Fantasia’s Divorce Scandal & Suicide Attempt, Dating Married Men Isn’t Worth It

This post is not to bash or judge Fantasia but to use her as an example for a topic that I have been wanting to address for a while now. Message to single women, dating married men is a horrible idea.

For those of you who may not know, Fantasia Barrino took an overdose of aspirin and a sleep aid on 8/10/10  after reading the court documents naming her as being instrumental in breaking up a North Carolina marriage. Paula Cook, wife of Antwaun Cook  filed these documents along with claiming there is a sex tape for evidence of this infidelity, according to RadarOnline. 

Fantasia and Antwaun were in Barbados in November and they were captured in photos holding hands and embracing, while Antwaun was, and still is a married man.

Fantasia’s overdose was documented as a “suicide attempt” in the police reports. This young lady who has always maintained a respect for religion and family values, may be overwhelmed with the thoughts of things to come in this court case. To read the rest of the examiner.com article, please click the link below.

http://www.examiner.com/x-57780-Hartford-Pop-Culture-Examiner~y2010m8d10-Fantasia-overdose-after-seeing-court-documents-along-with-alleged-sex-tape-evidence

I have a few concerns about this situation:

1. Why was Fantasia dating a married man in the first place.

2. Why was she going places with him in public and being photographed with him like he was her man?

3. How did a “church going” young woman get involved in the music industry and lose all of her morals and values.

4. What about her daughter? What type of example was she being for her?

5. What about her career and reputation? Was messing around with a married man and father of two worth the drama and bad press? She was under such stress that she attempted to take her own life and leave her daughter behind? WOW

6. Now she is listed in the divorce papers and may be sued by the wife. I read an article that quotes Fantasia telling the phone on the phone saying some crazy mess about the husband being her man now and next time the wife gets a man, she should work harder to keep him. The entire situation is sad to me.

As women, we need to love and respect ourselves enough to leave married men alone. If a man is married, he is off limits period. When a single woman gets married, she wants her husband to be faithful to her, so why not show a married woman respect and leave her husband alone? If a man cheats on his wife with you, he WILL cheat on you with another woman. Women the men you date should have a relationship with God, integrity, character, morals and values. You deserve to be more than a quick hook up or a every other weekend fling. Ladies wake up and know your worth and value.

If you are a mother, you really need to watch who you date because your children are watching! You have a responsiblity to be a positive role model and to have appropriate and safe people around your kids. You should not spend more time out looking for men or hanging with your man than you do at home with your kids.  Mothers need to think about their children and how every decision they make in life affects them. Children are much much smarter than we give them credit for; they’re observant and they soak up everything we do like sponges. What are you teaching your children? What are you showing them with your actions on a daily basis? Many parents need to get their priorities in check.

This gentleman is definitely in the wrong because he had no business cheating on his wife and hurting her and his children. This post is speaking to women and warning them that dating a married man will have the women looking crazy, even though the man is the one whose married. Our society has double standards and that’s just how it is. They were both willing participants but unfortunately its Fantasia’s name that will be dragged through the mud.

Dear Lord,

I pray for my sister Fantasia right now. I ask that you grant her mercy for the decisions that she had made. I pray that you comfort her and her family during this difficult time. I pray that she rededicates her life back to you and commits herself to you completely. I pray that you lead and guide her regarding her purpose in life and your will for her music career. I pray that you give her the strength, wisdom and patience needed to parent her daughter the way you’ve created her too. Remind her Lord that her latter will be greater and this too shall pass. In Jesus name we pray, amen.

Peoplejam.com list 10 reasons why dating single women shouldn’t date married men

1. He won’t commit to a future with you.

2. Cheating on his wife tells you how he deals with any situation he doesn’t like.

3. Hiding is exhausting.

4. He’s got his cake and is eating it, too.

5. Can you love someone who is so disrespectful of his wife?

6. Lose his respect and it’s over.

7. You’re not a home wrecker, just an accomplice.

8. You’re kidding yourself.

9. Beware the guilt boomerang.

10. Time is too precious to waste.

http://www.peoplejam.com/blog/6860/10-reasons-not-date-married-man

**Ladies what are your thoughts on this situation or on women dating married men in general?**

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14 Responses to “Fantasia’s Divorce Scandal & Suicide Attempt, Dating Married Men Isn’t Worth It”

  1. Pudd'N Tang Says:

    Hey Ms. Joanna,

    I dig what you’re saying and I guess you present some valid points, but have you considered one very important factor? There is a verifiable shortage of worthwhile BLACK MEN!

