How To Choose A Good Hair Dresser

Step 1: Know What Qualities to Look For

  • You may be wondering what qualities make a good hair dresser. Although the answer is subjective depending on what you are looking for, there are several general traits you might want to look for when choosing a new hair dresser. These include, but are not limited to:
  1. Good communicator
  2. Knowledge of health-related topics associated with hair
  3. Ability to recognize conditions or abnormalities on the skin, hair or scalp
  4. Friendly and personable
  • Step 2: What Are Your Needs?
    • Knowing what your hair needs are is extremely important in finding the perfect hair dresser. Some hair dressers, for example, specialize in highlights or perms, while others are known for their flair for the hippest styling techniques.
  • Step 3: Get Recommendations
    • A great way to find a hair dresser is by talking to others. You can:
    1. Talk to friends and family. If you are getting advice from people that know you and whom you already trust then chances are you will find you like the hair dresser they recommend.
    2. Talk to salon schools in your area. Usually they can tell you some of the better salons and stylists around town. Sometimes they may suggest you try their school, where for a discount you can get your hair done by students in training. Although not always ideal, it is one way to get a cheaper cut and style.
  • Step 4: Find a Good Quality Salon
    • Sometimes the best way to find the most qualified hair dresser is to first find the highest rated salons in your area. Usually top notch salons only hire the best, so if you find the right salon, you will most likely find the best hair dresser to fit your needs. You can also specify to the person in charge of appointments what your needs are and they can then tell you the person on staff that specializes in that particular hair cut or treatment. You can find salons in your area by:
    1. Word of mouth. Again, friends and family will usually be honest and suggest a decent hair dresser for your needs; assuming, of course, that they have a good flare for hair!
    2. The internet will provide a wealth of information. You may even find sites that rate the salons and their stylists.
    3. Drive around town. Sometimes by walking into a salon and asking questions you can at least get a feel for the place and the hair dressers there. Don’t be afraid to ask questions either! You might even want to talk to some of the customers there.
  • Here are some questions you should cover during your hair stylist consultation:

    • What are the main products that you use in servicing your clients’ hair?
    • What types of services do you offer? (Relaxers, roller sets, deep conditioning, wraps, braids, etc.)
    • What hair types and textures do you work with? (Natural, kinky, relaxed, etc.)
    • How long have you been a hair stylist?
    • What are your hours?

    Here are some things you should look for at a salon:

    • How is the stylist interacting with her clients? Is she handling their hair with care? Is she explaining what she’s doing before she does it?Is she listening to her client?
    • Does their seem to be a long wait for the stylist to get started? Does it seem like people have been there all day?
    • Is the salon clean? Are there places for salon equipment? Is the washing area clean? Is clean up being done as work is being done? Are stylists eating in the same area as hair is being done?
    • How is the atmosphere? Is it air conditioned? Are the hair stylists getting along with each other? Are there lots of of unwatched children? Is there cursing? Are street vendors allowed to solicit inside the salon?
    • Is the salon convenient for you? Is there ample parking? Is the neighborhood safe whether you choose to visit morning or evening.

    My Pet Peeves About Beauty Shops

    The going joke in my family is that I didn’t have any hair when I was born. I was the cute bald baby, who didn’t sprout hair until I was 4-5 years old. My mom says that my hair was so short and scarce that only my babysitter could grab the baby hairs and put my hair into a semi style.

    As time went on, I got older and my hair grew and grew. My mom never put a perm in my hair and therefore when I got older, I didn’t either. My mom washed and pressed my hair from the time I was a young girl until I was in college. I got my hair done at the shop for special occasions but for the most part my mom pressed my hair. I was fine with sitting in my mom’s kitchen, next to the stove, talking with her and getting my hair done for free.

    The times when I got my hair done at a shop, things NEVER seemed to work out. I got my first hair cut at 16 and it was uneven and my hair wasn’t pressed hard enough, so it was an afro by the evening. I got my first set of streaks when I turned 18, but they were too light, the color blended in with my hair and no one could see it.

    As I got older and started making money after college, my mom encouraged me to find a beautician that I liked and could afford. The beauticians that I went to either cut my ends too much, didn’t streak/die my hair correctly, didn’t press my hair hard enough or had me waiting for hours to get a simple wash and press. I finally found a beautician that was affordable, close to my house and very friendly. My cousin recommended her to me. I have been going to her for at least 4 years now and she does a great job. She presses the mess out of my hair and she keeps it healthy and looking good. Even though I enjoy my beautician, I still have pet peeves about how things go down in the shop sometimes. I love my people and I’m not trying to be negative about black beauticians but some of them need to do better. Below is a list of beauty shop pet peeves that I’ve experienced or heard about over the years.

