Why Good Lovin Body Rockin Knocking Boots Aint Worth Dying For

In 1993 H-Town released a hit record called “Knockin Da Boots.” I was 12 years old and I thought the group was so cute and the song was so cool. Of course my parents did not allow me to listen to secular music, esp something as vulgar as that song, so I snuck when they weren’t around. As a child I didn’t understand the lyrics, let alone the seriousness of being sexually active before marriage and the physical, emotional and spiritual death that occurs from it.

Sex sales and the message and pressures to have sex and be sexual is everywhere (music, movies, fasion etc). What’s not everywhere is the truth, which is that sex outside of marriage is dangerous, lonely and drama filled. People fight for their right to be promiscuous saying it’s their body and they can do what they want with it. STDs and AIDs are at an all time high and as well as children being born to single parents. Sex outside of marriage isn’t safe. It pulls you further and further away from God and brings upon physical and emotional problems that most don’t think about until everything around them is falling apart.

I was not a virgin when I got married so I can tell you first hand about the drama, shame, loneliness, angry and confusing feelings that come alone with sex outside of marriage. I rededicated my life to Christ in 2002 and a few years later met my husband at our church and got married. You can only imagine my amazement at discovering how beautiful, passionate, safe, giving and SMOKIN HOT love-making was inside of my covenant trusting relationship with my husband. I didn’t have to worry about him getting me pregnant or giving me a disease. Because we both love Christ and have him at the center, we don’t allow any person, porn, sex toys etc inside our bed to defile what God has blessed us with. We love each other and aim to please each other. Want to experience awesome safe sex? The solution is simple, live holy, trust God to send you a mate to that believes your worth the wait, get married and then enjoy all the free, safe, faithful love making that you want. Watch God honor your marriage and love-making when you do things the right way. 

1 Corinthians 6:18-20 (MSG)

 16-20There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, “The two become one.” Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never “become one.” There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for “becoming one” with another. Or didn’t you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don’t you see that you can’t live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.

Read these 10 STD facts below and ask yourself, if sex outside of marriage worth all of that?

  • By 2010, at least 35 million children will have lost one or both parents to AIDS.ed
  • A girl is four times more likely to contract an STI/STD than she is to become pregnant.d
  • Unprotected anal intercourse with a partner whose status for STIs/STDs is unknown is the highest-risk sexual practice.k
  • Each year there are approximately 333 million new cases of STDs in the world, according to the CDC.j
  • Over 25 million people globally have died of AIDS since 1981.e
  • The estimated number of people living in the U.S. with a viral STD/STI is over 65 million. One in two sexually active people will contact an STD/STI before the age of 25.j
  • While some STIs/STDs—such as chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis—are curable, if left untreated, they can cause death, infertility, chronic pain, serious birth defects, and miscarriages.d
  • Many sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV, can be transmitted through oral sex.i
  • The rate of chlamydia among African-American men is more than 11 times that of white men. Additionally, African-Americans remain the group most heavily affected by gonorrhea. In 2004, the gonorrhea rate among blacks was 19 times the rate among whites.d
  • Although African-Americans make up only 13% of the U.S. population, they accounted for one half of the estimated new HIV/AIDS diagnoses in 2004.e
 
Prayer for sexual purity
 
Lord help us to live holy before you. Help us not to give into the lies of the world. Help us to focus on your promises for our future. Lord help us to glorify you in our mind, body and emotions. Send us believers to do life together so that we do not have to walk this Christian journey alone. Help the single saints to be content in their time of singlehood. Help them to stay focused on their goals and keep their eyes on you. Help the married saints to commit their marriages to you and not allow anything to taint the family that you’ve blessed them with. Lord thank you for your mercy and for forgiving us of our past sins and helping us to live right before you daily. Give us the desire and strength needed to leave any relationships or entertainment alone that  causes us to fall into sin. Thank you Lord for always being faithful and loving towards us. We trust you with our lives Lord. In Jesus name amen!

To My Single Diamonds, Mr. Right Is On The Way

Single Ladies: If “he” hasn’t found you yet, then pray that he asks God for directions! You want God’s best, not just someone driving by.

