Diary Of A Emotionally Stable Black Woman

Ladies do you ever take the time to pray for the men in your past who’ve hurt, abused, abandoned or rejected you? Today I encourage you to say a quick prayer for those men. Ask God for forgive, restore and bless them. Ask God to send godly men their way to show them what it means to be a real man. Ask God to continue to heal you and help you to forgive them also. Trust me, doing this will help u get free from your past. Thank u Jesus for complete restoration and wholeness!!
 
I felt led to share this message of forgiveness. I believe Holy Spirit put it on my heart so that others can get set free. I began my road to forgiveness and freedom of my past hurts in 2002. It was a long road full of good days and bad days BUT GOD!! In the beginning it was hard for me to pray for those that had deeply hurt me but as I learned to completely surrendered to God, His word and asked Him to help me, it got easier. Some days all I could say was “Lord bless them.” Some days I meant it, others days I didn’t. Some days I prayed that prayer with tears coming down my eyes because I was still angry, but I believe God honored my prayer and obedience to His word. I didn’t want to be another angry black woman bitter about her past. I wanted to be free of the anger, hurt, pain and shame. Now I can honestly say I can pass those individuals on the street and not trip because I’ve given it to God. He will deal with them in His own way. Its my job to keep my heart right and forgive so that my sins can be forgiven!
 
Ladies we need to be healed of our past and become emotionally stable for ourselves, our husbands, children, family members and to function in everyday life. It’s not okay to be an emotional rollercoaster, happy one minute, than angry, crying and going off on people the next. We need to give our hurt to God, learn to trust Him completely and allow Him to heal us. God cares about your pain and He’s ready to wrap you in His arms and make you new again. When the past is no longer controlling your thoughts and every emotion, you will feel 100 pounds lighter. Your relationships will improve and your self-esteem will get better. Don’t allow other people’s sin to become your sin. They sinned against God by hurting you now don’t you sin against God by continuing to walk in hate, anger or unforgivness. Forgiveness is to set us free, it’s not to excuse the person of what they did to you.
 
**Please read the scriptures below, I pray they encourage you as they have encouraged me. Also feel free to post a testimony about your forgiveness victory or road to forgiveness if you’d like.**
 
Matthew 6:14-15 NIV 
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
 
Romans 12:19 NIV
Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”[a] says the Lord.
 
Psalms 147:3 NIV
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Stop Having Yo New Man Pay For The Sins of Yo Past Man

The new man can’t afford to pay the debt of the one who came up short, nor should he. If he does, then he’ll come up short. Release the ex of that debt, forgive him and wish him well for real. Start fresh with this new man, as if your heart had never been broken. That’s what grown women do. Bitterness doesn’t look good on nobody~ Kim Blakes, my FB friend.

My response to her status: Amen! We need to give our hurt, pain and issues from past broken relationships to God and allow HIM to heal us. We can’t truly be what a new love needs us to be if we aren’t complete and whole in Christ. Trust me, I’ve been there. Thank God for His mercy, grace, restoration and love.

There are 2 points that I’d like to zero in on regarding this topic.

1. Forgiveness is key when trying to get over a past relationship that went bad. It’s impossible to harbor anger and bitterness when you have truly forgiven someone and given your hurt over to God. I used to hate my 2 ex’s with a passion. When I rededicated my life to Christ, I knew I had to lay my pain, anger and unforgiveness on the altar if my sins were to be forgiven, if I desired to be whole, at peace and if I wanted to be a happy woman and wife one day. Forgiveness seems unfair because you were the one who was wronged but forgiveness is for you so that you can be free and delivered from the bondage of the past. When I learned to forgive those three gentlemen my attitude and life changed for the better. Shortly after that I met my husband and we began a beautiful friendship that eventually lead to love.

2. It’s very important to not jump into a new relationship before you allow yourself to get healing and closure from your past relationship. When a relationship ends negatively, it leaves a bad taste in your mouth and a pain in your heart. Sometimes you may find yourself depressed, confused and defeated. You need to go into a quiet room and tell the Lord what happened, how you feel and what you need from Him. The bible tells us to cast our burdens unto Jesus for He cares for us. God already knows what’s going on but He wants you to come to Him willingly with an open heart so that He can heal, love and comfort you. There is no love like the love of our Heavenly Father and there’s no hurt that He can’t heal. The bible says that He heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds.

When you take the mess from your past relationship into your new one, your asking for your new relationship to fail. It’s not fair to the new man whose intentions towards you maybe pure but you treat him as if you know he’s going to dog you out and leave you hanging like the last joker. Seek godly counsel and get yourself together before jumping into a premature relationship that could end just as badly as the last.

