Real Men Don’t Rape

Real men accept the responsibility to not harm another person.

When I was 17, I was in a summer program at my university before the semester started. One night, many of the students were sitting outside drinking cheap liquor. I wasn’t a drinker at the time, so I only sipped a little. When it was time for our curfew, we all went into the dorm. A female classmate of mine had been drinking so I walked her to the floor of her dorm room. I didn’t think she was drunk so I didn’t walk her to her room. It turned out that she was drunk and some how ended up in a male classmate’s room. She was in and out of conciousness and unable to defend herself as several of our male classmates under dressed her, fondled her and one of them raped her. The next day the police were called, the boy was kicked out of school, the girl’s parents removed her from the school and that was my first encounter with rape. The boy’s in that situation weren’t real men. They were immature boys that violated an innocent girl. Should the girl have been drinking to the point that she could barely stand, no, should she have been wondering around the dorm unable to defend herself, no, but did they have the right to take advantage of her and have sex with her without her consent NO! Real men don’t rape.

Here is an article from about men and rape. I found the information to be very informative.

*It is never OK to force yourself on a woman, even if she teases you *dresses provocatively or leads you on *she says “no” and you think she means “yes”

*you’ve had sex before with her

*you’ve paid for her dinner or given her expensive gifts *you think women enjoy being forced to have sex or want to be persuaded *the woman is under the influence of alcohol or drugs

Rape is a crime of violence. It is motivated primarily by desire to control and dominate, rather than by sex. It is illegal.

If you are getting a double message from a woman, speak up and clarify what she wants. If you find yourself in a situation with a woman who is unsure about having sex or is saying “no,” back off. Suggest talking about it.

Do not assume you know what your partner wants; check out your assumptions.

Be sensitive to women who are unsure whether they want to have sex. If you put pressure on them, you may be forcing them.

Do not assume you both want the same degree of intimacy. She may be interested in some sexual contact other than intercourse. There may be several kinds of sexual activity you might mutually agree to share.

Stay in touch with your sexual desires. Ask yourself if you are really hearing what she wants. Do not let your desires control your actions.

Communicate your sexual desires honestly and as early as possible.

If you have any doubts about what your partner wants, STOP. ASK. CLARIFY.

Your desires may be beyond your control, but your actions are within your control. Sexual excitement does not justify forced sex.

Do not assume her desire for affection is the same as a desire for intercourse.

Not having sex or not “scoring” does not mean you are not a “real man.” It is OK not to “score.”

A woman who turns you down for sex is not necessarily rejecting you as a person; she is expressing her decision not to participate in a single act at that time.

No one asks to be raped. No matter how a woman behaves, she does not deserve to have her body used in ways she does not want.

“No” means no. If you do not accept a woman’s “no,” you might risk raping someone whom you thought meant “yes.”

Taking sexual advantage of a person who is mentally or physically incapable of giving consent (for example, drunk) is rape. If a woman has had too much to drink and has passed out, or is not in control of herself, having sex with her is rape.

The fact that you were intoxicated is not a legal defense to rape. You are responsible for your actions, whether you are sober or not.

Be aware that a man’s size and physical presence can be intimidating to a woman. Many victims report that the fear they felt based on the man’s size and presence was the reason why they did not fight back or struggle.

Note: Men can be victims of rape and have the same rights to counseling and legal action as women do.


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