    Things That Should Not Go Down In Any Shop

    1. Loud vulgar music

    2. Beauticians showing up late to work

    3. Beauticians booking too many clients and making their clients wait all day.

    4. Beauiticans moving slowly as if their clients have nothing better to do but to sit in the shop with them all day.

    5. Beauiticans that let their clients use vulgar language and have inappropriate conversations.

    6. Beauiticans that like to sit down and eat when they should be finishing up your hair

    7. Beauticans that won’t return your calls promptly when your trying to schedule

    8. Beauticans that are nosy and talk to much

    9. Beauticians that cut too much of your ends and play dumb when you confront them about it

    10. Beauticians that don’t keep the shop environment peaceful and professional

    Black folk we have to do better! If you own a business you want it to be the best in town! You should be professional in your attire, language and shop environment. People should be lining up outside to get in because your reputation and craft are stellar. Don’t fall into the stereotype of many black on businesses (esp barber and beauty shops) where you are late to work, make your clients wait, your shop is a club scene and people are always talking about inappropriate topics (who is sleeping with who) Fight to be better. Customer service is everything!! Trust me, your business will increase when you professionalism does also!

    **Ladies what have been some of your experiences with beauty shops? What would you like to see change about the way black beauticians do business***

    How To Keep Your Dress Down & Zipper Up

    Today’s society is obsessed with sex. Sex sales and you can’t make it through a magazine, book or 15 minutes of TV or radio without you being bombarded with sexually exploit messages and images. How do Christian’s (single and married) remain holy in this day an age?

    Here are my answers to that question:

    1) they stay prayed up
    2) they read and mediate on the word
    3) they surround themselves with other friends who are living holy & sold out lifestyles
    4) they set sexual boundaries in their relationships
    5) they have accountability partners.

    The word of God commands each of us to be holy, set apart and to glorify God in our bodies. 

    1 Cor 6:18-20  Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

    Tips For The Single Saint On Setting Sexual Boundaries In Relationships

    1. Date a believer who is 100% committed to denying their flesh and relying on God’s strength to not have sex with you until marriage. If he/she doesn’t really desire to wait until marriage, they will eventually start pressuring you and you will fall into temptation if you don’t leave.

    2. Be aware and know what situations are tempting for you. There are certain activities no single Christian should be engaging in (being under the covers at night with your BF/GF bad idea!!) But talk to one another about appropriate forms of affection and what you both feel comfortable with. It’s always a great idea to pray and seek God about your relationship and get answers from Him on what to do and not do.

    3. Give yourselves a curfew, esp if one or both of you lives alone and that’s where you two hang out. The goal is to glorify God in your body, with your lifestyle and in your relationship. If your neighbor knows you’re a Christian but she keeps seeing your BF leave your apartment @ 2am, that will ruin your witness. Be wise and be holy.

    4. Have accountability partners that you two can talk to, (trust with your business) receive guidance from and who you know will be lifting you both up in prayer.

    5. Remember, for Christians dating is for the purpose of marriage. Dating is fun but when we’re dating people we should be getting to know them (asking important questions about marriage, money, kids, sex, our purpose/goals etc) To see if we’re compatible. If we spend our dating time not getting to know each other but being sexual, our minds become cloudy and we become attached to each other in a way that only husbands and wives should. If he wants it than he needs to put a ring on it!! Don’t give the honey up for free!! Remember that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost. Only your future spouse has the right to sexual pleasure with you AFTER he/she says I Do!

    If you have fallen into sexual sin, God still loves you. He will always love you and He waiting for you to return back to Him. All you have to do is repent of your sins and ask Him to help you live holy once again. Romans 8:1 Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. To truly repent means to turn away from. God knows your situation and no temptation is too big for Him! 1 Cor 10:13 No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

     Don’t believe the lie that you can sin on purpose and God will forgive you. He knows your heart and when your sincere and when your not. Gal 6:7 Do not be deceived, God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.

    If you enjoyed this blog post, I encourage you to subscribe to receive emails regarding future post. The subscribe button is located at the top left corner of the blog. Once you enter your email and hit “sign me up,” you will have to open your email and confirm the subscription. Thank you in advance for your support. Also please email the blog link to other ladies

    100 Reasons Wives Love & Enjoy Sex With Their Husbands

    Today marks the 100th post for my blog!! I’m so excited and honored that God has been using me to bless, educate and encourage people. The day I started the blog I felt completely lost. I didn’t know my way around WordPress and I didn’t have the slightest clue as to what I should write about. The blog sat for 3o days without me logging on or posting an entry. Before I started the blog, I had not written anything in years. Since I was a young girl, writing has been my passion but after college I just stopped writing. Life got busy and I focused my attention on grad school and working full time.

