Life With Two What To Do?!

girls

On June 13, 2013, I became a mommy of two! Two car seats, two cribs, a double stroller and a house filled with toys and pink clothes and bows galore!! Our oldest daughter Elyssa, is now 28 months and she is smart, sweet, funny, full of energy and curious about everything. Our baby girl Elaina is now eight weeks and she holds her head up, laughs and loves to nurse. Our girls keep us on our toes but they keep us laughing and enjoying every moment.

girls2

So the title of this post is a very valid question; life with two what to do!? How do you chase a toddler around the living room when you have a infant crying to nurse, a husband who has needs and a house that’s in desperate need of a cleaning?! For me the answer is simple, breathe, ask God for patience, wisdom and grace and let my love for my family keep me going. The word of the month for me is organization. I’m trying to stay on top of the housework and the laundry so that I don’t find myself overwhelmed. My helpful husband and I work opposite shifts so he cares for the girls while I’m away and I care for them while he’s away. He cooks sometimes, I cook sometimes. We try to keep the laundry from piling up and try to keep Elyssa’s toys from consuming the whole house. Some days I say forget it and I just enjoy my family and pretend as if I don’t see the piles of clutter lying around.

As mothers we’re usually the first ones up and the last to go to bed. The ones doing majority of the cooking but the last to get to sit down and eat. We work hard to make sure that the house is run smoothly and somehow have the courage to continue to add more children and more responsibility to our plate as the years go by. WHY do we do this to ourselves?! I know my answer, I love being a mom. I love nursing, serving, cuddling, teaching, playing and watching them grow. Being a wife and a mom is the hardest but funniest and most rewarding job I’ve ever had. I was made to do this! I don’t know what I will do when Elaina becomes mobile and I have two girls to chase around but you know what, God will give me the grace and the energy just like He continues to do now. Parenting a two year old is no joke and I don’t always get it right but I’m grateful to God for a hands on husband and the support system that we have around us.

Being a mother of two for this first 8 weeks has been lots of work and lots of fun. I will post about my mommy experiences as times goes by. Until then, stay strong mommies and know that you’re doing a great job!!

I Am NOT NeNe Leaks and Neither Are My Friends. Why Reality TV is Doing Us All More Harm Then Good

Reality TV madness is now apart of our everyday lives. It feels like on every other channel there’s a reality show where people are fighting, sexing or getting drunk. Today’s youth have horrible role models like Snooki and NeNe Leaks and that breaks my heart. While I do not know these women personally, the behavior that they portait on TV is nasty, rude and wreckless. As god fearing, hard-working, drama free people in society, we must make sure we’re stepping up to the plate and positively impacting those around us. Everyone isn’t getting drunk, sleeping with anything that walks and yelling curse words from the moment they wake up till they go to sleep; it’s just an act for TV!

As parents and loved ones to children and teens, we must work hard to teach them why they can’t listen to the inappropriate messages of those like Katie Perry and Lady Gaga. We must introduce them to positive, holy yet still entertaining TV shows, movies, books and music. I’m not suggesting that our children live in a bubble but they shouldn’t be thrown into the crazy world to soak up all the junk and figure things out for themselves either. We must have standards, morals/values and be our children’s heroes and roles models, NOT degrading rappers like Lil Wayne! The world can not have our children!

Every other Tuesday I host a Christian married mommies book club. I love this group of women. We are all educated, hard-working, dedicated women whom are always looking for ways to glorify God in our lives, marriages and parenting. We explore ways to help build our husbands up not tare them down. We talk about how to keep it HOT with a capital H in the bedroom on a regular!! We read books about how to be better Christians and mothers. We laugh, cry and pray together. There isn’t any drama or competition. We love God, our families, each other and ourselves. I can count on these women to pray with and for me, to call or text me when I’m going through and to give me a word from God on the spot when I’m too upset to think straight. True friendship is worth more than all the riches in the world. (Let me state that this is not my only group of friends, I have many other amazing ladies in my life. This is just the group I’m discussing in this post)

Sadly, our story of positivity probably would never get any form of media attention because nothing super juicy is happening. If we were being caddy and rude to one another and arguing over who has more money and whose husband is the finest, then we could call it The Real Housewives of Detroit and everyone would tune in. But because we’re 9 women who look different, think different, have different household situations but are confident, loving and excepting of one another, many wouldn’t think that it would make a good show.

If you desire to start a business, get married, start a family, start a ministry etc you need to hook up with people who are successful in that area and make them your mentor. If you want to fail at life then follow the fake reality TV celebs and others in the entertainment biz who are completely lost and clueless themselves. I used to watch the Real Housewives of ATL a few years back and one day my husband said something profound to me. He asked me why I wasted my time watching a show filled with drama that was teaching me what type of wife or woman NOT to be. I decided that since I needed to keep working on my attitude, I shouldn’t watch TV shows that continue to show women arguing, cursing and neck rolling. I want to glorify God in my home as and watching junk on TV won’t help me to do that.

