A Mother’s Fear of Raising A Brown Boy in America

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My husband and I have the privilege and burden of raising a beautiful brown boy in today’s society. Our son is only four months old but I already cast down anxiety at the thought of raising him in a world that fears and hates him because of the color of his skin.

How do you tell your kind, intelligent and loving brown boy that some will fear him just because his skin is a different color than theirs. How do I tell him that no matter what he wears or how intelligent he speaks, some will pre judge him and see him as a threat.

How do we raise our brown boy to be cautious and aware but not afraid, angry or bitter? How do we teach him to love those who don’t value his life and are just looking for a reason to take it?
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How do we resist the urge to shelter him completely in a attempt to keep him safe? How do we ignore the fear that will try to creep up when he leaves to walk to the corner store or a local park to meet his friends? How do we build him up in a society that only wants to break him down?

While these are tough questions, in Jesus we must find our hope and peace. As believers, we are to pray over our children daily. We need to plead the blood of Jesus over them. We teach them that the word of God is true. We need to teach them how to be men of God. We teach them how to carry themselves in public and how to interact with those in authority in hopes that their lives can be spared. We educate them and teach them about God’s love, mercy, protection and forgiveness.

We teach them to be leaders and not followers. We provide them with peaceful, godly, respectful homes so that they won’t grow up to be angry, rude and worldly. We teach them that violence isn’t the answer. We tell them that not all cops are bad and that they are to respect authority.

Lord bless our brown boys. Lord comfort the Brown family. Lord bring peace and restoration to Ferguson.

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Why Good Lovin Body Rockin Knocking Boots Aint Worth Dying For

In 1993 H-Town released a hit record called “Knockin Da Boots.” I was 12 years old and I thought the group was so cute and the song was so cool. Of course my parents did not allow me to listen to secular music, esp something as vulgar as that song, so I snuck when they weren’t around. As a child I didn’t understand the lyrics, let alone the seriousness of being sexually active before marriage and the physical, emotional and spiritual death that occurs from it.

Sex sales and the message and pressures to have sex and be sexual is everywhere (music, movies, fasion etc). What’s not everywhere is the truth, which is that sex outside of marriage is dangerous, lonely and drama filled. People fight for their right to be promiscuous saying it’s their body and they can do what they want with it. STDs and AIDs are at an all time high and as well as children being born to single parents. Sex outside of marriage isn’t safe. It pulls you further and further away from God and brings upon physical and emotional problems that most don’t think about until everything around them is falling apart.

I was not a virgin when I got married so I can tell you first hand about the drama, shame, loneliness, angry and confusing feelings that come alone with sex outside of marriage. I rededicated my life to Christ in 2002 and a few years later met my husband at our church and got married. You can only imagine my amazement at discovering how beautiful, passionate, safe, giving and SMOKIN HOT love-making was inside of my covenant trusting relationship with my husband. I didn’t have to worry about him getting me pregnant or giving me a disease. Because we both love Christ and have him at the center, we don’t allow any person, porn, sex toys etc inside our bed to defile what God has blessed us with. We love each other and aim to please each other. Want to experience awesome safe sex? The solution is simple, live holy, trust God to send you a mate to that believes your worth the wait, get married and then enjoy all the free, safe, faithful love making that you want. Watch God honor your marriage and love-making when you do things the right way. 

1 Corinthians 6:18-20 (MSG)

 16-20There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, “The two become one.” Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never “become one.” There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for “becoming one” with another. Or didn’t you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don’t you see that you can’t live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.

Read these 10 STD facts below and ask yourself, if sex outside of marriage worth all of that?

  • By 2010, at least 35 million children will have lost one or both parents to AIDS.ed
  • A girl is four times more likely to contract an STI/STD than she is to become pregnant.d
  • Unprotected anal intercourse with a partner whose status for STIs/STDs is unknown is the highest-risk sexual practice.k
  • Each year there are approximately 333 million new cases of STDs in the world, according to the CDC.j
  • Over 25 million people globally have died of AIDS since 1981.e
  • The estimated number of people living in the U.S. with a viral STD/STI is over 65 million. One in two sexually active people will contact an STD/STI before the age of 25.j
  • While some STIs/STDs—such as chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis—are curable, if left untreated, they can cause death, infertility, chronic pain, serious birth defects, and miscarriages.d
  • Many sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV, can be transmitted through oral sex.i
  • The rate of chlamydia among African-American men is more than 11 times that of white men. Additionally, African-Americans remain the group most heavily affected by gonorrhea. In 2004, the gonorrhea rate among blacks was 19 times the rate among whites.d
  • Although African-Americans make up only 13% of the U.S. population, they accounted for one half of the estimated new HIV/AIDS diagnoses in 2004.e
 
