Boyz To Men: 5 Signs that He’s A Man and No Longer A Boy

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Let God make a man out of him, before you try to make a husband out of him ~ Author Unknown.

No woman wants to date a boy, let alone marry one. As women, we need to make sure we pay attention to the signs that the men in our lives show us. If he shows you that he’s immature and selfish please don’t ignore the signs.

Back in the day when I was in college, I dated a few boys trying to stunt like they were men. They showed me from the beginning that they weren’t focused on anyone but themselves. I was desperately wanting not to be single, therefore I continued wasting my time, trying to make something out of nothing. Funny how I had the nerve to get mad when things went south, when really the relationships lived in the south pole. I thank God for deliverance and opening my eyes and renewing my mind. Once I allowed God to make a woman of godliness, holiness, focus, determination and purpose, my self esteem went up and my priorities changed.

Once a man has a true relationship with God, he won’t want to waste your time or break your heart. When men submit their flesh to God, the last thing they want to do is hit it and quit it. If they want it they will put a ring on it. Remember ladies, love is committment.

Signs that a man has allowed God to make a man out of him:

1. He’s sold out for Jesus and unashamed of the gospel of Christ.

2. His focus is to live holy and please God.

3. He understands that dating is to get to know someone for marriage. Yes he wants to have fun but his goal is to find the right woman for him, not to have sex or just to have a pretty girl on his arm.

4. He’s faithful to God and to you. By faithful to God I mean, he has a relationship with God, church home, a prayer life and living according to the word of God. No he is not perfect but he strives to be more like Christ. If he’s working hard to be faithful to God, he will try his best to be faithful to you, God’s daughter.

5. He’s giving of his time and money to God, you and others. He isn’t selfish, he’s looking for ways to be a blessing to those around him.

Ladies, allow God to make a man out of the man you have your eyes on. Once he’s molded into the man that God has created him to be, he will be ready to be all that you need him to be. If he’s not committed to God, he can’t be committed to you. Being single, happy and in the will of God is a blessing, dating out of God’s will and being unhappy is not a blessing.

Here’s an example of what I’m talking about:

When my husband Eddie and I met, we both were young (early 20’s) and had just gotten out of relationships with other people. We were fairly new to our church and were getting involved, making friends and learning about developing a personal relationship with Jesus. Eddie knew that God was still making a man out of him and he was not ready for a serious relationship leading towards marriage, therefore he did not step to me in a romantic way. We developed a friendship and just got to know each other in a group setting since we were blessed to hang in the same circle. As time went on and we continued to develop and mature spiritually, emotionally and financially, we both felt peace to begin dating and planning our future together.

I am not the type of Christian that believes that everyone’s testimony should be like mine. I am not saying that everyone has to do things how we did them. Each person needs to seek God, his word and other godly counsel around them (friends, parents, pastor etc) in order to know when their ready to date and for counsel and accountability regarding who they should date. No one wants to waste their time or get their heart broken. A way to avoid these things is to date with a purpose. After a few dates, you should know if the person is worth continuing to see because you have the same morals, values, beliefs and interest, or if you if it’s time to part ways because there isn’t anything therefore. At the right time, you will meet the guy for you, in the mean time, be single and fabulous and enjoy this wonderful journey called life! Travel, pursue God and your purpose, shop, work, play, make friends, and enjoy every moment!!

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The Techology Obession and The Cell Phone Challenge. Whose with Me?

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“I fear the day that technology will surpass our human interaction. The world will have a generation of idiots.” Albert Einsten

This picture speaks volume. I am so guilty of being out with friends and family and being on my phone, checking FB or texting with friends. I carry on conversations with others while holding my phone in my hand and checking it from time to time. I need to do better with giving my loved ones my undivided attention. The question is, why we are so obsessed with our phones? Why must we stay so connected to the world? What did we do before Facebook, Twitter and Instagram?

