To My Single Diamonds, Mr. Right Is On The Way

Single Ladies: If “he” hasn’t found you yet, then pray that he asks God for directions! You want God’s best, not just someone driving by.

~Minister Tiffany Butler

I love this quote by Minister Tiffany because it is so true. As godly women, we have no business running around town trying to catch a man. It’s important to trust God and truly believe that He knows best as far as which guy, at what time you two will meet and when he will pursue you romantically. It’s super easy to get a date but who really wants just any ole guy?

My Testimony

I rededicated my life to Christ in 2002 but I continued to have contact with my ex via telephone and emails. I’d been dealing with my ex on and off for the past 5 years. The relationship wasn’t glorifying God, it was an emotional rollercoaster and huge distraction in my life. The more I grew in Christ, the more Holy Spirit was pulling at my heart to completely walk away from ALL form of contact with that joka. I needed to learn to rely fully on Christ for joy, peace and companionship. At the time it was the hardest thing I had to do because so much of my self-worth was wrapped up in my ex. To be apart from him forever was something my mind couldn’t fathom at the time BUT I knew it was what God was calling me to do. After I cut all communication, I cried but I promised God that I would take it one day at a time and focus on my relationship with Him, my family, positive friendships and graduating from college. As each day went on, God healed my heart and restored my joy and confidence in Him. There were days when I felt lonely but on those days I found productive things; spend time in prayer, with family or my girlfriends who were also walking the holiness path.

I was single for a few years before my husband and I started dating. But during that time of me patiently awaiting his arrival, I prayed for him like Min. Tiffany encouraged single ladies to do in the above quote. I prayed that God will keep me as I waited for him and keep him while he was being prepared for me. I confessed that in God’s perfect timing, we would meet, develop a friendship, godly courtship and get married. There were days when I felt anxious or even a little jealous when those around me started dating and I was still waiting BUT I’d have to work to cast those feelings down. I knew what God’s word promised me in Psalm 37:4 which was that He would give me the desires of my heart if I delighted myself in Him. I knew that I didn’t want another guy to come along, mess over me and hit the road. I told myself that I rather be single, saved and happy, then dating, angry and messed over. God kept His word and blessed me with an awesome husband. Neither of us are perfect and neither is our marriage by any means but we continue to trust God and live life according to His word. We know that if we continue to keep God first, we will be unstoppable!

To My Single Saved Set Free Diamonds

Ladies continue to live your worth. Continue to trust God when things are good and when things are challenging.  Know that God has not forgotten you. Diamonds are valuable, unique and durable. God didn’t make any mistakes when He made you and with Him, there’s no obstacle you can’t overcome! Your goal shouldn’t be to be someone’s girlfriend but to be the right man’s wife. Keep pursing or living your dreams, enjoy life and surround yourself with other singles who have the same beliefs and goals as you. Find other believers and do life together.

8 Tips To Protect Your Marriage From An Emotional Affair

About.com defines emotional affair as: An emotional affair is a secret relationship that involves intimate sharings with some one other than a spouse. If a person is no longer confiding thoughts and feelings with his/her spouse, the individual is either in an emotional affair or ready for one.
 
 
I wanted to write about emotional affairs, a topic that is not often discussed. There are many married people who would never consider having a physical affair but they find themselves in an emotional affair with a coworker, neighbor or church member etc. Focus On The Family (http://focusonthefamily.com) has an awesome article on their website about emotional affairs. I found the article to be very helpful and truthful. I wanted to share it with my husband and my single and married readers. It’s important for all of us to be prayed up, wise and set boundaries with the opposite sex to set our relationships and marriages up for success.  If you’re wondering whether your current “friendship” is going down an inappropriate road, see the checklist below. For tips on how to protect your marriage from an emotional affair, review the 8 tips.  To read the article in full, please see the link to the website. http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/divorce_and_infidelity/affairs_and_adultery/emotional_affairs.aspx
 
10 questions to ask yourself about your “friendship” with an opposite sex friend.

