A Rape Survivor’s Letter To Her Unborn Daughter

Dear Elyssa Janee,

My sweet girl, I love you so very much. We have ten weeks until we meet and get to look into each other’s eyes. As each week goes by, I think about all that I want to tell you, teach you and shield you from.

 

My Love

Your father and I love you already, more than words can express. I want you to know that your father has taught me so much about real love. He has been dedicated, patient, selfless and compassionate since the day we met 7 1/2 years ago. I’m excited that you get to have him as a dad! You’re a blessed young lady! Your father and I have come to know the love of Christ and learning about how Christ loves us has taught us how to love one another and prepares us to love you unconditionally too. You will never have to wonder if we love you. You will always be loved, encouraged, challenged, praised and disciplined.

My Past

Over ten years ago, a man took advantage of me and I went through a very rough time. BUT GOD! With God’s grace, mercy, strength, comfort and the wisdom and guidance of friends and family, I became a overcomer, survivor, victor, never again to be a victim. I want you to know that you never ever have to be afraid of men, the world or anything. No weapon formed against you will prosper. God’s blood covers you. God has not given you the spirit of fear, but of love, joy and a sound mind.

I will not pass onto you a legacy of hate, unforgiveness, anxiety, bitterness or anger. I let all of those things go many years ago with the strength of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ because I knew that one day I wanted to be a healthy and free wife and mother. I wanted to be able to teach my children about the love, protection and peace of walking with Christ. I wanted to have children with a husband that was a protector and not one that would abuse his family verbally, physically or emotionally. By getting free, I broke the cycle or victimization over our family. You belong to God, you are His daughter and He is entrusting you to us.

My Promise

I promise to be the best mother that I can be. I promise to spend time in prayer so that I can have patience with you and receive guidance from God concerning you. I promise to always encourage you to have a close relationship with your earthly father and Heavenly Father. I promise to be open and honest with you, even when it makes me feel uncomfortable because I want you to trust me and know that I will never purposely watch you walk in the wrong direction. I promise to be selfless and take my role as your mother seriously. Ever since I was a young girl, I’ve dreamed of one day being blessed with a family and God has granted me that prayer; I do not take this honor lightly. I promise to take care of my body and you, for the next 10 weeks especially, so that you can continue to grow strong and be safe and comfy inside of me. Until we officially meet my lovely little lady, know that I love you and I’m preparing for you. I’m also continuly praying and confessing great things over you.

Learning When To Shut Up And When To Speak

This week on Facebook I noticed a few women post the same status entitled: I AM A HANDFUL. While the status maybe harmless words to some, I thought the confession of being a handful and out of control at times was a sad and irresponsible confession to make. I am  what the Word of God says that I am. Not what the world says I am, or what my flesh wants to say, do or be. Read the status and then we will discuss it further.

I AM A HANDFUL- Unfortunately most women WON’T post this but I’m strong willed, independent, a bit outspoken and I tell it like it is. I make mistakes and I’m sometimes out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve to handle me at my best. If you’re a HANDFUL repost! I dare you…

Sometimes as women, we feel we have the “right” to say and do what we want. If we feel like going off on someone we will, if we feel like tearing down our husband, friends or coworkers at any given moment, we will, not stopping to think about the consequences. Women know how they want to be treated but often they don’t give others the same respect. We don’t want people gossiping about us and spreading rumors but we do it to others. We don’t want others to go off on us because they feel like letting their tongue get out of control, but we think it’s ok to self proclaim that we are verbally out of control??

The bible talks a lot about the power of the tongue and how we are to guard our words. Dr. Dale A. Robbins wrote an article entitled “Is Your Tongue Out of Control.” I found the article to be helpful and reminding me what the word of God says about  the tongue and why I need to keep it under control. http://www.victorious.org/tongue.htm

It has been said that the “tongue” is one of the most exercised muscles of our body. It has been estimated that in a typical week, the average person will speak enough words to fill a 500 page book! However, for the Christian, the use of the tongue must be a matter of careful forethought and discipline. The Bible warns that believers who do not bring restraint to their tongue and speech have been deceived — and without such control over their words, their religious acts are worthless and hypocritical. “If anyone among you thinks he is religious, and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this one’s religion is useless” (James 1:26). It is a deception for any of us to think that Jesus can be Lord over our life, without also becoming Lord over our tongue.