What I love about FB is, I can keep in contact with my loved ones whom I don’t get to see often. I can congratulate them and get a first look at pictures of birthdays, anniversaries, weddings and children being born. You’re always connected and informed. Who needs to talk on the phone anymore? Why do I even have a voicemail because I hate to check it. On the rare occasion that I call a friend and they don’t answer, I hang up and text them what I need them to know. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to them on the phone, I’m a working wife and mother and I’m always on the go. I don’t have time to devote hours to talking on the phone. It’s easier to text and chat on FB and set up a time to get together for coffee and catch up then.

Even my 23 month old is very much into cell phones. She wants to play games and have me take pictures of her, and then look at the pictures that were taken of course. We have put learning apps on our phones so that she can learn her numbers, letters, colors, body parts, names of animals etc. I don’t feel that technology is bad, I feel that it’s all about how you use it. I don’t agree with people using social media for bullying, stalking, arguing or hooking up with others and being unfaithful. I like being able to read cnn.com and the news and the weather to stay current on whats going on in and outside of my backyard. All I’m saying is, we should consider putting boundaries up so that we aren’t consumed by social media and in turn, loose the relationships around us as well as the ability to be social with others.

The cell phone challenge: For the next week, I challenge myself and those reading this post, to put their cell phones aside during times that we are with others at dinners, movies, on dates or interacting with your children. For one week, let’s try to spend a little less time on our phones and a little more time giving those around us the attention that they deserve. I will post next week about my experience. Anybody else with me?

Learning To Toss out the Romanic Myths and Seek The Truth

Toss out the Romanic Myths and Seek The Truth

Your soulmate is the person who mends your broken heart by simply giving you theirs ~ author unknown.

I saw this quote on a FB friend’s page and I thought it would be interesting to write a post about it. While the quote and pic are good intentioned and seemingly romantic, I think the message is actually dangerous. No one can heal us but God. It helps to have positive loving people around us, but they can’t heal us.

3 Reasons Why God is the Answer to Your Pain

1. 1 John 3:16 This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.

There isn’t a love greater than the love that Christ has for us. He died for our sins and rose on the third day, so that we can be healed and set free. We love Christ because He first loved us. Often times we get caught up in what looks like romance and happiness BUT if it doesn’t please Christ, it isn’t his will for us. God heals, he saves, he lives to make us whole again. No one can love us unconditionally like Christ.

2. Psalm 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

The only one who can heal our bodies, emotions and make our life better is God. We have to be careful not to try to make our significant others our savior. No man or woman can heal our hearts or take away our pain. Have you ever seen a woman date a good man (he’s faithful, a gentleman, honest, open and drama free) and she still treats him like he’s one of the dogs that she’s dated in the past. That’s because no matter how much that man loved on her, he couldn’t take away the pain of her past. God loves us so much, that no matter what wrong we’ve done or that’s been done to us, He is waiting, ready and willing to love on us, restore us and make us whole again. Restoration comes when we submit to Gods will and focus on pleasing him, NOT man.

3. Matthew 9:22 Jesus turned and saw her. “Take heart, daughter,” he said, “your faith has healed you.” And the woman was healed at that moment.

It’s important for us to have faith in God, knowing that He alone is the answer to all of our problems. When we put our faith in people, at some point we find ourselves frustrated and disappointed because man fails us but God never fails. When we submit to the Lord, putting all of our issues on the altar, He is always faithful to meet us right where we’re at and start the process of making us new again. Some healing is instant and others healing is a process. As long as we keep our eyes on the cross, we know that our break through is on the way.

Yo Mr. Right, Where Are U? 4 Benefits To Getting Married After 30

The picture attached to today’s post states: When God knows your ready for the responsibility of commitment, HE will reveal the right person under the right circumstances. I firmly believe that God knows what we need and when we need it. Most people that I know desire to be married one day and sometimes the pressures of life cause people to start feeling anxious. When anxiety sets in, we tend to make the wrong choices, and marriage isn’t a decision that anyone wants to jump into. I found a helpful article about why getting married after 30 has many benefits. Please review the post and let me know what you think. Have any other tips to add?