~Minister Tiffany Butler

I love this quote by Minister Tiffany because it is so true. As godly women, we have no business running around town trying to catch a man. It’s important to trust God and truly believe that He knows best as far as which guy, at what time you two will meet and when he will pursue you romantically. It’s super easy to get a date but who really wants just any ole guy?

My Testimony

I rededicated my life to Christ in 2002 but I continued to have contact with my ex via telephone and emails. I’d been dealing with my ex on and off for the past 5 years. The relationship wasn’t glorifying God, it was an emotional rollercoaster and huge distraction in my life. The more I grew in Christ, the more Holy Spirit was pulling at my heart to completely walk away from ALL form of contact with that joka. I needed to learn to rely fully on Christ for joy, peace and companionship. At the time it was the hardest thing I had to do because so much of my self-worth was wrapped up in my ex. To be apart from him forever was something my mind couldn’t fathom at the time BUT I knew it was what God was calling me to do. After I cut all communication, I cried but I promised God that I would take it one day at a time and focus on my relationship with Him, my family, positive friendships and graduating from college. As each day went on, God healed my heart and restored my joy and confidence in Him. There were days when I felt lonely but on those days I found productive things; spend time in prayer, with family or my girlfriends who were also walking the holiness path.

I was single for a few years before my husband and I started dating. But during that time of me patiently awaiting his arrival, I prayed for him like Min. Tiffany encouraged single ladies to do in the above quote. I prayed that God will keep me as I waited for him and keep him while he was being prepared for me. I confessed that in God’s perfect timing, we would meet, develop a friendship, godly courtship and get married. There were days when I felt anxious or even a little jealous when those around me started dating and I was still waiting BUT I’d have to work to cast those feelings down. I knew what God’s word promised me in Psalm 37:4 which was that He would give me the desires of my heart if I delighted myself in Him. I knew that I didn’t want another guy to come along, mess over me and hit the road. I told myself that I rather be single, saved and happy, then dating, angry and messed over. God kept His word and blessed me with an awesome husband. Neither of us are perfect and neither is our marriage by any means but we continue to trust God and live life according to His word. We know that if we continue to keep God first, we will be unstoppable!

To My Single Saved Set Free Diamonds

Ladies continue to live your worth. Continue to trust God when things are good and when things are challenging.  Know that God has not forgotten you. Diamonds are valuable, unique and durable. God didn’t make any mistakes when He made you and with Him, there’s no obstacle you can’t overcome! Your goal shouldn’t be to be someone’s girlfriend but to be the right man’s wife. Keep pursing or living your dreams, enjoy life and surround yourself with other singles who have the same beliefs and goals as you. Find other believers and do life together.

3 Reasons To Make Him Wait For Sex

I truly  believe in the statement “true love waits.” When two people love each other, they don’t pressure one another into doing things that will harm them or jeopardize their relationship. Today’s society teaches us to do what feels good and be as liberal as we want to be BUT where has that gotten us? Teenage pregnancy, AIDs and STDs, adultery leading to divorce and single parent homes, all in the name of “just do what feels good.” That motto is a lie from the pit of hell and DON’T you believe it! God encourages us to be pure in our bodies so that we can be protected from drama, hurt, shame, loneliness, death and eternity in hell. The spiritual answer to why wait to have sex until marriage is to obey God and His word and to remain holy and pure in our bodies until saying I Do. 1 Cor 6:18-20. Here are three practical  answers to add to that.

Please know that this is a general list. I am not speaking about all men or all women. Also, I am not trying to speak negatively of men, I’m merely trying to be honest with women about why giving up the goods can lead to more problems than it’s worth.

