Stop Faking It: How To Be Honest About Your Needs In & Outside The Bedroom

Often times as women and wives, we try our best to please everyone around us (our husbands, children, friends, family, boss) and we continue to put our own needs on the shelf, this is a big mistake. As wives, it’s important that we communicate our needs to our husbands and teach them to satisfy us and meet our needs in and outside of the bedroom.



4 Tips On How To Communicate Your Needs To Your Spouse

1.  Pray about what to say and when to say it. Women, we know we can be bold, blunt and to the point sometimes, but when it comes to our husbands, we must take a sweet and respectful approach. When addressing concerns with men, timing and tone of voice is everything. Don’t meet him at the front door after work with all your concerns because you just couldn’t wait to let him have it. It’s important to slow down, take a deep breath and take your concerns to God in prayer. Seek God about what to say and when to say it. Ask the Holy Spirit to give you the words to help your husband hear your heart and not be embarrassed or defensive.

2. Be honest. If the sex isn’t what you’d like it to be, he hasn’t fixed the list of items that are broken around the house or he keeps forgetting to take the trash out, sit him down and talk about your needs.  He may think he’s doing ok in these areas until you tell him, esp the sex area.

Sex is meant to be pleasing for the husband and the wife. When we become one in marriage, our bodies are no longer our own, they are for pleasing each other. If you aren’t being pleased the answer is simple, teach him how to please you. In sweet seductive words and movements, show him what to do. He will appreciate the guidance because a good man aims to please his woman. If you fake it, you’ll never get where you desire to be and intimacy is a huge part of marriage; don’t cheat yourself!!

3. Be patient and calm while you share your needs. Compliment him first and don’t nag or use defensive words. It’s important to build him up before telling him where he’s missing it. Remember no one is perfect and the goal is not to make him feel bad, it’s to have an open, honest and productive discussion about each other’s needs.

 Organize your thoughts before you talk to him. Decide on the top two concerns you would like to explore. If the list of concerns is too long, the discussion may be too overwhelming for both of you.

Bonus tip

Don’t speak ill of your husband or marriage to your friends. It won’t do your marriage any good to always tell your girlfriends where your hubby is dropping the ball and never him. You never want to put your husband down to others, only lift him up. Learn to spend more time talking to God and your spouse about your marriage then you do anyone else. We don’t want our husbands sharing with their friends all the things that we need to do better so let’s show them the same respect.

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Save The Drama For Yo Mama: 4 Tips On Living Drama Free

Here’s my Facebook status from 9/23/10. I received some great responses from the status so I promised to write a post about drama.

One of my biggest pet peeves are grown people who always have drama in their lives like their 15 but their 25+ years old. What’s the point? Having drama ain’t cute, it’s a waste of time! Get some godly, productive and faithful friends and date someone worthy of your time. I feel a blog post coming on! Lol

Examples of grown folks drama:

1. You continue to date guys that you know are bad for you. You and your man are always arguing, spying on each other and breaking up, only to apologize and start the cycle back over again.

2. You and your friends are always talking about each other and can never get along. This isn’t high school people, focus on developing a few close friendships instead of trying to have a clique as big as a football team.

3. Your always bouncing from job to job claiming that your boss and coworkers “just don’t like you” instead of seeking God about where you need to be, being mature and a diligent worker.

4 Tips On How To Live A Drama Free Life

1. Learn to love yourself. When you study the bible and discover how precious you are in God’s sight, when you start to appreciate your strengths and truly know your value, you won’t allow others to treat you like crap. Psalm 139:14

2. Learn to walk in love and forgiveness. No one is perfect. When a friend offends you or your boss speaks harshly to you, instead of cussing them out and telling everyone know you, ask God to show you how to be forgiven, merciful and how to walk in love as th bible commands. Matt 6:14-15 & Luke 10:27

3. In relationships, pay close attention to signs that the person may be bad for you. Guard your heart and end it when the red flags start popping up. No one wants to waste time jumping from bad relationship to bad relationship. Stop falling for the “bad boy.” Know that God’s got a hard working, respectful, honest, sold out for Christ MAN not boy, just for you. Be patient and trust God. Proverbs 3:5-6 & 4:23

