Stop Faking It: How To Be Honest About Your Needs In & Outside The Bedroom

Often times as women and wives, we try our best to please everyone around us (our husbands, children, friends, family, boss) and we continue to put our own needs on the shelf, this is a big mistake. As wives, it’s important that we communicate our needs to our husbands and teach them to satisfy us and meet our needs in and outside of the bedroom.



4 Tips On How To Communicate Your Needs To Your Spouse

1.  Pray about what to say and when to say it. Women, we know we can be bold, blunt and to the point sometimes, but when it comes to our husbands, we must take a sweet and respectful approach. When addressing concerns with men, timing and tone of voice is everything. Don’t meet him at the front door after work with all your concerns because you just couldn’t wait to let him have it. It’s important to slow down, take a deep breath and take your concerns to God in prayer. Seek God about what to say and when to say it. Ask the Holy Spirit to give you the words to help your husband hear your heart and not be embarrassed or defensive.

2. Be honest. If the sex isn’t what you’d like it to be, he hasn’t fixed the list of items that are broken around the house or he keeps forgetting to take the trash out, sit him down and talk about your needs.  He may think he’s doing ok in these areas until you tell him, esp the sex area.

Sex is meant to be pleasing for the husband and the wife. When we become one in marriage, our bodies are no longer our own, they are for pleasing each other. If you aren’t being pleased the answer is simple, teach him how to please you. In sweet seductive words and movements, show him what to do. He will appreciate the guidance because a good man aims to please his woman. If you fake it, you’ll never get where you desire to be and intimacy is a huge part of marriage; don’t cheat yourself!!

3. Be patient and calm while you share your needs. Compliment him first and don’t nag or use defensive words. It’s important to build him up before telling him where he’s missing it. Remember no one is perfect and the goal is not to make him feel bad, it’s to have an open, honest and productive discussion about each other’s needs.

 Organize your thoughts before you talk to him. Decide on the top two concerns you would like to explore. If the list of concerns is too long, the discussion may be too overwhelming for both of you.

Bonus tip

Don’t speak ill of your husband or marriage to your friends. It won’t do your marriage any good to always tell your girlfriends where your hubby is dropping the ball and never him. You never want to put your husband down to others, only lift him up. Learn to spend more time talking to God and your spouse about your marriage then you do anyone else. We don’t want our husbands sharing with their friends all the things that we need to do better so let’s show them the same respect.

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7 Responses to “Stop Faking It: How To Be Honest About Your Needs In & Outside The Bedroom”

  1. Mr Willis Says:

    This was on point. It’s always a good idea to bring a little honey to an issue and be gracious. Being introspective is good too. As husbands/wives we should always want to look at ourselves first to make sure that we are meeting our spouses needs first. A great way to start any “constructive” conversation is “How can I better meet your needs” Good post Babe.

  2. joannawillis Says:

    Hi honey! Thanks for sharing, that is a great point! When we aren’t getting our needs met, we should take time to examine ourselves and see what we can do better also.

  3. marriagecoach1 Says:

    Far too often women go to their gal pals over problems with a man. Most women are clueless about men as was Carrie in Sex in The City. She would go to her gal pals who were also equally clueless. It is about as smart as a guy asking his buddies what it feels like for a woman to be pregnant. When you have a problem with a man, would it not make more sense to go to a trusted man and ask for his advice and interpretation. Men and women thingk differently.

    Blessings on you and yours
    John Wilder

  4. Red Joe Says:

    Very Good, especially the part about complimenting him and then telling him what you like, A+!

  5. Ticia Says:

    GREAT, GREAT, GREAT post!!!!! I can’t say what I want to say without being “blunt” (lol) so I’m going to leave it at “GREAT TOPIC”!!!

  6. Princess C Says:

    I must say it again I love and enjoy this blog. Now I was one one those sisters that wasn’t nice at first about telling him “baby this is not working”. I was like okay move. Get up. I can do this myself if you’re going to keep doing that. I thought about it and was like God I know that’s a sin and I must be in your will so he’s got to get right and get it right there! So I wrote him a letter and explained to him what I was feeling when we made love and how it felt, he was little embarrassed because he thought he was on point and I’m no you’re on my nerves. So after he let his ego go and I let frustration out the bedroom baby it been bada-BAM-bada-BOOM!

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