FRIENDS, HOW MANY OF US HAVE THEM

Last night we hung out with a new couple from our church that we had recently met. Eddie saw them at Friday night prayer and took the time to introduce himself and exchange information with them. He wanted to contact them to invite them out to future couples fellowships with us and our friends. As we befriended the couple, they informed us that they had recently moved to MI for work and had asked the Lord to send them godly couples to fellowship with. I thank God for Eddie’s obedience regarding stepping out and introducing himself and for the couple to be open to receiving our friendship.

I believe that it’s vital for believers (single, married, newly saved or seasoned mature saints) to have at least a few believers in their lives that they’re close to and that help them to grow spiritually and stay on track. It’s almost impossible to walk this Christian walk alone. In the moments of fear, doubt or worry, its good to have a believer to call. That friend will listen to you cry for a few minutes BUT then they will kindly remind you of what the word says and they will offer to pray with and for you. They shouldn’t join your pity party! They shouldn’t bring refreshments and a pull out couch and set up shop at your pity party. As believers, we are to lead by example, to glorify God in all of our actions and make sure we are challenging those around us to be better and not worse.

I believe it is super important with male believers to have other men in their circle who are faithfully walking in the ways of the Lord. I don’t want my husband hanging out with other men (single or married) who aren’t living holy, being faithful to their wives/girlfriends, being honest and walking in integrity. It would be only a matter of time before my husband would start to fall back into his past worldly ways. The bible says, what does darkness have in common with the light? NOTHING!! Christian brothas (whether single or married) need to stick together to encourage each other when they start feeling weary, to put each other in check when they see one another getting out of line and to pray together when they have mountains that they need to move. If you are a man and you don’t have brothas in your circle who are sold out believers who you can grow in God with and be accountable to, pray and ask God to send them to you. God is faithful, He WILL grant your request. Eddie and I are blessed to have many men and women in the Lord that we are close to and fellowship with often.

As a wife, it is very important for me to have other Christian wives to talk to about the joys and struggles of marriage. I LOVE to sit and chat about marriage and the things I’m mastering thus far in my marriage and the areas that I’m falling short. We don’t go in to the dirty details of our marriages but we do offer each other tips, support, prayer and scripture on the general topics that we discuss. Now if all I had was nonbelievers for girlfriends, they would tell me the opposite of the word of God and have me ALL messed up. You know the ridiculous things bitter, angry women say, “Girl you know men ain’t no good.” “He’s probably cheating on you, that’s why he ain’t answer his phone when you called.” “He said what? Girl you need to just go off on him one good time and I betcha he won’t forget to take that trash out no mo.” Ignorant people give ignorant advice!!! Ladies are emotional creatures and we need friends who will keep us rooted and grounded in the word of God.

I urge Christians, especially those 16-36, to STOP trying to hang onto your friends from your former life, people you went to high school and college with, that you hung out with in your B.C (before Christ) days!! If those individuals are still drinking, clubbin, getting high, jumping in and out of relationships and people’s beds WHAT on earth do you have in common with them?? The bible says to come out from them and be separate!! Touch NO unclean thing and I will receive you! Let them go and TRUST that God will provide you with holy, godly, sold out, fun-loving friends in His timing.

Sometimes we need to clear out all people and distractions from our lives and simply focus on him. There was a season after I rededicated my life back to Christ in 2002, where I only had one friend. My roommate and I had left the worldly way of thinking/living and we RAN in the other direction, back to Christ. We cut tides with everyone and everything that wasn’t glorifying God. We spent A LOT of time in our college apartment alone, just studying school work and the word of God. We were focused and determined. We got up early each morning and had prayer together. As long as we had each other to be accountable too, we knew we would not fall back into our old lifestyle. Though we only had each other and God, we did not feel alone. We experienced more peace and joy during that season then we ever could have when we were surrounded by friends and drama. We eventually started meeting more young people at our church and hanging out at Friendship Productions events. FP is a Christian Productions company, they throw Christian concerts and events in Michigan. www.fpdj.com

Another example of godly friendship is my relationship with my second best friend Marcia, Eddie is my first. While Eddie and I were just friends, many people (saved and unsaved) kept saying, “you know Eddie likes you, why don’t you just ask him out.” People were giving me horrible advice that was against the word of God but I didn’t allow the peer pressure to get to me. I stayed focus on God and my relationship with Him. I had peace about where I was at and what I was doing and I wasn’t going to allow other people to make me anxious.

My BFF Marcia was a true friend. She was there from the beginning when Eddie and became friends. She saw how our friendship progressed into an innocent crush but Eddie hadn’t asked me out yet and she helped to keep me focused and level-headed. Too many times we as believers get too caught up in who are MOG or WOG (man or woman of God) is that we go searching and obsessing over it and we loss focus on whats important. Many people were trying to cause me to become anxious about why he was taking so long. Eddie later told me that he was interested in me but was waiting until he received the green light from the Holy Ghost on going further in our relationship. I’m so glad he was obedient! Marcia never tried to get me to throw myself at Eddie or to step ahead of God and him and ask him out. She never lead me in the opposite direction of the word of God. She talked with me, prayed for me and showed me support. She never talked about how handsome Eddie was and how awesome it would be if he asked me out and we got married. She remained level headed and rational, which helped me to do the same. She was and still is a true friend and my accountability partner.

