Stop Having Yo New Man Pay For The Sins of Yo Past Man

The new man can’t afford to pay the debt of the one who came up short, nor should he. If he does, then he’ll come up short. Release the ex of that debt, forgive him and wish him well for real. Start fresh with this new man, as if your heart had never been broken. That’s what grown women do. Bitterness doesn’t look good on nobody~ Kim Blakes, my FB friend.

My response to her status: Amen! We need to give our hurt, pain and issues from past broken relationships to God and allow HIM to heal us. We can’t truly be what a new love needs us to be if we aren’t complete and whole in Christ. Trust me, I’ve been there. Thank God for His mercy, grace, restoration and love.

There are 2 points that I’d like to zero in on regarding this topic.

1. Forgiveness is key when trying to get over a past relationship that went bad. It’s impossible to harbor anger and bitterness when you have truly forgiven someone and given your hurt over to God. I used to hate my 2 ex’s with a passion. When I rededicated my life to Christ, I knew I had to lay my pain, anger and unforgiveness on the altar if my sins were to be forgiven, if I desired to be whole, at peace and if I wanted to be a happy woman and wife one day. Forgiveness seems unfair because you were the one who was wronged but forgiveness is for you so that you can be free and delivered from the bondage of the past. When I learned to forgive those three gentlemen my attitude and life changed for the better. Shortly after that I met my husband and we began a beautiful friendship that eventually lead to love.

2. It’s very important to not jump into a new relationship before you allow yourself to get healing and closure from your past relationship. When a relationship ends negatively, it leaves a bad taste in your mouth and a pain in your heart. Sometimes you may find yourself depressed, confused and defeated. You need to go into a quiet room and tell the Lord what happened, how you feel and what you need from Him. The bible tells us to cast our burdens unto Jesus for He cares for us. God already knows what’s going on but He wants you to come to Him willingly with an open heart so that He can heal, love and comfort you. There is no love like the love of our Heavenly Father and there’s no hurt that He can’t heal. The bible says that He heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds.

When you take the mess from your past relationship into your new one, your asking for your new relationship to fail. It’s not fair to the new man whose intentions towards you maybe pure but you treat him as if you know he’s going to dog you out and leave you hanging like the last joker. Seek godly counsel and get yourself together before jumping into a premature relationship that could end just as badly as the last.

Bonus tip: When we allow ourselves to jump from one bad relationship to the next, we make it harder for Mr. Right when he comes along. 1. Because we’re so distrusting that we can’t see him for who he really is 2. We’re too busy being angry about the last joker that we LET dog us out that we can’t see the good man standing right in front of our face. 3. We’ve ALLOWED ourselves to deal with so many bad guys that we lose hope that good guys even exist. There are good men out there but you have to ask yourself, are you ready to properly love one? Do yourself a favor, get restored from the past, embrace your time of singleness and learn to love yourself. If you don’t love you, you can’t possibly love someone else.

Sad Soulful Love Songs, Why They Do More Harm Then Good

Back in college, when I was upset over one of my silly, unproductive and drama filled relationships, I would pop in one of my “I hate men,” CDs and wallow in a pity party. Somehow I thought that  sitting in the dark, listening to Tony Braxton’s The Heat CD (He Wasn’t Man Enough, Just Be A Man About It, I’m Still Breathing or You’ve Been Wrong) was going to somehow heal my hurt, help me to express my pain and give me the strength to go on another day. NOT!!!

There was a time when I did not own more than 3 gospel CD’s though I’ve always called myself a Christian. The majority of my CD collection was secular rap and R & B. I listened to Trina, Lil Kim, Kelis (I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW) and Pink’s first album, along with CD’s that taught me to be angry, bitter, revengeful and distrusting of men. No wonder I was a complete hot mess back then.

When I rededicate my life to Christ in Feb of 2002, I started to change what I read, watched and listened to because I began to understand how negative media was hurting me instead of helping me. As I began to read my bible, attend church more and hang out with other Christians, I discovered how peaceful, productive and fun life really could be without all the drama and negativity. As I stopped dating raggedy guys who only wanted to use me, chew me up and spit me out, my life got better. There was no need to listen to angry songs because I was no longer angry.

I realized that it was my fault for deciding to get in relationships with guys who were not saved and who let me know up front that they were up to no good. Why was I surprised that when I messed with dogs I got bit every time? Instead of continuing in the cycle of unhealthy relationships and mild depression when they didn’t work out, I decided to read books like “I Kiss Dating Goodbye,” by Joshua Harris, God’s Plan For the Single Saint by Pastor Andre Butler, Glass Rose by Pastor MiChelle Butler and Knight In Shining Armor by P.B Wilson. (There are a host of books out their for Christian singles, fiction and non fiction) I dedicated my time to building my relationship with Christ and getting to know myself. Ladies you don’t always have to be connected to a man. You can stand on your own as a single, successful, happy and confident woman. Relationships do not define who you are. It’s better to be single and happy than in a relationship and sad.

So the next time you find yourself pissed about your current relationship or the lack their of, instead of listening to “Just Another Sad Love Song” by Toni Braxton, take some time to pray, evaluate if the relationship is worth the drama and seek out godly advice from a woman who you trust. Life is precious. Don’t waste time on people or things that make you unhappy. Make the decision to live a peaceful, happy, drama free life. I encourage you to throw out the CD’s, books or movies that support the “angry bitter lonely woman syndrome” and surround yourself with uplifting, hopeful and holy media. I promise you, you will see a difference in your mood, attitude and life! I am a living breathing testimony of this!

Once I walked away from drama and focused on Christ and accomplishing my goals, I met my husband. He was nothing like the men that I had dated previously THANK GOD. He too wanted to be holy, have a drama free relationship and glorify God in his relationships. He is my blessing and I am his! Thank you God for my good man!!

Talk To The Hand: Signs That It Needs To End


“Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.”

—unknown

“Some people think that it’s holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it’s letting go.”

—unknown

“The loss of love is not nearly as painful as our resistance to accepting it is.”

—Tigress Luv

“I’m going to smile and make you think I’m happy, I’m going to laugh, so you don’t see me cry, I’m going to let you go in style, and even if it kills me – I’m going to smile.”

—unknown

“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.”

—M. Kathleen Casey

“I don’t miss him, I miss who I thought he was.”

—unknown

You know it’s time to end the relationship when:

1. He never has any money and you find yourself paying for everything all the time.

2. You avoid his calls and he avoids yours. Your both tired of the drama.

3. Every time you go out, his eyes get to wandering to the other women in the room.

4. You do more arguing then laughing. You have nothing in common anymore.

5. He stops going to church and therefore your attendance starts decreasing also.

6. He becomes controlling and manipulative.

7. You can’t ever find him because he’s always “out with his boys” with his phone off.

8. Your investing more time and energy into the relationship than your getting.

9. Your being pressured to have sex or be sexual.

10. He continues to cheat and you continue to over look it.

11. The relationship is not glorifying God at all.