What are you watching? Who are you hanging around? Are you a positive or negative role model to those around you? Do your children see God in you? Do you respect your husband as God commands you too? Each of us needs to examine ourselves daily and ask God to show us how to be better. Thank you Jesus for your mercy, grace and love and the opportunity to get it right after we’ve messed up.

Boobs In or Boobs Out, That is the Question

Over the last month it’s been strangely hot in Michigan. We didn’t get our usual snow storms or winter weather. Spring is finally here and hopefully the cold weather is behind us. As we prepare for continuous warm days, I felt the need to remind us ladies to watch what we wear. As women of God we want to please the Lord in our wardrobe. Now this doesn’t mean we have to wear turtle necks and head wraps BUT we should make sure our body parts aren’t hanging out for all to see. God has called us to holiness and modesty. I believe there’s a way to be modest but fashionable. Checkout this list below and let me know what you think.

Top 4 Reasons To Put Your Boobs Away and Be Stylish But Modest

1.  Everyone doesn’t need to see your goodies, leave something to the imagination. Your body is sacred and private. You want the man your interested in to work to get to know you, date you and marry you. When you wear your breast out, you don’t appear to be the woman wanting to have a lasting relationship, you look like the woman looking to get laid. Make sure your attire is representing you correctly.

2. You’ll attract guys who are only attracted to your body and you’ll give them the wrong impression about you. You’re a intelligent, hard-working woman but when you show up wearing a top that everyone can see through and is so low-cut even the women have to look away, no one will think of you as anything but the  girl who doesn’t cover up.

3. Your more than a sex object, your God’s child. Your self-esteem shouldn’t be based on how many guys are drooling over you. The bible says that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are so important to the Lord, He created you and knows everything about you. He knows the past hurts that you’ve experienced and He wants to heal you, love on you and comfort you. By dressing revealing to get attention, you’ll only find lust, not love. Love desires you with your clothes on, lust desires you only when your clothes are off.

4. Young girls around you are watching so ask yourself what are you showing them? I’m always amazed when I see a woman walking in the mall half-naked with 3 kids trailing behind her and one in the stroller. That woman is looking for attention the only way she knows how but sadly her children are watching and she’s sending them the wrong message. As women and mothers, we must show our children and other young girls around us how to carry themselves. We must watch our dress, conversations and relationships because their watching and what we do affects them. Ask yourself what your wardrobe is teaching your girls.

The Middle Ground Between The Chastity Belt and Girls Gone Wild

 

In today’s sexualized society, there has to be a middle ground between feeling like you need to wear a chastity belt to remain pure and falling head first into the sexual revolution. I believe the media has fed women so many lies about sexuality and now many of us are paying the hurtful price behind believing those lies. Checkout the definitions of chastity belt and sexual revolution.

Wikipedia defines a chastity belt as  a locking item of clothing designed to prevent sexual intercourse. They may be used to protect the wearer from rape or temptation. Some devices have been designed with additional features to prevent masturbation. Chastity belts have been created for males and females. According to modern myth the chastity belt was used as an anti-temptation device during the Crusades. When the knight left for the Holy Lands on the Crusades, his Lady would wear a chastity belt to preserve her faithfulness to him.

The sexual revolution (sexual liberation”) encompasses the changes in social thought and codes of behaviour related to sexuality throughout the Western world that took place from the 1960s into the 1970s.Sexual liberalisation was the beginning of an acceptance of sex outside of traditional heterosexual, monogamous relationships (primarily marriage).[3] Contraception and the pill, public nudity, the normalisation of homosexuality and alternative forms of sexuality, and the legalization of abortion all followed.

As a married woman, I strongly believe in women being free in marriage to please their husbands and be pleased as well as often as they want to. Sex is good, sex is important, sex is fun and pleasing in God’s sight. The problem is so many women have brought the world’s lies about what sex and what being sexually free really means. In many women’s fight to kill the double standard between men and women, some have chosen to become just as irresponsible, slutty, cold-hearted and promiscuous as the men who’ve hurt them in the past. Everyone should be responsible and safe when it comes to sex. No one should misuse, abuse, lie, cheat and jump in and out of bed with multiple partners.

As a Christian, I believe that sex outside of marriage is a sin. I know first hand how hurtful, lonely, confusing, disappointing, dangerous and depressing casual sex can be. I thank God for His healing and restoring power. When I turned my life over to Christ, I found the hope, joy, peace, comfort, strength, wisdom, self-confidence and love that I was missing and looking for in all the wrong places. Now I have been extremely blessed with a husband who loves God, loves me and faithful and dedicated to only me. My husband was a virgin when we got married and from the day we met until this very second, he continues to show me what true, holy godly love really is. Ladies there is nothing like it in the whole wide world.