    The day I wrote my first post, many creative ideas started coming to my mind. I started writing and writing and before I knew it 4 months later, I’m at my 100th post!! I give God all the honor and the glory. Holy Ghost gives me the topics/words and I walk in obedience and deliver the post! I’m always amazed at the end result of each post. God is good! I thank God for my book coach, Versandra Kennebrew, author of She assists me with my blog and my But God book project. Her wealth of knowledge has taken my writing and blog to the next level! Thanks Versandra!! 

    The response from the readers has been overwhelming! The blog gets traffic everyday and it has over 5,000 views. Thank you all for your support!!! If you haven’t subscribed to the blog to receive emails of future post, please do so today.

    To celebrate the 100th post, I wanted to share 100 reasons that wives love their husbands and enjoy making love to them. This is a collaborative list that a few of my married friends and I wrote.  Each woman started their list by saying “I love my husband and enjoy making love to him because” My thought behind creating the list was to let the world know that marriage is awesome and there are many wives who are happy, satisfied and enjoy their husbands!!

    I love our husband and enjoy making love to him because:
    1. He truly loves the Lord and puts Him first.
    2. He is a great provider.
    3. He is the most patient man I know.
    4. He is slow to get angry.
    5. He treats me with the utmost respect.
    6. He loves opening the doors for me.
    7. He knows how to calm me when I over react to something.
    8. He is unselfish when it comes to making love.
    9. He constantly wants to know what I like sexually.
    10. He readily admits when he makes mistakes. He doesn’t want to hide anything.
    11. He desires to know how I feel and takes my feelings into consideration when making decisions.
    12. I can be submissive and respect him. He is not trying to be dominant over me.
    13. He takes the time to make sure I am pleased.
    14. He makes me feel sexy, beautiful, and desired.
    15. He doesn’t just think about getting his and going to sleep.
    16. He knows what he’s doing and there’s both an emotional and physical connection.
    17. We both do whatever it takes to keep things exciting both in and out the bedroom.
    18. He makes me feel like I am the ONLY ONE (besides Jesus lol) who’s closest too him as a friend, companion, and of course as his wife.
    19. I love our buddy relationship, because he makes me laugh and I can have fun with him.
    20. I love how he brings gifts home out of the blue and it’s not a holiday or my birthday, it’s just the fact that he thought of me.
    21. I love how when we have a disagreement we get it out the way and don’t hold on to it all day and night.
    22. I love our dates (especially the movies:-D)
    23. I love how his 1 million bottles of colognes lol
    24. I just love my husband and everything about him, He strokes my eagle.
    25. I love my husband because he is so patient and kind hearted.
    26. He believes in helping me and not labeling things as wife duties or hubbys duties.
    27. He makes me feel special even when I have my “I don’t look good moments”.
    28. He loves to provide for his family.
    29. I love my husband because he is a loving father.
    30. He aims to please me in the bedroom. He plays close attention to me and how my body responds to what he’s doing.
    31. He’s considerate of me; my time, my feelings, my opinions.
    32. He treats me like his partner and not his assistant.
    33. He loves to try new things and keep spice in the marriage.
    34. He does not keep secrets from me.
    35. I don’t have to worry about where he’s at after work and when or if he’s coming home. We trust each other and we are in communication throughout the day.
    36. He loves me no matter what.
    37. He keeps himself groomed and looking good for me.
    38. He knows how to be social and fit into any setting (business meeting, church events, volunteer work or house parties.)
    39. He is so smart. He enjoys learning and he retains information like a sponge.
    40. He has many gifts and talents and he uses them all to glorify God.
    41. He is silly, outgoing and fun to be around.
    42. He always thinks the best of me, even when I’m trippin.
    43. He values family and he doesn’t put anything before his family.
    44. He is a great kisser.
    45. He saves energy for me after long days at the office. He is available for me when he gets home.
    46. He likes to talk with me and listen to me talk.
    47. God made him just for me.
    48. He completes me.
    49. He loves my body even when I see all the flaws.
    50. To be wrapped in his arms feels so good.
    51. He enjoys being affectionate with me.
    52. When he is half sleep in the middle of the night, he reaches out for me and pulls me close and holds me.
    53.  He supports my purpose, goals and dreams.
    54. He treats me with respect.
    55. He doesn’t let his family get in our business or disrespect me.
    56. He’s a hard worker.
    57. He is a good cook and will make great meals for me every now and then.
    58. He is a great mechanic and handy man.
    59. He is a worshiper. He loves to be in God’s presence.
    60. He loves the word of God. He loves to read it, memorize it and mediate on it.
    61. He is a leader.
    62. He is a Psalms 112 man.
    63. He likes to make me feel sexy.
    64. He looks forward to being the father of my children and raising godly seed with me.
    65. He looks for opportunities for us to spend time together.
    66. He enjoys being wherever I’m at.
    67. He takes pleasure in keeping me looking good. He makes sure I get my hair done and have nice things.
    68. He prays for me when I am sick or having a bad day.
    69. He protects me and would never let anyone hurt me.
    70. He is unashamed of the gospel of Christ and he praises God publicly.
    71. He enjoys opening my doors, helping me with my coat and other chivalrous things.
    72. He makes me feel like the most important and beautiful woman alive.
    73. He makes the bedroom look romantic with candles, rose petals and music to help get me in the mood.
    74. He is understanding when it comes to sex and me needing a break. His understanding makes me want to give myself to him even more.
    75. He takes special care of me when it’s that time of the month.
    76. He listens when I talk.
    77. He’s interested in my career. He asks me about my day and how things are going at work.
    78. He gives of his time by serving at our church, helping friends and family fix their cars, appliances, plant flowers etc. He is selfless.
    79. He appreciates nature and he is great with gardening.
    80. He is patient with children and the elderly.
    81. He shows appreciation for my body. He loves on each part of me while making love.
    82. He is gentle with me and often ask me if I am ok during love making. He never thinks only of himself.
    83. He looks for opportunities to make extra money so that we have all that we need.
    84. When I’m reading a novel in bed, sometimes he’ll ask to read it to me. We read it together and talk about the characters and the plot.
    85. He does a great job paying the bills and manages our finances.
    86. He is athletic.
    87. Sometimes he sings me to sleep.
    88. He shows appreciation for the lingerie that I wear, even though I know he can’t wait to take it off of me.
    89. He enjoys daydreaming with me about our future together as parents.
    90. He’s good with technology.
    91. He’s driven, determined and dedicated.
    92. He is kind and compassionate.
    93. He is willing to help me around the house.
    94. He tells me that he loves me and I’m beautiful daily.
    95. He enjoys catering to me.
    96. He has good taste! He is good at picking out clothes for me, furniture, paint, decorations etc.
    97.  He understands and accepts his role as the spiritual leader of our home.
    98. Sometimes he writes me poetry.
    99. He is a man of integrity.
    100. He loves and appreciates me for who I am.