Elsewhere, James gave a warning of the evil poison of the tongue. He described some who try to use their tongue as praise and blessing to God, then turn around to use their tongue to speak evil of one another. “With it we bless our God and Father, and with it rue curse men, who have been made in the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so” (James 3:9-10). We cannot use our tongue to curse and bad-mouth our brethren, then continue “business as usual” with our relationship with God. The Bible says that such tongue behavior is characteristic of hypocrites. “The hypocrite with his mouth destroys his neighbor… “(Prov. 11:9).

 “I will guard my ways, Lest I sin with my tongue; I will restrain my mouth with a muzzle, While the wicked are before me” (Psalms 39:1).

“What right do you have to use your mouth to declare my word and promises? You have used your mouth for evil and deceitfulness, to bad-mouth and slander your brethren” (Psa. 50:16-22).

The Bible teaches that they who desire to dwell in the presence of God, to experience His blessings, are those who will live righteously and who will not backbite or badmouth their neighbor. “LORD, who may abide in Your tabernacle a Who may dwell in Your holy hill? He who walks uprightly, And works righteousness, And speaks the truth in his heart; He who does not backbite with his tongue, Nor does evil to his neighbor, Nor does he take up a reproach against his friend” (Psa. 15:1-3). Furthermore, God promises a long, blessed life to those who keep their tongue from evil. “Who is the man who desires life, And loves many days, that he may see good? Keep your tongue from evil, And your lips from speaking deceit” (Psa. 34:12-13).

Obscenities, profanity, cursing, dirty jokes, or making fun of others is not something that should ever be found in the mouth of a believer. “Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving” (Eph. 5:4 NIV).

If you realize that your tongue is out of control, seek His forgiveness and allow Him to change the attitude of your heart and your mouth, so they will be pleasing to Him. “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, 0 LORD, my strength and my Redeemer” (Psa. 19:14). 

Pregnant & Lovin It: Week 28 Mom & Baby Update

I’m 28 weeks, 7 months pregnant! I’m feeling good and Ms. Elyssa Janee is doing great! I’ve passed all of my prenatal tests, my ultrasounds have all gone great and the doctor doesn’t have any concerns regarding me or the baby! God is so good and forever faithful!! This ultrasound was taken at week 22. She’s an even bigger girl now!

Christmas time was lots of fun. Many people brought Elyssa gifts. We brought her two outfits. We took family pictures with my parents, brother, sister-in-law and our niece. Eddie and I took two pics to show off my belly and our growing family. It’s amazing to see my body change weekly. We’ve been taking a few progression pictures a month for memories. I’m so blessed that this pregnancy has been smooth and enjoyable. God gets all the glory!

I just started my third trimester and I can already feel the difference! My belly is getting in the way of me bending down; sometimes I need my husbands help with putting on my socks. I find myself getting tired in the afternoon but I am able to shake it off without having to come home and take a nap most days. I’m still taking several bathroom breaks throughout the day but I’m used to that now. I used to get hormone headaches and suffer back aches but those have decreased greatly praise God!

The best things about my pregnancy so far have been:

1. Feeling Elyssa moving and kicking. It’s amazing how God created women to carry babies. I count it an honor and privilege to carry a child because I know not all women are able to do so. I love that I get to carry her around inside me and keep her safe and comfy. I love when my husband and I have bonding time with her like when we call her name and poke my belly and she kicks back. Those are such special memories.

2. Preparing for Elyssa’s arrival with my husband. It’s so much fun to learn about her development together. To pick her name, plan her for the nursery, shower and register at stores together.

3. To be pampered by my husband and loved ones. It’s so nice to have people cater to me and look out for me. It’s such a blessing because I know that many women don’t have the support that they need and deserve during this time. We live in Michigan and we get bad winter weather around this time, therefore my husband holds my hand when we are outside and he always treats me with care to ensure that Elyssa and I are safe and comfortable. I love Eddie Willis III very much and thank God for him!!

