5 Months Pregnant & Daydreaming about Life, Love & Sex AFTER Baby

Being pregnant and able to carry a child is beautiful and honorable. My pregnancy continues to go smoothly and in a few days I will be 20 weeks, half way there! Time is moving fast but we are excited and getting prepared. As the days goes by and my belly grows, I continue picturing life as a mother. I imagine several feeds and diaper changes a day, less sleep and having to stay in the house for a few weeks until the baby and I are safe to go out. Also I imagine life without frequent sex with my hubby, less hanging out on late dates and less quiet moments in the house. In no way am I complaining, I am just being realistic about the things in life that will be different. I did not say no sleep, no sex (after the 6 weeks :-), no dates etc, I just said less. We planned this pregnancy and we were overjoyed when God granted us our request. Now its time to prepare for a baby not only physically and financially but mentally and emotionally.

The day I go into labor and deliver our healthy child (we haven’t found out the sex yet) life will never be the same. As I think about it though, life already will never be the same. I think about the baby always, when I get dressed, how I sleep and what I eat.  Here are a few adjustments that I have already had to make gladly for our little bundle of joy:

1. Frequent trips to the restroom.

2. Having to eat small meals every few hours or I will get a headache

3. The way I sleep at night and how much sleep I need.

4. Getting hormone headaches and not being able to take meds often.

5. Watching what I eat and basically changing my diet. No sushi, soft cheeses, hardly any coffee or pop, hardly any seafood or lunch meat, the list goes on about the food but I won’t bore you.

Last night at Word of Faith Southfield, we had a special service split. The men received a message just for them in the chapel and the women received a service just for them in the sanctuary. Our first lady, Min Deborah Butler, opened the floor for question and answer. One of the discussions was really helpful to me and the new season that I am approaching.

The question was from a woman who was newly married and had two young children. She was inquiring about how she could fit more sex into her marriage with two little ones running around all the time. Min Deborah gave her three helpful tips 1) get the children on a schedule so they get used to going to bed at a certain time every night. Train them to understand parents and children time and just parents time. Put them to bed and then you two go in your room, lock the door and get it on quietly. 2) Sex doesn’t only have to take place at night, have sex in the morning before they wake up or other alternate times of the day. 3) Find another couple with young children that you TRUST and take turns watching each other’s children so both couples can have some alone time together.

I found these suggestions helpful because sex is a big part of marriage and by the time the baby comes we will have been married for 3 years. That means 3 years of enjoying each other whenever we wanted (hey were all adults here! lol) As the baby gets older (2-3 months) and we start to adjust to parenthood, we will need to start going out on dates and caring for one another’s needs, just like we do the baby’s needs. Life is busy right now with work, church, family, friends, house work, cooking, taking care of each other etc; now with God’s grace and mercy, we will add a healthy happy little one to the mix. We serve an awesome and faithful God who will give us wisdom, mercy, grace and patience and we have a great support system full of family and friends. I am curious about what life will be like but I am excited, hopeful and confident that we will learn, grow and do just fine!

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6 Responses to “5 Months Pregnant & Daydreaming about Life, Love & Sex AFTER Baby”

  1. Rolisia Says:

    This is a very good topic. I truly believe that everything you described must be discussed before the baby arrives…such as date nights, sex, and placing baby on a schedule. When the baby finally arrives some things will not go according to plan, but a least you have a plan. I am a parent to a wonderful, loving 16 week old baby. The first few weeks took some time to get use to (sleeping is not the same). But when I tell you that God will step in (if you let Him) and make 2 hours of sleep feel like 4 hours. I have not sleep for longer then 5 hours since Clarence (my hubby) went back to work after his paternity leave. But I am not complianing because Isaac (our son) has been placed on a schedule since he was born. He slept in our room for maybe the first 3 weeks, and then after that he went to his room (which is right across from ours. He loves his own bed and his own space…we sometime (on the weekend) bring him over to our room and let him take a snooze, but for the most part he sleeps in his own room (with a moniter). This has been the greatest advice I have every gotten. Isaac has learned how to self soothe because he is not right under me at all times so there is a delay in my response time. He goes down for several naps throughout the day and is in the bed every night by 9pm (7:30pm some nights). He gets up every 3-5 hours to eat but goes right back to sleep, but his waking up freq. is expected). Now to the sex, I totally agree with Pastor Butler. Sex with children does not have to be lame, limited or lazy, but it does change but it can be for the better. You might not have the hours of time you had before, but if you plan it just right it can be something you look forward to and have great expectations for. This is why it is important to not have sex before marriage, it prepares you for times when you might have a drought. I am not saying that a married couple should go without sex, but it does create an atmosphere of self control. My hubby laughed at the 8 week shutdown, because we dated almost 2 and a half years…SEX FREE. Not saying it was not hard, but with God we made it..
    Also, date night is something that you can start when ever you want to. There is no point of going out to dinner if you are calling home every two minutes or not able to enjoy yourself because you miss your baby. We have only been out without Isaac for leisure once, but we have plans of doing more date nights with him…Like going to a lowkey resturant or to a early movie so if Isaac wants to talk…nobody is staring at him rudely. I want him to see mommy and daddy in love and enjoying each others company.
    Some things change for the better (sleep, I get less sleep but I get up with hubby and see him off to work -I never did that before Isaac) Date night-you appreciate every moment outside the house, little things become important.(like going grocery shopping as a family, movie night at home) Sex can become better because you have to become creative to make sure you and ur hubby needs are met (time of day, rooms of house) hopefully this is not TMI. Great topic.

