Boyz To Men: 5 Signs that He’s A Man and No Longer A Boy

image

Let God make a man out of him, before you try to make a husband out of him ~ Author Unknown.

No woman wants to date a boy, let alone marry one. As women, we need to make sure we pay attention to the signs that the men in our lives show us. If he shows you that he’s immature and selfish please don’t ignore the signs.

Back in the day when I was in college, I dated a few boys trying to stunt like they were men. They showed me from the beginning that they weren’t focused on anyone but themselves. I was desperately wanting not to be single, therefore I continued wasting my time, trying to make something out of nothing. Funny how I had the nerve to get mad when things went south, when really the relationships lived in the south pole. I thank God for deliverance and opening my eyes and renewing my mind. Once I allowed God to make a woman of godliness, holiness, focus, determination and purpose, my self esteem went up and my priorities changed.

Once a man has a true relationship with God, he won’t want to waste your time or break your heart. When men submit their flesh to God, the last thing they want to do is hit it and quit it. If they want it they will put a ring on it. Remember ladies, love is committment.

Signs that a man has allowed God to make a man out of him:

1. He’s sold out for Jesus and unashamed of the gospel of Christ.

2. His focus is to live holy and please God.

3. He understands that dating is to get to know someone for marriage. Yes he wants to have fun but his goal is to find the right woman for him, not to have sex or just to have a pretty girl on his arm.

4. He’s faithful to God and to you. By faithful to God I mean, he has a relationship with God, church home, a prayer life and living according to the word of God. No he is not perfect but he strives to be more like Christ. If he’s working hard to be faithful to God, he will try his best to be faithful to you, God’s daughter.

5. He’s giving of his time and money to God, you and others. He isn’t selfish, he’s looking for ways to be a blessing to those around him.

Ladies, allow God to make a man out of the man you have your eyes on. Once he’s molded into the man that God has created him to be, he will be ready to be all that you need him to be. If he’s not committed to God, he can’t be committed to you. Being single, happy and in the will of God is a blessing, dating out of God’s will and being unhappy is not a blessing.

Here’s an example of what I’m talking about:

When my husband Eddie and I met, we both were young (early 20’s) and had just gotten out of relationships with other people. We were fairly new to our church and were getting involved, making friends and learning about developing a personal relationship with Jesus. Eddie knew that God was still making a man out of him and he was not ready for a serious relationship leading towards marriage, therefore he did not step to me in a romantic way. We developed a friendship and just got to know each other in a group setting since we were blessed to hang in the same circle. As time went on and we continued to develop and mature spiritually, emotionally and financially, we both felt peace to begin dating and planning our future together.

I am not the type of Christian that believes that everyone’s testimony should be like mine. I am not saying that everyone has to do things how we did them. Each person needs to seek God, his word and other godly counsel around them (friends, parents, pastor etc) in order to know when their ready to date and for counsel and accountability regarding who they should date. No one wants to waste their time or get their heart broken. A way to avoid these things is to date with a purpose. After a few dates, you should know if the person is worth continuing to see because you have the same morals, values, beliefs and interest, or if you if it’s time to part ways because there isn’t anything therefore. At the right time, you will meet the guy for you, in the mean time, be single and fabulous and enjoy this wonderful journey called life! Travel, pursue God and your purpose, shop, work, play, make friends, and enjoy every moment!!

Advertisements

Learning To Toss out the Romanic Myths and Seek The Truth

Toss out the Romanic Myths and Seek The Truth

Your soulmate is the person who mends your broken heart by simply giving you theirs ~ author unknown.

I saw this quote on a FB friend’s page and I thought it would be interesting to write a post about it. While the quote and pic are good intentioned and seemingly romantic, I think the message is actually dangerous. No one can heal us but God. It helps to have positive loving people around us, but they can’t heal us.

3 Reasons Why God is the Answer to Your Pain

1. 1 John 3:16 This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.

