Independent Women and Chivalry

With today being the age of the Independent Woman, I was wondering what role does chivalry play in today’s society. I believe that chivalry is a great thing but I’m sure many modern-day independent women feel other wise. Before we jump into this debate, let’s define what an independent woman is and what chivalry means. The definition of an Independent Woman is a woman who pays her own bills, buys her own things, and DOES NOT allow a man to affect her stability or self-confidence. She supports her self on her own entirely and is proud to be able to do so.

Chivalry means: 1 : valiant 2 : of, relating to, or characteristic of chivalry and knight-errantry 3 a : marked by honor, generosity, and courtesy b : marked by gracious courtesy and high-minded consideration especially to women. Chivalry[1] is a term related to the medieval institution of knighthood. It is usually associated with ideals of knightly virtues, honor and courtly love. Today, the terms chivalry and chivalrous are often used to describe courteous behavior, especially that of men towards women.

I believe that being a successful, independent, self sufficient, driven woman is a great thing. I am proud to see so many women being successful and doing their thing BUT sometimes I think we as women take the “I’m independent, I’m running things and I don’t need anyone, esp a man,” attitude way to far. Men are a blessing, an added bonus to our lives. We don’t need them to be happy and content but it is a blessing when a good woman finds a good man!

Women ask yourself this, is a chivalrous man attractive to you? Would you like it if your man did the following things on a regular basis or are these things too much? I know you can do all of these activities on your own but would it be nice and appropriate if your gentlemen did them for you?

1. Opened the car door for you

2. Paid for the majority of the dates

3. Helped you into your coat

4. Pulled out your chair

5. Helped you if you were carrying something heavy

I obtained two college degrees and was making decent money before I married my husband. I was capable of doing things for myself and the few bills that I had, I paid with ease. When Eddie came along he wanted to open my doors, help me with heavy objects, pay for dates, help me with my coat and even gently pull my hair out of my coat for me, after he put my coat on. He did those things during our friendship, courtship, engagement and still during marriage. Though I felt I was an independent and capable woman, I appreciated and enjoyed his chivalrous treatment towards me. I still enjoy and appreciate this about him to this day. My dad was the only man before Eddie that cared for me in such a gentleman way. I think all women should be cared for in such a kind and thoughtful manner.

I don’t understand women who feel that it is weak to let a man open doors and pay for meals. I think it’s good to go back to the old fashion ways courtship and let men be gentleman. If he wants to date you he should ask you, pick u up and pay for you. If he is interested in you, he should give you special treatment and not treat you like one of the boys. Yes you can open your own door but if he wants to be a blessing and open it, it would be a good idea to let him.

**Ladies your thoughts? Gentlemen your thoughts? Please post comments here and not on FB thanks.**

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Single, Successful and Too Independent?

In today’s society women are aimbious, driven and working hard for the money! Women are owning businesses, running companies, getting multiple degrees and holding it down for themselves. Many women don’t need men for anything. Like the Destiny’s Child song “Independent Women,” “The shoes on my feet, I’ve bought it, The clothes I’m wearing, I’ve bought it, The rock I’m rockin’, I’ve bought it, ‘Cause I depend on me If I want it.”  The question then becomes are women in today’s society too independent for men? 

     

Some women get upset when a man opens the door for them. Others are offended if a man offers to pay for the meal on a date because they have money and don’t need a man to do anything for them. Being independent and successful is a great thing BUT being arrogant and snotty because of it is not. Being in a committed relationship is an added bonus to a woman’s life. Men aren’t everything and you don’t need one to be happy. But many women today wouldn’t know a GOOD MAN if he was staring them right in the face. 

    

Just because a man doesn’t have as much money or as many degrees as you does not make him a bad man. Because a man wants to spoil you doesn’t mean he thinks you need him and his money; he may just want to treat you good and show you how special you are to him.   

   

Sometimes I think women, especially black women, wear a chip on their shoulder when it comes to men and were so cautious about being hurt or reject that we shut people out that are trying to love us. 

  

Many black women feel that loving, trusting and giving herself 100% to a committed relationship is a sign of weakness. Maybe some of these women have been rejected by their fathers, molested by their male relatives, cheated on by past boyfriends and now are saying enough is enough. They devote their lives to their careers and stacking money and they ignore men, love and relationships all together. The rejected child who couldn’t count on anyone to take care of her has now grown up to be a successful beautiful woman whose still carrying around the angry, unforgiveness and rejection of the past. When a man tries to step to her, her past hurts won’t allow her to see the good in him only the possible and potential bad. 

  

 

   

  

Ladies, it is an awesome thing to be independent and successful but if you have things in your past that cause you to be bitter and respond to men in the wrong manner, I encourage you to not hide behind the “I’m independent,  I don’t need nobody,” attitude and give your struggles over to God. Allow Him to heal you of the pain of the past. You don’t have to be successful and alone. You don’t have to hide behind your career goals/dreams and sacrifice your desire for marriage and a family. God is a healer. He created you, He knows every hair on your head. You need to be free from the past so that you can be in a healthy relationship one day. All men aren’t after you for your money/success and all men don’t think your after them for theirs. Be strong, be confident and be independent and be free. If you meet a good man and you have peace about dating him and get to know him. Let him court you and work to get you. Let him love you. You deserve to be loved.

 

If you enjoyed this blog post, I encourage you to subscribe to receive emails regarding future post. The subscribe button is located at the top left corner of the blog. Once you enter your email and hit “sign me up,” you will have to open your email and confirm the subscription. Thank you in advance for your support. Also please email the blog link to other ladies https://joannawillis.wordpress.com