3 Reasons To Make Him Wait For Sex

1. Sex changes things. The moment you give in and become intimate with a man things change. The chase is sometimes over and therefore he may no longer work as hard to win your affection or get to know you. Men like a challenge, they like to pursue women, court them, in hopes of winning their heart and/or to get them in bed. You will find out a lot about a man if you make him wait for sex. If he hits the door running the moment you tell him that you’re not going to sleep with him, then you know what he was all about. A man can tell you how much he loves you and be extra patient in his pursuit to get you into bed but the moment that happens, there’s a possibility that he will leave as fast as he came (pun intended)

2. Sex can lead to pregnancy and single parent homes. Too often, women give into the pressures of sex and end up pregnant and alone. The same man who was whispering in your ear that you were beautiful and the only one for him, is the same man who went off on you and left when you said you were pregnant. Please know that when you make the choice to be sexually active, there’s a possibility that you can become pregnant. Ask yourself, is the person that I’m sleeping with or considering sleeping with would be good husband and father material. If the answer is no, then get out the bed, put your dress back on and RUN. Ladies lets stop being naive. Let’s stop opening ourselves up to sin, drama and single parenthood.

3. Your body is sacred and everyone doesn’t deserve a ride. As women, once we know our value and worth, we change who we associate with, where we go, what we say and how we dress. Once you discover that your more than a sex object, more than big boobs and booty, more than the expensive clothes and the weave that you rock, you begin to carry yourself differently and in turn attract a different type of man. A mature, modest, godly woman understands that her body is a precious temple and will attract a man who is searching for a woman to love and marry, not a woman to screw and leave. It’s important to look good and keep your appearance up but ladies please know that looks aren’t everything and neither is having a man on your arm. You don’t just want a man, you want the right man who God has for you in His perfect timing.

Ladies, I encourage you to surround yourself with other strong, positive and productive women. Read your bible and attend a women’s ministry at a local church. If you’re in a relationship and having sex, consider abstinence and explain why to your partner. If his response is negative and he threatens to leave, then you have your answer regarding what your relationship was based on. You want love, not lust. Love last forever but lust last only a moment. Also lust can never be fulfilled, which is why many people cheat.

Stop Having Yo New Man Pay For The Sins of Yo Past Man

The new man can’t afford to pay the debt of the one who came up short, nor should he. If he does, then he’ll come up short. Release the ex of that debt, forgive him and wish him well for real. Start fresh with this new man, as if your heart had never been broken. That’s what grown women do. Bitterness doesn’t look good on nobody~ Kim Blakes, my FB friend.

My response to her status: Amen! We need to give our hurt, pain and issues from past broken relationships to God and allow HIM to heal us. We can’t truly be what a new love needs us to be if we aren’t complete and whole in Christ. Trust me, I’ve been there. Thank God for His mercy, grace, restoration and love.

There are 2 points that I’d like to zero in on regarding this topic.

1. Forgiveness is key when trying to get over a past relationship that went bad. It’s impossible to harbor anger and bitterness when you have truly forgiven someone and given your hurt over to God. I used to hate my 2 ex’s with a passion. When I rededicated my life to Christ, I knew I had to lay my pain, anger and unforgiveness on the altar if my sins were to be forgiven, if I desired to be whole, at peace and if I wanted to be a happy woman and wife one day. Forgiveness seems unfair because you were the one who was wronged but forgiveness is for you so that you can be free and delivered from the bondage of the past. When I learned to forgive those three gentlemen my attitude and life changed for the better. Shortly after that I met my husband and we began a beautiful friendship that eventually lead to love.

2. It’s very important to not jump into a new relationship before you allow yourself to get healing and closure from your past relationship. When a relationship ends negatively, it leaves a bad taste in your mouth and a pain in your heart. Sometimes you may find yourself depressed, confused and defeated. You need to go into a quiet room and tell the Lord what happened, how you feel and what you need from Him. The bible tells us to cast our burdens unto Jesus for He cares for us. God already knows what’s going on but He wants you to come to Him willingly with an open heart so that He can heal, love and comfort you. There is no love like the love of our Heavenly Father and there’s no hurt that He can’t heal. The bible says that He heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds.

When you take the mess from your past relationship into your new one, your asking for your new relationship to fail. It’s not fair to the new man whose intentions towards you maybe pure but you treat him as if you know he’s going to dog you out and leave you hanging like the last joker. Seek godly counsel and get yourself together before jumping into a premature relationship that could end just as badly as the last.