    Once you eliminate the thugs with a prison cell in their future, the gays and confused, the lazy and slothful, the drug addicts and Ned-the-Winos, what do black women have left? A handful of good men, hopefully Godly men with good work ethics, morals, and aspirations to be good husbands and fathers.

    That being the case, it is obvious to me that some sacrifices are going to have to be made. If black women want to be in good relationships and avoid the dreaded ‘cat lady’ status in their later years, then they are going to have to buy into the idea of sharing. Okay, close your mouth. I know it doesn’t sound like the most sane suggestion, but think about it.

    Back in biblical times, it was perfectly okay for a man to have more than one wife, as long as he could afford to take care of her and the children born to the union. If it was good enough for Solomon, it should be good enough for us in the 21st century.

    Maybe it’s possible for several women to share one husband, raise some healthy children, and continue to populate the earth. I think this solution is reasonably better than all the single-parent households, the deadbeat dads, and children let without the full benefit of having two parents.

    I think Fantasia, Antwuan, and Paula should have a pow-wow and work it out. Better to share a good man than claim ownership of bad man. I think Antwuan and Paula’s kids would gladly welcome Fantasia’s daughter as their new little sister.

    And let’s face it, it takes a lot of time to love and care for a good man by yourself. Every good wife needs a back-up plan that will allow her some time to herself, a night or two off without having to pleasure him, someone to cook meals at least three times week, somebody to help with the children, and of course someone to go shopping with.

    Will the women who aren’t afraid to share their man raise their hands?!? Either you do it voluntarily or suffer the fate of so many other women who thought they had a lock on their marriage. I’m just saying….

    • Gaye Moore Says:

      A throwback to slavery. I do believe the sharing idea was what slaveowners seemed to think. Rather than pressure their wives to fulfill their sexual needs and appear animalistic, they just went to the slave to fulfill that sexual urge. I really don’t believe a man can possibly really love more than one womanat a time.Now children is different. How a man comes to you says much about his character. Why is it that women seem to be so foolish as to think that the man won’t treat her exactly the same way. Let’s look at our celebrities who have multiple women. Sharing the guy just seems to point to slavery and property, not a loving relationship

    • Yvonne Says:

      There is absolutely no reason for women to share their man voluntarily or involuntarily. Know your worth and the man of your hearts desire will find you. Fantasia set her self up for failure because she does not know who she is and became desperate. I know that place so I am speaking subjectively and objectively.

  2. Brian Says:

    I just read that reply n it just makes sense to why the bible states we’re gonna see things wax worst n worst. She has to be kidding me.

    If people would pray and seek God he’d supply our needs including husbands and wives.People are headed to hell whether they know it or not. Sharing a spouse is adultery period. The bible states God will judge them who committ it too. If we raise hands or stand for anything it better be righteousness. On a sn her pastor who is in Detroit needs to sit and counsel with her as well as her advisor. There is no run in heaven for sin

  3. sylviahubbard1 Says:

    No P’n’T! No you didn’t start a fire without some matches!! I’m dying here especially since your website site is called I Will Take Your Man Dot Com.

    Don’t get it twisted.

    I think J has some very valid points and as I was reading, I really didn’t think about the selfish factor that she went and committed suicide and she has children.

    Lawd da help!

  4. Janelle Says:

    WOW but Joanna I can not speak for society-they are both copable for their actions. I don’t care about what society says I will not accept the stereotype because that is why it is accepted no one forces the issue. As a woman I dont want a man who wants another woman-married or not and if you are married that makes it worse. We all know that sometimes men will lie she may not have lost her morals she may have actually been in love with him and blinded but share him because of a man shortage-ABSOLUTELY NOT! Yeah I said it…NO MAN SHARING that is beyond desperate and shows a serious lack of self esteem. This is a hot mess and what we need for her is a prayer circle not other women making her feel worse about what she clearly has unresolved issues over. & oh yeah, some therapy so she doesn’t repeat this and end up in the same place.

