Wedding Etiquette For The Single Lady

May through August are the major wedding months. Most people love weddings but if your single, attending wedding and after wedding may become a drag. Like everything else, it’s all about how you look at it. Being single, independent, beautiful and successful is a blessing. To have a man is an added bonus. You don’t need a man to complete you trust me.

Here are seven tips for single ladies to help them survive the wedding season:

1. Don’t adopt the mind set that you must have a date to attend a wedding. People attend weddings to show love/support for the couple and to help them celebrate the start of their new lives together. Weddings should not br the place where single people feel crazy pressure to either find someone to bring or hook up with someone there. Taking a date is a wonderful thing but not having a date isn’t the end of the world and it doesn’t mean you can’t attend the wedding!

2. Be confident but not conceded if/when a gentleman approaches you at the wedding and starts conversation. If he’s attractive and you would like to get to know him better, make sure you ask good interview questions to see if he’s worth your time and meets your standards. Be polite but collect some important data too (is he saved, what church does he attend, does he have a job, kids etc) 

3. Don’t be desperate. In the movies you see girls who go to weddings, dressed half naked, completely throwing themselves at the single male guest. Have class, don’t take the desperate approach!! There is a way to dress sexy and not be falling all out of your clothes. Leave something to the imagination. Guys don’t marry the desperate/easy girls, they just screw them. Remember, your more than an easy lay and desperation isn’t a good look!

4. Be happy for the blushing bride and her new hubby! I know it sucks to attend wedding after wedding and not be in a serious relationship that’s leading towards marriage BUT remain confident that your day will come!! Learn to rejoice with those that rejoice. When I was newly rededicated to Christ and single I was kinda miserable. I was used to having a boyfriend and now that I was living holy I didn’t have the male companionship that I thought I needed and was used to. Because I had that attitude, it was hard for me to rejoice when others got blessed with a good man. It wasn’t until I turned my focus/desires towards God and started developing my relationship with him, that He was able to begin preparing me to meet my future mate!

5. Find out if any of your girlfriends are attending the wedding so ya’ll can hang together as a group. A wedding is a great time to laugh, talk, eat and be merry together. We all know girls have more fun in groups! Don’t forget to take pictures since everyone is dressed up and looking cute.

6. Remember it’s about the marriage and not the wedding. Your ultimate goal is to become a wife to the man who God has for you, not just a beautiful bride to any guy that proposes to you. Once the fancy day is over and done, you will spend the rest of your life with the person you said “I Do” to. This is why it’s vitally important to be productive in your courting/dating period. No one wants to marry a crazy, lazy or selfish man. Spend time getting to know the person you believe your interested in. If you feel that you’re not ready to get married, why waste your time dating? But hey, that’s a whole other blog post!! Lol

As you walk into the wedding dateless, hold your head high. There’s more to life than whose dating who. Know that your beautiful and made in God’s imagine. Have a good attitude, put on a cute outfit, be confident, be content in where you are in life and be happy for the new couple. You day is coming!!

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Gab, Blab and Gossip

Written by Mary Kassian

“The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels…” Prov. 26:22

I once saw an advertisement that enticed people to buy cell phones so they could engage in more “gab, blab, and gossip.”  Are you a talker?  Do you enjoy gabbing, blabbing, and gossiping? There’s nothing wrong with enjoying good conversation, but the Bible warns that excess speech is often accompanied by sin. “Where words are many, sin is not absent…” (Prov. 10:19, NIV)

The sin that those with the gift of gab need to guard against is the sin of tale-bearing.  In the book of Leviticus – which was an extensive guide for the people of God on how to practically live out the Ten Commandments – Moses seemed to indicate that the command against bearing false witness encompassed more verbal sins than just lying.  He gave the people strict instructions against tale-bearing

“You shall not go about as a talebearer among your people!”(Lev. 19:16, NKJV).  Tale-bearing is a term that includes lying, gossiping, slandering, whispering, speaking ill, and in some cases, even seemingly innocent blabbing.

The Greek words associated with tale-bearing are “diabolos” (accusing), “blasphemeo” (defaming), and “katalalia” (speaking against).  According to the Bible, tale-bearing speech is any speech that accuses or defames a person or casts them in a negative light.  All tale-bearing is condemned, whether the tales are false (Mt. 5:11), true (Prov. 17:9), malicious (Ps. 31:13), or merely foolish (Prov. 10:18).  Women, in particular, are warned to avoid bearing and listening to tales (Tit. 2:3; 1 Tim. 3:11).

Have you ever been the object of a tale-bearer’s slander?  I have.  And chances are you have too.  Most of us have felt the sting that comes when we find out that others are talking behind our backs.

The trouble with tale-bearing

Tale-bearing can have absolutely devastating results.  According to Proverbs, it injures like a club, sword, or sharp arrow (Prov. 25:18).  It stirs up dissention (Prov. 10:12) and kindles strife (Prov. 26:21).  It tarnishes reputations (Prov. 25:10).  Worst of all, it separates close friends and fractures relationships (Prov. 17:9).  That’s probably why, of all our failures in speech, tale-bearing is amongst the most appalling in God’s eyes (Prov. 6:19).