4. Develop friendships with people who desire to live drama free. You must let go of friends that like to gossip all day everyday, argue over petty things, are easily offended and self centered. Birds of a feather always flock together. If you’re trying to honor God with your conversation and lifestyle, you must befriend others who have that same goal and are walking according to God’s word. Proverbs 11:13 & 20:19

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Pregnant & Lovin It: Week 12 Mom & Baby Update

Good morning world! I am 12 weeks and a few days pregnant. With this being my first pregnancy, there is so many new things to learn and adjust too but my husband and I are loving every moment. I have been extremely blessed to have a very smooth 1st trimester. No morning sickness, extreme fatigue or pain. I haven’t had to miss one day of work because of the pregnancy so far. All of my doctor’s appointments have gone perfect also. We were able to hear the baby’s heart beat earlier this month and that was very exciting! 2nd trimester begins at week 14. In 6 weeks we get out 2nd ultrasound to determine the sex. I will be 18 weeks by then.

I am honestly still in a small state of shock that I am pregnant. I have wanted to have an awesome husband, a career, own a home and raise a family since I was a little girl and now all my dreams are coming through. We give ALL glory and honor to God. We know that it is only because of our Lord that we are blessed, healthy, happy and at peace. 10 years ago I NEVER could have seen my life going this way. Life with Christ is the only way to go. He makes all things new and He is so faithful!!

The pregnancy symptoms that I have been experiencing are: frequent trips to the rest room, lower back pain at times, hungry all the time and breast tenderness. I have a little baby bump now too. All the pregnancy websites say that between now and a few weeks, ladies grow a lot in the waist area. I purchased my 1st belly band to help me fit my pants more comfortably; I love it!! I try not to complain about any symptoms that I experience because I am so grateful to God to be able to carry a baby and prepare to raise a child up in the ways of the Lord with my husband. Eddie is so excited. He grocery shops, cooks and helps out around the house. He makes sure that I’m comfortable and eating healthy.  We read baby books and websites together and day-dream and pray about our future family. He took great care of me before pregnancy so now I’m being spoiled even more! I love it! Our parents, siblings, extended family, friends, church members and coworkers are extra excited, supportive and helpful as well. This is such an awesome time in our lives. I am glad that I am not sick and can enjoy each day. Thank you Jesus!

Easy Baby Life Website gives details on the baby’s development this week. Checkout some of the interesting info below.

The biggest thing for your little one this week is the developing reflexes. Fingers will open and close, toes will curl, even facial expressions will change. Your baby can both scratch his nose and suck his thumb!

If you move a specific way your baby will respond by moving as well, even if you can’t quite feel it yet. Muscles start responding to the stimulus development for a more natural movement for your baby.

The brain starts making hormones as well as the rapid development of the nerve cells while the kidneys start producing urine.

Actually, week 12 is the start of a critical development phase for your baby’s brain. Between week 12 and week 18 and later between week 24 and 36, brain development is particularly rapid and sensitive.

The placenta is functioning effectively and blood flows from the umbilical cord.

Muscles within the intestines also begin to practice contractions known as peristalsis in order to digest food later on.

The eyes of your new baby have moved from the sides of the head to the front where they belong, and the ears are where they belong as well.Just over 2 inches long, your little one is about the size of a and weighs close to half an ounce.

How To NOT Give Your Neighbor A Piece of Your Mind, Fist & Neck

Morning world! Things have been challenging for me lately and I needed to take some time and read some scriptures on loving my neighbor and having mercy. When those around us at our jobs, in our neighborhoods, churches or own homes manage to get under our skin, as Christians we MUST tell our flesh to shut up and start meditating our love scriptures. Just because those around us may be acting up, doesn’t give us the license to “show our butts!!” I had to remind myself today while driving to work “these people know I’m a Christian, even though I’m frustrated at how things have been going in the office, I can’t lose my witness, it’s not worth it! This too shall pass!” I know the Holy Spirit is with me, leading and guiding me but I will only be able to hear his voice if I am in the spirit and not the flesh.

I just want to encourage you today if you are facing challenging situations that tempt you to step out of the spirit and into the flesh. As tempting as it is to let someone have it, it isn’t worth it. God won’t be pleased and it will only make the situation worse. More people will be blessed by you responding correctly than you going off on someone. 