Prayer for sexual purity
 
Lord help us to live holy before you. Help us not to give into the lies of the world. Help us to focus on your promises for our future. Lord help us to glorify you in our mind, body and emotions. Send us believers to do life together so that we do not have to walk this Christian journey alone. Help the single saints to be content in their time of singlehood. Help them to stay focused on their goals and keep their eyes on you. Help the married saints to commit their marriages to you and not allow anything to taint the family that you’ve blessed them with. Lord thank you for your mercy and for forgiving us of our past sins and helping us to live right before you daily. Give us the desire and strength needed to leave any relationships or entertainment alone that  causes us to fall into sin. Thank you Lord for always being faithful and loving towards us. We trust you with our lives Lord. In Jesus name amen!

5 Reasons To Marry A God Loving, Bible Mediating, Tongue Talking Man Of God

Hello World! Its been a while since I’ve published a blog post. I’ve thought of writing often but there has been a lot going on in my life and I had to take a short break but I’M BACK and I’m truly missed my blog. Readers please forgive me! I pray all of you are well!!

Today is my four year anniversary and we are very grateful to God for continuing to bless us and teach us how to love each other and stay married for life! Don’t believe the lies of the world, people are getting married and staying happily married; not just roommates who don’t have talk, laugh or have sex. I know plenty of godly couples who continue to make their marriage a priority and work to keep things holy happy and hot!! The key word is WORK!! It’s rewarding fun work but work just the same. If you’re reading this and your marriage is in a rough season, be encouraged. God is bigger than your problems and He’s ready and willing to help you two through this season! Just surrender to Him, seek godly counsel and don’t give up. Keep talking, praying and pulling on other mature stable marriages around you for guidance.

Ok single ladies, I want to present you with a short list to remind you of WHY you want to make sure you marry a man after God’s heart and not some Jay Z, Trey Songz wanna be or any other Bozo at your church or on your job.

Please note that I’m NOT talking about the wolf in sheep’s clothing. Not talking about the man who goes to church, wears a suit and pretends to know Jesus to get the ladies to trust him and sleep with him. I’m NOT talking about the men on the deacon board who cheat on their wives and preach to people on Sunday mornin. I’m talking about men who have a true relationship with God and work hard to live holy godly LIFESTYLES on a daily basis. No one is perfect but there are men out here who are seeking God and trying their best to live for him. These are the type of men that I want my single friends to wait on because man are they worth the wait!! I know my husband was!!

5 Reasons To Marry A God Loving, Bible Mediating, Tongue Talking Man Of God

1. When the storms of life come he will be able to speak the word of God over you, your children, your marriage etc. He will know how to go to the cross and seek the Lord. He will know that on his own strength he can not fix the issues but God can and will.

2. He will know how to be the leader of the home and seek the Holy Spirit regarding the family. He will lead, protect, guide and listen to his wife. He won’t try to dominate and abuse her but rather talk and pray with her and then take the issues to the Holy Spirit so that the proper direction can be revealed to him. He is not a punk or a coward. He is the protector and leader of the home and he takes his role seriously!!

3. He will enjoy ONLY his wife sexually as the bible has commanded him too. He won’t entertain hard or soft porn. He will guard his eyes and ears diligently to make sure that he does not fall into temptation and allow the devil to have any place in his heart or marriage bed. He will not be close friends with men who aren’t trying to walk the same holy lifestyle as himself because he knows that he can not afford to fail in this area. His wife is all that he needs and he aims to please her inside and outside the bedroom.

4. He will seek God regarding the family’s finances and won’t just spend what he wants to spend when he wants to spend it. He will work hard to have a budget plan and seek God for wisdom regarding how to bring the family increase and not decrease. He will show integrity and diligence regarding the finances and will communicate with his wife concerning the money.