King David recognized the dangers of tale-bearing.  So much so, that he didn’t want anyone with these types of tendencies working in his palace (Psa. 101:7).  He knew that if people didn’t hesitate to bear tales about friends and family behind their backs, they certainly wouldn’t hesitate to be bear tales about David behind his back.  That’s why he wouldn’t hire anyone who had a problem with his or her mouth.  David refused to listen to gossipy, slanderous speech.  He absolutely would not tolerate it.  He said, “Whoever slanders his neighbor in secret, him will I put to silence…him will I not endure” (Psa. 101:5).  And he had this warning for those who slandered others:  “You speak continually against your brother and slander your own mother’s son…But I will rebuke you and accuse you to your face!” (Psa. 50:20-21).

Delicious morsels

David knew that listening to tale-bearing words was just as foolish as speaking them.  But if we’re honest, I think most of us would admit that we enjoy hearing the latest juicy story or “prayer request” about an acquaintance or friend.

The Bible says that the words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels, and that listening to tales is like savoring a rare delicacy (Prov 18:8).  To “savor” means to pause, enjoy and take delight in.  The problem with listening to tale-bearing is that we take it in.  It does not simply pass by.  Instead, we spend time considering it.  And whether we like it or not, it taints our thoughts and attitudes. Perhaps suspicion and caution arise where previously there were none.  Perhaps we begin to see the person spoken of in a slightly different light.  Or perhaps we begin to see faults that we never saw before.  As the ancient philosopher Horace said, “Once a word has been allowed to escape, it cannot be recalled.”  Once spoken, words fly irrevocably.

The story is told of a young man during the Middle Ages who went to a monk to ask what he should do to repent of his sin of slander.  The monk instructed the young man to put a feather on every doorstep in town.  When the young man returned, the monk instructed him to go back and pick up all the feathers.  “But that’s impossible,” cried the man, “By now the wind will have blown them all over town!”

“So has your slanderous word become impossible to retrieve,” replied the monk, “though you are forgiven, you can never retrieve the damage you have done.”

The Lord wants us to avoid the sin of tale-bearing. His Word says, “Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin.” (Prov 13:3)  That’s why we need to watch out for gab, blab and gossip.

Bringing the Word to life

Are you a tale-bearer? Take a look at the following list of tale-bearing behaviors.  Circle any behaviors that you struggle with.  Ask the Holy Spirit to help you guard your speech.

  • Slander (Eph. 4:31)
  • Gossip (Rom. 1:29)
  • Whispering (Ps. 41:7)
  • Babbling/Chattering (Eccl. 10:11; Prov. 10:8)
  • Tattling (1 Tim. 5:13)
  • Defaming (Jer. 20:10; 1 Cor. 4:13)
  • Repeating matters (Prov 17:9)
  • Meddling (1 Tim. 5:13; Prov. 26:17)

Tale-bearing may not be a sin you struggle with.  But when a talebearer comes to you with a morsel of gossip, how do you respond?  Do you savor the information?  Offer a few choice morsels of your own?  Pass the information on to someone else?  Or, like David, do you refuse to listen and gently rebuke your friend for their sin?  Those who are wise will avoid even listening to gab, blab and gossip.

Written by Mary Kassian

http://powertochange.com/experience/sex-love/gossip/

7 Best Ways to Argue With Your Spouse

Author: Cory H.

Every couple has disagreements but we all need to learn how to properly handle the disagreements. There are important things to remember when experiencing “intense fellowship” with your mate. Here is a great list that I found that includes tips on what to do during a argument.

#1 Remember That You Love Each Other
I put this one first because it is the most important and, sometimes, the most difficult.  When tempers are high, love is often the last thing on your mind.  It helps to verbally state your love, “I am angry and frustrated with you right now, but I love you.”  It may not send you into a sudden frenzy of passionate kissing, but it will help tone down the situation.

#2 Stay Calm
No one knows how to push my buttons quicker than my wife!  If I am able to stay calm, she calms down and then we can solve the problem.  When we are both tense, then it just becomes a “you did…” match and nothing gets solved.

#3 Seek First to Understand
Most of the time, an argument starts with a simple misunderstanding.  When it isn’t a misunderstanding, people can still feel like they aren’t being understood.  The best way to combat this is the classic technique recommended by psychologists and conflict managers… restate.
Her: “It makes me so angry when you leave your shoes in the middle of the floor!”
You: “So you are upset because I left my shoes out?”

#4 Seek to Be Understood
This can be as simple as asking for her perception of your side of the story.
You: “Why do you think I keep leaving my shoes on the floor?”
Her: “Because you don’t care about keeping our home clean!”
Make sure to validate her concerns and clarify your reasoning, if necessary.
You: “I do want to keep the place clean, I just get distracted and do not think of shoes as clutter.”

#5 No One “Always” or “Never”
This can be an easy trap to fall into.  “You always leave your shoes in the middle of the floor and you never think to put them in the closet!” Truth is, no one always or never does something.  Maybe 90% of the time, but there are occasions when people veer from their habits, even if it is just momentarily.  Always and never are absolute words and in relationships, habits, behaviors and emotions can change.  You or your spouse do not want to feel confined into an absolute behavior.  “Most of the time” or “Hardly” while still emphasizing the frequency, or lack thereof, is more open and accepting.

#6 When You are Wrong, Promptly Admit It
This is good advice and probably one of the hardest to follow.  Be open to the possibility that you might be wrong. I do not mean that you should just cave to everything, but really look at the issue and if you are wrong, admit it. Followed by a sincere apology.

#7 Don’t Forget to Laugh
Laughter will lighten any mood.  There are times when feelings have been tremendously hurt and grave mistakes have been made, but for life’s little arguments, laughter can be a much needed comfort.  It can turn an argument into a building experience!