5 Ways To Walk In Love

1. Show compassion because love is patient and longsuffering with others.

2. Celebrate the successes of others because love is not envious.

3. Promote others welfare above your own because love does not insist on having its own way or rights.

4. Refuse to be vindictive or retaliatory because love is forgiving.

5. Do not be easily provoked, but control your impulses because love is slow to anger.

Checkout these scriptures about loving your neighbor and the parable about the ungrateful servant. Let us all examine our hearts and make sure we are walking in love, forgiveness and mercy. May God’s peace and wisdom be with us all this week and always!

Leviticus 19:18 Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD.

Luke 10:27 He answered: ” ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’ ; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ ”

Matt 5:7 Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.

Matt 18:21-35 The parable of the ungrateful servant

21Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?”

 22Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

23-35 The servant owed his master 10,000 talents. He begged for mercy and it was granted unto him. Then the servant came across another servant who owed him a hundred denarii. He began to chock the servant and demand that he give him his money. The servant begged for mercy and patience from the man but he refused. Other servants near by saw what happened and they went and told the master. The master called the servant wicked for begging for mercy and receiving it but not granting another that same mercy. In anger the master through the servant in jail to be tortured until he was able to pay back his debt. Matt 18:35 This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.”

How To STOP Being A Fool For Love

If he’s playing with your emotions and not treating you how you deserve to be treated, it’s time to get OFF the emotional roller coaster and move on!

Vivian Green Emotional Rollercoaster


I’m on an emotional rollercoaster
Lovin you aint nothing healthy
Lovin you aint never good for me
But I can’t get off

I must admit, this was my song back in the day. Vivian has a nice voice, it’s catchy and it has a nice R & B beat. As I matured and learned that real love WASN’T supposed to drive you crazy, break your heart and be unhealthy, I left sad R & B love songs alone all together. I changed my friends, environment, who I dated and started getting serious about God. Having drama was getting old!

Love isn’t supposed to hurt. Real love doesn’t lie, cheat, waste your time, spend your money, hit on your friends or drain you of your joy!! Now run tell dat!! Lol

How To STOP Being A Fool For Love

1. Pay attention to the signs that the relationship isn’t healthy and don’t ignore them.

2. Don’t date in secret. When something is good and your happy, you want to share it with the world. When you know the relationship is bad, you sneak around and don’t introduce that person to your loved ones. If your shamed it’s time to end it!

3. Have standards. Write out a prayer list of things you desire in a future mate (because dating is for the purpose of marriage. If you can’t see yourself marrying that person, you have no business dating them) Once you know what you’re looking for in a man, when the bad ones come by you can tell them to keep walking.

4. Don’t be so desperate for a man who you allow foolishness go on just for the sake of “having a man” You can do bad all by yourself.

5. Love yourself and know that your worth the wait. Don’t settle. Don’t give up the goods for free. Your worth more than sex. No one wants to the other woman or just a booty call. When you love yourself you don’t allow people to use and abuse you. 1 Cor 13 tells us what real love is. We must learn to love us, know that God loves us and He will bless us with someone who loves us in His timing.

If you enjoyed this blog post, I encourage you to subscribe to receive emails regarding future post. The subscribe button is located at the top left corner of the blog. Once you enter your email and hit “sign me up,” you will have to open your email and confirm the subscription. Thank you in advance for your support. Also please email the blog link to other ladies

Sistas Positively Affecting Sistas

Many women in the African American community are struggling. Struggling to know their purpose, their value/worth, to understand what real love is,  to be accepted and live productive lives. Many AA women have made celebrities and the women in the videos their role models and this much change. I went to visit a 22-year-old single mom with four kids. She had a few female friends over and all the ladies had their hair done, gold around their necks and designer clothes on. The family lives in poverty. I am not saying that people with low-income can not have nice things, but often times AA women spend more money on hair, nails, jewelry, clothes, shoes and make up than anything else. This must change. Our value should never be in how cute we look or what possessions we have. Our value isn’t in how great our bodies look or how many men are following us around. Our value is who are we in Christ; that we are healthy mind, body and soul, that we’re happy, determined and successful. We are more than just baby makers or women with big butts. We are creative,  smart, worthy of love and healthy relationships. We are strong, survivors, teachers, lawyers, doctors, social workers, stay at home mothers, business owners, ministers of the gospel etc.