Bonus tip: When we allow ourselves to jump from one bad relationship to the next, we make it harder for Mr. Right when he comes along. 1. Because we’re so distrusting that we can’t see him for who he really is 2. We’re too busy being angry about the last joker that we LET dog us out that we can’t see the good man standing right in front of our face. 3. We’ve ALLOWED ourselves to deal with so many bad guys that we lose hope that good guys even exist. There are good men out there but you have to ask yourself, are you ready to properly love one? Do yourself a favor, get restored from the past, embrace your time of singleness and learn to love yourself. If you don’t love you, you can’t possibly love someone else.

Does Counseling=Crazy? NO! 10 Reasons To Sit On The Couch

 Many of us (African Americans) think you have to be “touched” or “crazy” to go to therapy.” While it’s true that some people with mental health issues seek therapy, it’s really a service for anyone. Therapy is a paid service that connects you with a trained professional who provides you with the support you need to live a healthier and happier life.

Read more: http://www.articlesbase.com/mental-health-articles/why-dont-africanamericans-go-to-therapy-604938.html#ixzz13VzcgfXb
 

In 2002, I saw a counselor for 6 months and that 6 months transformed my life. I was finally ready to confront the pain that I had held onto for two years following the rape in 2000. I was so scared about starting counseling and talking to a complete stranger, that I cancelled my first appointment.  The next week, I was  nervous as I drove to the agency but once I got there and met my counsellor, I felt more at ease. My counselor was compassionate, patient, professional but down to earth, knowledgeable, open-minded and understanding. While she was friendly towards me, she kept professional boundaries and she never self disclosed anything about herself. She challenged me when I was afraid, she encouraged me when I didn’t think I could talk about the hurtful memories and she cheered me on when I had victories! Now that I have my Masters in Counseling and understand what attributes counselors should have, I now understand how truly awesome of a counselor she was.
 
I went into counseling prepared to work towards getting better. I read every book and did every homework assignment. I was on time and I shared honestly from the heart during every session. Outside of counseling, I was developing my relationship with God and I had an active prayer life. I combined the natural with the spiritual and I worked hard. At the end of the 6 months, I was no longer afraid of the classmate who raped me. He still went to my school and I had to be brave enough to not allow his presence to run me off campus. My confidence and self-esteem was high because I knew who I was in Christ; I knew how Christ saw me. I knew that I was not a victim, I was/am a strong, bold, completely healed and free woman of God. I learned to change my thinking, to love myself, to forgive, to trust God, to rely on my support system, to walk in love and to let go of anger and hate.
 
I would strongly recommend anyone who is or has gone through something difficult to seek the help of a counselor. Whether your suffering from past or present abuse/trauma, trying to get over a bad relationship/failed marriage, lost your job, having trouble with your kids, finances or just plan old need to talk to someone about how to reach your goals and make decisons in life, I strongly encourage you to seek the help of a counselor. Counseling is a blessing and it works!! I’m living proof!
 
Positivelypresent.com wrote a great article about why people should seek counseling. Here’s 10 reasons to sit on the couch:

1. You have time set aside just to talk about YOU. 
 

2. You create a safe haven where you can be completely honest. 
 

3. You learn new things about yourself every week (very cool!).

4. You find ways to better relate to the people around you. 

5. You figure out why you do the (sometimes stupid) things you do.

6. You explore the past, which leads to a better present.

7. You open your mind to new ideas and ways of thinking.

8. You accept and love yourself for who you are, flaws included.

9. You deal with the hard stuff you normally avoid like the plague.

10. You wake up one morning and realize, “Finally, I’m really living.”
http://www.positivelypresent.com/2009/04/ive-been-in-therapy—-really-been-in-it—-for-about-six-months-now-this-is-my-fourth-therapist-and-the-only-one-ive-actual.html

Forgiveness is the Sweetest Revenge

Forgiveness is the sweetest revenge- Isaac Friedmann

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you- Lewis B. Smedes

Forgiveness does not change the past but it does enlarge the future~ Paul Boese

Forgive or relive~ unknown

Forgiveness is the economy of the heart… forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits.” Hannah Moore

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong~ Ghandi

We achieve inner health only through forgiveness-the forgiveness of not only others but of ourselves~ Joshua Liebman

Ladies take back your life! Don’t give those that have hurt you the pleasure of keeping you insecure, depressed, angry and afraid. Forgiveness is for you. When you forgive you get free, you get to take your life back, to smile again, to live a happy life  and to have joy and peace of mind. You deserve to be free, to be happy and to enjoy fulfilling relationships with others. You can’t be in a healthy place if you’re not walking in forgiveness. You’ll always have the chains around your hands and feet, the weight of the painful past will always hold you down. Its time to BREAK FREE!!!!!

