I woke up this morning to the news that two more of my friends were expecting babies. We now know of 14 couples planning to expand their families this year. God is good and I’m so excited for them!! As I sat and thought about all of the joys of motherhood, I started to think about the extra responsibilities that motherhood/parenthood brings and how wives find the time to balance it all. This is not to take away from the husbands because they work hard also. In this post, I’m speaking of some of the things wives typically take care of and how they come to balance it all.
In the last two years, I have discovered that being a wife is so much fun and also a lot of work. To be blessed to wake up next to the love of my life, my best friend, whom I love and trust everyday, is an awesome thing. Thank you Lord!! The reality is, as a wife, there are many added responsibilities that I did not have when I was single and living at home with my parents. (cooking everyday, cleaning an entire house, doing laundry for more than myself, sharing my time, money, body, ministry, career and dreams with my wonderful husband) My husband does help with the cooking and cleaning but it is my responsiblity to make sure they get done if he is unable to help. By no means am I complaining about being a wife, I absolutely love it and wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. I am simply stating the facts for those that think marriage is only about loving making and having fun with your spouse.
Now to think about adding a little one to the equation, in the future, presents me with a little anxiety. How does one balance it all? My mom worked full-time, took great care of my younger brother and I, along with the help of my father. My father also worked full-time and was a hands on parent. My parents also served in many different ministries at my childhood church. My parents also took in my cousin and raised her for a few years. My mom has always been a gracious Proverbs 31 woman. She has always supported my dad in his business ventures, pushed my brother and I to do well in school and she found time to take care of herself and enjoy her life also. She’s currently in school to get her Masters. I am so proud of my mom and I am forever grateful for the sacrifices that she and my dad made to raise us.
Things I observed about being a wife and mother from watching my mom growing up:
1) Have good time management
2) Keep groceries in the house and cook healthy meals for your family
3) Spend time teaching your children about God and the bible. Put in your children, your values and beliefs. Don’t let the media teach your children. Also lead my example; live by what you preach.
4) Get a babysitter and go out on dates with your husband often
5) Give time to the ministry, serve in a department you love
6) Keep yourself up, always look nice for your husband and yourself
7) Let your husband be the head of your household
8 Remain a team when it comes to parenting the children
9) Stay firm and consistent with your discipline
10) Go on family trips together. Spend more time with your family then hanging out with your friends.
11) Invest in your children’s education.
I googled “balance between being a wife and a mother,” and a short article by Dawn Hawkins popped up. The tips she mentioned are simple, but I found them to be helpful.
How to Balance Being a Wife and a Mother
By Dawn Hawkins
Parenting is a difficult job at times. Being a parent means that you have to put some things off in order to do what the children need from you. There are some things that shouldn’t be put off though. Being a wife is one of them. A woman needs to learn how to be a good wife and good mother at the same time. The two roles are completely different but sometimes we let our parenting role overshadow our married role.
Here are some ways to balance parenting with being a wife:
After Kids Are In Bed
After the kids go to bed, spend some time with your husband. Change from your old raggedy robe into a sexy nighty. Cuddle with your man and let him know that you are still very interested in him. It might be hard to do that sometimes. Being a mother can wear you out. Women have a habit of letting themselves go a little when they have children. Don’t let this happen. Keep yourself well groomed. Put some make-up on and be flirty with your husband, even if you don’t always feel like it.
Find a Sitter
One of the best ways to balance being a wife and being a parent is to have “dates” with your husband. Find a sitter and go out with your husband. Go to dinner and the movies or go to a party. It doesn’t matter where you go, just go with your husband and without your children. Every couple needs time away from their children to spend time alone together. Don’t talk about the kids while you are out either. This is a night to spend with your husband.
Be respectful of your husband at all times. Your nerves can be really wound up if the kids have been going crazy. Don’t let this disturb your relationship with your husband. In other words, don’t take out your bad day on him. Give your husband respect and love even if your head is about to explode. Many couples’s problems start because they let the pressures of everyday life get to them. Don’t be a statistic.
Don’t Fight Over the Kids
One of the main rules for balancing parenting with a marriage is to never fight over the children. Sit down and talk about the children. Come to an agreement about what should happen when one of them gets out of line. Work together, not against each other.
It can be difficult, but you can do it. Learning how to balance being a parent and being a wife is one of the best lessons you will ever learn. It can save your marriage. Don’t let children come between what you have. You had children to enhance your life together, not to tear it apart.
***QUESTION: Was anything on Dawn’s list helpful to you? If you are a wife and a mother, what tips do you have for wives that are pregnant or considering motherhood regarding balancing it all***