To my Christian sistas, the next time you see that same prostitute that passes by your job everyday, the young girl in your neighborhood that dresses too fast, a single mother on your job that you know is struggling to raise her six children all alone, your aunt who struggles with drug addiction, your girl who fell away from church or your sister who just dropped out of school, pray and follow the Holy Spirit as to how to love on that woman. Give her a smile, some encouraging words, a hug, tell her Jesus loves her, you love her, it will be ok, ask if you can pray with her, invite her to church, treat her to lunch and just be a listening ear, whatever Holy Spirit tells you to do.

Christians are the salt of the earth. The bible says the world will know we are Christians by our love. We must love on those around us. We must let our light shine. We must live a sold out for Christ lifestyle so that the women around us can know that they too can have peace, joy, a great life in Christ. I give  God ALL the glory that my life is a positive example to others. I am blessed to be a 29-year-old black woman who loves the Lord, has a husband who loves the Lord, we serve at our church together, we have a happy marriage, we were blessed to plan our pregnancy, we own a home in the suburbs, I have two college degrees and we both have careers that we love. Ask me if ten years ago I would have thought I would be this blessed, no! God is good and when I completely surrender my life to Him, He restored me and continues to mold me into the woman who He has called me to be. I want my life to encourage others. To let them know that if God did it for me, He will do that and more for them.

Ladies today’s message is to walk in love, be led as to how the Holy Ghost wants you to mentor and reach out to those around you and to let your lifestyle be a witness of God’s goodness and faithfulness to others. The world needs us. We can’t afford to be half stepping, fake, worthless Christians. Our families need us, our coworkers, neighbors and those that we come into contact with daily on Facebook and Twitter. People all over need hope and we know the one who has all that they need, JESUS!!!

If you enjoyed this blog post, I encourage you to subscribe to receive emails regarding future post. The subscribe button is located at the top left corner of the blog. Once you enter your email and hit “sign me up,” you will have to open your email and confirm the subscription. Thank you in advance for your support. Also please email the blog link to other ladies

Married Christians Should Have The Best Sex

Proverbs 5:18-19 May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.

Yesterday at our married bible study at Word of Faith Southfield, we we’re reminded about how important sex/intimacy and emotional connection are in a marriage relationship. Pastor Andre Butler and Min Tiffany Butler reminded us through the word of God that GOD invented sex and sex is GOOD in God’s sight!! As Christians, we know that we are supposed to be loving, patient, giving, serving, selfless and make our mates our top priority (after God). If we truly love our mates like we love ourselves, then we would try our best to treat them good all the time. If you are married, your spouse and you are one. The bible commands us to love, respect, honor and come together in the marriage bed together often. Read 1 Cor 13, it’s known as the love chapter.

The radio today plays sexually explicit songs and majority of the music videos have turned into 3 minute soft porn flix. The world thinks they invented sex. They write and sing songs about pleasing woman after woman or man after man but we know that meaningless casual sex is hurtful and dangerous, not something to be proud of. I don’t want the world to be more bold than I on the topic of sex. I know that I am experiencing awesome love making with my husband on a regular and God is pleased with that. It’s time out for Christians being so shy, reserved and nonchalant about married sex. It’s a gift from God!

If you are married you should be having sex a few times a week at least. If you and your husband are both busy with work, ministry and the kids, then you literally need to schedule sex/date nights and go at it. Make each other and coming together a priority. Single people should not have more sex than married people. The bible speaks of married couples coming together often so that we are not tempted. I am NOT going to let days go by without me encouraging, communicating, emotionally connecting and pleasing my husband sexually. All of these things are very important and I don’t want another woman to come along and tell him how great he is and how fine he looks NO that is my job and it is his job to encourage, talk to and please me emotionally and sexually.

We must learn what our spouses needs are and then work hard everyday to meet them. When your marriage is happy, your marriage bed is happy! Some of what I shared today was points from yesterday’s married bible study on the 5 sexual needs of a husband and a wife. There was many more points so I would encourage you to go to the website and purchase the DVD, CD or MP3

1 Cor 7:1-5, 33-34 NIV  1Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry.[a] 2But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. 3The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

33But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— 34and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. 35I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.

Don’t Be Or Date A Knock Off Christian

Yesterday Pastor Butler from Word of Faith Southfield MI preached a real, on time convicting message about being an authentic Christian and not a knock off. I thought the message was great and I wanted to share some of my notes. Before I share the notes, please read the definitions of knock off and authentic, that will help you understand the message even more.