Women don’t fight for your right:

1. To have your body used and then forgotten about by men who don’t really love you or themselves.

2. Get pregnant and left all alone to struggle to raise a child or children.

3. Get STD’s and/or AIDs. African American women have the highest AIDs rate than any other population.

4. Be emotionally and mentally drained, hurt, angry and bitter because of the sexual choices you’ve made with the wrong men.

You don’t have to wear a chastity belt and be afraid of men or the thought of sexual pleasure BUT you don’t have to be apart of the girls gone wild movement either. Have respect for yourself, have standards for the men that you date and understand that you are more than a sex object/baby maker. Read 1 Cor 13 and find out what real love is. When you know who you are and what your worth, you won’t waste another day letting someone treat you like trash.

Here’s an interesting article about the lie behind the sexual liberation movement.

http://www.goodmorals.org/kersten.htm

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How To STOP Being A Fool For Love

If he’s playing with your emotions and not treating you how you deserve to be treated, it’s time to get OFF the emotional roller coaster and move on!

Vivian Green Emotional Rollercoaster

11/12/02

I’m on an emotional rollercoaster
Lovin you aint nothing healthy
Lovin you aint never good for me
But I can’t get off

I must admit, this was my song back in the day. Vivian has a nice voice, it’s catchy and it has a nice R & B beat. As I matured and learned that real love WASN’T supposed to drive you crazy, break your heart and be unhealthy, I left sad R & B love songs alone all together. I changed my friends, environment, who I dated and started getting serious about God. Having drama was getting old!

Love isn’t supposed to hurt. Real love doesn’t lie, cheat, waste your time, spend your money, hit on your friends or drain you of your joy!! Now run tell dat!! Lol

How To STOP Being A Fool For Love

1. Pay attention to the signs that the relationship isn’t healthy and don’t ignore them.

2. Don’t date in secret. When something is good and your happy, you want to share it with the world. When you know the relationship is bad, you sneak around and don’t introduce that person to your loved ones. If your shamed it’s time to end it!

3. Have standards. Write out a prayer list of things you desire in a future mate (because dating is for the purpose of marriage. If you can’t see yourself marrying that person, you have no business dating them) Once you know what you’re looking for in a man, when the bad ones come by you can tell them to keep walking.

4. Don’t be so desperate for a man who you allow foolishness go on just for the sake of “having a man” You can do bad all by yourself.

5. Love yourself and know that your worth the wait. Don’t settle. Don’t give up the goods for free. Your worth more than sex. No one wants to the other woman or just a booty call. When you love yourself you don’t allow people to use and abuse you. 1 Cor 13 tells us what real love is. We must learn to love us, know that God loves us and He will bless us with someone who loves us in His timing.

If you enjoyed this blog post, I encourage you to subscribe to receive emails regarding future post. The subscribe button is located at the top left corner of the blog. Once you enter your email and hit “sign me up,” you will have to open your email and confirm the subscription. Thank you in advance for your support. Also please email the blog link to other ladies https://joannawillis.wordpress.com

Sistas Positively Affecting Sistas

Many women in the African American community are struggling. Struggling to know their purpose, their value/worth, to understand what real love is,  to be accepted and live productive lives. Many AA women have made celebrities and the women in the videos their role models and this much change. I went to visit a 22-year-old single mom with four kids. She had a few female friends over and all the ladies had their hair done, gold around their necks and designer clothes on. The family lives in poverty. I am not saying that people with low-income can not have nice things, but often times AA women spend more money on hair, nails, jewelry, clothes, shoes and make up than anything else. This must change. Our value should never be in how cute we look or what possessions we have. Our value isn’t in how great our bodies look or how many men are following us around. Our value is who are we in Christ; that we are healthy mind, body and soul, that we’re happy, determined and successful. We are more than just baby makers or women with big butts. We are creative,  smart, worthy of love and healthy relationships. We are strong, survivors, teachers, lawyers, doctors, social workers, stay at home mothers, business owners, ministers of the gospel etc.

To my Christian sistas, the next time you see that same prostitute that passes by your job everyday, the young girl in your neighborhood that dresses too fast, a single mother on your job that you know is struggling to raise her six children all alone, your aunt who struggles with drug addiction, your girl who fell away from church or your sister who just dropped out of school, pray and follow the Holy Spirit as to how to love on that woman. Give her a smile, some encouraging words, a hug, tell her Jesus loves her, you love her, it will be ok, ask if you can pray with her, invite her to church, treat her to lunch and just be a listening ear, whatever Holy Spirit tells you to do.