Marriage is a challenge.  You are two different people trying to ride through life together.  There are going to be disagreements which can make or break your marriage if you let them.  I do not think it’s impossible to master these principles, difficult as they may be, but perfection is not the goal. The goal is to experience consistent learning, growing and loving together.

Nathan McGee is a Social Media Strategist and trying to be a good husband to a beautiful woman who blessed him with two beautiful daughters.  He can be found at nathanmcgee.com or follow him on twitter, @nathanmcgee.

http://agoodhusband.net/2009/01/7-best-ways-to-argue-with-your-spouse/

Not Another Clique: The Importance Of True Friendship

 

Winning Friendships

Written by Joyce Simmons 

Who you choose to be your closest friends is one of the most important decisions you will make in the course of your life. You are the same today that you are going to be in five years except for two things: the people with whom you associate and the books you read. The Bible says that if you associate with wise friends you will become wise, but a companion of fools will be destroyed (Proverbs 13:20). You will become like those you associate with! 

Why do we need friendships? Friendships include the desire to be known and know others, to give and be given to, to encourage and be encouraged, to have a others, to give and be given to, to encourage and be encouraged, to have an example or be an example and to have someone or be someone to admire and follow. 

The ironic part is the very things that make us need these relationships are the same things that can keep us from making friends. We want to be known, but fear the transparency of having someone know us. We want to give, but we fear our giving might be rejected. We want models, but run the risk of them failing us. We want to encourage, but fear possible rejection. Maybe we are better off not taking the risks involved with having, making and keeping friends! 

Let’s look at a few misconceptions about friendships: 

1. I have family and my relationship with God. That’s all I need. God did not create us to live in isolation. Balanced friendships with other women can strengthen and bring more vitality back into your family rather than deter from it! 

2. I don’t want to be a part of another clique. The clique is a clique because only certain individuals are a part of it. Chances are the majority of women feel the same way you do and don’t want or need the approval of a clique. They see past and beyond the peck order and on to real friendship. 

3. I have been hurt by friends and I am not going to let that happen again. Any kind of relationship has risks. Well intentioned friends can hurt each other, break a trust or destroy a confidence. As easily as it may happen to you, you may do it to someone else. Hurt, losses from death and relocation are all hard things to bear, but friendships are worth it. On your journey you will find several people who are worth cultivating friendships and it is these you most remember. 

4. I find women my age and background boring and negative. Seek friendships with women who are where you want to be. Be a leader not a follower. God may have surprise treasures hidden in the friendships of those you least expect. To find treasure you have to dig for it! 

5. I have nothing to offer someone. Philippians 2:4 says, “Each of you should not look to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” You have gone through situations that could benefit others. Offer the little you think you have and God will multiply it. 

Friends in your life are like pillars on your porch: Sometimes they hold you up, sometimes they lean on you; sometimes it’s just enough to know they are standing by. 

Look at some different types of friends and see what category your friends fall into. 

  • Brainers stimulate your intellectual growth. If your friends have more knowledge of the latest soap operas than the book of Ephesians watch out.
  • Trainers mentor, teach and train. A mentor encourages, strengthens, enlightens, corrects in love and offers help, time and energy to get you to your goal.
  • Drainers are friends that sometimes ask too much. When a friend drains you of your emotional, physical and spiritual energy for too long a period watch out.
  • Shamers make you feel ashamed because of their knowledge of some sin in your past. You continually seek their approval and determine to keep the relationship alive until you receive it which by the way never happens.
  • Framers continually put forth an effort to build strength and character into your life. They are the friends who stick closer than a brother. Ben Johnson wrote, “True happiness consists not in the multitude of friends, but in the worth and choice.”Framers are friends who are loyal not as depicted in this story:  Jill: “A journal.”

    Linda: What’s in it?

    Jill: “I can’t tell you that. A journal is a highly personal and confidential affair. It has important secret dreams and secret yearnings. It’s private. It’s not meant to be shared lightly with other people. And besides, this journal belongs to Jennifer.

    Linda: “What’s that you’re reading?”

  • Distainers are often the most illogical people that have crossed your path. What a wonderland of friendships awaits us if we just take the time to care and share.

Choose your friends wisely. Make sure they have the qualities, attitudes, goals and character that you wish for yourself. 

“Iron sharpens iron; so a (wo)man sharpeneth the countenance of her friend.” Proverbs 27:17 

Friendships are an amazing blessing in our lives. Friends should encourage, motivate and challenge you to grow beyond your boundaries. I pray you will find such blessing. 

http://powertochange.com/experience/sex-love/winfriends/

It’s Our Anniversary! 2 Yrs of Love, Friendship and Intimacy

Today marks the day two years ago, that I said “I do” to the love of my life, my best friend, Eddie Willis III. I thank God for my husband. I am forever grateful for his love, selflessness, patience, compassion, desire for only me, friendship, understand, protection, provision, leadership, respect and so much more. I never knew love like this before and I never knew it could feel this good!!

We have faced challenges over the last two years but we’ve been able to work through them together with peace, praise and thanksgiving. Marriage is hard work but work that we love to do. When I was single, I couldn’t imagine what married life would be like. I often wondered how it would be leaving my parents house/covering and living with a man, serving, submitting, giving, sharing and sexing (LOL) with him for the rest of my life. Ladies let me tell you, being a wife is challenging at times BUT I LOVE IT AND WOULDN”T TRADE IT FOR THE WORLD!!