5. He won’t leave when the marriage has rough patches. He will stay and fight for his family. He won’t be a dead beat dad. He will chase the devil away instead of allowing him to chase him away. He will swallow his pride and seek godly counsel if needed. He will seek guidance from other brother’s in the Lord regarding the family struggles. He will ask the Father for grace, peace, long suffering, and joy in his marriage/family and continue to press until he sees the victory in his home once again. He walks around with joy because he’s read the back of the book and knows that he wins. The devil has been defeated and he can trust the Lord to fight his battles!

Prayer for My Single Sistas

Lord thank you for my single sistas. Thank you for keeping them during this season. Thank you for their desires to be holy and happy while they walk out whatever it is you have for them right now. Thank you for peace and joy Lord God. Thank you for the hope they have in you because of the promises in your word regarding marriage and their future. Help them to throw way the lies of the world regarding dating, men, marriage and sex. Help them to seek you even when they feel tired of waiting. Renew their spirits Lord. Show them that your love for them can’t ever compare to what a man could give anyway because you created them and died for them. Thank you Lord for your faithfulness today and always, AMEN!!

Boobs In or Boobs Out, That is the Question

Over the last month it’s been strangely hot in Michigan. We didn’t get our usual snow storms or winter weather. Spring is finally here and hopefully the cold weather is behind us. As we prepare for continuous warm days, I felt the need to remind us ladies to watch what we wear. As women of God we want to please the Lord in our wardrobe. Now this doesn’t mean we have to wear turtle necks and head wraps BUT we should make sure our body parts aren’t hanging out for all to see. God has called us to holiness and modesty. I believe there’s a way to be modest but fashionable. Checkout this list below and let me know what you think.

Top 4 Reasons To Put Your Boobs Away and Be Stylish But Modest

1.  Everyone doesn’t need to see your goodies, leave something to the imagination. Your body is sacred and private. You want the man your interested in to work to get to know you, date you and marry you. When you wear your breast out, you don’t appear to be the woman wanting to have a lasting relationship, you look like the woman looking to get laid. Make sure your attire is representing you correctly.

2. You’ll attract guys who are only attracted to your body and you’ll give them the wrong impression about you. You’re a intelligent, hard-working woman but when you show up wearing a top that everyone can see through and is so low-cut even the women have to look away, no one will think of you as anything but the  girl who doesn’t cover up.

3. Your more than a sex object, your God’s child. Your self-esteem shouldn’t be based on how many guys are drooling over you. The bible says that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are so important to the Lord, He created you and knows everything about you. He knows the past hurts that you’ve experienced and He wants to heal you, love on you and comfort you. By dressing revealing to get attention, you’ll only find lust, not love. Love desires you with your clothes on, lust desires you only when your clothes are off.

4. Young girls around you are watching so ask yourself what are you showing them? I’m always amazed when I see a woman walking in the mall half-naked with 3 kids trailing behind her and one in the stroller. That woman is looking for attention the only way she knows how but sadly her children are watching and she’s sending them the wrong message. As women and mothers, we must show our children and other young girls around us how to carry themselves. We must watch our dress, conversations and relationships because their watching and what we do affects them. Ask yourself what your wardrobe is teaching your girls.

Top 5 Reasons To ONLY Date R.M.O.G

A RMOG is a real man of God. A RMOG doesn’t just know about God, he loves the Lord and has dedicated his life to serving him. He lives a godly lifestyle and surrounds himself with other men and women who are living for the Lord also. He walks in integrity whether people are watching him or not. A RMOG doesn’t just quote scriptures and religious phrases, he reads and mediates on the word of God and believes it. A RMOG doesn’t care what others think or say about him because he’s confident in his relationship with the Lord. A RMOG isn’t perfect but he aims to be like Christ. A RMOG is truly worth the wait; whether your 15, 25, 35, 45 etc, God knows your desire to be married one day and He’s preparing an awesome RMOG for you. Keep trusting in God knowing that he knows what best for you and when. PS- These type of men do exist, I have one, my father and father in law are both RMOG and I know several other women who have MARRIED RMOG also.

Top 5 Reasons to ONLY Date R.M.OG

1. A RMOG lives his life to please the Lord and he knows that treating you with honor, love and respect will please the Lord. A RMOG won’t call you out your name, lie and cheat on you. If you thought he was a RMOG and he’s doing these things, he’s a wolf and sheep’s clothing so get up girl and RUN!!!

