Life With Two What To Do?!

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On June 13, 2013, I became a mommy of two! Two car seats, two cribs, a double stroller and a house filled with toys and pink clothes and bows galore!! Our oldest daughter Elyssa, is now 28 months and she is smart, sweet, funny, full of energy and curious about everything. Our baby girl Elaina is now eight weeks and she holds her head up, laughs and loves to nurse. Our girls keep us on our toes but they keep us laughing and enjoying every moment.

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So the title of this post is a very valid question; life with two what to do!? How do you chase a toddler around the living room when you have a infant crying to nurse, a husband who has needs and a house that’s in desperate need of a cleaning?! For me the answer is simple, breathe, ask God for patience, wisdom and grace and let my love for my family keep me going. The word of the month for me is organization. I’m trying to stay on top of the housework and the laundry so that I don’t find myself overwhelmed. My helpful husband and I work opposite shifts so he cares for the girls while I’m away and I care for them while he’s away. He cooks sometimes, I cook sometimes. We try to keep the laundry from piling up and try to keep Elyssa’s toys from consuming the whole house. Some days I say forget it and I just enjoy my family and pretend as if I don’t see the piles of clutter lying around.

As mothers we’re usually the first ones up and the last to go to bed. The ones doing majority of the cooking but the last to get to sit down and eat. We work hard to make sure that the house is run smoothly and somehow have the courage to continue to add more children and more responsibility to our plate as the years go by. WHY do we do this to ourselves?! I know my answer, I love being a mom. I love nursing, serving, cuddling, teaching, playing and watching them grow. Being a wife and a mom is the hardest but funniest and most rewarding job I’ve ever had. I was made to do this! I don’t know what I will do when Elaina becomes mobile and I have two girls to chase around but you know what, God will give me the grace and the energy just like He continues to do now. Parenting a two year old is no joke and I don’t always get it right but I’m grateful to God for a hands on husband and the support system that we have around us.

Being a mother of two for this first 8 weeks has been lots of work and lots of fun. I will post about my mommy experiences as times goes by. Until then, stay strong mommies and know that you’re doing a great job!!

Desperate Housewives: To Cheat Or Not To Cheat

I continue to get these stupid emails from Discreet Housewives Looking to Date. It’s an ignorant company that promotes infidelity. The fact that this company sends out emails to wives encouraging them to cheat on their spouses really makes me mad! Some lonely housewife who isn’t getting what she needs from her spouse will open the email and be tempted to further complicate her marriage by entertaining this foolish! We MUST guard our hearts and minds because the devil is busy and there are many traps out there.

If you are married and your husband is not meeting your needs, you should pray and ask the Holy Spirit about how and when to address your concerns with him. We can’t change our spouses, only Holy Spirit can! We as wives don’t have the right to step out on our husbands because they don’t pay us the attention that we want or give us the affection that we desire all of the time. Marriage is hard work and sometimes hard work includes long suffering. The bible speaks about long suffering.

2 Cor 6:6 By innocence and purity, knowledge and spiritual insight, longsuffering and patience, kindness, in the Holy Spirit, in unfeigned love;

 2 Timothy 4:2  Preach the word; be instant in season, out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort with all long suffering and doctrine.

The bible also has many scriptures on adultery. The main one you need to know is:

Exodus 20:14 Thou shalt not commit adultery.

Everyone has needs and as married people, we need to work hard to meet each other’s needs. We definitely shouldn’t look outside of the home to have our needs met. I know it is hard and discouraging when you continue to give more than you are getting. As godly wives however, we are to do everything to the glory of God. The bible doesn’t say ” do unto your husband what he does to you.” Keep being patient, prayerful and walking in long suffering. God sees you, he hears you, and he will answer your prayers.

If you are being abused (verbally, physically or mentally) or your mate is cheating on you, please seek help and godly counsel. I am speaking about ladies that are unhappy and bored with the current state of their marriage but are not in harm’s way.