When you have a husband that loves God and honors Him with his time, body, money and lifestyle, he will love you with all that he has, willingly and with a good heart. My husband isn’t perfect and neither am I but we serve a perfect God and we strive to be like Him. With Christ at the center of our marriage, we CAN NOT and WILL NOT fail!! It’s you and me baby for life!!!

Lord have your way in my marriage. Have your way in me. Help me to be the best wife that you have created me to be and bless my husband to be the best husband that you have called him to be. Prepare us for whatever may be coming our way, good or bad. Help us to trust in you always. May we grow to be 100 years old together, still laughing, cuddling, praying, praising and making love. Bless our future seed Lord. May you expand our family in your time. Thank you Lord for blessing us everyday and always doing exceedingly abundantly in our lives. We love you. Amen!

Serving, Submitting and Sexing Oh My!

 Messages to the Wives 

1 Peter 3 speaks to wives and gives them detailed instructions on how to love their husbands and live lives that will bring them closer to Christ. My mom read verse 2 to me on my wedding nigh;on my wedding night. That verse alone is powerful. Read over these few verses and tell me what you think. Verse 9 talks about our attitude and tongue (help us Lord) I know that those are areas that I am working on. Lord, help me to be patience, calm and peaceful. Thank you for giving me everything I need to be a great wife! In Jesus name, Amen! 

1 Peter 3:1-12 (AMP) 

IN LIKE manner, you married women, be submissive to your own husbands [subordinate yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, and adapt yourselves to them], so that even if any do not obey the Word [of God], they may be won over not by discussion but by the [godly] lives of their wives,
 

  • This scripture is deep. What I hear it saying is that we are to win our husbands by our lifestyle, not our nagging or constantly lecturing. Instead of continuing to tell them what they need to be doing, we are to live lives in front of them that bring glory to God. Our lifestyles, attitudes and conversation can win our husbands over if they bring glory to God.
     

   2When they observe the pure and modest way in which you conduct yourselves, together with your [a] reverence [for your husband; you are to feel for him all that reverence includes: to respect, defer to, revere him–to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy your husband].
 

  • I need to put this verse up on my bathroom mirror! This is the type of wife that I strive to be! I want to always honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, adore, admire, praise and devote myself only to my husband. I WILL NOT allow another women to praise, encourage or adore my husband more than me. I will respect and honor him always, even when he is acting up, because that is what the word of God tells me to do.

    3Let not yours be the [merely] external adorning with [elaborate] [b] interweaving and knotting of the hair, the wearing of jewelry, or changes of clothes;
 

    4But let it be the inward adorning and beauty of the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible and unfading charm of a gentle and peaceful spirit, which [is not anxious or wrought up, but] is very precious in the sight of God.
 

  • What I hear verses 3-4 saying is that it is more important for us as wives to be beautiful on the inside and filled with the things of God verses only beautiful on the outside. We need to be the women and wives that God has called us to be NO MATTER whats going on around us or how others are acting.

 5For it was thus that the pious women of old who hoped in God were [accustomed] to beautify themselves and were submissive to their husbands [adapting themselves to them as themselves secondary and dependent upon them]. 

I know that being submissive and dependent on our husbands is not always easy but it is important and the bible commands us to. When you have a husband that has the Holy Spirit on the inside of him, it is easier to follow him because you know he won’t purposefully lead you in the wrong direction. Plus we can go in our prayer closets and ask the Holy Spirit to speak to our husbands when we think their going in the wrong direction or making bad choices. The word dependent to me means allowing my husband to take care of me and not always having to be independent and do everything myself. My husband loves to open the door for me, take the trash out, keep gas in the car and fix things for me. Apart of me being dependent on him is allowing him to do those things and not insisting that I don’t need his help and I can do them all myself. 

    6It was thus that Sarah obeyed Abraham [following his guidance and acknowledging his headship over her by] calling him lord (master, leader, authority). And you are now her true daughters if you do right and let nothing terrify you [not giving way to hysterical fears or letting anxieties unnerve you]. 

I respect my husbands opinion and he respects mine. We talk through things together but I respect his authority over me and in the end the final decision is his because he is the head of our house. We comprise often but if a tough decision needs to be made, we pray and whatever he hears the Lord telling him, that is what we do. 

    7In the same way you married men should live considerately with [your wives], with an [c]intelligent recognition [of the marriage relation], honoring the woman as [physically] the weaker, but [realizing that you] are joint heirs of the grace (God’s unmerited favor) of life, in order that your prayers may not be hindered and cut off. [Otherwise you cannot pray effectively.]

    8Finally, all [of you] should be of one and the same mind (united in spirit), sympathizing [with one another], loving [each other] as brethren [of one household], compassionate and courteous (tenderhearted and humble).
    9Never return evil for evil or insult for insult (scolding, tongue-lashing, berating), but on the contrary blessing [praying for their welfare, happiness, and protection, and truly pitying and loving them]. For know that to this you have been called, that you may yourselves inherit a blessing [from God–that you may obtain a blessing as heirs, bringing welfare and happiness and protection].