    10 Tips For The Bargain Bride To Be

    My husband and I are headed to another wedding this morning. Over the last three years, we’ve attended around 35 weddings and known over 60 couples who have gotten married. Marriage is a beautiful thing and it’s more important than the wedding day. No one wants to start off their lives together in debt because they couldn’t afford their wedding. The wedding doesn’t have to break the bank for it to be beautiful, fabulous and everything you’ve ever dreamed of!

    Here are a few money saving wedding tips for wise brides on a budget:

    1. Set a budget with the groom and stick to it. Write out how much you plan to spend on your dress, flowers, invitations etc. Don’t let vendors talk you into spending more than you planned.

    2. Don’t be an impulse shopper. Plan your wedding in enough time so that you can shop around and compare vendors. You may find what you love for a lesser price if you keep looking.

    3. It’s all about who you know! Do you know someone who does hair and makeup very well? Invitations and programs? Floral arrangements or favors? Utilize your friends and family that have the gifts and talents that you need, it can save you money! I’m sure they would be honored to help out and be apart of your special day.

    4. Look for churches and reception halls that include multiple things in their wedding packages. Our church’s package includes pew flowers, silk flower arrangements in the from of the chapel and a big beautiful wedding arch. Our hall included all the linens, napkins, chair covers, center pieces, decorations and the caterer. Your goal is to find venues that save you time and money.

    5. Research discount wedding stores near you that sale silk flowers, runners, vases etc at a good sale price. Opportunities to save money feels great and cuts down on the stress of planning the big day.

    6. The coordinator is a very very important job! Try to avoid paying hundreds of dollars for one by assigning that job to someone you know whose orderly, fast, assertive, punctual and a people person. The person I wanted to coordinate our wedding charged $500 so I had to say no thank you. We were blessed with a 3 person wedding team, from our church, who gave us a super duper discount much less than the lady who wanted $500.

