Every day in America 4,184 babies are born to unmarried mothers (State of America’s Children 2008 Report). With this stat we know that the odds of a woman dating or marrying a man with a child(ren) is high. Having a partner with children can be very challenging for many reasons but today’s topic is baby mama drama.
If your partner’s baby’s mama is mature, understanding, a good parent or if she has a relationship with the Lord, that’s awesome and you should consider yourself blessed!! If she’s jealous, neglectful, angry, aggressive, rude and immature, you are in for a challenge BUT nothing is too big for God. If you are in a committed relationship or married to someone who has a child with someone else, there are things that you can do to help the relationship with the child’s mother go smoothly. Below are tips on how to avoid baby mama drama. I pray the tips are helpful to you.
To the ladies that are baby’s mama’s, please know that I’m not saying all BM’s are mean and rude. I’m trying to help those that are facing challenges in this area to make their situation better. Please hear my heart and know that I have love and respect for any woman working hard to raise her child.
10 tips on how to get along with your man’s baby mama.
1. Pray for the mother. We all know that it is difficult to be a single parent, even when the father is involved from outside of the home. We also can admit that no one wants to be the baby’s mother while another woman gets to be the girlfriend or the wife. Pray and ask God to give her strength, wisdom, peace, joy, patience and the resources needed to raise her children. See her as a soul that needs to be won to Christ if she is not saved. We win people to Christ by our love walk and example shown in front of them. So no matter what happens, don’t curse her out and get ignorant with her, that will ruin your witness.
2. Confess good things over her, the baby, as well as you and your spouses’ relationship with her. Confess that she is a good mother, she is patient and kind, she has the fruits of the spirit. Don’t call her “the crazy or evil baby’s mama.” Don’t say, “me and my husband are gonna kill each other if he don’t do something about that woman.” Speak those things that be not as though they were. Call the mother blessed, kind, peaceful, mature etc. Confess peace and blessing no matter what it looks like.
3. Believe that God answers prayer and it will get better. If we ask in prayer, anything in Jesus’ name, we must believe that he answers prayer. Since you’re praying that the relationship between your partner and the mother gets better, you must believe that God hears you and things are changing in your situation. Whatever you need to see changed, believe that when you pray, God hears you and is working it out. If you believe, you can’t confess negativity, remember that.
4. Don’t compete with the mother. Know your role and be confident in your partner’s love and commitment to you. She is the mother, she deserves respect, but she is not the woman who holds his heart. Don’t let the pressure of the mother being his ex or the child’s mom rock you from being confident in your relationship. Be secure and don’t let her rock your boat! No man wants an insecure woman Don’t compete or compare yourself to her. Be you, do you, and let her be her.
5. Remember it’s all about the children. Sometimes in situations like these, the adults lose focus on what’s the most important, CHILDREN!! The children need love, proper raising, structure, discipline, teaching etc. Who really cares if the parents aren’t best of buds! As long as everyone is respectful and doesn’t speak ill of each other in the presence of the children, nothing else really matters. If you don’t get along with the children’s mother, do more praying than talking. Let God handle it and you let your light shine and keep your mouth closed!!
6. Walk in love and have patience. The bible tells us to love our enemies as ourselves. I’m not saying your partner’s baby’s mother is your enemy but sometimes it may feel that way! In those situations, showing her love and patience will make difficult situations easier. No one can cause drama and argue on their own. If the mother likes to push you and your partner’s buttons, lying, trying to start arguments or won’t let you see the children, stay in love and walk in patience. Consider getting a mediator or someone to help you work through the rough patches if necessary. Also, encourage him to pray about taking her to court so visitation and child support can be established and in writing.
7. Ignore the little things. This tip is simple, everything doesn’t deserve a response! If the mother makes little rude or jealous comments or the children repeat to you what she’s said, you don’t always have to confront her or even repeat it. Foolishness is foolishness and why feed into it. Pray a simple prayer for her and keep moving. You can win her to Christ by your lifestyle and love walk!
8. Look for ways that you and your partner can be a blessing to her and the child. If the mother’s car is down, encourage your partner to help transport the child where he/she needs to go. If she lost her job encourage your partner to drop a few groceries by for a while until they get on their feet again. Remember the children are both of your responsibility if you two are married, and you two want the children to have all that they need, despite how the mother behaves at times. He will be blessed for doing more than child support requires of him if there’s an important need.
9. Work with your husband to establish clear boundaries for the mother. By boundaries I mean not allowing her to call him at all hours of the night unless it’s a true emergency. Not allowing her to just drop by unannounced whenever she wants just to hangout. Encourage your husband to set boundaries with her so everyone’s roles and expectations are clear.
10. Be a team with your partner and make sure you two communicate. Make sure you support your partner in prayer, with your time by caring for and loving on his child appropriately and with a good attitude. It’s your job to be a team player! Also if you have contact with the mother, make sure she knows that you love her child and want to ensure that she’s comfortable and the child has all that he/she needs. If she knows that you love her child, she just may come around to loving you eventually!