  • This is another great verse to put on the mirror! It’s important when having “intense fellowship” that we aren’t to return insult for insult. Someone has to be mature enough to end the conversation and walk away until everyone is cool enough to finish the discussion calmly. When things are that intense, it may be a good idea to table the discussion until later anyway. Why make a difficult situation worse by arguing and hurting each other’s feelings? We end heated discussions often because often times those discussion aren’t productive. By ending the discussion we are able to keep a tight rein on our tongues and we don’t give ourselves opportunity to hurt the other person. We come back to the conversation later and talk it out.

    10For let him who wants to enjoy life and see good days [good–whether apparent or not] keep his tongue free from evil and his lips from guile (treachery, deceit).

  • Let us always be honest with our spouses and never be deceitful or sneaky. There is nothing worse then a lying man. We all want honesty so we must be honest. Give Satan no place!

    11Let him turn away from wickedness and shun it, and let him do right. Let him search for peace (harmony; undisturbedness from fears, agitating passions, and moral conflicts) and seek it eagerly. [Do not merely desire peaceful relations with God, with your fellowmen, and with yourself, but pursue, go after them!]
    12For the eyes of the Lord are upon the righteous (those who are upright and in right standing with God), and His ears are attentive to their prayer. But the face of the Lord is against those who practice evil [to oppose them, to frustrate, and defeat them].(A)

11 Reasons To Date A Church-Going Guy

While surfing the net I came across this article about why dating church guys is a good idea.  I thought the list was interesting and pretty accurate. We all know that Christian men aren’t perfect and there are some wolf’s in church clothing BUT I do agree that god fearing, sold out for Christ men are the best to date and marry. 2 Cor 6:14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? Dating is fun but for Christians it should also be an interview process. Get to know the man before you fall head over heels in love with him! Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

I dated a “saved” guy in high school and he cheated on me repeatedly and broke my heart. He was my first love and we met at our church. We were young and silly but I was really affected by that situation. It took me a long time to seriously get over him but once I broke free from the emotional attachment and roller coaster, I began to allow God to heal, restore and make me new again. I have forgiven him and wish him well.

Eddie was the first and only man whom I dated that was sold out for Christ and dedicated to serving/ living his life for Him. I didn’t know how to interact with Eddie at first or what to think really. I had never had a relationship with a man who was attracted to me but wasn’t trying to charm me, sleep with me or use me for something. As we got to know each other and observe each other at church, I came to see that Eddie was a man after God’s own heart. He served at church faithful, his language and behavior lined up with the word of God and he treated me, my friends and the other ladies at church like sisters and not pieces of meat. He complimented me, flirted with me sometimes, we laughed and joked together but we had boundaries in our friendship. Boundaries are VERY important in Christian friendship and courtship!! Eddie became my friend, then a year later my boyfriend, then my fiance’, then my husband and then my lover. Thank you Lord for my husband! He was definitely worth the wait!!

Question: Ladies let me know what you think about this list below. What do you agree or disagree with? What has been your experience with dating Christian men? It’s okay to be honest, just be respectful please.

1. He uses clean language. Granted, he’ll probably let slip a “frick” or a “darn,” but by golly, it’s a lot cuter than a slew of f-bombs.

2. More than likely, he adheres to the verse, “Your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit,” which means that he doesn’t smoke, do drugs or get drunk.

3. Unless he sleeps through every service, he has a high attention span. Bring up a couple of points from an hour-long sermon and see if you’re not a little bit impressed when he can discuss them in depth. Bonus points if he can connect the current sermon to the previous week’s topic.

4. He’s consistent. Getting up early on Sunday mornings to hear a sermon and sing for a couple of hours takes a good amount of dedication. Of course, we’re referring to the guys who attend service more often than on Christmas and Easter.

5. He’s a romantic. If he believes in God, there’s a good chance he also believes in destiny. He takes dating and women so seriously that he might even pray before asking you out. If he prays often in his own time, he has probably prayed for the future love of his life—which could be you—before you even met. If adorably old-fashioned guys are your thing, look no further than the next pew over. Faith And Spirituality In Relationships

6. He dresses sensibly. Since obsessing about one’s outer appearance is frowned upon in the church, its culture encourages guys to look down-to-earth, if not classy. That means no Ed Hardy and no flashy, “I’m a baller”-style outfits. Expect dark jeans, a polo shirt, and a canvas bag.

7. He probably doesn’t sleep around. No need to worry as much about diseases, excess baggage, or being compared to some past conquest. You might just be the best he’s ever had. Sure, he might be a borderline virgin, if not abstinent, but if you play your cards right, all of that pent-up energy will count for something. That being said….

8. He puts sex on a pedestal. If he’s ever read the Song of Solomon—arguably the Good Book’s most erotic piece of scripture—he probably honors an elusively spiritual aspect of sex often absent in casual encounters.

9. Your parents will love him. Here’s a guy that says grace, has marriage on the brain, and was taught to respect his elders, act like a well-mannered gentleman and get along with everybody. More bonus points if he can sing “Be Thou My Vision” with Grandma.

10. He has his own friends. Ideally, and for the most part, a church will foster a warm social environment. It’s hard not to befriend people you see every week. If a guy attends church potlucks, Sunday afternoon sports or Bible studies, he’ll have buddies to hang out with when you’re out with the girls.

