Not Another Angry Black Woman

I used to be an angry black woman. At the age of 19 I was sexually assaulted on my college campus by my classmate. By the time I turned 20, I had my heart broken a few times by guys that I thought really cared about me. I was lied too and cheated on. I was looking for love in all the wrong places and giving silly boys my heart when they shouldn’t have gotten a moment of my time at all.

I allowed these experiences to make me an angry black woman. I allowed the bad choices that I made in men and the assault that the enemy attempted to use to take me out, to make me bitter, angry and mean. I put a big thick wall around my heart and I was determined not to get hurt or played again. Instead of allowing God to heal my heart and restore me to my rightful place in Him, I started living out many of the stereotypes of an angry black woman.

Angry Black women can be:
1. Loud
2. Rude
3. Aggressive/ hot headed
4. Controlling
5. Gold diggers
6. Too independent
7. Distrusting of others
8. Manipulative
9. Materialistic
10. Insecure deep down

We all need to reprogram our thinking from our past experiences. Our past does not define our present. Don’t allow the things your parents did or did not do or the hurt and rejection that your friends or past relationships caused you, to make you feel angry and not good enough. God loves you. He wants you. His word says that He will never leave you or forsake you. He is a friend that sticks closer than a brother. We must learn to give our cares to Jesus because He cares for us. When we walk around carrying all the cares of the world on our shoulders, we can become angry black women. When we have built up anger and unforgiveness in our hearts, we start lashing out at others and pushing those that are close to us away. Make a decision to get free from past hurts and shed the skin of anger, bitterness, rudeness and distrust in others. God can heal your heart. He surely healed mine!!

When I met Eddie in 2003, I had just completed counseling and was starting to get a firm foundation regarding the word of God. I was developing a strong relationship with the Lord and I wasn’t ready to have a relationship with a man and jeopardize what the Lord and I had. I still had some unforgiveness and anger in my heart. I was praying for my ex’s and my attacker daily, to stump on the devil’s head. I would say “Lord bless them, save them and don’t let them hurt anyone else.”  I was working hard to let go on my thoughts that most men were the following (except my dad of course because he has always been the best man in my life until my husband came alone):

I thought that most men were:

1. Cheaters
2. Out to do you wrong
3. Trying to get you into bed
4. Liars
5. Rapist
6. Lazy
7. Ignorant
8. Selfish
9. Cheap
10. Arrogant jerks

When Eddie and I met, he could tell that I still had some issues and therefore he was patient with me. He would give me compliments, open doors for me, make friendly small talk and never push up on me or request anything from me. Being around the new friends that I made at Word of Faith in 2003 (that are still my friends to this day) was a new experience for me. I was around Eddie and many other guys would were respectful, kind, genuine, on fire for God, trying to live according to the word of God, successful, hard working gentlemen. The longer I stayed at the church and hung around that positive group of people, my heart started to soften. There were times when I would say or do something with an attitude and Eddie would pull me aside and in love talk to me. He helped me to see that I didn’t have to be angry and drama filled. He told me I was too precious to God to behave in that manner. Even as my friend, Eddie looked out for me and cultivated me naturally and spiritually. I needed his guidance and friendship and I appreciated his kind words of correction.

I learned through my parents, the word of God and services at church, what a woman of God was supposed to be. I wanted to be the virtuous woman who Proverbs 31 spoke of. I worked hard to watch the things that I said, the people I was around, the music that I listened to and the books that I read. Back in the day I listened to negative, hateful or sad music about men and I read crazy books about men cheating. That junk was not going to help me become the woman God called me to be. I had to throw out many CDs and books and I did it with joy because I didn’t want to be that woman anymore. I knew that God had something better for me! Remember, insanity is doing the same things and expecting different results. If I wanted to be different, I had to do different things. God honored my obedience, He heard my prayers, the prayers of those praying for me and with time my heart was healed, my attitude dramatically improved and I wasn’t angry anymore.

Prayer for the angry black woman

Dear Lord

Thank you for my sister. You know what she’s been through. You know who has wronged her, taken advantage of her and rejected her. You see the tears that she cries at night. You know the insecurities that she tries to hide. Lord I ask that you heal her heart. I ask that you help her to see that you are the only one who can heal her wounds and make her whole once again. Lord let her know that you love her more than anyone else on this earth, no matter what she does. Help her not to be angry and bitter Lord. Send godly women in her path to show her what it means to be joyful, at peace, confident and free. Help her to feel your love Lord. Lead her to a church that teaches her the word of God and shows her what it means to be a Proverbs 31 women. Thank you Lord for restoration, prosperity and peace for my sister, in Jesus name amen.

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9 Responses to “Not Another Angry Black Woman”

  1. Danielle Says:

    Amen! Good word.

  2. marriagecoach1 Says:

    Kudos on a great post and thank God for your growing maturity in the Lord. Doing it God’s way always works better.

    Blessings on you and yours
    John Wilder

  3. Delonna Stinson Says:

    Another awesome blog. I thank God for you being so open and honest. This encourages others to speak out and not allow the devil to keep us quiet. Keep writing. This is truly a blessing.

    • joannawillis Says:

      Thanks cousin! I thank God for the boldness and courage that He’s given me to share my story. I know that my testimonies will bless others. I will keep writing and the Lord will continue to have His way with the blog. Love you!

  4. sylviahubbard1 Says:

    lawrdy was this a heartfelt passionate post! thank you so much for sharing so deeply and I pray for your strength just because, gurl! whew!

  5. Nikki B. Says:

    Very beautiful and touching testimony Joanna. I never realized how much you had been through. You are such a strong woman and so blessed to have the love and support of Eddie, your family and close friends.

  6. Says:

    Thank you sis for sharing your testimony on this subject. I have struggled with this for a long time since my divorce. I also found the following discussion on unforgiveness that was a blessing and I pray it will bless someone else as well. Thank you for making it plain. Victory is ours in Jesus name!

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