5 Myths about Love and Sex After Rape

Here are 5 myths that I had to break free and get delivered from as a rape survivor. Many survivors struggle with negative thoughts and wondering if they should even have hope for tomorrow, let alone love, marriage and a healthy sex life in the future. To those that maybe struggling with the thoughts below, I pray that you seek God for peace, comfort and restoration. I also encourage you to find a counselor to help you organize your thoughts/feelings and to help you develop a plan of action that will set you on the road to freedom, joy, peace and happiness. This too shall past. You won’t always feel so angry, afraid and confused. Peace, love, marriage and healthy sex are attainable with time and healing, no matter how far away that may seem to be today. I know where I was at when I was at my lowest point BUT GOD. God is able, God is bigger, and God is faithful. Just trust Him and give it all over to Him. He promised to never leave you or forsake you and He promised to never give you more than you can bear.

1. You won’t be able to love or trust again.

It’s important to understand the difference between fear and wisdom. You don’t need to be afraid to love or trust again but don’t allow any and everyone into your circle or heart either. You’ve been through a lot but God is faithful. He loves you and He does not want to see you alone and afraid. Tell Him why you’re hurting and what makes it difficult to trust and love. Read your bible and study 1 Cor 13, the love chapter, and learn what true love is. In time, at your own pace and with the Holy Spirits’ help and the help of a counselor, you will learn to let your guard down and trust and love again. There is no need to rush but know that there is hope. Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Matthew 11:27-30 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

2. You are no longer able to view yourself as pure or clean.

The devil wants you to think that you aren’t pure, clean, worthy of love or holy. He will tell you all sorts of lies to keep you isolated and alone. What happened to you was not your fault and you are beautiful in God’s sight. Below are some things that the word of God says about you. Know that God loves you and He wants to give you beauty for ashes.

Isaiah 61:3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion, to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.

Genesis 1:27 So God created man in His own image, in the image and likeness of God He created him; male and female He created them.

Psalm 139:14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Get with a counselor and work on your self image and the way you see you. Quote scriptures about who you are in Christ. Carry the scriptures with you, put them up on your bathroom mirror, whatever you need to do.

3. You won’t be able to get married because you are damaged goods.

A year after meeting Eddie, my husband of two years, I found myself having a crush on him BUT my negative thoughts started kicking in and I started telling myself “what if he doesn’t’ like you because of what happened to you.” “What if you’re not good enough for him.” I was having major anxiety about being able date a loving, kind, gentlemen, man of God who was a virgin! He was a virgin and I was a rape survivor. The two words just didn’t seem like they should go in the same sentence. I was no longer seeing my counselor so I talked to God a lot and I casted down my fear and anxiety. I read my word and I talked to an older married Christian friend of mine about my concerns and fears. She was very encouraging; it’s important to keep good friends in your circle who want to see you walking confidently in the things of God. Eddie and I became good friends and in the midst of a conversation about my But God testimony book idea, I told him about the rape. Eddie was more than loving, understanding and encouraging. My fear fell right off of me after that.

If you desire to be married, than God desires that for you too. Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Continue to seek counsel and speak the word of God over yourself. Read Christian books about healing, restoration and marriage, to prepare yourself for marriage one day. See yourself as a wife and ask God to help you clean house of all the things that may hinder you from getting there. What happened to you was not your fault. Everyone needs and deserves to be loved. If you desire to get married one day, please know that you can. 

4. You won’t be able to have a healthy sex life.

Even though you were raped or sexually abused, your body is still beautiful, precious, sacred and the temple of the Holy Spirit. You don’t have to become promiscuous or hide from men or sex. As you begin to walk in your healing and receive your break through from the hurt, pain and shame, you will become stronger, more confident and possible desire to be sexual. While God made sex and He wants us to enjoy it and not be afraid of it, He has reserved it ONLY for married folk.

1 Cor 6:18-20 18Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. 19Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

When I told my mom about the assault and I told her I was already in counseling, she said “good because I do not want you to carry these negative feelings into your marriage.” She knew that I needed to be free from the pain and fear so that I could have passionate, worry and fear free sex. God is so faithful!! My love making with my husband is pure, worry free, holy, passionate, loving and safe. I am so grateful to my campus minister for insisting that I seek counsel so that I could get free and walk in my purpose. You will be able to enjoy sex again in marriage when you are ready. Don’t feel pressure but know that you can reach that goal one day.

5. You will forever be fearful and bitter towards men.

If a man raped you or sexually abused you, it is only natural to experience feelings of anger, fear, bitterness or hate. Though what the person did to you was horrible and unfair, it only hurts you and destroys your life if you continue to walk around with those feelings in your heart. You must find a way to give your pain to God and allow Him to heal you and restore you to a place of peace and love.

1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Matthew 6:14-15 14For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Remember that every man is not out to hurt you. Try your best not to allow you’re hurtful and life changing situation to control your life and your thoughts. You will have to speak to yourself and remind yourself that every man is not rapist, everyone is not out to get you, you do not have to walk around bitter, angry and afraid.

2 Tim 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

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8 Responses to “5 Myths about Love and Sex After Rape”

  1. daranichole Says:

    Your testimony is awesome. Even though I have never experienced this first hand, I know women who have and know that God is a restorer. It is a blessing to be able to talk about the things you have been through and encourage other women to continue their walk with Christ.

    • joannawillis Says:

      Thank you so much Dara! God is good! I am glad that He has turned my mess into my message! I know this is a difficult topic to discuss but it needs to be exposed so that people can be set free. The devil wants us broken down and shamed BUT GOD died on the cross so that we can be free and restored!!

  2. Red Joe Says:

    Very Nice Joanna! This helps me when dealing with a rape victim, because they are out there, and it can be challenging, Good Words!

  3. anonymous Says:

    Thank you so much for writing this! After reading this, I’ve realized that I’ve repressed alot of feelings about what happened to me, and not dealing with those feelings has transcended into my life years later! Now that I’ve been lovingly convicted, I have the courage to deal with what happened to me and be healed and free from it! Thanks again!

    • joannawillis Says:

      Amen sis! I’m glad the post was a blessing! God wants u healed, delivered and free from past hurts so you can walk in total peace and victory!! I’ll be praying for your journey towards healing.

  4. Sophia Says:

    Very beautiful. It made me cry and gave me much hope in areas I never thought Id never have the chance to heal from – Bless you. Sophia ( incest and rape survivor)

    • joannawillis Says:

      Thanks for reading and sharing Sophia!! I’m glad my testimony was encouraging to you! Be strong lady! Your on your way to healing. Get a good support system and discover what brings you peace and comfort during the hard times. Be encouraged!


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