Shannon Fox and Celeste Liversidge, coauthors of Last One Down the Aisle Wins, report “statistics show that if you wait and marry closer to 30, your chances of having a healthy, long-lasting relationship more than double.”

Rather than spend your twenties hunting for the perfect mate, Fox and Liversidge recommend focusing your energies towards having the kinds of experiences that will help you fully develop into the person who will be completely ready to find The One in your 30’s. Here are a few tips that they shared in their article. You can read the article the full article at http://www.match.com/magazine/article/12160/

Fox and Liversidge list 3 reasons why women tend to rush into marriage. What do you think about this list?

  1. Because all of their friends are getting married
  2. Because their biological clock starts ticking
  3. They desire the financial stability that comes along with marriage

Benefits to getting married after 30

1. The statistics clearly show that marrying someone when you’re too young puts increases the risk of that marriage ending in divorce. According to the National Center for Health Statistics, if you wait until after the age of 25 to get married, your chances of staying married more than double! The old “50 percent of marriages end in divorce” statistic is cut in half if you just wait a little while longer to take the plunge.

2. When it comes to marriage, two halves definitely do not make a whole. Taking the time to develop into your best, most complete individual self before you marry allows you to bring vital ingredients to the table; you are more confident, you know who you are (and more importantly, who you’re not), you have a better idea of what you need from a potential husband and what it means to be a good wife. You have control of your finances and aren’t overly needy or volatile. You’ve achieved a healthy separation from your family and won’t end up feeling resentful for the adventures or passions you wish you would’ve pursued during your younger, single years. In short, you are able to come into the marriage as an equal partner, because you’re a grown-up.

3. Money is a huge, hot-button issue for women in addition to being one of the top three reasons people get divorced. People sometimes think that getting a handle on your finances means learning how to budget or finally starting that 401(k). But the truth is that — especially for women — money is an issue that is fraught with emotions. Your single years are the perfect time to develop a good personal relationship with money before it has the chance to become a destructive force in your marriage. When women let their feelings about money rule their actions, they increase the risk of making a poor decision when choosing who to marry. If you really believe that you need a man to take care of you, then you’ll be more likely to settle for the first guy who has the ability to wipe your debt slate clean and offer you financial stability.

4. Taking the time to develop a healthy body image before you settle down is crucial for a happy marriage and, particularly, for guaranteeing you’ll have a happy, healthy sex life. Of course, most women struggle to some extent with body image and body dissatisfaction, but if a woman doesn’t manage to get to a place of acceptance with her imperfect body before she marries, it can have devastating effects on her relationship with her husband. In fact, 67% of the men we surveyed reported that their wives’ negative body image caused serious issues in the marriage. Sex-related problems in the marriage are also amongst the top three reasons for divorce.

Why Good Lovin Body Rockin Knocking Boots Aint Worth Dying For

In 1993 H-Town released a hit record called “Knockin Da Boots.” I was 12 years old and I thought the group was so cute and the song was so cool. Of course my parents did not allow me to listen to secular music, esp something as vulgar as that song, so I snuck when they weren’t around. As a child I didn’t understand the lyrics, let alone the seriousness of being sexually active before marriage and the physical, emotional and spiritual death that occurs from it.

Sex sales and the message and pressures to have sex and be sexual is everywhere (music, movies, fasion etc). What’s not everywhere is the truth, which is that sex outside of marriage is dangerous, lonely and drama filled. People fight for their right to be promiscuous saying it’s their body and they can do what they want with it. STDs and AIDs are at an all time high and as well as children being born to single parents. Sex outside of marriage isn’t safe. It pulls you further and further away from God and brings upon physical and emotional problems that most don’t think about until everything around them is falling apart.

I was not a virgin when I got married so I can tell you first hand about the drama, shame, loneliness, angry and confusing feelings that come alone with sex outside of marriage. I rededicated my life to Christ in 2002 and a few years later met my husband at our church and got married. You can only imagine my amazement at discovering how beautiful, passionate, safe, giving and SMOKIN HOT love-making was inside of my covenant trusting relationship with my husband. I didn’t have to worry about him getting me pregnant or giving me a disease. Because we both love Christ and have him at the center, we don’t allow any person, porn, sex toys etc inside our bed to defile what God has blessed us with. We love each other and aim to please each other. Want to experience awesome safe sex? The solution is simple, live holy, trust God to send you a mate to that believes your worth the wait, get married and then enjoy all the free, safe, faithful love making that you want. Watch God honor your marriage and love-making when you do things the right way. 