Knock off is defined as a counterfeit, an imitation, usually one that is made with the intent of fraudulently passing it off as genuine.

Authentic is defined as not counterfeit or copied; “an authentic signature”; “a bona fide manuscript”; “an unquestionable antique.”

*Don’t be a secret agent Christian

*Live boldly for Christ

*Don’t be a knock off Christian, be authentic (genuine)

*Your faking days are over, either you’re in or your out.

*The world need us (true, dedicated Christians) Don’t lose your flavour.

*Don’t be a good for nothing Christian (not beneficial to God or those around you) Don’t be a Christian in words only or only on Sunday.

*When you have only the appearance of a Christian you are worthless to the body of Christ because you’re not doing your part.

*Don’t be a practical atheist; they believe in God but they live their life as though He does not exist.

1) you know it’s wrong yet you still do it

2) you know it’s right but you refuse to do it

3) you know He needs you yet you refuse to serve.

Remember we may be able to fool others but we can never fool God. It’s time to stop playing church.

*Be holy in how you handle ALL aspects of your life. Your music (what’s on your IPod play list? Does it bring God glory? What about your DVD collection? The concerts your attend? Your FB and Twitter updates? Your friends, where you hang out, what you talk about, day-dream about, watch on TV? Let each of us examine ourselves. To be an authentic Christian means to be set apart, holy and truly sold out to Christ.

5 Keys To Being Authentic

1) Deposit God’s word in your heart every day.

2) Protect your heart (guard it)

3) Do life together, have meaningful Christian relationships.

4) Regularly attend church (and get involved)

5) Develop a daily prayer life

Scripture references: Romans 1:16, Matt 5:13, Isaiah  29:13, Matt 6:5,  1Peter1:14, John 8:31-32, Matt 28:19-20, John 13:34-35, John 15:8

Don’t Date Knock Off Christians (my personal thoughts)

Now singles, as you work hard to live holy, obedient and authentic before God and man, it only makes sense that you date people who are also doing the same.  You don’t want to date someone who is only pretending to be a Christian. By pretending, I mean they go to church sometimes, know the basic scriptures but they don’t know God intimately and their lifestyle is not godly at all. If their just going through the religious motions, then let them keep going without you.

It is such a blessing to have a true man of God for a husband. Eddie is not perfect but he desires to be more like Christ and he strives to please Him in all things. Because he wants to be like Christ and glorify Him in our marriage, he does not treat me bad, lying to me, come homing at all hours of the night etc. He wants to please God and walk out His word in our marriage. I want to please God and walk out His word in our marriage too. Marriage is challenging when both people know Christ so I can’t imagine marriage when Christ is not at the center.

You want a spouse that will lift you up spiritually, not drag you down. You don’t want a girlfriend/boyfriend that goes to church with you because you dragged them and then the rest of the week their trying to have sex with you. What’s the point? What does light and dark have in common? NOTHING! Choose ye this day who you will serve! God is faithful. Remember when you delight yourself in the Lord, He WILL give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4) Keep being obedient to God’s word and watch Him bless you with a mate that will be more than you could have asked or dreamed of! He did it for me, He can and will do it for you!!

If you enjoyed this blog post, I encourage you to subscribe to receive emails regarding future post. The subscribe button is located at the top left corner of the blog. Once you enter your email and hit “sign me up,” you will have to open your email and confirm the subscription. Thank you in advance for your support. Also please email the blog link to other ladies

My 10 Yr Survivor Testimony: Victim to Victor

“How does one become a butterfly?” she asked. “You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.”
Like the butterfly, each of us has to let go of our past and be willing to step out, be transformed and made new. Letting go is the 1st step.

“Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.” – Author Unknown

“Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head.” – Ann Landers

Today is an awesome day for me. Today marks the ten year anniversary of the sexual assault that I SURVIVED. The devil picked the wrong one to mess with! Those first three years I was a mess, BUT GOD!! I have spent the last seven years walking as a victor and NOT a victim!! The number seven means completion and over the last seven years, I”ve allowed God to prepare me for the work that He is doing in me now and is about to do through me. I’m ready Lord! Use me, send me, speak through me to set other’s free!!