11. He lends a helping hand. Very rarely will a church not have outreach activities, volunteer opportunities, or even just a need for Sunday School assistants or a set-up crew. A guy who not only belongs to, but contributes to the good of his community demonstrates a willingness to serve others before himself.

http://www.yourtango.com/200943779/reasons-date-church-going-guy/page/2

25 Reasons Women Should Love Men

Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.”
– Mahatma Gandhi

The man who has submitted his will and purposes entirely to God, carries God with him in all his works and in all circumstances.
Meister Eckhart

Right now somewhere in the world, a group of women are having a conversation about why men are no good. They’re calling men names and putting them down because they’ve suffered bad experiences at the hands of men. While the majority of women have a few stories about men, whether about their father, brother, cousin, uncle, grandpa, teacher, neighbor or lover who did them wrong, it ISN’T fair to adopt the attitude that all men are dogs, stupid and dishonest. God created man and He made man in His image. There are some awesome men in the world; I married one, was raised by one, grew up with one and know plenty. Thank you Lord for the men in my life. We need to celebrate the positive men that we know are handling business, going to work everyday, raising their children, serving at their churches, volunteering in their communities, being faithful to God and their wives etc.

We need to have positive confessions over the men in our lives. God created men and therefore men are good. I’m so glad we don’t live in a female only world. I can’t imagine life without men in it. I love my man and ALL that he does for me. He is my blessing and I am his. 

Here is a list of 20 positive things that men are. I thought of my husband, father, brother, male family members and friends when I was composing the  list. If you have men in your life who are struggling in some of these areas, continue to confession that they are those things in Jesus name! Continue to pray, encourage, uplift and support the men in your life. Call those things which be not as though they were!! And if you are believing God for a husband, continue to pray for him and call him the characteristics below that you desire him to be.

There are good men in the world and if you continue to attract the wrong ones, maybe you need to take some time to examine yourself ( and ask God why you continue to attract men that are bad for you. The cycle must stop. Your too precious in God’s sight to continue to get messed over) When I was 21, I discovered that the few boys, not men, that I dated had only been treating me how I ALLOWED them to treat me and therefore if I wanted to be mad at anyone, I realized I had to be mad at myself. I willingly made bad choices because I had rejected God’s way and adopted the world’s way. I rededicated my life to Christ and I changed my environment, attitude, associations, thought patterns and places that I hung out. Because of my lifestyle starting to line up with the word of God, I started hanging out with other singles at my church and I met my husband. Single ladies, just food for thought.

Women Should Love Men Because Men are:

1. Strong
2. Good with their hands
3. Protectors
4. Providers
5. Leaders
6. Sexy
7. Intelligent
8. Problem solvers
9. Funny
10. Talented
11. Athletic
12. Compassionate
13. Romantic
14. Passionate lovers
15. Determined
16. Helpful 
17. Loving
18. Created by God (in His image)
19. Hard working
20. Great fathers
21. Great husbands
22. Goal oriented
23. Heroes
24. Willing to put their lives on the line for their families
25. Dedicated to Christ

Ten Ways to Marry the Wrong Person

Blind love is not the way to choose a spouse. Here are practical tools for keeping your eyes wide open.

by Rabbi Dov Heller, M.A.

With the divorce rate over 50 percent, too many are apparently making a serious mistake in deciding who to spend the rest of their life with. To avoid becoming a “statistic,” try to internalize these 10 insights.

#1. You pick the wrong person because you expect him/her to change after you’re married.

The classic mistake. Never marry potential. The golden rule is, if you can’t be happy with the person the way he or she is now, don’t get married. As a colleague of mine so wisely put it, “You actually can expect people to change after their married… for the worst!”

So when it comes to the other person’s spirituality, character, personal hygiene, communication skills, and personal habits, make sure you can live with these as they are now.

#2. You pick the wrong person because you focus more on chemistry than on character.

Chemistry ignites the fire, but good character keeps it burning. Beware of the “I’m in love” syndrome. “I’m in love” often means, “I’m in lust.” Attraction is there, but have you carefully checked out this person’s character?

Here are four character traits to definitely check for:

Humility: Does this person believe that “doing the right thing” is more important than personal comfort?

Do I want to be more like this person? Would I like my child to turn out like him or her?

Kindness: Does this person enjoy giving pleasure to other people? How does s/he treat people s/he doesn’t have to be nice to? Does s/he do volunteer work? Give charity?

Responsibility: Can I depend on this person to do what s/he says s/he’s going to do?

Happiness: Does this person like himself? Does s/he enjoy life? Is s/he emotionally stable?

Ask yourself: Do I want to be more like this person? Do I want to have a child with this person? Would I like my child to turn out like him or her?

#3. You pick the wrong person because the man doesn’t understand what a woman needs most.

Men and women have unique emotional needs, and more often than not, it is the man who just doesn’t “get it.” Jewish tradition places the onus on the man to understand the emotional needs of a woman and to satisfy them.

The unique need of a woman is to be loved — to feel that she is the most important person in her husband’s life. The husband needs to give her consistent, quality attention.

This is most apparent in Judaism’s approach to intimacy. The Torah obligates the husband to meet the intimate needs of his wife. Intimacy is always on the woman’s terms. Men are goal-oriented, especially when it comes this area. As a wise woman once pointed out, “Men have two speeds: on and off.” Women are experience-oriented. When a man is able to switch gears and become more experience-oriented, he will discover what makes his wife very happy. When the man forgets about his own needs and focuses on giving his wife pleasure, amazing things happen.

#4. You choose the wrong person because you do not share a common life goals and priorities.