There isn’t a love greater than the love that Christ has for us. He died for our sins and rose on the third day, so that we can be healed and set free. We love Christ because He first loved us. Often times we get caught up in what looks like romance and happiness BUT if it doesn’t please Christ, it isn’t his will for us. God heals, he saves, he lives to make us whole again. No one can love us unconditionally like Christ.

2. Psalm 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

The only one who can heal our bodies, emotions and make our life better is God. We have to be careful not to try to make our significant others our savior. No man or woman can heal our hearts or take away our pain. Have you ever seen a woman date a good man (he’s faithful, a gentleman, honest, open and drama free) and she still treats him like he’s one of the dogs that she’s dated in the past. That’s because no matter how much that man loved on her, he couldn’t take away the pain of her past. God loves us so much, that no matter what wrong we’ve done or that’s been done to us, He is waiting, ready and willing to love on us, restore us and make us whole again. Restoration comes when we submit to Gods will and focus on pleasing him, NOT man.

3. Matthew 9:22 Jesus turned and saw her. “Take heart, daughter,” he said, “your faith has healed you.” And the woman was healed at that moment.

It’s important for us to have faith in God, knowing that He alone is the answer to all of our problems. When we put our faith in people, at some point we find ourselves frustrated and disappointed because man fails us but God never fails. When we submit to the Lord, putting all of our issues on the altar, He is always faithful to meet us right where we’re at and start the process of making us new again. Some healing is instant and others healing is a process. As long as we keep our eyes on the cross, we know that our break through is on the way.

Yo Mr. Right, Where Are U? 4 Benefits To Getting Married After 30

The picture attached to today’s post states: When God knows your ready for the responsibility of commitment, HE will reveal the right person under the right circumstances. I firmly believe that God knows what we need and when we need it. Most people that I know desire to be married one day and sometimes the pressures of life cause people to start feeling anxious. When anxiety sets in, we tend to make the wrong choices, and marriage isn’t a decision that anyone wants to jump into. I found a helpful article about why getting married after 30 has many benefits. Please review the post and let me know what you think. Have any other tips to add?

Shannon Fox and Celeste Liversidge, coauthors of Last One Down the Aisle Wins, report “statistics show that if you wait and marry closer to 30, your chances of having a healthy, long-lasting relationship more than double.”

Rather than spend your twenties hunting for the perfect mate, Fox and Liversidge recommend focusing your energies towards having the kinds of experiences that will help you fully develop into the person who will be completely ready to find The One in your 30’s. Here are a few tips that they shared in their article. You can read the article the full article at http://www.match.com/magazine/article/12160/

Fox and Liversidge list 3 reasons why women tend to rush into marriage. What do you think about this list?

  1. Because all of their friends are getting married
  2. Because their biological clock starts ticking
  3. They desire the financial stability that comes along with marriage

Benefits to getting married after 30

1. The statistics clearly show that marrying someone when you’re too young puts increases the risk of that marriage ending in divorce. According to the National Center for Health Statistics, if you wait until after the age of 25 to get married, your chances of staying married more than double! The old “50 percent of marriages end in divorce” statistic is cut in half if you just wait a little while longer to take the plunge.

2. When it comes to marriage, two halves definitely do not make a whole. Taking the time to develop into your best, most complete individual self before you marry allows you to bring vital ingredients to the table; you are more confident, you know who you are (and more importantly, who you’re not), you have a better idea of what you need from a potential husband and what it means to be a good wife. You have control of your finances and aren’t overly needy or volatile. You’ve achieved a healthy separation from your family and won’t end up feeling resentful for the adventures or passions you wish you would’ve pursued during your younger, single years. In short, you are able to come into the marriage as an equal partner, because you’re a grown-up.

3. Money is a huge, hot-button issue for women in addition to being one of the top three reasons people get divorced. People sometimes think that getting a handle on your finances means learning how to budget or finally starting that 401(k). But the truth is that — especially for women — money is an issue that is fraught with emotions. Your single years are the perfect time to develop a good personal relationship with money before it has the chance to become a destructive force in your marriage. When women let their feelings about money rule their actions, they increase the risk of making a poor decision when choosing who to marry. If you really believe that you need a man to take care of you, then you’ll be more likely to settle for the first guy who has the ability to wipe your debt slate clean and offer you financial stability.

4. Taking the time to develop a healthy body image before you settle down is crucial for a happy marriage and, particularly, for guaranteeing you’ll have a happy, healthy sex life. Of course, most women struggle to some extent with body image and body dissatisfaction, but if a woman doesn’t manage to get to a place of acceptance with her imperfect body before she marries, it can have devastating effects on her relationship with her husband. In fact, 67% of the men we surveyed reported that their wives’ negative body image caused serious issues in the marriage. Sex-related problems in the marriage are also amongst the top three reasons for divorce.

Top 5 Reasons To ONLY Date R.M.O.G

A RMOG is a real man of God. A RMOG doesn’t just know about God, he loves the Lord and has dedicated his life to serving him. He lives a godly lifestyle and surrounds himself with other men and women who are living for the Lord also. He walks in integrity whether people are watching him or not. A RMOG doesn’t just quote scriptures and religious phrases, he reads and mediates on the word of God and believes it. A RMOG doesn’t care what others think or say about him because he’s confident in his relationship with the Lord. A RMOG isn’t perfect but he aims to be like Christ. A RMOG is truly worth the wait; whether your 15, 25, 35, 45 etc, God knows your desire to be married one day and He’s preparing an awesome RMOG for you. Keep trusting in God knowing that he knows what best for you and when. PS- These type of men do exist, I have one, my father and father in law are both RMOG and I know several other women who have MARRIED RMOG also.

Top 5 Reasons to ONLY Date R.M.OG

1. A RMOG lives his life to please the Lord and he knows that treating you with honor, love and respect will please the Lord. A RMOG won’t call you out your name, lie and cheat on you. If you thought he was a RMOG and he’s doing these things, he’s a wolf and sheep’s clothing so get up girl and RUN!!!

2. A RMOG isn’t gonna hit it and quit it. He lives a holy lifestyle before the Lord and therefore will not attempt to sleep with you before marriage. A RMOG will aim to be holy in his courtship with you and understand that he has no right to your body until after marriage. If he wants it he’ll put a ring on it.

3. A RMOG isn’t gonna just date you until something better comes along then drop you like a hot potato. He’s not into wasting your time, he values you as his sister in the Lord and will be honest about his intentions towards you UPFRONT!! If you’ve been dating a few months and your totally confused about his committment towards you then he’s wasting your time. Dating shouldn’t be a guessing game.

4.  A RMOG is a gentle leader. He knows who he is in Christ and he wants to be the head of his future household. He isn’t a wanna be whose always following folks and going along with whatever you say. He listens to the Holy Ghost then walks out his instructions in love.

5. ONLY A RMOG is marriage material because he knows God intimately and he desires to be the best RMOG that God has called him to be. He’s seeking God about his purpose and choosing the Lord over money, sex, career, cars etc. A RMOG witnesses to others and tells them about the Lord. A RMOG is continually working on his finances and getting his affairs in order for his future family and is continuously being led by the Holy Spirit.

4 Questions To Ask Yourself Before Bringing Him Home For Christmas

This holiday season, many will consider bringing their new love interest around their family for the first time.  Before introducing him to the fam, please consider asking yourself these three questions to assist you with making your decision.

1. Where is this relationship really going? Is he marriage material?

You want to know that your relationship is stable and serious before introducing him to your parents and extended family. No one wants to be the cousin that always brings a new guy around every holiday.  How do you know your relationship is serious? One way is by having important conversations about your future together, marriage, children etc. I know some women fear that if they talk about their desire to get married too soon in the relationship (like during the first 6 months) they’ll run their crush away. I feel like this, you don’t want to waste his time or yours so use your dating time to get to know one another and talk about your future goals. If you let someone know that you desire to get married one day and they tell you up front that they don’t, then you know they aren’t the one for you.