I want to encourage people today to not allow your past to haunt you and cause you to be a victim and not a victor. You can’t change what has been done to you or what you did to yourself. You must give your hurt, pain, shame, confusion and disappointments over to God. I strongly encourage you to seek professional guidance to assist you in your journey towards healing, victory and success.

Victim is defined as 1. One who is harmed or killed by another. A person who is tricked, swindled, or taken advantage of.

Victor is defined as one who defeats an adversary; the winner in a fight, battle, contest, or struggle.

I used to see myself as a victim. I used to have low self-esteem and lots of anger, hate and fear in my heart. I allowed the person who took advantage of me to rule my mind, emotions and my life. Out of fear I would not go certain places or be around certain people, because I was angry on the inside, I rarely had peace of joy. What he did to me was bad enough, but I had no right to give him the rest of my life to ruin. I made a choice to get seek God’s healing power, a minister, a counselor, my family and friends. I decided to take my life back, to get strong AND to help others who had gone through what I had. I made a choice to FIGHT to become a victor and never again a victim!

The road to recovery was one day at a time. I was very depressed when my journey first started because I had to allow myself to feel all the pain of the assault that I had blocked out and ignored as best I could for two years. Each time I met with my counselor, did a homework assignment about my experience, read my bible, pray out loud and talk to God about what had happened, I took the power out of the attackers hands and put it back in my own.

I encourage you today to face your fears of the past. To not walk around with the baggage of yesterday, last year, ten years ago etc. You deserve to be happy, healthy, healed emotionally, financially, spiritually, mentally, physically, successful, victorious and FREE. Yes they hurt you, they lied, abused you, mistreated you, lied on you, took advantage of you BUT GOD BUT GOD BUT GOD BUT GOD BUT GOD!! He’s bigger, He’s able, He’s faithful and He’s waiting with open arms!!

John 10:10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

Matthew 11:27-30 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Isaiah 61:3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion, to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.

Psalm 139:14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Matthew 6:14-15 14For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Steps Towards Healing From Abortion

Life Application Ministries has an awesome website for women who need to be restored from the aftermath of abortion. Please review this article and click the link to read this beautiful woman’s testimony and words of wisdom and encouragement. No matter what you’ve done, God loves you and is waiting to take you in His arms and make you whole again.

 There are 3 principles.

  1. Recognize – acknowledge where you are in your heart right now.
  2. Responsibility – whatever happened in the past, today, begin taking responsibility for your life.
  3. Repent – Confess to God

The first step is to Recognize. Before anyone can be healed within, they have to admit where they are. – Recognize that abortion was wrong. Recognize it was sin. Don’t be afraid to admit this. The bible says that “The truth shall make you free” (John 8:32) We have to admit that we had the abortion and not be afraid to speak the truth. I believe many of you reading this do acknowledge this in your heart but it has sat there and sat there causing you pain and grief. but there is HOPE once and for all for you. Keep on reading this information and I believe you will be brought out of all that pain once and for all!

Second step is Responsibility. We need to get back our lives and begin taking responsibility for all our actions. We need to stop blaming others or our circumstances for our choices. Simply accept the truth that you made the decision and that is that. Those who are alcoholics need to acknowledge they have a problem BEFORE they can get helped. It’s the same with abortions. It could have been the spouse or boyfriend that made us feel like the abortion was the only choice. It could have been a parent or guardian. It could have been a nurse at the school. It could have just been your own fear of how you would take care of a child. It could be ignorance, like I had, to use the abortions as a means of birth control. I had to stop blaming the people who told me abortion was OK, after all, the baby isn’t real yet. I simply stopped all that blaming and took the responsibility upon myself for those decisions. But it doesn’t stop there. I know this one is a hard one to grasp, but keep on reading.

The third step is to Repent. I’ll bet many of you have been so sorry all your life. Acknowledge the sin before God and confess it to Him. Receive His forgiveness and forgive yourself. (I believe this is the place where many can’t get past because we can’t forgive ourselves or even think we should be forgiven for the things we did – this is what I’ll be covering in detail. I believe that you have already done steps 1 and 2 to some degree, now it’s time to get past all that and move into a new phase in your life. I understand that you may have been grieving for that child (or children in many cases) for so many years. You have difficulty parenting the children you do have because of your guilt and shame. It’s time to be healed. It’s time to take back your life. It’s time to move on. It’s time to stop grieving. It’s time to get out of your grave clothes and walk in the land of the living. If you are ready for this, then continue.