There are three basic ways we connect with another person:

  1. chemistry and compatibility
  2. share common interests
  3. share common life goal

Make sure you share the deeper level of connection that sharing life goals provide. After marriage, the two of you will either grow together or grow apart. To avoid growing apart, you must figure out what you’re “living for,” while you’re single — and then find someone who has come to the same conclusion as you.

This is the true definition of a “soul mate.” A soul mate is a goal mate — two people who ultimately share the same understanding of life’s purpose and therefore share the same priorities, values and goals.

#5. You choose the wrong person because you get intimately involved too quickly.

Intimacy before the commitment of marriage can be a big problem because it often precludes a fully honest exploration of important issues. Physical involvement tends to cloud one’s mind. And a clouded mind is not inclined to make good decisions.

It is not necessary to take a “test drive” in order to find out if a couple is physically compatible. If you do your homework and make sure you are intellectually and emotionally compatible, you don’t have to worry about it. Of all the studies done on divorce, incompatibility in the intimate arena is almost never cited as a main reason why people divorce.

#6. You pick the wrong person because you do not have a deeper emotional connection with this person.

To evaluate whether you have a deeper emotional connection or not, ask: “Do I respect and admire this person?”

This does not mean, “Am I impressed by this person?” We are impressed by a Mercedes. We do not respect someone because they own a Mercedes. You should be impressed by qualities of creativity, loyalty, determination, etc.

Also ask: “Do I trust this person?” This also means, “Is he/she emotionally stable? Do I feel I can rely on him/her?

#7. You pick the wrong person because you choose someone with whom you don’t feel emotionally safe.

Ask yourself the following questions: Do I feel calm, peaceful and relaxed with this person? Can I fully be myself and express myself with this person? Does this person make me feel good about myself? Do you have a really close friend who does make you feel this way? Make sure the person you marry makes you feel the same way!

Are you afraid of this person in any way? You should not feel you need to monitor what you say because you are afraid of how the other person will view it. If you’re afraid to express your feelings and opinions openly, there’s a problem with the relationship.

Be on the look out for someone who is always trying to change you.

Another aspect of feeling safe is that you don’t feel the other person is trying to control you. Controlling behaviors are a sign of an abusive person. Be on the look out for someone who is always trying to change you. There’s a big difference between “controlling” and “making suggestions.” A suggestion is made for your benefit; a control statement is made for their benefit.

#8. You pick the wrong person because you don’t put everything on the table.

Anything that bothers you about the relationship must be brought up for discussion. Bringing up the uncomfortable stuff is the only way to evaluate how well the two of you communicate, negotiate, and work together. Over the course of a lifetime, difficulties will inevitably arise. You need to know now, before making a commitment: Can you resolve your differences and find compromises that work for both of you?

Never be afraid to let the person know what bothers you. This is also a way for you to test how vulnerable you can be with this person. If you can’t be vulnerable, then you can’t be intimate. The two go hand in hand.

#9. You pick the wrong person because you use the relationship to escape from personal problems and unhappiness.

If you are unhappy and single, you’ll probably be unhappy and married, too.

If you are unhappy and single, you’ll probably be unhappy and married, too. Marriage does not fix personal, psychological and emotional problems. If anything, marriage will exacerbate them.

If you are not happy with yourself and your life, take responsibility to fix it now while you are single. You’ll feel better, and your future spouse will thank you.

#10. You pick the wrong person because he/she is involved in a triangle.

To be “triangulated” means a person is emotionally dependent on someone or something else while trying to develop another relationship. A person who hasn’t separated from his or her parents is the classic example of triangulation. People can also be triangulated with things as well, such as work, drugs, Internet, hobbies, sports or money.

Be careful that you and your partner are free of triangles. The person caught in the triangle cannot be fully emotionally available to you. You will not be their number one priority. And that’s no basis for a marriage.

http://www.aish.com/d/w/48955756.html

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6 Habits to Keep Your Marriage Happy, Hot and Healthy

This morning my honey and I decided to go on a walk/jog around our complex. It was a beautiful out and we were happy to get in some exercise together. We did a lot of jogging and by the end we were both feeling the burn.

While we were out, we ran into four of our older neighbors who were also walking around the complex. The four of them were smiling at us and greeted us with pleasant good mornings. One of the ladies said something that puzzled us. She said, “it’s just so nice to see you two doing things together.” We thanked her and kept walking. We started talking and asking ourselves, why wouldn’t we be doing things together? The sad thing is, many married couples don’t spend a lot of free time together. People these days don’t get to see many couples that want to be around each other and enjoy each other. The tone in the older lady’s voice gave us the impression that she didn’t see couples like us often. I believe that it’s vitally important that couples make each other and their marriage a priority.

It’s a good idea to get into good habits so that your marriage can be happy, hot and healthy!! If more people’s marriages were happy, hot and healthy, they would want to spend the majority of their time together and you wouldn’t be able to pull them apart! Let’s all strive to make our marriages better! Here is an article that I found entitled 6 Habits of Happily Married Couples.

HABIT #1 – GIVE EACH OTHER PLEASURE

Happily married couples are committed to the goal of giving each other pleasure. You must stay focused on the ultimate goal — which is to give each other pleasure and not cause pain. It sounds simple enough, but can be very hard in practice.

For just one day, try to maintain a consciousness with everything you do, by asking yourself, “Is what I’m about to do or say going to cause my spouse pain or pleasure?”

To monitor how you’re doing, each of you should make two lists: One for all the things your spouse does to cause you pain, and another which identifies what you would like your spouse to do to give you pleasure. Swap lists, and now you know exactly what to do and what not to do. No more mind reading!