2. What do his actions tell you and is he really marriage material?

Remember, actions always speak louder than words. If he says he wants to marriage you but it’s been a few years and you haven’t received a proposal, ring or set a date, chances are he’s only saying the words you want to.

Also, ask yourself if he’s marriage material. Could you see yourself marrying him the way he is today? The way he treats you, the amount of money that he currently makes etc. Does he love God with his whole heart and attempts to live a lifestyle according to the word of God? Does he love God more than he loves you? Does he have dreams, goals and motivation to be the best man he can be? Does he love, encourage, support, protect, pray, respect and honor you? Consider your answers before jumping to say that he is or isn’t marriage material.

3. Does he challenge, motivate and make you better?

Does he encourage you to discover and then walk in your purpose? Does he motivate you to follow your dreams and work hard to achieve your goals? Many of us can think of past exs that brought us down; encouraged us to skip class, lie to our parents or do things that we really didn’t want to do. It’s so important to date someone who brings out the best in you and motivates you to be better. If he’s following his dreams and working hard to make something of himself, he’ll do the same for you because he loves you. If he’s lazy and only taking from you, then he’s bringing you down and must go!!

4. Is he Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now?

It’s always a good idea to write out a list of the characteristics you want in your ideal mate. I’m not talking about looks, though looks are important. I’m talking about things that you would want your future husband to be such as in love with the Lord, honest, hard working, loving, funny, intelligent etc. If your current man’s list has some of the following words, you may consider not bringing him around the family and re-evaluating the relationship: selfish, rude, not dependable, broke, unfaithful and unmotivated. The person you date won’t be perfect, no one is, but he should have the potential to be great because of his heart and his actions. If he continues to show you that this relationship is temporary and he’s only here till the fun ends, maybe you should let him off the ride now.

So, did you like your answers about your man? If so, that’s awesome! Enjoy celebrating Christmas with your love! If he didn’t pass, let him go and don’t waste another day on a dead end relationship. Ladies patiently waiting on love, let’s continue to love ourselves, know our worth and seek God about our love lives or lack there of. There’s no need to settle or try to make someone be what we want them to be. Mr. Right will come along in God’s perfect timing, in the mean time, enjoy being single, free and happy. Submit to God, trust Him completely and watch Him do BIG things in your life!!

He May Be Hot But He’s A NOT! 3 Signs You Shouldn’t Ignore

According to a recent Yale study, 42 percent of African-American women have yet to be married, compared to only 23 percent of white women. There’s also a gap in numbers. The 2000 U.S. Census counted 1.8 million more African-American women than men.

In a day and age where so many saved, successful, beautiful women are single, many women find themselves falling into the temptation of compromising their beliefs to get a man. The messages that the world tell us are loud and all around us but those messages only lead to hurt, pain, loneliness, disappointment and most importantly death! Romans 6:23 (KJV)For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. In Christ we have all that we need. He knows our needs and desires. He knows what’s best for us and He has a plan for our lives! Jeremiah 29:11 (MSG) I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.

So now that you know God has a future for you and there’s no need to fear or compromise, let me give you 5 signs to look out for regarding dating. The guys that step to you may be fine, BUT are they helping you to be better or bringing you down? Are they bringing you closer to Christ or further away? If he is doing any of these things you need to pray and consider ending the relationship. 

1. He wants to keep the relationship a secret. If he doesn’t want to proclaim to the world that you are his girl and he’s proud, happy, excited and blessed to be with you, there’s a problem. Don’t be anyone’s secret girl. I call secret girls “side girls” because your probably not the only one he’s messin with, why else would he want to keep your relationship a secret? Come on sis, your better than that!

2. He’s always commenting on your body and making sexual advances towards you. Whether he’s overly complimenting or criticizing you about your body, either one isn’t good. No one wants to feel like their man cares more about their outer appearance then what’s on the inside. He needs to love you for you and not once you’ve lost or gained 15 pounds. If he’s always touching you and being sexually aggressive, that’s a sign that he needs to get the steppin! Being holy and sexually pure is sometimes a daily challenge and you don’t need some knucklehead causing you to fall into temptation all for him to bounce after he gets what he wants anyway!! 