1 Corinthians 6:18-20 (MSG)

 16-20There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, “The two become one.” Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never “become one.” There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for “becoming one” with another. Or didn’t you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don’t you see that you can’t live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.

Read these 10 STD facts below and ask yourself, if sex outside of marriage worth all of that?

  • By 2010, at least 35 million children will have lost one or both parents to AIDS.ed
  • A girl is four times more likely to contract an STI/STD than she is to become pregnant.d
  • Unprotected anal intercourse with a partner whose status for STIs/STDs is unknown is the highest-risk sexual practice.k
  • Each year there are approximately 333 million new cases of STDs in the world, according to the CDC.j
  • Over 25 million people globally have died of AIDS since 1981.e
  • The estimated number of people living in the U.S. with a viral STD/STI is over 65 million. One in two sexually active people will contact an STD/STI before the age of 25.j
  • While some STIs/STDs—such as chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis—are curable, if left untreated, they can cause death, infertility, chronic pain, serious birth defects, and miscarriages.d
  • Many sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV, can be transmitted through oral sex.i
  • The rate of chlamydia among African-American men is more than 11 times that of white men. Additionally, African-Americans remain the group most heavily affected by gonorrhea. In 2004, the gonorrhea rate among blacks was 19 times the rate among whites.d
  • Although African-Americans make up only 13% of the U.S. population, they accounted for one half of the estimated new HIV/AIDS diagnoses in 2004.e
 
Prayer for sexual purity
 
Lord help us to live holy before you. Help us not to give into the lies of the world. Help us to focus on your promises for our future. Lord help us to glorify you in our mind, body and emotions. Send us believers to do life together so that we do not have to walk this Christian journey alone. Help the single saints to be content in their time of singlehood. Help them to stay focused on their goals and keep their eyes on you. Help the married saints to commit their marriages to you and not allow anything to taint the family that you’ve blessed them with. Lord thank you for your mercy and for forgiving us of our past sins and helping us to live right before you daily. Give us the desire and strength needed to leave any relationships or entertainment alone that  causes us to fall into sin. Thank you Lord for always being faithful and loving towards us. We trust you with our lives Lord. In Jesus name amen!

Top 5 Reasons To ONLY Date R.M.O.G

A RMOG is a real man of God. A RMOG doesn’t just know about God, he loves the Lord and has dedicated his life to serving him. He lives a godly lifestyle and surrounds himself with other men and women who are living for the Lord also. He walks in integrity whether people are watching him or not. A RMOG doesn’t just quote scriptures and religious phrases, he reads and mediates on the word of God and believes it. A RMOG doesn’t care what others think or say about him because he’s confident in his relationship with the Lord. A RMOG isn’t perfect but he aims to be like Christ. A RMOG is truly worth the wait; whether your 15, 25, 35, 45 etc, God knows your desire to be married one day and He’s preparing an awesome RMOG for you. Keep trusting in God knowing that he knows what best for you and when. PS- These type of men do exist, I have one, my father and father in law are both RMOG and I know several other women who have MARRIED RMOG also.

Top 5 Reasons to ONLY Date R.M.OG

1. A RMOG lives his life to please the Lord and he knows that treating you with honor, love and respect will please the Lord. A RMOG won’t call you out your name, lie and cheat on you. If you thought he was a RMOG and he’s doing these things, he’s a wolf and sheep’s clothing so get up girl and RUN!!!

2. A RMOG isn’t gonna hit it and quit it. He lives a holy lifestyle before the Lord and therefore will not attempt to sleep with you before marriage. A RMOG will aim to be holy in his courtship with you and understand that he has no right to your body until after marriage. If he wants it he’ll put a ring on it.