    7. Flowers and centerpieces can be very costly. Research flowers that are in season and inexpensive but beautiful. Roses are great but the bridesmaids don’t need to have them in their bouquets if you can’t afford it! Same thing goes for the centerpieces. You can use candles, silk flowers or many other simple but elegant ideas. Use the internet and research the looks like you like the most.

    8. Don’t reinvent the wheel. Ask other brides what they did to save money. Attend others weddings and get ideas for your own. It’s ok to use some of the same vendors as other brides. If your friend loved her florist, bridal boutique or photographer etc ask her for their information.

    9. It’s important to pick a good photographer to capture the special day. We interviewed a few photographers and compared their prices, albums and packages. You can find a photographer within your budget, just keep looking. Ask to see their portfolio, inquire about how many hours and photographers their packages include.

    10. Learn to negotiate with vendors and venues so that you can get more for your money. If you don’t ask you won’t receive! My husband is a good negotiator and therefore we were able to get good discounts!

    Remember, it’s not about the wedding day or night, it’s about the marriage! Marriage is for life and it’s a awesome thing!! Enjoy your wedding planning and day but if everything doesn’t go as planned (and it won’t) it’s ok. At the end of the day you will be married!!

    If you enjoyed this blog post, I encourage you to subscribe to receive emails regarding future post. The subscribe button is located at the top left corner of the blog. Once you enter your email and hit “sign me up,” you will have to open your email and confirm the subscription. Thank you in advance for your support. Also please email the blog link to other ladies

    Startling Beauty: Rape, Pregnancy and Restoration

    Rape takes too much BUT I, for one, have gained more than I have lost. I have been startled by beauty in places it doesn’t belong. I see it on a bloodied cross, and bitterness loses its power. I see it on the face of the man who keeps his vows to me and fear releases its grip- Startling Beauty My Journey From Rape To Restoration by Heather Gemmen. 

    This picture is of Heather and her daughter Rachel. Rachel was conceived from rape but was given life and love by her mother and her mother’s husband.

    I read Heather Gemmen’s testimony of rape, pregnancy and restoration at a time in my life when I needed it the most. I was raped 10 years ago but it wasn’t until 2 years after the rape that I began to acknowledge what had occurred and began to remember certain details. I sought spiritual guidance and began seeing a counselor but I was still searching. I was researching for answers, hope and comfort. I found all of that and more in Heather’s book and a few other testimony books. It helped me to know what I was not alone, I wasn’t crazy and that I was going to make it!! 

    Here are a few excerpts from an interview with Heather about her book and testimony. To read the entire article please checkout this link

    “Rape,” she wrote in Startling Beauty, “is ugliness at its basest form. Rape destroys innocence and cultivates bitterness. It steals security and extends fear. It kills hope and fosters shame. Rape leaves no room for beauty.”

    What followed the actual incident was a nightmare scenario: Gemmen endured the post-rape investigation, isolated in her terror and pain and relying on the prayers of friends to see her through the crisis. And then she found out that she was pregnant from the rape.

    Yet Startling Beauty, though it admits of “ugliness,” “destruction,” and “bitterness,” is a story that does leave room for beauty. Gemmen writes with considerable candor about the conflicts in her marriage, the stillbirth of a third son prior to the rape, the wreck of her friendships, her struggle as a Christian with taking an (ultimately ineffective) post-rape abortifacient, and her painful discovery that she — a person committed to racial reconciliation and living in a diverse neighborhood — harbored powerful racist feelings.

    But Gemmen also writes about the restorative power of God’s grace in her life. Her husband, Steve, became her chief support. “He was so amazing through that process. He was so strong even though this was as much an attack on him as it was on me,” she said. Her friends, family and church family also rallied around. And Gemmen was emotionally restored to the degree that both she and Steve eagerly accepted the unexpected baby, Rachael, as a gift from God.

    I want to share some information that I learned about rape and abortion. In no way am I being insensitive or pushing my views on anyone. I am 100% pro-life in all situations. If I had gotten pregnant when I was raped, I would have a 10-year-old child now. The thought of that brings so many emotions to my mind. I thank God for His mercy and grace. I told myself back then, if you’re pregnant, you’re keeping the baby. Thank God I did not have to make that decision, I know thats it a horrible one to have to make.