My parents will be married for 30 years this year. They are happily married and they give God all the glory for their marriage and the many blessings that He has given them. They are best friends and they always had other saved couples to spend time with when they want to hang out with friends. They have the same friends and they are either hanging out together alone or together with one or more of their couple friends. They have times when the wives just hangout and the husbands just hangout but majority of the time they are all together. My parents know each other’s friends and they don’t keep secrets regarding who they’re hanging with or where their going when they leave the house. When you’re married and you know your spouse has friends who are walking in the word of God, you don’t have to worry about what their doing when they leave the house with their friends. My parents often go for coffee with their couple friends and talk for hours about marriage, children, work, the bible, money, whatever. They appreciate having men and women of God to spend time with, learn from and be a blessing too.

**Question** Do you think it’s important for believers to have majority only SOLD OUT Christian friends? Can Christian’s be best friends with nonbelievers?

Scriptures

Prov 18:24

A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.

1 Cor 6:14-17

14Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 15What harmony is there between Christ and Belial[a]? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? 16What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: “I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people.” 17Therefore come out from them and be separate, says the Lord. Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you.”

3 John 1:11

11Dear friend, do not imitate what is evil but what is good. Anyone who does what is good is from God. Anyone who does what is evil has not seen God.

Psalm 119:63

I am a friend to all who fear you, to all who follow your precepts.

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3 Responses to “FRIENDS, HOW MANY OF US HAVE THEM”

  1. Amina Says:

    Great write-up! I first of all want to say that I love your parents! I only served with them for a short time, but they had a huge impact on my life, and they are truly an example for Godly marriage! 

    Second of all, thank u for doing the One Anothers of Scripture. What u & Eddie did by inviting the couple to fellowship was simply what God commands in the Bible! Love One Another! Love requires time & committment. Thank u for taking the time; it truly does make all the difference. 

    It’s thru true Christian Friendship (Fellowship) that we grow into the persons that God purposed us to be. You all are already practicing what God commands and are really doing what Faith Groups are helping people do!

    With that said (and to address) your question, a believer shouldn’t be “companions” with an unbeliever. Now we should be friendly for the pupose of showing a godly example and winning them, but that’s different than going to hang out at a bar or a club with them simply b/c they invited u! 1 Cor 15:33 says, “Dont be deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.” If u are in constant communication w/ ppl who do bad things (whether it’s lying, stealing, foul language, sleeping around, etc) whether they are saved or unsaved it will evenually rub off on you! It may take a few months or for some a few years, but evenually it will tarnish your character.  

    There is a way to successfully win an unbeliever without living the lifestyle of an unbeliever. I’ve seen so many people fall over this issue! I’ve been around believers who genuinely want to do right but love the ways of the world too much. I didn’t realize how it was impacting me and I began to make excuses for the behavior. I began to make excuses for my own behavior. Thank God for Holy Ghost finally getting a hold of me. After removing myself from the situation, I began to see the true character of those I was in close “communication” with, and how if I didn’t get away when I did, I would have fallen away.

    This is real! There is a reason why God talks so much about it! Our lives depend on it! Yes, we need Godly friendships in our lives…ppl who point us in the right direction and build us up, and we should so the same for them. It’s better for a person to not have any friends at all until he can get some Godly friends. 

    Also men need to be around other Godly men (and so do women) even when they are married. I’ve seen so many couples out of balance is this area. I’m glad u wrote what u did. I guess u can see this is a passionate subject for me!

    It’s so important! Thanks for posting! 

  2. Carol Says:

    Regarding the post awesome totally agree! With the question I think you need a majority of friends that are believers that are going to help you grow, be there to encourage you, and also be on the same wavelength as you regarding what you believe and how you live. I don’t think that all your friends have to be believers, personally I do have friends that are unbelievers. I don’t think though I can be BEST friends with them but I can be GOOD friends. I don’t hang out as much with them like I do my believer friends and I don’t tell them all of my deep problems because I know that some times their advice does not line up with what I believe. I value what they can offer me in friendship and fellowship, sometimes common sense advice; but I also use my friendship as a ministry tool. There may come at time where they may need to be moved out of my life but right now they are here. I believe it is my job to be a light to them. Know that everyone is not called to do this for everybody but as believers we should be be so quick to push them away.

  3. Alesha Says:

    Joy, that blog was THE bidness, girl!!! Mike and I were reading it together and we were saying “GET IT GIRL!” I was like “That’s us! We’re the new friends!” got us over here feeling like celebrities in your blog! LOL! But for real, the manner in which you translate situations into spiritual wisdom to help and inspire others for the glory of God is awesome! I really admire that about you, among other things! Glory to God!


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