2. A RMOG isn’t gonna hit it and quit it. He lives a holy lifestyle before the Lord and therefore will not attempt to sleep with you before marriage. A RMOG will aim to be holy in his courtship with you and understand that he has no right to your body until after marriage. If he wants it he’ll put a ring on it.

3. A RMOG isn’t gonna just date you until something better comes along then drop you like a hot potato. He’s not into wasting your time, he values you as his sister in the Lord and will be honest about his intentions towards you UPFRONT!! If you’ve been dating a few months and your totally confused about his committment towards you then he’s wasting your time. Dating shouldn’t be a guessing game.

4.  A RMOG is a gentle leader. He knows who he is in Christ and he wants to be the head of his future household. He isn’t a wanna be whose always following folks and going along with whatever you say. He listens to the Holy Ghost then walks out his instructions in love.

5. ONLY A RMOG is marriage material because he knows God intimately and he desires to be the best RMOG that God has called him to be. He’s seeking God about his purpose and choosing the Lord over money, sex, career, cars etc. A RMOG witnesses to others and tells them about the Lord. A RMOG is continually working on his finances and getting his affairs in order for his future family and is continuously being led by the Holy Spirit.

The No Wedding No Womb Campaign

I recently discovered the No Wedding No Womb Campaign and I have much respect for the message that Christelyn D Karazin is promoting to the black community. Ms. Karazin is the founder and organizer of No Wedding No Womb! (NWNW) an online initiative to address and find solutions for the 72 percent out-of-wedlock birthrate in the African American community.

As a social worker supervisor, daily I work with my staff to teach life skills and parenting skills to single mothers. Our clients are getting younger and younger and it saddens me to see a 21 year old woman with four children; the mom doesn’t have an education or a job, she doesn’t receive any child support from the fathers and limited family support. I believe that majority of women today do NOT know their value or their worth. If women knew that they were MORE than baby makers, they would have standards, take pride in their lifestyle and know that they deserve to be happy, healthy successful and loved, not hurt, angry and abandoned to raise babies on their own. The cycle must stop!!

I have a lot of respect for the NWNW campaign because their trying to educate the black community and break the cycle of black children continuing to be born into single parent homes. We must teach people about the importance of healthy relationships, monogamy, marriage and planning to have children. Gone needs to be the days of hooking up with people and shortly afterwards discovering that your pregnant. That behavior is dangerous, irresponsible and unfair to the children that continue to be born into broken homes. I am not saying that all children born into single parent homes are neglected, but studies show that children benefit from two parent homes. Every relationship/marriage doesn’t work out as planned but at least some people try to make those relationships work, even though they fail.

Here is a little information about NWNW:

  • What Is No Wedding No Womb?

No Wedding No Womb is a primary call directed to the black community to take action against the rampant births of children who are born without physical, financial and emotional protection.  It is a call for accountability for both MEN and WOMEN to be mindful of the huge responsibility and privilege they have when bringing a child into the world.

NWNW is a double entendre.  The phrase has two meanings.  The primary meaning of “wedding and wedded”, of course, is the marriage ceremony.  The secondary definition means “devotion.”  I chose “womb,” because that is the life source of children, it is the place that feeds, protects and nurtures the child.

  • Does No Wedding No Womb Seek to Bash Single Mothers?
  • Absolutely not.  NWNW calls for both MEN and WOMEN to put the needs of children first, and advocates that couples abstain from having children until they are emotionally, physically and financially able to care for them.
  • What gives you the right to do this?

I’m a baby mamma’ LISTEN TO MY MISSION: 65535 NO WEDDING NO WOMB-2.’  I do this for my daughter, and my daughter’s daughter, and all the children of our future.

To read more about NWNW and discover the answers to the questions below, please checkout the campaigns website

http://www.noweddingnowomb.com/

  • When you say, NWNW, are you saying that everyone should get married?
  • Is this just another abstinence program?
  • Are you bashing black men?
  • When you say, “No Wedding No Womb!” are you advocating that women get abortions?
  • Aren’t you being  judgmental?

**QUESTION** What do you think about the campaign? What do you agree of disagree with? Do you think the campaign will be affective?