    **Please read the information below and share your thoughts on here and not FB please.**

    Pro-life Views about women being pregnant from rape:

    For too long rape has been used to justify abortion and side-step the real issue: is it ever right to take an innocent human life?
    No matter how unfair or horrible a situation might be, we can never justify killing another innocent human being to try to alleviate mental or emotional anguish.

    It is unjust for a woman to be pregnant from a rapist, but it is a greater injustice to kill the blameless child. Unfortunately, in this case, injustice cannot be avoided. We must do our best to redeem the situation – forgiving the guilty, and helping the innocent.
    As far as the well-being of the rape victim, the emotional trauma she’s been through is not lessened by abortion – it’s only compounded by another experience of violence. One study states, “In the majority of these cases, the pregnant victim’s problems stem more from the trauma of rape than from the pregnancy itself.”4
    We must extend God’s love for the rape victim, offering her the compassion and support she so desperately needs. In the rare cases when pregnancy occurs, that support and reassurance is all the more vital. But we must also expose the lies that tell a woman who abortion is the easy way out. In the words of one experienced counselor, “Abortion does not un-rape a woman.”5
    Written by Sharon Bennett Researched by Bob Miller

    Statics about pregnancy occurring after rape:

    Despite what you may have heard, pregnancy due to rape is extremely rare. A one-year study in Washington, DC, showed only one pregnancy in more than 300 rape cases. A similar Chicago study revealed no pregnancies resulting from rape in the past nine years.1Overall, less than 1% of the women who are raped become pregnant.2 Only one out of every 25,000 abortions is performed because of a pregnancy occurring from rape. More than 98% of all abortions are done simply because the mother does not want to have the baby.3

    If you enjoyed this blog post, I encourage you to subscribe to receive emails regarding future post. The subscribe button is located at the top left corner of the blog. Once you enter your email and hit “sign me up,” you will have to open your email and confirm the subscription. Thank you in advance for your support. Also please email the blog link to other ladies

    How To Be A Lover NOT A Nagger

    No one likes to be nagged. Nagging is one of the most annoying and frustrating things a person can do I feel. I know that nagging your spouse, significant other, family, friends or children can be tempting at times, but try your best to resist the temptation. We all want things done a certain way in at a certain time BUT  nagging a person in attempts to get them to do things your way isn’t always affective and it certainly doesn’t make them feel closer to you or want to be around you.

    Definition of nag: Function: verb Inflected Form(s): nagged; nag·ging
    intransitive verb 1 : to find fault incessantly : complain
    2 : to be a persistent source of annoyance or distraction transitive verb 1 : to irritate by constant scolding or urging 2 : badger, worry

    When I clean the house on the weekends, I sometimes ask my husband to do certain projects when he gets time. In my head I really don’t mean when he gets time, I mean as soon as possible however, any task that I give him, I tell myself, “let him do it when he gets ready, don’t nag him, he won’t forget.” He usually always completes the projects and does a great job. The times where it does slip his mind, I try my best to gently remind him instead of nagging him. I’m not perfect but I continue to work on not nagging.

    When it comes to daily task, every person moves at their own pace and holds the different task on different levels of value. As wives, when we start to nag our husbands, they get frustrated and eventually an argument may start. If something isn’t getting done in the manner in which you feel it should, kindly remind your husband and if that doesn’t work, for your own sanity you may want to do it yourself. As women, let’s try to love on those around us and not nag, criticize or bark at them. Those behaviors aren’t cute or affective. wrote a list about how to avoid being a nag. Check it out and share your thoughts. What on the list makes sense and what don’t you agree with?

    • Try to feel secure in a relationship. Any misunderstandings can be sorted out, spend quality time with your husband. Make him feel you care for him. He will reciprocate similar feelings
    • Do not be over suspicious. Assuming things can just mar a relationship
    • Give more freedom to your husband. Respect his time and allow him to be on his own for a while. Let him spend the time the way he wants
    • Control your outbursts. You need not get angry over issues. You discuss and sort them out in a more amicable manner
    • Build up trust. Both the partners should repose trust in each other
    • Share the responsibility of bringing up the children. This would reduce the pressure on you
    • Try to mend your habits to suit the likes and dislikes of your husband
    • Convey your criticisms in a gentle way
    • Do not seek attention through nagging
    • Try to understand the cause of your nagging
    • Do not expect all your problems to be solved
    • Try to focus on your own problems and work on them
    • Do not force your decisions on your husband
    • Praise your husband for anything nice he may have done for you
    • Relax and indulge yourself so that your moods improve

    Independent Women and Chivalry

    With today being the age of the Independent Woman, I was wondering what role does chivalry play in today’s society. I believe that chivalry is a great thing but I’m sure many modern-day independent women feel other wise. Before we jump into this debate, let’s define what an independent woman is and what chivalry means. The definition of an Independent Woman is a woman who pays her own bills, buys her own things, and DOES NOT allow a man to affect her stability or self-confidence. She supports her self on her own entirely and is proud to be able to do so.