Some tips to avoid adultery:

  1. Don’t have exclusive opposite sex friends.
  2. Don’t share your marital problems with male coworkers or friends. When you speak about what your husband is not doing for you, another man may hear you, see that your vulnerable and he may try to fly in and save the day. Your flesh will enjoy the attention that he gives you and you will set yourself up for failure.
  3. Get an accountability partner. Your accountability partner should be your spouse first and also a female prayer partner or spiritual mentor. If you feel tempted to engage in any form of ungodly behavior with another man, you can share with your husband so it’s not a secret and he’ll know how to pray for you. Also, speak to your mentor about what to do. If you keep your feelings a secret, you may mediate on them and eventually act on them. If you shed a light on the issue, the odds of it control you are slim.
  4. Guard your heart. Prov 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.
  5. Put no confidence in the flesh Phil 3:2
  6. PRAY!!
  7. Encourage your spouse to go to counseling with you.
  8. Read marriage books together: His Needs Her Needs, Love and Respect, The 5 Love Languages, The Love Dare etc.

Superwoman:How to Balance Being a Wife and a Mother

I woke up this morning to the news that two more of my friends were expecting babies. We now know of 14 couples planning to expand their families this year. God is good and I’m so excited for them!! As I sat and thought about all of the joys of motherhood, I started to think about the extra responsibilities that motherhood/parenthood brings and how wives find the time to balance it all. This is not to take away from the husbands because they work hard also. In this post, I’m  speaking of some of the things wives typically take care of and how they come to balance it all.

In the last two years, I have discovered that being a wife is so much fun and also a lot of work. To be blessed to wake up next to the love of my life, my best friend, whom I love and trust everyday, is an awesome thing. Thank you Lord!! The reality is, as a wife, there are many added responsibilities that I did not have when I was single and living at home with my parents. (cooking everyday, cleaning an entire house, doing laundry for more than myself, sharing my time, money, body, ministry, career and dreams with my wonderful husband) My husband does help with the cooking and cleaning but it is my responsiblity to make sure they get done if he is unable to help. By no means am I complaining about being a wife, I absolutely love it and wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. I am simply stating the facts for those that think marriage is only about loving making and having fun with your spouse.

Now to think about adding a little one to the equation, in the future, presents me with a little anxiety. How does one balance it all? My mom worked full-time, took great care of my younger brother and I, along with the help of my father. My father also worked full-time and was a hands on parent. My parents also served in many different ministries at my childhood church. My parents also took in my cousin and raised her for a few years. My mom has always been a gracious Proverbs 31 woman. She has always supported my dad in his business ventures, pushed my brother and I to do well in school and she found time to take care of herself and enjoy her life also.  She’s currently in school to get her Masters. I am so proud of my mom and I am forever grateful for the sacrifices that she and my dad made to raise us.

Things I observed about being a wife and mother from watching my mom growing up:

1) Have good time management

2) Keep groceries in the house and cook healthy meals for your family

3) Spend time teaching your children about God and the bible. Put in your children, your values and beliefs. Don’t let the media teach your children. Also lead my example; live by what you preach.

4) Get a babysitter and go out on dates with your husband often

5) Give time to the ministry, serve in a department you love

6) Keep yourself up, always look nice for your husband and yourself

7) Let your husband be the head of your household

8 Remain a team when it comes to parenting the children

9) Stay firm and consistent with your discipline

10) Go on family trips together. Spend more time with your family then hanging out with your friends.

11) Invest in your children’s education.

 I googled “balance between being a wife and a mother,” and a short article by Dawn Hawkins popped up. The tips she mentioned are simple, but I found them to be helpful.

How to Balance Being a Wife and a Mother

By Dawn Hawkins

Parenting is a difficult job at times. Being a parent means that you have to put some things off in order to do what the children need from you. There are some things that shouldn’t be put off though. Being a wife is one of them. A woman needs to learn how to be a good wife and good mother at the same time. The two roles are completely different but sometimes we let our parenting role overshadow our married role.

Here are some ways to balance parenting with being a wife:

After Kids Are In Bed

After the kids go to bed, spend some time with your husband. Change from your old raggedy robe into a sexy nighty. Cuddle with your man and let him know that you are still very interested in him. It might be hard to do that sometimes. Being a mother can wear you out. Women have a habit of letting themselves go a little when they have children. Don’t let this happen. Keep yourself well groomed. Put some make-up on and be flirty with your husband, even if you don’t always feel like it.

Find a Sitter

One of the best ways to balance being a wife and being a parent is to have “dates” with your husband. Find a sitter and go out with your husband. Go to dinner and the movies or go to a party. It doesn’t matter where you go, just go with your husband and without your children. Every couple needs time away from their children to spend time alone together. Don’t talk about the kids while you are out either. This is a night to spend with your husband.