Christians are the salt of the earth. The bible says the world will know we are Christians by our love. We must love on those around us. We must let our light shine. We must live a sold out for Christ lifestyle so that the women around us can know that they too can have peace, joy, a great life in Christ. I give  God ALL the glory that my life is a positive example to others. I am blessed to be a 29-year-old black woman who loves the Lord, has a husband who loves the Lord, we serve at our church together, we have a happy marriage, we were blessed to plan our pregnancy, we own a home in the suburbs, I have two college degrees and we both have careers that we love. Ask me if ten years ago I would have thought I would be this blessed, no! God is good and when I completely surrender my life to Him, He restored me and continues to mold me into the woman who He has called me to be. I want my life to encourage others. To let them know that if God did it for me, He will do that and more for them.

Ladies today’s message is to walk in love, be led as to how the Holy Ghost wants you to mentor and reach out to those around you and to let your lifestyle be a witness of God’s goodness and faithfulness to others. The world needs us. We can’t afford to be half stepping, fake, worthless Christians. Our families need us, our coworkers, neighbors and those that we come into contact with daily on Facebook and Twitter. People all over need hope and we know the one who has all that they need, JESUS!!!

If you enjoyed this blog post, I encourage you to subscribe to receive emails regarding future post. The subscribe button is located at the top left corner of the blog. Once you enter your email and hit “sign me up,” you will have to open your email and confirm the subscription. Thank you in advance for your support. Also please email the blog link to other ladies https://joannawillis.wordpress.com

A Testimony of Overcoming The Aftermath of Abortion

To continue the theme of restoration week, I wanted to share a woman’s powerful testimony of overcoming the shame of having an abortion at a young age. I like to change the names of the testimonies that I share from others because it’s not about who I’m talking about but the awesome things God did for them. I will call today’s woman Sarah. 

If you or someone you is suffering from an abortion, please seek counsel and guidance from a local church and/or pro-life center near you. They will counsel you, pray with you and provide you with resources such as support groups for women who desire healing from abortion.

When Sarah found herself pregnant as a freshman in college, she panicked. She was afraid of what her parents would say and how a baby would affect her future plans. She and her boyfriend did not grow up in Christian homes but they knew deep down that abortion was wrong. The couple reluctantly went through with the procedure, not know ing that their lives would never be the same.

Sarah and her partner got saved shortly after the abortion. They started going to church and learning about God together. The couple ended up getting married and began their new life in Christ together, but the past still haunted them, especially Sarah. Sarah often wondered how God could truly love her because she had killed her innocent baby. Sarah found herself feeling depressed, ashamed and unworthy of love often. It pained her husband to see what she was going through and therefore he often prayed for her and supported her the best ways he knew how.

Sarah continued to go to church and learn about God’s mercy, grace, love and forgiveness. She knew that she needed to forgive herself because God had long ago forgiven her because she had repented of her sin. Sarah knew that she was not walking in God’s peace and joy and she was only punishing herself, which was not God’s will. Sarah felt as though one of the first steps to forgiving herself was confessing her sin to some of her close family members. After sharing with them what she had done and how God was healing her, Sarah felt a weight lift from her shoulders and her healing process was truly able to start.

To help release the negative feelings of shame, Sarah went on a personal mission to share her testimony with some of the young girls at her church who were considering becoming sexually active, were currently active or who found themselves pregnant and scared. Sarah also joined a Christian support group for women who wanted healing from past abortions. The group met for a few weeks and reviewed home work assignments about restoration from abortion, they reviewed what the bible says about forgiveness, comfort, God’s love and mercy. The ladies also supported each other by talking through their past experiences. Sarah found great comfort and restoration through attending the group, so much so that she became a group counselor after she completed the sessions.

Sarah story is definitely a But God story. The devil thought he had her, BUT GOD! The after effects of the abortion could have ruined her self-esteem, her relationships, robbed her of her joy, peace, self-respect to the point that she could have ruined her own life because of her inner turmoil. But God sent someone to witness to her and her husband, they got saved, married, hooked up with a church and they began receiving the life changing word of God. She began sharing her testimony with her family and church members as a way to stump on the devils head and she even located a support group to help seal the deal on her restoration. Now whenever the devil tries to get in her ear and speak negativity in doubt, she kicks him off her shoulder and stumps on his head because she knows who she is and whose she is! A RESTORED CHILD OF THE KING!!!!!!!

If you enjoyed this blog post, I encourage you to subscribe to receive emails regarding future post. The subscribe button is located at the top left corner of the blog. Once you enter your email and hit “sign me up,” you will have to open your email and confirm the subscription. Thank you in advance for your support. Also please email the blog link to other ladies https://joannawillis.wordpress.com