Forgive those who have hurt you, give the pain over to the Lord. Ask Him to heal your broken heart, to help you see yourself how He sees you. The bible tells us to cast our burdens unto Jesus because He cares for us! The bible also tells us that God heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds. He is waiting and willing to restore you to your rightful place in Him. Please make the decision today to seek guidance from a friend, family member, church member, pastor, counselor, social worker or your doctor. Talk to someone and start your healing process. Forgiveness may seem impossible today BUT trust me, as each day goes by, the decision gets easier and easier. It’s harder to live in pain and loneliness of unforgiveness, than it is to forgive and be free. You may never forget and that’s okay, but at least you will have your joy and peace back. True forgiveness says “I will not allow the things you’ve done to me to hold me captive any longer. I forgive you, I wish you well and I’m moving on.” You don’t have to be best friends with that person, talk to them on the phone and hang out. Forgiveness means you will not speak or think ill of them, you will not seek revenge on them, but instead you will pray for them and ask God to heal you both of the past. God is faithful. He will walk with you every step of the way, just trust Him and obey!!

My Recent Forgiveness Test: Thank God I’m Free From My Past

You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well- Lewis B. Smedes

Yesterday I found out that the man who raped me had gotten married and has a child. Honestly when I saw the pictures through a mutual associate who does not know about the rape, I felt all types of emotions and forgiveness was not one of them. For a few seconds I felt anger and hate trying to rise back up. Who was he to be happy? Does she know what he did to me? What type of father will this rapist become? Even though I had been praying for him throughout the years and actively working to shed the layers of negative emotions and unforgiveness, in those first few moments I was walking in the flesh.

Then I had to remind myself, I can’t wish ill on someone and say I’ve forgiven them. I can’t judge him based on what was done ten years ago. I’m certainly not the woman I was ten years ago. I decided that it was better for me to pray, walk in love and forgiveness towards him verses continuing to stare at his picture and wish evil to come his way. In the past, I forgave him so that I could be free of the bondage that held me captive.Yesterday I made that decision again with God’s strength. Forgiveness is a decision and must be done often for the same event sometimes. 

That night I called a friend who had also survived rape in college. She’s a believer also and she was very encouraging and supportive. She helped me to remember that I am human and it’s okay to have initial negative reactions but it’s the decisions I made quickly following the incident that proved that God had done heart surgery on me and I was strong and delivered from the past.

 God has truly done heart surgery on me! Like the lady in this picture, in 2003, I feel like my heart was literally taken out and replaced with a new one. Back in college, following the years after the rape, I was angry, hateful, bitter, fearful, insecure and confused. I couldn’t say the word rape, I literally crossed out the rapist’s name in every book that I read, I wrote depressing and angry poems and made bad choices in my relationships. When I gave my heart to the Lord fully, I asked Him to heal me of all the pain and make me new. I sought the help of my campus minister and she encouraged me to start going to counseling. I joined Word of Faith in Southfield MI, started receiving life changing messages about God’s love, healing, faith and I learned to have an intimate relationship with God. Years later, I know that I am healed and restored and I refuse to let this recent incident take me back. Back to the horrible place that I once was. God has given me a new heart, a new start and I wont allow the past, the young man or the devil to destroy all that I have worked so hard in God to overcome.

To the man who changed my life forever I say the following: I pray God’s mercy, grace, correction, protection, peace, comfort, restoration and salvation for you. I pray you are or do become the man who God has created you to be. I pray you learn what is means to be a godly faithful, nonviolent husband and a godly devoted father. I pray you make better choices and live a holy life in front of your son. I pray you never ever put another person through the things you put me through. I pray you seek God for forgiveness and you learn to forgive yourself. I pray God’s blessing over your family. In Jesus name amen.

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Why Spouses Should NOT Hide Money From Each Other

I had a debate with my friends on FB about spouses hiding money from their mate and needing to “have their own” in case their spouse leaves them. It all started from a conversation that I witnessed while watching the Oprah Show. Oprah was saying that women need to have their own house, money, bills in their name and not combined them with their significant other. I don’t believe that married people should sneak around and stash money away just in case things go sour. Yes we should have our complete trust in God alone, yes we all have individual purposes to be on the earth and we need to pursue our careers, ministries and business. I believe that couples should have their own identities BUT when you get married, you need to find balance because you and your spouse have become one!!