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Christian Brothas, Where Are You? Hola If U Hear Me

The majority of churches, Christian events and single bible studies all over the world are packed with women. I firmly believe that there are fine saved men in the world, who love God, are living holy and handling their business, the question is WHERE ARE THEY?http://churchformen.com/allmen.php Lists the following facts about men and church: 

• The typical U.S. Congregation draws an adult crowd that’s 61% female, 39% male. This gender gap shows up in all age categories.

• On any given Sunday there are 13 million more adult women than men in America’s churches.
• Midweek activities often draw 70 to 80 percent female participants.

• The majority of church employees are women (except for ordained clergy, who are overwhelmingly male).

• More than 90 percent of American men believe in God, and five out of six call themselves Christians. But only two out of six attend church on a given Sunday. The average man accepts the reality of Jesus Christ, but fails to see any value in going to church.

My husband and met at our church 7 years ago. Our church is very large and therefore it has a large single population. If our group was 30 deep on a particular night, only 10 of the 30 would be males. As a single woman, it was frustrating to always go to Christian parties, concerts, bible studies and always have the girls out number the guys AND have it continue to be the same handful of guys that consistently hung out. My husband was bold enough to develop a friendship with me and pray about pursuing me in God’s timing. When he felt the time was right, he asked me out stating “I want to pursue marriage with you.” We had a courtship, engagement and then marriage. The thing is, many Christian guys drag their feet when it comes to dating and marriage. They don’t ask girls out and many of them appear to be comfortable being single, but that’s another blog for another day.

Now that we’ve been married for over 2 years, the same problem still remains for my single girlfriends who are living for God, successful in their careers and haven’t been chosen yet. Even though more women go to church then men, I know there are Christian men in my city who do not come to Christian events or even seek out friendships from other males or females at their church. Why is this? Where are the men at? Why don’t they get involved at their church or reach out to others for Christian fellowship? My group of male and female friends do all kinds of fun stuff together, bowling, house parties, concerts, movies, dinner, ballroom/hustle parties etc. We have good clean fun and if other men are living for God, they should be desiring and seeking out the same thing. It’s important for believers to fellowship with other believers and do life together. I’m not saying that Christians should cut themselves off from the world and look down on those that don’t believe but as a Christian, my friends are Christians.

2 Corinthians 6:14-18 (The Message)

Don’t become partners with those who reject God. How can you make a partnership out of right and wrong? That’s not partnership; that’s war. Is light best friends with dark? Does Christ go strolling with the Devil? Do trust and mistrust hold hands? Who would think of setting up pagan idols in God’s holy Temple? But that is exactly what we are, each of us a temple in whom God lives. God himself put it this way: “I’ll live in them, move into them; I’ll be their God and they’ll be my people. So leave the corruption and compromise; leave it for good,” says God. “Don’t link up with those who will pollute you. I want you all for myself. I’ll be a Father to you; you’ll be sons and daughters to me.” The Word of the Master, God.

To my brothers in the Lord

If you are active at your church please continue to do so and invite other men to attend and get involved too. If you see a new guy at your church, take time to get to know him and make sure he feels welcome so that he will come back. If you are a man who goes to church but leaves right after service, doesn’t get involved, volunteer or fellowship with other believers, ask yourself why and pray about changing. Living this Christian life alone is hard but when you have others around you who love God, are living for Him and growing in Him, your relationship with God will become stronger. Coming to church and getting involved will bless your life and who knows, you may find a wife!!

To my sisters in the Lord

Sisters continue to be patient. God has not forgotten you. Don’t believe the lie that there are no good men out there. Majority of my married friends found their husband at their church. Worldly men can be very aggressive and Christian men, in their attempt to be gentlemen, can sometimes move a little slow. A man who moves slower than usual but is honest and seeking God every step of the way is much better than a man who is only out for one thing. When a new guy comes to church or a Christian event, PLEASE don’t bombard him like a piece of meat. We don’t want to intimate the new male faces and cause them to not come back. Let’s continue to learn how to treat each other like brothers and sisters in Christ. If a friendship develops into a relationship then fine, but don’t force things to happen because you’re tired of waiting. God knows your desires, He knows just want you need and when you need it. Keep trusting in Him.