Bonus tip: When we allow ourselves to jump from one bad relationship to the next, we make it harder for Mr. Right when he comes along. 1. Because we’re so distrusting that we can’t see him for who he really is 2. We’re too busy being angry about the last joker that we LET dog us out that we can’t see the good man standing right in front of our face. 3. We’ve ALLOWED ourselves to deal with so many bad guys that we lose hope that good guys even exist. There are good men out there but you have to ask yourself, are you ready to properly love one? Do yourself a favor, get restored from the past, embrace your time of singleness and learn to love yourself. If you don’t love you, you can’t possibly love someone else.

3 Perks For Being Single On Christmas

This post is dedicated to the many beautiful, saved, successful, smart, kind, driven and uncompromising women in the world. Many of my closest female friends are single this holiday season and I wanted to write a post of encouragement and humor that would carry them through this season.

While many single women desire to be married at some point, they are learning to dedicate their time, money, talent and bodies to Christ during the waiting season. For me, on an average day, being single wasn’t that challenging  BUT I did have days, especially around special holidays (Valentines Day, my birthday, Thanksgiving and Christmas) were I wished I had a good man to love and celebrate with. The longing for someone to love and be loved by is natural and normal but we must always remember that the grass is not always greener on the other side. Marriage is lots of fun but it’s also challenging work. Often times people don’t think about all the serving, sacrificing, patience and comprise that comes with the territory and therefore so many couples get divorced. One of the purposes of my blog is to inform single women of the wonderful and not so wonderful aspects of marriage so that they have a realistic expectation before saying I Do! Checkout the list below about why being single on Christmas isn’t a bad thing.

3 Perks For Being Single On Christmas

1. When your single, you don’t have to agree with anyone but the Holy Spirit about how to spend your money for Christmas or how many gifts to purchase. Throughout the year you save your money and when Christmas time comes you can tithe, pay your bills and make a list as long or short as you’d like of who you bless for Christmas. It’s your money and your prerogative.

2. When your single you don’t have the responsiblity of visiting  your family and the in-laws and doing the house jumping balancing act. If you want to stay home you can, if you want to go from house to house you can. As a single woman the holidays are what you make it. Surround yourself with loved ones (family and friends) and thank God for what you do have instead of thinking about what you don’t have.

3.When your single, instead of needing to go out and find the perfect Christmas morning lingerie, you can pick out whatever cute and comfortable PJs that you like because you only have to please you. It’s wonderful to have a husband to dress up for but sometimes it’s nice to put on whatever makes you comfy, grab a book or a girlie movie and spend some quality time by yourself.

Basically ladies what I’m saying is being married has a lot of perks (companionship, love, sex and children to be raised by two parents in a loving home) but singleness definitely does too (independence of time, money, jobs and travel. You can go wherever you want to go and do whatever you want to) We must all remember that it’s a blessing to be breathing this Christmas. To have some money to bless a few people with gifts, to have family and friends to celebrate Christ’s birth with and enjoy good food. Married or single, let’s find reasons to be grateful and content this Christmas. Jesus is the reason for the season!!!

The Middle Ground Between The Chastity Belt and Girls Gone Wild

 

In today’s sexualized society, there has to be a middle ground between feeling like you need to wear a chastity belt to remain pure and falling head first into the sexual revolution. I believe the media has fed women so many lies about sexuality and now many of us are paying the hurtful price behind believing those lies. Checkout the definitions of chastity belt and sexual revolution.

Wikipedia defines a chastity belt as  a locking item of clothing designed to prevent sexual intercourse. They may be used to protect the wearer from rape or temptation. Some devices have been designed with additional features to prevent masturbation. Chastity belts have been created for males and females. According to modern myth the chastity belt was used as an anti-temptation device during the Crusades. When the knight left for the Holy Lands on the Crusades, his Lady would wear a chastity belt to preserve her faithfulness to him.

The sexual revolution (sexual liberation”) encompasses the changes in social thought and codes of behaviour related to sexuality throughout the Western world that took place from the 1960s into the 1970s.Sexual liberalisation was the beginning of an acceptance of sex outside of traditional heterosexual, monogamous relationships (primarily marriage).[3] Contraception and the pill, public nudity, the normalisation of homosexuality and alternative forms of sexuality, and the legalization of abortion all followed.