Be Respectful

Be respectful of your husband at all times. Your nerves can be really wound up if the kids have been going crazy. Don’t let this disturb your relationship with your husband. In other words, don’t take out your bad day on him. Give your husband respect and love even if your head is about to explode. Many couples’s problems start because they let the pressures of everyday life get to them. Don’t be a statistic.

Don’t Fight Over the Kids

One of the main rules for balancing parenting with a marriage is to never fight over the children. Sit down and talk about the children. Come to an agreement about what should happen when one of them gets out of line. Work together, not against each other.

It can be difficult, but you can do it. Learning how to balance being a parent and being a wife is one of the best lessons you will ever learn. It can save your marriage. Don’t let children come between what you have. You had children to enhance your life together, not to tear it apart.

http://www.helium.com/items/1713451-how-to-balance-between-parenting-and-being-a-wife

***QUESTION: Was anything on Dawn’s list helpful to you? If you are a wife and a mother, what tips do you have for wives that are pregnant or considering motherhood regarding balancing it all***

How To Rock His World: Tips for Wives and Wives to Be

Here are 12 tips that I’ve learned during my 23 months of marriage. Married life is awesome and I want all couples to experience fulfilment in their marriages. With Christ at the center, you can never go wrong! Enjoy!

1) Love your husband in not only words but also in action. Find out what his love language is and love on him that way.

2) Make your husband your top priority. When he comes home from work, get off the phone, look cute, have dinner ready or prepared and listen to him if he wants to talk.

3) Be his BIGGEST cheerleader. Whatever he’s working on, praise him and let him know how proud of him you are. If it he isn’t doing well at the moment, let him know that you believe in him always and you appreciate him.

4) Be happy to be intimate with him and do it willingly often. Dont make your husband beg to make love to you. Sexual fulfillment is important in a marriage, it bonds MARRIED couples and keeps them close. Dont reject him and his need for sex. If you can’t perform at that moment, kindly give him an alternative time or plan (baby I wish I could but I’m so tired right now. I got you in the morning though, I promise.) If you say this, make sure you set your alarm to get up early, get freshened up and send him to work with a smile.

5) Dont talk bad about your husband to your family, friends, coworker etc. Dont let anyone else speak negatively of him either. You and he are one. If their talking about him, their talking about you.

6) Seek God for ways to love your husband better. Seek God for patience and longsuffering to help you handle the difficult times. Marriage is hard work, fun work, but work just the same. Thankfully, we don’t have to figure it all out ourselves, Holy Spirit is there to lead and guide you, all you have to do is seek Him.

7) Be sexy for your husband. Ask him what types of clothes, hair, makeup and shoes he would like to see you rock. He is the only person’s world that you want to rock. If no one else in the room thinks your sexy and irresistible, he should. He’s all that matters. You don’t have to dress in his favorite outfits everyday, but I LOVE to see my husbands face when I get dressed and he’s drooling over me.

8 Keep the house clean. Even if he doesn’t help you often, make sure the temple he comes home to is straightened up. If you see things getting cluttered, just start cleaning up. My husband isn’t particular about the house and when I clean it. We straighten the house daily and clean it thoroughly on Saturdays. He’s always appreciative of the fact that the house looks good and his clothes are washed.

9) Send your husband loving, thoughtful and sexy text messages, emails or instant messages throughout the day. When it pops in your head, send him something to say you love him, or your thinking of him or you cant wait to be with him later that night. Husbands like to know that they are being thought of.

10) Show him respect always. Find out what respect means to him and try your best to do it. Repent when you fall short and work hard to do better. A good husband who knows that his wife loves him, respects him and want to please him sexually, there’s nothing he wouldn’t try to do for her. He will willingly try to work hard to spend money on you, take you where you want to go and do what you want to do. Trust me.

11) Experiment sexually and don’t be afraid to enjoy it. God made the marriage bed and it is holy and good. By experiment I don’t mean bring anything (tools, porn, other people) I mean new positions, times of day, places to be intimate. If you two are getting bored, make sure you try to think of  HOLY things that you both are comfortable with trying.

12) Recreational companionship. Do things together. Have fun, be partners/play mates. Be each other’s best friend. Laugh together, do indoor and outdoor activities together. Take turns doing things he wants to do and things you want to do. The couple that plays together stays together.