HABIT #2 – CREATE MUTUALLY SATISFYING LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP RITUALS

Rituals are habits that build and strengthen a relationship. One couple had the following “greeting ritual” at night when the husband came home:

He would first greet the dog and hug the kids. Then he would go into his bedroom, change his clothes, and watch the news, followed by a visit to the bathroom. Finally he would wander into the kitchen and mutter something to his wife, for example, “Let’s eat fast so we can get to the PTA meeting!”

One might say that such a ritual was not exactly increasing their love for each other.

How are your greeting and goodbye rituals?

So after watching how their dog greeted them every time they came home, this couple decided to come up with a new ritual. Elated dogs jump all over their masters and lick them. So they decided to greet each other like dogs. They started jumping up and down and hugging each other. They really got into it. They had fun and the kids got a kick out it, too.

Our actions affect the way we feel. How are your greeting and good-bye rituals?

Here are some rituals you and your spouse should consider working on:

* Daily e-mailing each other with a compliment.

* Daily phone call. (especially important for husbands to do)

* Anniversaries deserve special attention. Plan to do something both of you really enjoy, rather than feeling stuck two days before your anniversary arrives and then running out to get some flowers.

* Before you turn in for the night, try saying two compliments to each other. This means coming up with something new each night!

* It is essential to have a “date night” at least every other week.

HABIT #3 – CREATE A SAFE PLACE TO DISCUSS ISSUES OPENLY AND HONESTLY

Abusive relationships are ones in which you are afraid to express feelings and opinions. Happily married couples create a sense of safety that allows each person to feel comfortable expressing his/her feelings, problems, and dissatisfactions. This sense of safety is the foundation upon which a couple negotiates things that are bothering them.

It’s common for each person to come into a relationship with certain expectations about how things will be. But without the ability to communicate and negotiate, these issues become sources for power struggles that almost always damage the relationship.

HABIT #4 – USE GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS TO RESOLVE HOT ISSUES

The technique that every couple must learn is called the “listener-speaker technique.” The problem with the way most couples argue is that they try to find solutions before fully giving each other the chance to say what they need to say. The speaker-listener technique ensures that before you can engage in solution talk, each person feels they have been fully heard.

Only after each person has been fully heard, do you proceed to problem solving.

Here’s how it works: One person holds an object in their hand which symbolizes that he or she has the floor. While one person has the floor, the other person can only listen by repeating back or paraphrasing what the other person said. The listener can stop the speaker if s/he is saying too much for the listener to repeat back.

When couples use this technique, it automatically ensures that each person will be able to say everything s/he needs to say without interruption, rebuttals, criticism or attack. Only after each person has been fully “heard,” do you then proceed to problem solving.

HABIT #5 – CONSTANTLY TURN TOWARD EACH OTHER, RATHER THAN AWAY

When you pass your spouse sitting at her desk doing some work, do you stop and rub her shoulders, give her a kiss on the cheek, and whisper something nice in her ear — or do you just walk on by? This is the meaning of “turning toward” as opposed to “turning away.”

Happily married couples have ways to constantly be emotionally close to each other.

Marriage research shows that happily married couples do a lot of turning toward each other whenever they get the chance. They look for ways to be physically and emotionally close to each other. Turning toward each other means making each other your number one priority.

Another important aspect of turning toward each other is doing things together that you both enjoy. Taking walks together, drinking coffee together after dinner, learning Torah together, and listening to music together, are all examples of how couples turn toward each other.

A powerful way to turn toward each other is to show the ultimate respect — by standing when your spouse enters the room. Sounds old-fashioned? It is. But it’s a powerful way to turn toward your spouse, make him/her feel very special.

Couples who “turn away” from each other don’t develop closeness. It’s a basic principle stated in the Talmud, “A good deed begets another good deed. A bad deed begets another bad deed.”

HABIT #6 – INFUSE YOUR LIVES WITH SHARED MEANING

I often ask singles the following question: “After you’re married, what do you plan to do for the next 40 years?” And I usually follow-up by saying, “And besides having fun, what else will you do with each other?”

The ultimate in meaning is to share a common philosophy of life purpose.

Human beings need meaning like we need water. Happily married couples enrich their relationship by sharing meaningful experiences with each other. The ultimate in meaning is to share a common philosophy of life and life purpose. This is why couples who observe Shabbat together, and learn Torah together, have great sources of meaning built into their lives.

Some other specific ways of infusing your relationship with meaning are visiting the sick together, making a shiva call together, or preparing a meal together for a mother who just gave birth.

When couples share truly meaningful experiences, they bond on a deeper level.

These six habits may seem small, but when practiced intentionally and consistently, they will form the backbone of a deeply fulfilling marriage.

http://www.aish.com/f/m/48937667.html

I put the word HOT in the title because if you and your spouse are communicating appropriately, working out issues the right way, spending time together, being respectful and loving and cultivating your friendship, your marriage WILL BE HOT, PASSIONATE AND STEAMING!!

Thank you Lord for every married person that reads this post. Bless them and their mate. Help them to walk according to your word and trust you in every area of their lives and marriage. Thank you Lord in advance for all their needs being met. In Jesus name, AMEN!

Question: Which habits stuck out to you? Were there any that you didn’t agree with? Forward this post to others that you think may need to read it. Lets help produce happy, hot and healthy relationships.