    Chivalry means: 1 : valiant 2 : of, relating to, or characteristic of chivalry and knight-errantry 3 a : marked by honor, generosity, and courtesy b : marked by gracious courtesy and high-minded consideration especially to women. Chivalry[1] is a term related to the medieval institution of knighthood. It is usually associated with ideals of knightly virtues, honor and courtly love. Today, the terms chivalry and chivalrous are often used to describe courteous behavior, especially that of men towards women.

    I believe that being a successful, independent, self sufficient, driven woman is a great thing. I am proud to see so many women being successful and doing their thing BUT sometimes I think we as women take the “I’m independent, I’m running things and I don’t need anyone, esp a man,” attitude way to far. Men are a blessing, an added bonus to our lives. We don’t need them to be happy and content but it is a blessing when a good woman finds a good man!

    Women ask yourself this, is a chivalrous man attractive to you? Would you like it if your man did the following things on a regular basis or are these things too much? I know you can do all of these activities on your own but would it be nice and appropriate if your gentlemen did them for you?

    1. Opened the car door for you

    2. Paid for the majority of the dates

    3. Helped you into your coat

    4. Pulled out your chair

    5. Helped you if you were carrying something heavy

    I obtained two college degrees and was making decent money before I married my husband. I was capable of doing things for myself and the few bills that I had, I paid with ease. When Eddie came along he wanted to open my doors, help me with heavy objects, pay for dates, help me with my coat and even gently pull my hair out of my coat for me, after he put my coat on. He did those things during our friendship, courtship, engagement and still during marriage. Though I felt I was an independent and capable woman, I appreciated and enjoyed his chivalrous treatment towards me. I still enjoy and appreciate this about him to this day. My dad was the only man before Eddie that cared for me in such a gentleman way. I think all women should be cared for in such a kind and thoughtful manner.

    I don’t understand women who feel that it is weak to let a man open doors and pay for meals. I think it’s good to go back to the old fashion ways courtship and let men be gentleman. If he wants to date you he should ask you, pick u up and pay for you. If he is interested in you, he should give you special treatment and not treat you like one of the boys. Yes you can open your own door but if he wants to be a blessing and open it, it would be a good idea to let him.

    **Ladies your thoughts? Gentlemen your thoughts? Please post comments here and not on FB thanks.**

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    Single, Successful and Too Independent?

    In today’s society women are aimbious, driven and working hard for the money! Women are owning businesses, running companies, getting multiple degrees and holding it down for themselves. Many women don’t need men for anything. Like the Destiny’s Child song “Independent Women,” “The shoes on my feet, I’ve bought it, The clothes I’m wearing, I’ve bought it, The rock I’m rockin’, I’ve bought it, ‘Cause I depend on me If I want it.”  The question then becomes are women in today’s society too independent for men? 


    Some women get upset when a man opens the door for them. Others are offended if a man offers to pay for the meal on a date because they have money and don’t need a man to do anything for them. Being independent and successful is a great thing BUT being arrogant and snotty because of it is not. Being in a committed relationship is an added bonus to a woman’s life. Men aren’t everything and you don’t need one to be happy. But many women today wouldn’t know a GOOD MAN if he was staring them right in the face. 


    Just because a man doesn’t have as much money or as many degrees as you does not make him a bad man. Because a man wants to spoil you doesn’t mean he thinks you need him and his money; he may just want to treat you good and show you how special you are to him.   


    Sometimes I think women, especially black women, wear a chip on their shoulder when it comes to men and were so cautious about being hurt or reject that we shut people out that are trying to love us. 


    Many black women feel that loving, trusting and giving herself 100% to a committed relationship is a sign of weakness. Maybe some of these women have been rejected by their fathers, molested by their male relatives, cheated on by past boyfriends and now are saying enough is enough. They devote their lives to their careers and stacking money and they ignore men, love and relationships all together. The rejected child who couldn’t count on anyone to take care of her has now grown up to be a successful beautiful woman whose still carrying around the angry, unforgiveness and rejection of the past. When a man tries to step to her, her past hurts won’t allow her to see the good in him only the possible and potential bad. 