1. Do your conversations with your friends include things that should be kept between you and your spouse?

2. Do you find yourself daydreaming about your friend?

3. Have you found yourself withdrawing from your spouse emotionally or physically?

4. Do you look for excuses to see or talk to your friend?

5. Do you share thoughts, feelings or problems with your friend instead of your spouse?

6. Are you convinced that your friend understands you better than your spouse?

7. Is there flirting or sexual tension between you and your friend?

8. Do you look for “legal” ways to touch your friend (brush lint off his jacket, help her with her coat)?

9. Do you find yourself paying attention to how you look before you see your friend?

10. Is there any secrecy about your relationship (how much time you spend together, what you do together, what you talk about)

Protect Your Marriage

No marriage is affair proof. We are all at risk of losing our focus and being swept into an emotional affair. But you can do several things to safeguard your marriage:

1. Stay honest with yourself and with your spouse. If you find yourself attracted to someone, admit it quickly to yourself and to your spouse. Honest is the key to preventing a relationship from escalating into an affair.

2. Avoid magazines, movies and other forms of entertainment that can increase your tolerance of affairs.

3. Try to see your relationship from your spouses perspective. What would your spouse be comfortable with? How would he or sh feel about what you are doing?

4. Do not flirt. Most affairs begin with what’s considered “innocent flirting,” but there’s no such thing! Flirting is not a part of friendship.

5. Keep your marriage as your No. 1 priority. Make sure you are working to meet your spouse’s most important needs.  If you’re not sure what those are, ask.

6. Grow together spiritually. Pray with each other and for each other.

7. Set boundaries about how you will interact with the opposite sex. For instance, you and your spouse may decided that either of you will be alone with someone of the opposite sex, even for business lunches or late nights at work.

8. Surround yourself with happily married couples who don’t believe in fooling around.

I’m happy to say that my husband and I talked about many of the tips on this list before we got married and we work hard to implement these tips now. We aren’t perfect and our marriage is still new, only three years, but we are trying our best to affair proof our marriage. We believe that marriage is forever, therefore we know that honesty is a must. If your marriage needs support, I encourage you to seek a marriage counselor and learn how to start trusting and communicating with one another again.

3 Reasons To Make Him Wait For Sex

I truly  believe in the statement “true love waits.” When two people love each other, they don’t pressure one another into doing things that will harm them or jeopardize their relationship. Today’s society teaches us to do what feels good and be as liberal as we want to be BUT where has that gotten us? Teenage pregnancy, AIDs and STDs, adultery leading to divorce and single parent homes, all in the name of “just do what feels good.” That motto is a lie from the pit of hell and DON’T you believe it! God encourages us to be pure in our bodies so that we can be protected from drama, hurt, shame, loneliness, death and eternity in hell. The spiritual answer to why wait to have sex until marriage is to obey God and His word and to remain holy and pure in our bodies until saying I Do. 1 Cor 6:18-20. Here are three practical  answers to add to that.

Please know that this is a general list. I am not speaking about all men or all women. Also, I am not trying to speak negatively of men, I’m merely trying to be honest with women about why giving up the goods can lead to more problems than it’s worth.

3 Reasons To Make Him Wait For Sex

1. Sex changes things. The moment you give in and become intimate with a man things change. The chase is sometimes over and therefore he may no longer work as hard to win your affection or get to know you. Men like a challenge, they like to pursue women, court them, in hopes of winning their heart and/or to get them in bed. You will find out a lot about a man if you make him wait for sex. If he hits the door running the moment you tell him that you’re not going to sleep with him, then you know what he was all about. A man can tell you how much he loves you and be extra patient in his pursuit to get you into bed but the moment that happens, there’s a possibility that he will leave as fast as he came (pun intended)

2. Sex can lead to pregnancy and single parent homes. Too often, women give into the pressures of sex and end up pregnant and alone. The same man who was whispering in your ear that you were beautiful and the only one for him, is the same man who went off on you and left when you said you were pregnant. Please know that when you make the choice to be sexually active, there’s a possibility that you can become pregnant. Ask yourself, is the person that I’m sleeping with or considering sleeping with would be good husband and father material. If the answer is no, then get out the bed, put your dress back on and RUN. Ladies lets stop being naive. Let’s stop opening ourselves up to sin, drama and single parenthood.