  5. joannawillis Says:

    Thank you everyone for reading and commenting.

    Pudd’N Tang, I must say I was shocked, saddened and disappointed after reading your comment. Everyone has their own opinion and I will always show respect to those that share their views because I want my views to be respected also.

    Yes being a wife is challenging at times and filled with many duties but I would NEVER EVER want to share my husband with another women under any circumstances.

    There are good Christian hard working honest black men and men in general in the world. My father, father in law, grandfather, brother, cousins, uncles and male friends are good God fearing men who understand the importance of fidelity and family.

    Don’t believe the worlds lies and walk in fear thinking that all men lie and cheat and therefore you have to share your man with other women, the devil is a lie!!
    It is possible for men and women to be fully committed to one another and be happily married. Marriage is one man and one woman making a commitment before God to be one FOR LIFE. That means forsaking ALL others and cleaving to one another. Make sure you love yourself and know your value and worth as a woman. We teach people who to treat us, so if you allow your husband to cheat on you openly, what are you teaching him, your kids and yourself? I pray God’s wisdom, peace and blessings over your family.

  6. Bucarrui Akles Says:

    WOW! The bible tells us to study to show ourselves approved, rightly dividing the Word of truth. Did God tell Solomon it was ok to have all those wives? Think about David, he was married, saw Bathsheba taking a bath, sent to have her husband killed so that he could have her. Was God in that? Because of their affair the baby they bore did not live, a consequence not the cause, of their sinning against God. Study the word of God, because His word also says, that my people perish for lack of knowledge. Father I asked that you continue to cover Fantasia, give her your peace that surpasses all understanding, so that through this time of trial and persecution she may be able to return you. In Jesus name, Amen!

    • MZ Cream Says:

      Aman!

      A person who knows right and still does wrong, is a foolish man!

      • MZ Cream Says:

        oh and not only that…. the Bible also states that all women will not be wived. I think the problem is no woman wants to be that woman. So they settle for whatever they can get because it is what they want or are interested in… Not what God sees fit they need.

  7. Rachel Says:

    Hmmmm, seems as simple as adultery being a sin against God’s righteousness and order. Like a church that worships Jesus and budha, just doesn’t work. As far as sharing goes, Isaiah 3 – 4:1 makes sharing seem like the act of desperate, desolate women. But the scary part is, we often allow ourselves to be fooled into settling for disorder. Especially if we’re desperate…. or vulnerable.

  8. Alesha Says:

    Wow. We mustn’t forget, Puddn Tang, that while many women were sharing Solomon, the fact that Solomon had so many women was the beginning of his downfall. If one believes that they must share their man because good men are hard to find, then it certainly shows the extent of that person’s faith in God. And that is a tragedy all on its own.

  9. Danielle Says:

    PT, I agree that there appears to be a shortage of good men. Sin has corrupted our world and the people of it. However, I would like to know your definition of good, and who’s standard you’re basing it on. Biblically, a good man who honors God before all first, and secondly his wife and family. Marriage is a covenenant designed by God, and it is the upmost disrespect to the one who created and died (and most importantly rose again) to unhinge an institution He values. Good men know good women, and a good woman knows that God is her source and doesn’t look for a warm body to get her fulfillment. A woman who has to share is not complete and whole, but a fragmented, broken person crying out for validation, fulfillment, and security. Those things should be sought for, but only in God through Christ Jesus will they be found. If you read the rest of Kings, you’ll see that Solomon died outside of the will of God as an enemy, and God was the very one who told him not to mess with them in the first place. We can’t pick and choose which scriptures are acceptable to justify sin, because regardless of what one thinks or believes, the Truth will dismantle every trace of unrighteousness bit by bit.

    My comments aren’t to condemn you, but prayerfully that you see yourself as the precious, beautiful image of God that He created you to be. A man who’s willing to share you doesn’t love nor respect you, but you are simply his willing concubine. You were created for more than that. When we get ourselves together, God send that one to help us complete His will. Marriage isn’t just about two people who want to be romantic, it’s purpose is for two purpose-filled people to come together and create a dynasty for Christ and fulfill his destiny.


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