    Ladies, it is an awesome thing to be independent and successful but if you have things in your past that cause you to be bitter and respond to men in the wrong manner, I encourage you to not hide behind the “I’m independent,  I don’t need nobody,” attitude and give your struggles over to God. Allow Him to heal you of the pain of the past. You don’t have to be successful and alone. You don’t have to hide behind your career goals/dreams and sacrifice your desire for marriage and a family. God is a healer. He created you, He knows every hair on your head. You need to be free from the past so that you can be in a healthy relationship one day. All men aren’t after you for your money/success and all men don’t think your after them for theirs. Be strong, be confident and be independent and be free. If you meet a good man and you have peace about dating him and get to know him. Let him court you and work to get you. Let him love you. You deserve to be loved.


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    Submissive Wife vs Stepford Wife

    I know many people think that submission is a four letter word. In today’s society, people think a woman is weak or spineless if she is submissive to her husband but that is further from the truth. People don’t have an understanding about what submission is and what the bible says about it. A godly submissive wife is not a Stepford wife like in the movie Stepford Wives. Here are the definitions of a submissive wife and a stepford wife.
    A Stepford Wife is 1.) Used to describe a servile, compliant, submissive, spineless wife who happily does her husband’s bidding and serves his every whim dutifully. 2.) Can also be used to describe a wife who is cookie-cutter & bland in appearance and behavior. Subscribes to a popular look and dares not deviate from that look. This term is borrowed from the fictional suburb of Stepford, Connecticut in Ira Levin’s 1972 novel, The Stepford Wives, later made into movies (in 1975 and 2004). In the story, men of this seemingly ideal town have replaced their wives with attractive robotic dolls devoid of emotion or thought. Click the link below to read more about stepford wives.
    Main Entry: sub·mis·sion
    Merriam-Webster defines submission as 1 a : a legal agreement to submit to the decision of arbitrators 2 : the condition of being submissive, humble, or compliant 3 : an act of submitting to the authority or control of another.
    What does being submissive mean: A submissive wife has the inclination and attitude of willingness to yield to a husband’s authority and follow his leadership. She wants her husband to take the initiative in the family and she is glad when he takes responsibility and leads with love. But submission also says, “It grieves me when you venture into sinful acts and want to take me with you. You know I can’t do that. I have no desire to resist you. On the contrary, I flourish most when I can respond joyfully to your lead; but I can’t follow you into sin, as much as I love to honor your leadership in our marriage. Christ is my King.”

    What the bible says about marriage and submission

    Ephesians 5:22-33 (The Message)

    22-24Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.

     25-28Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage.

     29-33No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That’s how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become “one flesh.” This is a huge mystery, and I don’t pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.

    After reading the definitions of both types of wives, the narratives and the Ephesians passage about submission, I believe the differences are quit clear. I am honored to submit to my husband because A) I know that I am pleasing God and following His word, B) I know that my husband lives to please God. He has the Holy Spirit on the inside of him and he would never purposely lead us in the wrong direction, C) Our home is peaceful because we understand what the bible says about marriage and we both know our roles in the family. Submission is not a bad thing, especially when you marry a man who has an intimate relationship with Christ, is not trying to control and dominate you, who is mature, kind, wise, prayerful and willing to seek God until he gets clear direction regarding the family’s business.

    Even though I am a submissive wife, I do have a mind of my own and I freely voice my thoughts and ideas to my husband respectfully. I don’t spend every minute of each day waiting on my husband hand and foot BUT I do take pleasure in serving him and taking care of him. He also takes pleasure in making me happy and taking care of me. Marriage is a partnership, we’re a team.

    What Does Submission Not Mean:
    1. Agreeing with Him in Everything
    2. Refusing to Make Choices at Odds with His Choices
    3. Avoiding Every Effort to Change Her Husband
    4. Putting Her Husband’s Will Before Christ’s Will
    5. Getting Spiritual Strength From Her Husband
    6. Acting Out Of Fear
    Married women, I encourage you to read the bible and find out what the word says about you and your behavior towards your husband. Surround yourself with other women that love their husbands and cheerfully submit to them. If you are having difficulty with submitting to your husband, pray and seek God. Ask Him to give you peace, patience and the ability to be the wife that He called and created you to be. Submitting isn’t always easy but it is a must.
    If you enjoyed this blog post, I encourage you to subscribe to receive emails regarding future post. The subscribe button is located at the top left corner of the blog. Once you enter your email and hit “sign me up,” you will have to open your email and confirm the subscription. Thank you in advance for your support. Also please email the blog link to other ladies