  2. marriagecoach1 Says:

    Hey Joana and Rolisia:

    Kudos on this sex positive post. Compare and contrast your comments to feminists who are largely unmarried and largely self professing atheists. They say that if a woman gives a man sex when she is not in the mood that it is rape. I have been beaten severely with words and hate speech for suggesting on other blogs that women should voluntarily take care of their husbands sexual needs. They have no problem forcing the husband to dowithout sex against his will but howl when you suggest that she take care of his needs if she is not in the mood.

    Blessings on both of you
    John Wilder

  3. jeagan82 Says:

    (this is Serena signed under John ) This is a great post. It’s so much for me 2 say…Its time to put Shalom to bed, so I will come back and write my dissertation later 🙂

  4. Jacqueline Washburn Says:

    This is a great topic! I’m glad you and your hubby are aware that having a baby in the home is a HUGE lifestyle change. That way you can mentally prepare yourselves for all the changes that are coming.

    It was hard finding the balance of parenthood and husband and wife. For so long it’s just the two of you, adding a little one to the mix takes some adjustment. Taking the time out for the 2 of us has been the biggest priority. It keeps us happy and gets us through the days when Lila is more work than usual. 🙂

    The advice the speaker gave to that mom was good stuff. Honestly the best piece of advice was the first one. After years of nannying infants, getting them on a schedule from about 2 weeks on is key to everyone getting sleep.

    Most new parents have their new peanut sleeping in a bassinette in their room for the first few months. (While some parents may have no problems transitioning to a crib later, the majority does.) It can be so nerve-racking to have your little one not near you in the middle of the night, but its WORTH IT later on. When they are really little, they can sleep anywhere. Take advantage of that and get them used to sleeping where you want them to be sleeping long term. When they are older and aware of their surroundings, its much harder. Trust me.

    We had Lila sleeping in her crib when she was 5 days old. We just weren’t getting any sleep with her in our room. Every little hiccup or coo had us jumping out of bed making sure she was ok, because she was right there. We got a GREAT baby monitor that is motion censored. It has sound too, but the best feature is an alarm that goes off if she stops breathing. That way we have total piece of mind and the monitor is watching her for us.

    It took about 2 weeks to get her on a schedule. (As far as eating then going back to sleep.) By 2 months she was sleeping from 10pm-5am! At 3½ months she was sleeping from 9pm-7am. For the past 4 months Lila sleeps a good 11 hours straight. Thank you Jesus!

    My point is, is that having Lila in her room, made our bedroom “Our Place.” We needed that space for just the two of us. Not just for sex, but a place to relax and decompress at the end of the day. You need that to survive as parents.

  5. Jacqueline Washburn Says:

    P.S. As far as less sex when the babyy’s around… thats true for the first several months. We had an amazing sex life before Lila came. Not so much during pregnancy and the 2 months after. But now 🙂 its better than its ever been. Maybe its because my Love Language is physical touch and its a huge stress reliever for me. Nathan will joke,”Woman you are being cheeky!” And I’ll reply back, “Well you know what to do to fix that!” Ah, I love beeing married! (We found that if we wait till bedtime to have sex, we’re usually too tired. Take advantage of the baby’s afternoon nap. He, he, he.)

    I think God made sex so great to keep us happy. Well, I’m sure there are many other reasons now that I’m thinking about it… now thats a good topic: ‘Why God Gave Us Sex’

    • joannawillis Says:

      Jackie thank you so very much for your openness and honesty on this topic. You’ve made some very valid points and I plan to read you and Rolisia’s comments to my hubby this weekend. Thanks for sharing what worked for you and encouraging me on the sex aspect after the baby.

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