First and foremost is the acknowledging your need of a Savior. Because dear one, we cannot save ourselves from anything. So first things first. To confess Jesus as Lord and receive Him as our Savior. To acknowledge that only through Him will you be healed in your heart and mind. If you want to make this decision, click the link above on “How do I know I’m a Christian?” The Bible tells us that Jesus is the healer of a broken heart. So let’s start at the beginning, which is a pretty good place to start. He receives anyone who calls upon Him, no matter WHAT we have done. I’m speaking from experience because if there was anyone who lived a “wild” life, it was me. God is the only one who can heal. Start by asking Jesus in your heart.

The second thing is to allow Him to love you. This is where everyone has a problem. I have known many Christian women who had abortions at an early age, or later in life but are still tormented by those thoughts and other past regrets. But it all boils down to not receiving the Love of God personally. We think, “How can God love me, look what I’ve done?” But the truth is, He does. This acknowledgment is very important for your restoration and healing to occur. God’s love is unconditional. And let me set the record straight, this is NOT the unpardonable sin. The unpardonable sin is to reject Christ as Savior. I know that my past and my relationship with my father (or men for that matter) were not very good. As a matter of fact, this is my fourth marriage and I can’t count on my feet and hands all the men I lived with before, in between and after each marriage. I was seeking Love, but I wasn’t getting the right kind of Love. What a mess my life was! In my case, I had been a Christian for 18 years before I truly received the Love of God unconditionally for myself. That’s when my heart and life began changing. The Bible says that perfect love casts out all fear because fear has torment (I John 4:16-18). If we are sad all the time, in pain about our memories, if we are fearful, if we have doubts and worries about our future, then we are not receiving His love. If you are not receiving the love of God you are probably in self-hatred, self-rejection, and always feeling guilty and condemned about something. You may think that you don’t deserve to be happy because of what you have done. You may even suffer from stress, anxiety, phobias and panic attacks as I did for 30 years. I heard a doctor say something that I believe pertains to us. “If my mental patients knew they were forgiven, they would walk out of this hospital within a week healed.” I believe this is true for us too. We have a hard time forgiving ourselves let alone receiving forgiveness from God. We think we have to carry that pain as “penitence” but to tell you the truth, you are trying pay for something you can never repay!

To know God loves you will help you forgive yourself. See while we were yet sinners Christ died for us because of the Love of God toward us. “We love Him because He first loved us.” (I John 4:19) We cannot even love God correctly without His love in us first. The problem is not with God the problem is with us believing He loves us and has a good plan for our lives NO MATTER what our choices were. The problem is us not receiving that love. When we receive that kind of love, nothing is impossible. We begin to love ourselves properly, WITHOUT condition. See, our love is human love, it is full of conditions. There are flaws and ultimatums in our love with ourselves and with others. Sometimes we think we have to “do” something to be loved. But with God, HE IS LOVE, He cannot do anything else, nor are we to do anything else but receive it. (I John 4:16) He loves you RIGHT now even with all the past mistakes. He saw you do them, He was right there watching. Nothing was hid from Him. Yet He loves you. Yet He wants to heal your heart. Why? Because you are His daughter. The children that were conceived are with Him right now. He beholds their face every day. He wants you to join them someday in Heaven. He wants you to look up toward the heavens not down to the ground. By allowing the truth to penetrate your heart, and recognize the things that you have done point blank, will bring healing! It’s “knowing” the truth, which sets us free. Don’t be afraid to see the junk in your life. Once you see it, then it’s God’s job to clean it out and heal you!

The third thing is to receive forgiveness from God and forgive yourself. Of course you and I both know that this one is very hard. Until you begin receiving the Love of God for yourself, it will be literally impossible to forgive yourself. So how do we do this? By confessing your sin before Him. This is an example of how God began restoring me. I prayed, “Lord I had many abortions. Each one was a child Lord. I admit my sin and I thank you for forgiving me of my sins. God, you said in I John 1:9 that if I confess my sins You are faithful and just to forgive me of all my sins and to cleanse me from all unrighteousness. By faith I receive the forgiveness for my abortions. In Jesus name. Amen.”