3. A RMOG isn’t gonna just date you until something better comes along then drop you like a hot potato. He’s not into wasting your time, he values you as his sister in the Lord and will be honest about his intentions towards you UPFRONT!! If you’ve been dating a few months and your totally confused about his committment towards you then he’s wasting your time. Dating shouldn’t be a guessing game.

4.  A RMOG is a gentle leader. He knows who he is in Christ and he wants to be the head of his future household. He isn’t a wanna be whose always following folks and going along with whatever you say. He listens to the Holy Ghost then walks out his instructions in love.

5. ONLY A RMOG is marriage material because he knows God intimately and he desires to be the best RMOG that God has called him to be. He’s seeking God about his purpose and choosing the Lord over money, sex, career, cars etc. A RMOG witnesses to others and tells them about the Lord. A RMOG is continually working on his finances and getting his affairs in order for his future family and is continuously being led by the Holy Spirit.

4 Questions To Ask Yourself Before Bringing Him Home For Christmas

This holiday season, many will consider bringing their new love interest around their family for the first time.  Before introducing him to the fam, please consider asking yourself these three questions to assist you with making your decision.

1. Where is this relationship really going? Is he marriage material?

You want to know that your relationship is stable and serious before introducing him to your parents and extended family. No one wants to be the cousin that always brings a new guy around every holiday.  How do you know your relationship is serious? One way is by having important conversations about your future together, marriage, children etc. I know some women fear that if they talk about their desire to get married too soon in the relationship (like during the first 6 months) they’ll run their crush away. I feel like this, you don’t want to waste his time or yours so use your dating time to get to know one another and talk about your future goals. If you let someone know that you desire to get married one day and they tell you up front that they don’t, then you know they aren’t the one for you.

2. What do his actions tell you and is he really marriage material?

Remember, actions always speak louder than words. If he says he wants to marriage you but it’s been a few years and you haven’t received a proposal, ring or set a date, chances are he’s only saying the words you want to.

Also, ask yourself if he’s marriage material. Could you see yourself marrying him the way he is today? The way he treats you, the amount of money that he currently makes etc. Does he love God with his whole heart and attempts to live a lifestyle according to the word of God? Does he love God more than he loves you? Does he have dreams, goals and motivation to be the best man he can be? Does he love, encourage, support, protect, pray, respect and honor you? Consider your answers before jumping to say that he is or isn’t marriage material.

3. Does he challenge, motivate and make you better?

Does he encourage you to discover and then walk in your purpose? Does he motivate you to follow your dreams and work hard to achieve your goals? Many of us can think of past exs that brought us down; encouraged us to skip class, lie to our parents or do things that we really didn’t want to do. It’s so important to date someone who brings out the best in you and motivates you to be better. If he’s following his dreams and working hard to make something of himself, he’ll do the same for you because he loves you. If he’s lazy and only taking from you, then he’s bringing you down and must go!!

4. Is he Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now?

It’s always a good idea to write out a list of the characteristics you want in your ideal mate. I’m not talking about looks, though looks are important. I’m talking about things that you would want your future husband to be such as in love with the Lord, honest, hard working, loving, funny, intelligent etc. If your current man’s list has some of the following words, you may consider not bringing him around the family and re-evaluating the relationship: selfish, rude, not dependable, broke, unfaithful and unmotivated. The person you date won’t be perfect, no one is, but he should have the potential to be great because of his heart and his actions. If he continues to show you that this relationship is temporary and he’s only here till the fun ends, maybe you should let him off the ride now.

So, did you like your answers about your man? If so, that’s awesome! Enjoy celebrating Christmas with your love! If he didn’t pass, let him go and don’t waste another day on a dead end relationship. Ladies patiently waiting on love, let’s continue to love ourselves, know our worth and seek God about our love lives or lack there of. There’s no need to settle or try to make someone be what we want them to be. Mr. Right will come along in God’s perfect timing, in the mean time, enjoy being single, free and happy. Submit to God, trust Him completely and watch Him do BIG things in your life!!