28 week update from fitpregnancy.com:

 Your baby has doubled her weight in the past month and is now the size of a bag of flour. She now weighs almost 2 1/2 pounds. Her total length is nearly 15 inches. Your babies lungs are now capable of breathing air! This is big news. It means if the baby is born from now on, she’ll be able to survive with less medical intervention. Your baby’s main job right now is to put the finishing touches on major organ systems such as her brain, lungs and liver. As you can probably tell, she’s also working on gaining layers of fat. Her body fat is about 2 or 3 percent. Your babies eyes, which were covered by her eyelid folds at 6th wk of development, are capable of opening this week. Her sucking and swallowing skills are improving.

Shout out to ALL my 2011 moms to be!! Several of my friends are expecting babies this spring and summer. Elyssa will have many many playmates and a few babies that could be future husband materail 🙂 

**Moms, what were some of your favoriote pregnancy memories?**

3 Ways To Meet Your Husbands Needs During Pregnancy

Marriage requires communication, patience, compassion, forgiveness, team work and so much more. When a wife gets pregnant, husbands and wives have to work even harder to meet each others needs and walk out the traits above. During the 9 month period a huge chunk of their time is focusing on mom and babies health and preparing for the babies arrival. Pregnant women’s emotions are sometimes all over the place, their tired often and their bodies are changing. Throughout all that we married women go through, we MUST still remember our husbands. We must remember that they have needs too. One of the worse mistakes women can make is act like it’s all about her throughout the pregnancy then all about her and baby when the baby comes. Husbands and wives are partners through every stage of life. We all have feelings, desires and needs. If we want our marries to stay happy, healthy, HOT and last forever, we must always work hard to make our marriage a priority.

Here are 3 tips on how to meet your husbands needs during pregnancy. I have not mastered these tips but I have been working on them and I have seen great results! Ladies read the tips and share your thoughts.

1. SEX! Often times women experience fatigue, discomfort and even sickness during pregnancy. Some days the last thing we are thinking about is sex but our husbands are thinking about it. The majority of our husbands are too polite to ask for sex as frequently as they were getting it before because they understand that we’re going through a lot but don’t abuse your husbands kindness. Remember that sex is very important in marriage because it’s a time where husband and wife come together to bond and become one.

My suggestion is for wives to initiate sex when they have energy and are feeling well, that way they can enjoy their husbands and show them that they love them and desire them, even though so much is going on inside their bodies. At 27 weeks pregnant, each week I keep track of our sex life in my mind and make sure that I set aside time to rock my husbands world a few times a week. Even in pregnancy I want to meet his needs and be the ONLY woman that he desires. Ladies do what you can to show your husband love, attention and sexual fulfilment throughout pregnancy.

2. RESPECT! With emotions and hormones changing daily pregnant women must work hard to keep their attitudes in check. I feel like I’m doing a decent job in this area but I have my moments and I know I can do better. Our husbands deserve our respect and we deserve theirs, no matter how we are feeling or what we are going through. Nothing gives us a license to purposely or continuous disrespect one another. When I feel my emotions or attitude rising, I try to shut my mouth, pray, just sit quietly for a moment or go lay down if I can. No one wants to be the mean pregnant woman whose husband dreads coming home to at night.

When you find yourself upset or agitated, before you react, ask yourself is it really that deep and how can I respond in away that will keep the peace and not put my husband on the defense. Holy Spirit is giving me great advice as I type this post because learning to think before I speak is an area that I am working on.

3. COOKING AND HOUSEWORK!  If you were the main cook and person that cleaned up around your house, things may need to change now that your pregnant. We need more of our husbands help during pregnancy BUT we should try our best to cook and straighten up sometimes when we are able. There are days when I can’t physically bring myself to cook or clean and those days my husband will jump in and help me but I make sure I cook a few times a week and clean on the weekends when I am able. I want to keep my husband happy, feed and have our home environment be one of peace. In marriage everyone has to sacrifice but especially when the wife is pregnant. Don’t adopt the world’s views on marriage, adopt God’s. God requires that we love, honor, respect and serve one another. Let’s continue to meet our husbands needs, let them know when we need their help and in turn we are working as a team and keeping the devil out of our marriages!