As a married woman, I strongly believe in women being free in marriage to please their husbands and be pleased as well as often as they want to. Sex is good, sex is important, sex is fun and pleasing in God’s sight. The problem is so many women have brought the world’s lies about what sex and what being sexually free really means. In many women’s fight to kill the double standard between men and women, some have chosen to become just as irresponsible, slutty, cold-hearted and promiscuous as the men who’ve hurt them in the past. Everyone should be responsible and safe when it comes to sex. No one should misuse, abuse, lie, cheat and jump in and out of bed with multiple partners.

As a Christian, I believe that sex outside of marriage is a sin. I know first hand how hurtful, lonely, confusing, disappointing, dangerous and depressing casual sex can be. I thank God for His healing and restoring power. When I turned my life over to Christ, I found the hope, joy, peace, comfort, strength, wisdom, self-confidence and love that I was missing and looking for in all the wrong places. Now I have been extremely blessed with a husband who loves God, loves me and faithful and dedicated to only me. My husband was a virgin when we got married and from the day we met until this very second, he continues to show me what true, holy godly love really is. Ladies there is nothing like it in the whole wide world.

Women don’t fight for your right:

1. To have your body used and then forgotten about by men who don’t really love you or themselves.

2. Get pregnant and left all alone to struggle to raise a child or children.

3. Get STD’s and/or AIDs. African American women have the highest AIDs rate than any other population.

4. Be emotionally and mentally drained, hurt, angry and bitter because of the sexual choices you’ve made with the wrong men.

You don’t have to wear a chastity belt and be afraid of men or the thought of sexual pleasure BUT you don’t have to be apart of the girls gone wild movement either. Have respect for yourself, have standards for the men that you date and understand that you are more than a sex object/baby maker. Read 1 Cor 13 and find out what real love is. When you know who you are and what your worth, you won’t waste another day letting someone treat you like trash.

Here’s an interesting article about the lie behind the sexual liberation movement.

http://www.goodmorals.org/kersten.htm

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How To STOP Being A Fool For Love

If he’s playing with your emotions and not treating you how you deserve to be treated, it’s time to get OFF the emotional roller coaster and move on!

Vivian Green Emotional Rollercoaster

11/12/02

I’m on an emotional rollercoaster
Lovin you aint nothing healthy
Lovin you aint never good for me
But I can’t get off

I must admit, this was my song back in the day. Vivian has a nice voice, it’s catchy and it has a nice R & B beat. As I matured and learned that real love WASN’T supposed to drive you crazy, break your heart and be unhealthy, I left sad R & B love songs alone all together. I changed my friends, environment, who I dated and started getting serious about God. Having drama was getting old!

Love isn’t supposed to hurt. Real love doesn’t lie, cheat, waste your time, spend your money, hit on your friends or drain you of your joy!! Now run tell dat!! Lol

How To STOP Being A Fool For Love

1. Pay attention to the signs that the relationship isn’t healthy and don’t ignore them.

2. Don’t date in secret. When something is good and your happy, you want to share it with the world. When you know the relationship is bad, you sneak around and don’t introduce that person to your loved ones. If your shamed it’s time to end it!

3. Have standards. Write out a prayer list of things you desire in a future mate (because dating is for the purpose of marriage. If you can’t see yourself marrying that person, you have no business dating them) Once you know what you’re looking for in a man, when the bad ones come by you can tell them to keep walking.

4. Don’t be so desperate for a man who you allow foolishness go on just for the sake of “having a man” You can do bad all by yourself.

5. Love yourself and know that your worth the wait. Don’t settle. Don’t give up the goods for free. Your worth more than sex. No one wants to the other woman or just a booty call. When you love yourself you don’t allow people to use and abuse you. 1 Cor 13 tells us what real love is. We must learn to love us, know that God loves us and He will bless us with someone who loves us in His timing.

If you enjoyed this blog post, I encourage you to subscribe to receive emails regarding future post. The subscribe button is located at the top left corner of the blog. Once you enter your email and hit “sign me up,” you will have to open your email and confirm the subscription. Thank you in advance for your support. Also please email the blog link to other ladies https://joannawillis.wordpress.com