Ok ok, she’s not a monster, I was just joking. I saw a commercial for the movie, “Monster In Law” while writing this and I thought the movie was really funny. Obviously the movie is a bit exaggerated but some can relate to having a difficult relationship with their in law. With Mother’s Day approaching this weekend, I thought it would be appropriate to write about some of the struggles people face in regard to developing a relationship with their mother in law. Les Dawson writes ” I can always tell when the mother in law’s coming to stay; the mice throw themselves on the traps.” The quote is a funny perspective because many people feel this way but mother in laws are really a blessing. It’s important to get to know your mother in love, appreciate her for who she is and love her dispute your differences.
Shout out to my mother in law. I love you and I’m enjoying getting to know. Thank you and Mr. Willis for raising such an awesome son. God bless you and Happy Mother’s Day!!!
Here are a few tips on how to get to know and get along with your mother in law:
- PRAY! Seek God about your relationship with your mother in law and ask the Holy Ghost to give you understanding, patience and a perfect love walk as you get to know the other important lady in his life, his mom.
- Ask your husband who his mother is as a person so that you can identify with her on a more personal level.
- If unkind, judgmental or sarcastic remarks are made by your mother in law, to your face or behind your back, make a conscious decision to calmly and respectfully address them (if need be) and then forgive immediately. Every silly comment does not deserve a response but every hurtful statement has to be forgiven immediately so that bitterness does not dig roots in your heart.
- If your mother in law is a little too attached to her son, speak to your hubby about it and let him address the need for space and boundaries with her. Our rule is, you deal with your parents and I deal with mine. It’s easier to address tough topics with our own parents. If it appears that your mother in law is having a difficult time letting go of her son, try your best to show compassion and empathy as she adjusts to her new distant relationship with him.
- Always speak to your mother in law respectfully, no matter how intense the conversation may get. It’s okay to speak your mind and remain firm on a topic but don’t allow your flesh to get out of control.
- Try to spend one on one time with your mother in law, at least every other month if possible, by going to lunch or out for coffee etc. This will cultivate your relationship and help you two to get comfortable around each other and to know each other without a crowd of people being around.
- Don’t try to compete with your mother in law. Let the mom be the mom and you remember that you’re the wife that he loves and can’t live without. You won’t be able to cook every dish exactly how she cooks it but that’s ok. You can ask her to teach you a few things, that way your spending time together and your hubby will be happy about that. If you entertain a competitive spirit there will always be issues.
- Send your mother in law nice emails, texts, cards in the mail or just pick up the phone and call her every now and then to show her that you were thinking of her.
- Be helpful towards her, join her in her world. If she likes to garden, offer to come over and assist her in her garden. If she likes to cook, volunteer to assist her with the cooking for the next family dinner.
- No matter what be yourself. Always behave respectfully but don’t allow fear of acceptance to stop you from being who you are. People can see right through people who are fake and no one likes a fake person. Your mother in love may not love the way you dress, wear your hair etc but as long as you are kind, respectful and classy, that’s really all that matters.
- Learn to compromise regarding holidays and birthdays. Mothers love their children a lot and sometimes they have a hard time sharing them with the other set of family members. Plan ahead regarding what houses you plan to visit on what holidays and make your intentions known. Don’t allow yourself to get bullied into doing things you know you don’t have the time, energy or resources to do.
- No matter how frustrated or upset you may become with your mother in law, don’t criticize her or speak bad about her to others. Make sure the Lord would be pleased with everything that you say about her. Keep your heart right towards her no matter what.
- If/when you encounter a disagreement with your mother in law, calmly and respectfully tell your husband your concerns during a time that things are not tense in the home so that he is able to hear what you have to say and help you two develop a solution together.
- Learn to say no thank you in a sweet tone. Sometimes your mother in law will want you two to come over numerous times a week to have dinner, hangout or handle business for her. Try your best to assist her with the things that she needs but learn to not feel obligated to say yes every time she makes a request.
- Learn to laugh together and enjoy each other’s company. Figure out what you two have in common or what light topics are safe to discuss. Once you two start to become more comfortable around each other, you will look forward to spending more time with together. You two are family until death do you part, so make it a peaceful ride!
1 Cor 13 is known as the love chapter. It is an awesome reminder of how our love walk is supposed to be. Please read the verses below and allow the Holy Ghost speak to you concerning the areas that you need to continue to grow and develop in concerning your love walk towards your mother in law.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (Amplified Bible)
4Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily.
5It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].
6It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail.
7Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening].