Single, Successful and Too Independent?

In today’s society women are aimbious, driven and working hard for the money! Women are owning businesses, running companies, getting multiple degrees and holding it down for themselves. Many women don’t need men for anything. Like the Destiny’s Child song “Independent Women,” “The shoes on my feet, I’ve bought it, The clothes I’m wearing, I’ve bought it, The rock I’m rockin’, I’ve bought it, ‘Cause I depend on me If I want it.”  The question then becomes are women in today’s society too independent for men? 


Some women get upset when a man opens the door for them. Others are offended if a man offers to pay for the meal on a date because they have money and don’t need a man to do anything for them. Being independent and successful is a great thing BUT being arrogant and snotty because of it is not. Being in a committed relationship is an added bonus to a woman’s life. Men aren’t everything and you don’t need one to be happy. But many women today wouldn’t know a GOOD MAN if he was staring them right in the face. 


Just because a man doesn’t have as much money or as many degrees as you does not make him a bad man. Because a man wants to spoil you doesn’t mean he thinks you need him and his money; he may just want to treat you good and show you how special you are to him.   


Sometimes I think women, especially black women, wear a chip on their shoulder when it comes to men and were so cautious about being hurt or reject that we shut people out that are trying to love us. 


Many black women feel that loving, trusting and giving herself 100% to a committed relationship is a sign of weakness. Maybe some of these women have been rejected by their fathers, molested by their male relatives, cheated on by past boyfriends and now are saying enough is enough. They devote their lives to their careers and stacking money and they ignore men, love and relationships all together. The rejected child who couldn’t count on anyone to take care of her has now grown up to be a successful beautiful woman whose still carrying around the angry, unforgiveness and rejection of the past. When a man tries to step to her, her past hurts won’t allow her to see the good in him only the possible and potential bad. 





Ladies, it is an awesome thing to be independent and successful but if you have things in your past that cause you to be bitter and respond to men in the wrong manner, I encourage you to not hide behind the “I’m independent,  I don’t need nobody,” attitude and give your struggles over to God. Allow Him to heal you of the pain of the past. You don’t have to be successful and alone. You don’t have to hide behind your career goals/dreams and sacrifice your desire for marriage and a family. God is a healer. He created you, He knows every hair on your head. You need to be free from the past so that you can be in a healthy relationship one day. All men aren’t after you for your money/success and all men don’t think your after them for theirs. Be strong, be confident and be independent and be free. If you meet a good man and you have peace about dating him and get to know him. Let him court you and work to get you. Let him love you. You deserve to be loved.


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10 Responses to “Single, Successful and Too Independent?”

  1. Teresha Says:

    This is right on! I’m reading The List by Sherri Lewis and there are 4 girlfriends all single trying to find a man. One girl is divorced and so independent she claims she’s too busy to find a man…Anyways this is good. I’ll cherish these words of wisdom “let him court you and let him work to get you..”

  2. Faithe Says:

    Love it! Great read with great points.

  3. Michelle Says:

    You hit it again, Joanna. I honestly wish that I had read this before I got married because it might have given me hope that I didn’t have to rely upon a man. Now that I face separation from my husband, I lean more and more on God. In fact, I can’t even walk on my own because I am leaning so heavy on God. You always open my eyes with your blogs. Thank you 🙂

  4. Lauren Says:

    I just wanna say I appreciate the fact that you said there’s nothing wrong with being independent and successful, and there’s also nothing wrong with a man treating you right! I think we’ve somehow gotten into this mindset that you have to pick between success and love, but why can’t you have it all? Good post!

  5. TmariePR Says:

    Joy.. You are on point with this one!

  6. Janelle Says:

    I really liked this one! Some women do not want to admit to the past impacting thier present but you have to move past old hurts or you there will be nothing good in your future to be thankful for. I am happy that I moved past that myself so that I was able to meet someone else. Whether things work out for us or not I will stay focused and follow God’s foot steps for he has never led me astray!

  7. Red Joe Says:

    Yes! Very good message! The Woman of God knows the man is the stronger creation and not that she will bow down and kiss his feet, but she will not fight the truth and she will enjoy allowing that good man to do what God has created men to do!

  8. jamie Says:

    I’ll be honest, but you had me until you mentioned God. He doesn’t heal all wounds no matter how deep. He’s the biggest procrastinator ever. If you ever ask him for anything, he never delivers until it doesn’t even matter anymore. I’m saying this because I’ve been let down by God so much so that I will never trust him again. I’ve given up on God because he’s failed me.

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