3. Your body is sacred and everyone doesn’t deserve a ride. As women, once we know our value and worth, we change who we associate with, where we go, what we say and how we dress. Once you discover that your more than a sex object, more than big boobs and booty, more than the expensive clothes and the weave that you rock, you begin to carry yourself differently and in turn attract a different type of man. A mature, modest, godly woman understands that her body is a precious temple and will attract a man who is searching for a woman to love and marry, not a woman to screw and leave. It’s important to look good and keep your appearance up but ladies please know that looks aren’t everything and neither is having a man on your arm. You don’t just want a man, you want the right man who God has for you in His perfect timing.

Ladies, I encourage you to surround yourself with other strong, positive and productive women. Read your bible and attend a women’s ministry at a local church. If you’re in a relationship and having sex, consider abstinence and explain why to your partner. If his response is negative and he threatens to leave, then you have your answer regarding what your relationship was based on. You want love, not lust. Love last forever but lust last only a moment. Also lust can never be fulfilled, which is why many people cheat.

3 Reasons To Be Married Before Starting Your Family

I’m typing this post from our new nursery. My husband Eddie had to build a wall for the nursery because the previous owner knocked it down to expand the livingroom. Now the wall is up, the room is painted, the furniture has been purchased and put together and the decorations are done. God has been so good to us!! He is forever faithful!

I wanted to share three reasons why starting my family after I was married has been a blessing to me. Before I get into it however, I wanted to say that I believe that ALL children are a blessing from God, no matter how they were conceived. The bible teaches us that we are to be holy and abstain from sex until we are married. Read 1 Cor 6:18-20 & 1 Cor 7:1-8 The bible is what I try everyday to live my life by and the teachings in the bible are where I get my views from.

3 Reasons to Be Married Before Starting Your Family

1. Marriage is committment.

When my husband and I said “I Do” to one another, we made a committment that we would be married in sickness, healthy, richer or poor, till death do we part. We made a decision that divorce was not an option and no matter how hard things got, we would continue to seek God and He would get us through. We were blessed to be able to plan when we wanted to start our family and God honored that request. My husband has always desired to be a husband and a father and therefore he has been very involved throughout my pregnancy. He’s attended all my doctor’s appointments, helps me research baby stuff online, reads pregnancy books with me etc. Because we are committed to Christ, our marriage and each other, we are committed to our soon coming daughter together as well. No matter how challenging life may get, we know that God is on outside and we have no reason to fear.

2. Marriage is the ultimate form of team work.

My husband and I are committed to working together as a team. In marriage, you are supposed to be able to count on your spouse to be a helpmate to you. Husbands and wives should try their best to serve one another with a willing attitude and a loving heart. My husband and I work together to get the house work done, grocery shopping, pay the bills and get the meals prepared. I don’t have to worry about having to prepare for the child inside of me alone because I’m not sure if her father will stick around. Because we are committed to Christ, each other and working together as a team, there is NOTHING that we can’t do! We are unstoppable!

Often times when the couple is not married, the mother has to take care of herself during the challenging moments of her pregnancy. When the baby arrives, if  her partner does not live with her, she has no choice but to operate as a single parent, handling late night feedings etc on her own. During pregnancy, women deserve and need to be nurtured, pampered and assisted with every day task, esp towards the end of pregnancy. Right now I can’t tie my shoes, stand on my feet for long periods of time or even have the energy to complete simple daily tasks. I NEED my husband to serve me with a good attitude and help me. The good thing is, he desires to take care of me, he always has, but esp now that I am doing the important job of growing his child safe inside of me.

3. You have someone to love, laugh and learn with throughout this new season of life.

My pregnancy has been enjoyable. I haven’t experienced any complications and have hardly ever gotten sick. God is good!! One things for sure, my body and hormones continue to change but through it all, I’ve had my husband by my side the entire time. He continues to helping me laugh off the awkward pregnancy moments, google things and learn about pregnancy when I have questions or concerns and love me even though my body is growing and my emotions are sometimes out of wack.

No woman should have to go through pregnancy alone. Women need a loving support system to help them go through each stage of pregnancy and into parenthood. It hurts me to see pregnant women neglected, lonely and sad that the person who promised to love them hit the door as soon as the baby was conceived.

Ladies to help avoid the possibility of being a single mother, try not to give up the goods for free, know your worth. If a man truly loves you, he will propose to you and wait to have sex with you until you two have become on before God. First comes love, then comes marriage, THEN comes the baby in the baby carriage!!