3. He’s fine but doesn’t have a relationship with Christ or he just got saved but wants you to “help him find Jesus.” If he doesn’t know God than he won’t know how to treat, love or respect you. God is love and by getting to know Him intimately (more than for 2 hours a week at Sunday service) we learn how to love ourselves and our brothers and sister’s in Christ. The fact that he’s fine with a good job, car and house but doesn’t know God isn’t good enough. He can be fine and end up helping to send you to Hell because you fell away from the things of the Lord.

The same is true for the newly saved man. He just gave his life to Christ, so he’s still learning about living holy and being the man God created him. Leave him alone, stop distracting him and let him grow in God. If it’s God’s will, He will send him back across your path at a later time. 

Do you sometimes find yourself feeling lonely or anxious about when your man of God will come along? When it feels like all of your friends are getting married and you’re wondering if God’s forgotten about you, read Matt 6:32-34 and be encouraged! God hasn’t left you or forgotten you. He knows what’s best and He’s preparing you for great things!

Matthew 6:32-34 The Message

30-33“If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.

34“Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.

To My Single Diamonds, Mr. Right Is On The Way

Single Ladies: If “he” hasn’t found you yet, then pray that he asks God for directions! You want God’s best, not just someone driving by.

~Minister Tiffany Butler

I love this quote by Minister Tiffany because it is so true. As godly women, we have no business running around town trying to catch a man. It’s important to trust God and truly believe that He knows best as far as which guy, at what time you two will meet and when he will pursue you romantically. It’s super easy to get a date but who really wants just any ole guy?

My Testimony

I rededicated my life to Christ in 2002 but I continued to have contact with my ex via telephone and emails. I’d been dealing with my ex on and off for the past 5 years. The relationship wasn’t glorifying God, it was an emotional rollercoaster and huge distraction in my life. The more I grew in Christ, the more Holy Spirit was pulling at my heart to completely walk away from ALL form of contact with that joka. I needed to learn to rely fully on Christ for joy, peace and companionship. At the time it was the hardest thing I had to do because so much of my self-worth was wrapped up in my ex. To be apart from him forever was something my mind couldn’t fathom at the time BUT I knew it was what God was calling me to do. After I cut all communication, I cried but I promised God that I would take it one day at a time and focus on my relationship with Him, my family, positive friendships and graduating from college. As each day went on, God healed my heart and restored my joy and confidence in Him. There were days when I felt lonely but on those days I found productive things; spend time in prayer, with family or my girlfriends who were also walking the holiness path.

I was single for a few years before my husband and I started dating. But during that time of me patiently awaiting his arrival, I prayed for him like Min. Tiffany encouraged single ladies to do in the above quote. I prayed that God will keep me as I waited for him and keep him while he was being prepared for me. I confessed that in God’s perfect timing, we would meet, develop a friendship, godly courtship and get married. There were days when I felt anxious or even a little jealous when those around me started dating and I was still waiting BUT I’d have to work to cast those feelings down. I knew what God’s word promised me in Psalm 37:4 which was that He would give me the desires of my heart if I delighted myself in Him. I knew that I didn’t want another guy to come along, mess over me and hit the road. I told myself that I rather be single, saved and happy, then dating, angry and messed over. God kept His word and blessed me with an awesome husband. Neither of us are perfect and neither is our marriage by any means but we continue to trust God and live life according to His word. We know that if we continue to keep God first, we will be unstoppable!

To My Single Saved Set Free Diamonds

Ladies continue to live your worth. Continue to trust God when things are good and when things are challenging.  Know that God has not forgotten you. Diamonds are valuable, unique and durable. God didn’t make any mistakes when He made you and with Him, there’s no obstacle you can’t overcome! Your goal shouldn’t be to be someone’s girlfriend but to be the right man’s wife. Keep pursing or living your dreams, enjoy life and surround yourself with other singles who have the same beliefs and goals as you. Find other believers and do life together.