothing and her position is strong and secure; she rejoices over the future [the latter day or time to come, knowing that she and her family are in readiness for it]!

    26She opens her mouth in skillful and godly Wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness [giving counsel and instruction].

    27She looks well to how things go in her household, and the bread of idleness (gossip, discontent, and self-pity) she will not eat.(I)

    28Her children rise up and call her blessed (happy, fortunate, and to be envied); and her husband boasts of and praises her, [saying],

    29[c]Many daughters have done virtuously, nobly, and well [with the strength of character that is steadfast in goodness], but you excel them all.

    30Charm and grace are deceptive, and beauty is vain [because it is not lasting], but a woman who reverently and worshipfully fears the Lord, she shall be praised!

    31Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her own works praise her in the gates [of the city]!(J)

What I hear Proverbs 31 saying is that as women of God we need to be:

1.  capable and smart.

2. Good with our hands.

3. Wise with regards to money and business deals.

4. Spiritual leaders.

5. Motivated and not lazy.

6. Multitaskers.

7. Spiritually, mentally and physically fit.

8. Giving

9. Fearless.

10. Skillful.

11. Wise

12. Drama free.

13. Good wives and mothers.

Seek God today and ask Him to help you to sharpen some of the skills that you read in the above passage. God is faithful, He will grant you your request.

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