I know that marriage is hard and nothing is guaranteed BUT the word of God is true and it does not change. My God promises me that I can have the desires of my heart. The word of God gives detailed instructions about marriage and the roles of husbands and wives. I believe that if couples keep Christ at the center always, are quick to forgive, communicate their needs and concerns, stay hooked up to one another, forsaking all others, they WILL have long-lasting happy, healthy and hot marriages!!

4 Reasons Why Spouses Should Not Hide Money From Each Other

1. In marriage you must trust each other 100%. Without trust you have nothing. If you can’t trust someone with your money, body, goals/dreams, children or your life, what’s the point of dating or marrying them?

2. Honesty and communication is a must. What if you found out that your spouse was hiding money from you in case he/she felt like leaving you one day? Instead of hiding money for a rainy day, be open and honest about what makes you unsure about the relationship so that you can both fight to stay in it, not plan your escape to get out of it.

3. Marriage is forever and if you don’t believe that, save yourself the money and time (both of which you could never get back) and JUST DON’T GET MARRIED! By saying that you have to put a little money aside each check in case your spouse leaves you or you get tired of him/her, means you never made up in your mind that marriage is for life. Yes things happen, people change and sometimes get divorced, but know that divorce doesn’t have to be  a word used in your house. Date for a good period of time, go to premarital counseling, seek God before you say I do, study what the bible says about marriage, husbands and wives, and if you think your ready, go ahead and jump the broom.

4. Before you get married, seek God and wise counsel regarding healing that you may need from past negative relationships. If you are still hurting from past exboyfriends cheating, abusing you, lying to you or even watching your father/mother do these things to your parent, you MUST get restored from that hurt BEFORE you get married. It’s not fair to sleep with one eye open on a spouse who hasn’t done anything to not be trusted. Don’t push your issues on him. Seek help and get whole so that you can be happy, healthy and free.

Save The Drama For Yo Mama: 4 Tips On Living Drama Free

Here’s my Facebook status from 9/23/10. I received some great responses from the status so I promised to write a post about drama.

One of my biggest pet peeves are grown people who always have drama in their lives like their 15 but their 25+ years old. What’s the point? Having drama ain’t cute, it’s a waste of time! Get some godly, productive and faithful friends and date someone worthy of your time. I feel a blog post coming on! Lol

Examples of grown folks drama:

1. You continue to date guys that you know are bad for you. You and your man are always arguing, spying on each other and breaking up, only to apologize and start the cycle back over again.

2. You and your friends are always talking about each other and can never get along. This isn’t high school people, focus on developing a few close friendships instead of trying to have a clique as big as a football team.

3. Your always bouncing from job to job claiming that your boss and coworkers “just don’t like you” instead of seeking God about where you need to be, being mature and a diligent worker.

4 Tips On How To Live A Drama Free Life

1. Learn to love yourself. When you study the bible and discover how precious you are in God’s sight, when you start to appreciate your strengths and truly know your value, you won’t allow others to treat you like crap. Psalm 139:14

2. Learn to walk in love and forgiveness. No one is perfect. When a friend offends you or your boss speaks harshly to you, instead of cussing them out and telling everyone know you, ask God to show you how to be forgiven, merciful and how to walk in love as th bible commands. Matt 6:14-15 & Luke 10:27

3. In relationships, pay close attention to signs that the person may be bad for you. Guard your heart and end it when the red flags start popping up. No one wants to waste time jumping from bad relationship to bad relationship. Stop falling for the “bad boy.” Know that God’s got a hard working, respectful, honest, sold out for Christ MAN not boy, just for you. Be patient and trust God. Proverbs 3:5-6 & 4:23

4. Develop friendships with people who desire to live drama free. You must let go of friends that like to gossip all day everyday, argue over petty things, are easily offended and self centered. Birds of a feather always flock together. If you’re trying to honor God with your conversation and lifestyle, you must befriend others who have that same goal and are walking according to God’s word. Proverbs 11:13 & 20:19

If you enjoyed this blog post, I encourage you to subscribe to receive emails regarding future post. The subscribe button is located at the top left corner of the blog. Once you enter your email and hit “sign me up,” you will have to open your email and confirm the subscription. Thank you in advance for your support. Also please email the blog link to other ladies https://joannawillis.wordpress.com